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Financial Chat

SASX's picture

Submitted by SASX on Mon, 09/17/2012 - 6:46am

Fskids were at their BM's this weekend, so I bit the bullet sat down and had the finances discussion with FDH. FDH had known I earned more than he did. He presumed it was in the 2-3 x's his income range. He now knows the truth and it was a rather eye opening shock for him. He is adamant he wants a prenump as he does not want anyone thinking that he is a gold digger.

Overall outcome, he is relieved on one hand on the other while not exactly intimidated he is concerned about my family or friends thinking he is with me for the money. Considering he's been with me for awhile and showed no interest in it, which my family is aware of, he has no worries. My friends, most of which he has met, have all seen him whip out his wallet to pay when we go out. I don't think he has any worries there either. Especially since neither group knows how much he makes either.

Comments

SASX's picture

Submitted by SASX on Mon, 09/17/2012 - 6:53am

Prenumptual Agreement.

A binding legal agreement created between two parties prior to marriage spelling out in the event of a divorce who gets what properties, possessions, monies, stocks, bonds, retirement etc.

Normally employed when one of the parties entering the marriage dramatically out earns the other party. It is a way to protect the assets you have/had prior to the marriage.

StickAFork's picture

Submitted by StickAFork on Mon, 09/17/2012 - 11:32am

I consider a golddigger someone who rides the coattails of a financially successful person. In my mind, you work for what you have.
In your case, I can kinda see it. I don't know you at all, so I couldn't be sure...but you just said you married a man and was a "housewife" before you even had a child. And then AFTER you had a child, you got a nanny for that child. The fact that you said you wouldn't have signed a prenup speaks volumes. If your marriage ends, you still would have gotten alimony and CS.
What do you do with your time? You don't care for your child exclusively, you don't work, you don't volunteer (as of your last blog) so do you shop all day? Get your nails and hair done?

StickAFork's picture

Submitted by StickAFork on Mon, 09/17/2012 - 2:12pm

Shrug.
It's ok, it works for you, and it works for your DH. That's all that matters.

When I was a SAHM, I "ran errands" and "went to the gym" with FOUR little tykes in tow. Childcare at the gym watched them while I worked out. They were MY KIDS and I was going to raise them.

I'm not sure how running errands by yourself constitutes "working hard," but hey... again, if it works for you and your DH, that's all that matters!

I actually kinda feel sorry for you. You "need a break" frequently from raising a single two year old, and can't manage to run errands with your daughter. Yet, you think you "work hard." I hope and pray, for your sake, nothing ever happens to your DH's career because then you'd find out what hard work really is.

PS: I was a SAHM for 12 years with a DH who made 6 figures. I've been in your shoes. I just didn't outsource what few responsiblities I had.

Anyway, I was just saying I can see the golddigger thing. You asked, I answered.

StickAFork's picture

Submitted by StickAFork on Mon, 09/17/2012 - 2:15pm

You had a moderately successful business before DH? What, did you just close up shop when you found a rich man to marry you???
That makes NO sense. Typically, successful businesswomen are independent. Relying on a man is anything but.

StickAFork's picture

Submitted by StickAFork on Mon, 09/17/2012 - 6:33pm

Sorry, that's fucking hilarious. What work. Biggrin

I ditched the high earner. I also am working on degree #5 and take care of my kids ON MY OWN. I have been on both sides.

You remind of the bored little rich wives I used to be friends with who sit around whining about how "hard" their lives are, while the nanny watches the kids and the housekeeper tidies the house.

:sick:

I won't further engage you.

bi's picture

Submitted by bi on Thu, 09/20/2012 - 8:24am

dondiva, you don't owe that sad, miserable spinster an explanation at all. what is that quote "me thinks the lady protests too much" or something like that. obviously she is making crap up and just trying to feel better about pretending to be better than an anonymous person on the internet. (eye roll). happy people don't pick fights everywhere they go. you're right, her misery is showing. ignore her. she's not worth it.

SASX's picture

Submitted by SASX on Mon, 09/24/2012 - 7:32am

DonDiva:

My FDH does not want to appear as if he is a gold digger. He is the one sensative about the subject. I know he works hard, makes good financial decisions and loves me for me not my checkbook.

In my mind a gold digger is one who takes without giving. There is nothing wrong with marrying someone who is wealthy. Some people set their sights on that dream at young ages. But if one spouse is bringing all the cash to the table, the other needs to step up as well. It sounds as if you have. You have taken care of the house, the children, errands, etc leaving your spouse free to do what they do best: earn money and not being distracted by life's little bumps.

A Gold Digger bring nothing to the relationship: They are advantage takers. They take without giving, be it time, attention, effort, companionship etc.