I HATE my stepdaughter... does this make me a bad person?
So yea.... I hate my stepdaughter... Me and my husband have been together for 7 yrs total.. married 2 yrs ago. We have 2 handsome sons now ages 4 and 3.
Ive known he had a daughter (now 11 or 12 yrs old) since we first started to date. I never liked the fact that he already had a kid, so I tried to force myself to like her. but the more i did that, the more and more i started to hate her. his daughter mom is just... well i dont like her too.... but i hate feeling the way i do when shes around. his daughter totally hates me, and tried to steal my engagement ring out of my room.
i mean, i understand that shes my husbands kid but even after 7 yrs, i just cant seem to get used to it. i only fell inlove with my husband and not his other child.
ive always kept my feelings to myself relating his daughter and his BM.. i love my husband and the children ive had with him but i just wish he didnt have his 'other family'...
dam i feel awful....
and the worst thing is that... i know for a fact that i will never get along with his daughter...or his BM... or even like the fact that my husband is around them... i dont even want my children around them...
arghhh!!!!
help....
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its just hard for me to get
its just hard for me to get through this.. and i cant even talk to my husband about the way i feel about this. i mean i cant just say, "honey, i hate your daughter".
this is soo frustrating..
like my 'hatred' for them is
like my 'hatred' for them is so bad just hearing his daughter or his BM name make me mad..
come party on my boat.... i
come party on my boat.... i feel the exact same way!!
i don't have any bios, but if i did, i wouldn't want sd or ss around him/her (especially sd~ the stealing, story telling, drama ~ fuck me!). so for now, they aren't allowed around my pets (or my pets don't let them around)! }:-)
sorry i have no good advice for you!
Yup welcome, I hate my SD15
Yup welcome, I hate my SD15 2, and I think I always will. And BM, if someone mentions even their name I get crabby
mention? you're better than
mention? you're better than me, the mere fucking thought sends me into a rage.
lol, I can think about it and
lol, I can think about it and end up raging mad and come home straight pissed!!!! LOL
p.s. I'm not one to hold my
p.s. I'm not one to hold my tongue and I have told FDH exactly how I felt about his 2 kids and he's used it against me, thrown it in my face when we fight about them and if I even mention their name he get's so defensive we end up fighting and NOTHING has changed since I told him how I felt. Atleast he knows but it doesn't make anything better if he knows so maybe keep it to yourself, I'm too hotheaded for that and it made it worse
it's the same
it's the same everywhere:
"YOU HATE MY PRECIOUS (skids)"
Why even try to like her? I
Why even try to like her? I know you fell in love with the guy but he comes with baggage... Exhibit A is his daughter. She isn't going away and I guess your animosity shows through. Why should she like you when you don't like her?
Stop trying to like her (although I think that boat already sailed)and get along and be polite and civil for your DHs sake. He cannot just drop his daughter. Any man who did that for a woman is likely to do the same thing to you. Imagine your DH leaving you and your kids having to deal with a SM who hated them. Talk about a fairy tale!
Just agree to have nothing in common and reduce any interaction. She will eventually (and sooner than later) have a more active social life. But I always think of this .... what if your son needed a kidney and she was the only match? Would you still dislike her so much? Or would you expect her to give it up?
PS: You don't HAVE to love her. No one HAS to love anyone. If you give up that little expectation the civilness will come a lot easier.
WOW! way to make me feel
WOW! way to make me feel like an asshole:
"what if your son needed a kidney and she was the only match? Would you still dislike her so much? Or would you expect her to give it up?"
Hey it happens. I hate my
Hey it happens.
I hate my s/sons names. They are the top of my 'Do not ever call your son these names' list. I hate there crappy habit of NEVER helping with dishes or bringing something for the dinner table. I have mentioned it to DH. SO far, no luck. I hate their mother for being such a flake with her sons and allowing them to fail at life out of high school (so far). And in turn I allow myself to hate the part of them that reminds me of her. But I am growing to love their traits they get from their Dad.
I told DH at the beginning ... Do not expect me to love your sons. It may or may not happen. If they treat me like crap or you allow them to treat me like crap then there is no hope. So back off and let me learn the things I can like about them.
