Well it is what we thought "ALIENATION" again.......
I posted yesterday about BM trying to use an pseudo illness to keep SD from attending our Harvest Fest party at our home. Well after speaking with the doctor a second time and getting written notification from the doc - SD is cleared to visit with her father. She does not have the flu - or strep throat. Doc says she has no limitation and has no reason not to visit with DH for his weekend visitation - which just happens to fall on Halloween.
BM has been using everything else to block visitation and this is just another ploy. DH talked to SD every night this week and SD tell him she feels well and how she went "shopping with mom" and how she "went to play with her cousin" but she is too ill to go with her father according to BM.
DH called BM this and asked why is she not to ill to spend time everyone else - but to sick to spend time with her father this weekend. She replied with she is going to the DH and get a note stating she can not travel.....
He then mentioned to her the doctor told us he did not have to prescribe anything to her by way of medications so her excuse of SD being on meds was a lie as well.
On top of that SD told DH last night BM told her it is supposed to rain in VA on saturday and we cancelled the party... Which is a blatant lie - the forecast is beautiful here for Sat and we did not cancel anything.
It will be just like before - when she claimed SD was too ill to travel for DH's weekend and when he called SD and BM were at her college Homecoming game in North Carolina.... then she told him she did not want to have to drive and rush back to the party the night before.
DH is not playing it this time. The court order is explicitly written that she can no longer alienate SD and DH's relationship. If the doctor is telling us SD is not "ill" and gave us a note from the doctor visit.... then BM needs to stop being vindictive and allow her to come.
I have a feeling she will keep her - we are not going to North Carolin force SD to come as it will be traumatic if we go down there and just take her. So it will be filed with the courts as contempt.
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Applaud!!! Good for you for
Applaud!!! Good for you for doing the homework and calling BM out on her alienation tactics. Don't force SD to come, but ask her if she would like to join you this weekend. If she says no, that's one thing. But if she would like to join you and DH, then pick her up. Remember, not only is BM manipulating you and DH, but her own daughter as well. Don't let her do that.
How far of a drive is it? I
How far of a drive is it? I wouldn't force her either, but if she does express that she wants to come, I would make the attempt to pick her up, if BM refuses, file a report.
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“Unless commitment is made, there are only promises and hopes; but no plans.”
I agree....if SD wants to
I agree....if SD wants to come, then DH needs to go get her, with a fax from the Dr's office in hand stating she can travel and spend the weekend with her father....if not...the BM will never learn that she is NOT the one calling the shots....good luck!!!
A mother is not defined by the "b" or the "s" in front of her name, she is defined by how she handles the "mother" part.....
I told you is was PAS! You
I told you is was PAS! You need to address this NOW!!!
Trust me, if your attorney does not play hardball with this now, things will quickly snowball, and before you know it, SD9 will be in the ranks with Skids like Elizabeth's, Crayon's, and others, who are SO severely PAS'd, they NEVER want to see their fathers by the time they reach their teen years.
The damage is so irreparable, that the fathers spend the rest of their lives "chasing" these kids. It's absolutely heartbreaking to watch. Please fight this agrresively now before you have to watch your DH go through this!
My SDs, who have been emotionally abused with PAS from their BM for years, still begrudgingly come over to see their father, but that is only because of what Daddy can "buy them". But deep down, DH knows they really don't want to be here- that BM has filled their minds with such hate and contempt and lies about him, their relationships are forever damaged- and it absolutely KILLS HIM.
He wishes every day that we would have seen the signs sooner- would have fought harder to combat the bitch from stopping her campiagn of abuse on these girls. It's too late now that they are teenagers.
"Of course things worked out nicely for Carol Brady...she had a live-in maid and Mike's first wife was DEAD!"
It is a 4 hour drive there
It is a 4 hour drive there one way.... We have done it before and have been dealing with this for 6 years now.... That is why the new court order was re-written to get her to stop the alienation tatics.
I think we are leaning towards at least travelling to the half-way meeting point as the court order states at 630 and if she does not show getting the police report. Then proceeding with the lawyer to file the contempt charges.
SD is very afraid of the police and we don't want to traumatize her with bringing them to her mom's house. BM uses it (the police) to discipline SD - she tells her if she misbehaves they will come pick her up. We don't want her to get traumatized cause BM will not do what is right.
It just hurts knows SD had her heart set on coming and attending the Harvest Fest and game night here - and her mother's jealousy is going to keep her from it. AND to add injury to insult... i can just bet SD and BM will go trick or treating on Saturday and the illness will clear up by then - of course it will be a miracle.
Youngwife - i wouldn't say most all BM's are crazy - but the one DH has to deal with is difinelty irrational and vindictive to a fault. She doesn't care if it hurts SD or not. It is all about getting back at DH for some odd reason.
********She doesn't have to love me or even like me - it doesn't change a dang thing..... So get over it and move on BM!************
Why can this woman not see
Why can this woman not see what she'd doing to her daughter? BM's profess to love their children completely, then use them as pawns - I just can't get my head around it!
It is just laughable - she
It is just laughable - she has been telling SD since Tuesday she is to sick to attend the Harvest Fest on Saturday.... Geez!
********She doesn't have to love me or even like me - it doesn't change a dang thing..... So get over it and move on BM!************
wow, sorry that you guys are
wow, sorry that you guys are goign through this mess, she is a trip.....how is your DH feeling about this........i know he has to be at his wits end with his BM...from what you say seems like he is just trying to deal with this mess as it comes...
You said that BM uses the
You said that BM uses the police to scare SD if she's bad. I think what you should do is have a real policeman talk to SD and tell her that policemen are there to help her and other people and only take bad guys to jail. It's terrible that your BM has done this to her. I think a good way to under that is to have one talk to her.
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Love me or hate me, I'm still gonna shine!!!
MiseryNMiss - Yeah he is
MiseryNMiss - Yeah he is kinda hurting - but we also expected it in the back of our minds I guess. It wasn't such a big surprise this time.
Onehappy - yeah we tried that during the summer..... but Sd really believes what BM has told her - i think she will have to be a little bit older to understand and not be as afraid.
It is a little tiresome - but one good thing.... we did not let it rule us this time. We talked about it, talked with the lawyer and set the plan. We are doing well with not allowing it to ruin our day although it is just sad. We will just do what is necessary.
********She doesn't have to love me or even like me - it doesn't change a dang thing..... So get over it and move on BM!************
yeah i would check the
yeah i would check the school to see if she went, or get a doctors note....reading your blogs, i really feel your DH because he has been dealing with this for years and the sad thing is that if he wasnt in the picture she would then say he is a dead beat...it seems like no matter what your DH does she will never be happy...so dont let it get you guys down continue to love one another because your SD will see the love you guys have for each other....i am so sick of the good guys getting taking advantage of because i can tell your DH has to feel like he is in a no win situation....but having your support will go a long way, do let it get you down and out on your DH girl.....love him
Have you checked to see if
Have you checked to see if SD has been to school this week?
We got the scoop. We ended
We got the scoop. We ended filing the police report on friday. BM is the one really sick... she was trying to keep from driving to the court ordered meeting point.
SD ended up telling us.... that her mom was sick and wanted to take her trick/treating. But oh well, it is behind us now. Good thing is SD comes this weekend as well. So we will then bake the cupcakes and make brownies like she was supposed to do with me on last friday.
It is just a dang shame all of that had to even come up. Just a dang shame.
********She doesn't have to love me or even like me - it doesn't change a dang thing..... So get over it and move on BM!************