If he had that kind of expectation, no go. You can't FORCE someone to like you or love you. IF that was the case I would be married to Daniel craig. And I aren't. So there you go.
omg... just thinking about
omg... just thinking about their names infuriates me...
dammit... drag me to hell....
i'm sorry, i have a 6 day
i'm sorry, i have a 6 day ag-free stretch, so i'm super happy! but thinking of their names does kill a good buzz pronto!
lol yea u do have a point
lol yea u do have a point but... i mean i have nothing against him seeing his kid....
if my husband is with his daughter then they can go elsewhere with that. i dont want them around me or my children..
but at least i know im not the only one that feels like this. does make me feel better... somewhat...
i failed to answer your
i failed to answer your question. NO, you are NOT a bad person, simply human.
hmmm... now that u said
hmmm...
now that u said that... its complete resentment.![Smile](https://prod-cdn-1.ststatic.com/sites/all/modules/contrib/smiley/packs/kolobok/smile.gif)
and i know that him and his BM had been with eachother way before we even met.
but being married to him, i just wish he didnt come with an attatchment. things would be more pleasant for me.
but unfortunately, things cant go the way i want it to of course...
Not a bad person. You are a
Not a bad person. You are a person and your feelings matter too. And lets face it these kids live to make us miserable.
i just hope i really learn to
i just hope i really learn to deal with this annoying problem of mine
It's okay. Look at my blog; I
It's okay. Look at my blog; I definitely at LEAST strongly dislike SD.
I understand... COMPLETELY.
I understand... COMPLETELY. Any story that involves her (SD8) I don't want to hear, because it's always about how wonderful or great or super-smart she is, when in reality she can't do her ONE chore correctly, and most of her test scores are below-average. She is on this pedestal to her "bio" family for no good reason, and knows and exploits it. She is here at least 5 days a week, and the more time she is in her room, the better mood I am in. We can't do any family gathering without HER present (per grandma and step-grandpa) and had to cancel our Mother's Day celebration because (for once) her own idiot mom wanted her on that day. We have also had to "reschedule" Thanksgiving and Christmas. I have treated her the same as my own kids, and she sees that as an excuse to exploit her "unique" status, and the fact that (in her head) I do not qualify as a "real" parent to her. So in other words, it's ok if I buy you things and take you places, and clean up after you, but when I say to clean up your own mess or for you and your step-sister to go to separate rooms so you won't fight, etc, she looks at me like I am speaking arabic. I have these occurences every day, and those feelings of resentment everyday. I have come to learn it is normal.
and what makes me mad is that
and what makes me mad is that my husbands BM keeps telling her daughter that I will be her new mother.... and buy her whatever she wants.
.
.
.
.
if youre not my child... or anywhere related to me...bottom line... u aint getting shit!
I dont feel i hate ss14-I
I dont feel i hate ss14-I just strongly dislike everything about him }:) Hate is a strong word for me and I really dont think I hate anyone. I just dont like this kid as a person. He treats me very poorly. There's not much there for me to like and certainly not love. If my dd10 needed a kidney- I would definitely not expect him to give up one of his-I dont think he'd be willing. Thank goodnes she has other sibs that might be a match!
I totally relate. I resent my
I totally relate. I resent my husbands having been married and having a daughter too. I wish I never had to deal with either one of them ever again. And I feel horrible about it. I'm starting to get depressed over how pissed off it makes me to have to continue living this life. I wish I could snap my fingers n SD9 and BM would just disappear. I'm tired of living my life for everyone else. I'm forced to fit this mold of family with a little brat that has her guilty daddy wrapped around her little finger. Tired of having to feel my heart pound out of anger every time my husbands phone goes off and I know that its his "first" wife and baby mama. Effing shoot me and make me gag. UGHH!!!!!!!!!!
StepOnMe101 I FEEL THE SAME
StepOnMe101 I FEEL THE SAME WAY!!!!!!!!! SAME ISSUES! Just wish I could snap my fingers too! I'm only staying in this horrible marriage because of the 1yr old daughter we have together. I dont trust him to care for her if we ever had to share custody! I'm misreable and cry every day of my life.
i'm right there with you.
:?
i'm right there with you. ::sigh::
i'm exhausted trying to get my sd to listen. when all else fails, my husband gives in and gives her her way. then she smirks at me like, "ha!" i can't count how many times i've wanted to knock the look off of her face.
i can't blame her too much. her mother abandoned her when she was 3 and i've had the problem child ever since. she's soooo much like her mother!
i'm thinking of leaving my marriage -- i can't take it. we've been married almost 2 years and i'm exhausted.
help!
I completely agree! I've been
I completely agree! I've been married over 10 years and I wish I'd never married my husband! I hate my step daughter and I resent my husband! The ex wife is a psychopath and his daughter is a lying manipulating b$tch! My husband allowed so much to go on unchecked and it scarred my heart irreparably! I'm not sure if we will survive in the long term and if not I'll have the pleasure of never seeing his kid and his ex again!