Happy Little Fairy World where I have to have BM over for a BBQ?!?
So...I posted earlier this week about my SD's awful BM who went to prison for drug charges and my husband got custody and BM basically made SD feel like she had sacrificed her own happiness so that mommy could afford to pay the lawyer to help her out of prison, not pay for a lawyer to fight for custody (resisting the urge to dive into JUST how angry that makes me again).
So, as I said in the other post, SD is having trouble coming home from her mother's house after visitation (she lives about 900 miles away so she goes every time she's off school), so she's been in therapy to deal with her feelings and this last time, after spring break, SD was very depressed and crying every night for 3-4 nights as usual.
Well, THIS time, since BM is now off parole and not restricted to leave her home state, she is talking to her friend about buying plane tickets for the two of them to fly out to see us for a weekend. The icing on the cake? This "friend" is the guy she got caught cooking meth with 7 years ago when she got in all the trouble. Apparently he's done his time, moved on, and now makes a ton of money (doing WHAT? I don't know).
So, my husband says to me, "So, should we invite them over for dinner when they're here, you think?"
NO. That woman is a constant source of anger and resentment for me. I'm paying for and putting all my time into raising her child, how about she put the money toward some f**kin support for her child? (We dont officially have a child support order yet, because she was in prison when custody was changed so they wouldn't do it, and she doesn't have an official "job" so our lawyer says there's no point in filing until she has one.) So no, I do not want to put on a fake "everything's ok" face and break bread with the woman.
Perhaps it would be good for SD to see us all getting along and on the "same page" about it being better for her to live here - but seriously, I've been having trouble dealing with this adjustment in the last two years too, so I'm not ready for that. I don't think I can be expected to just jump into having meals with her. I don't want her to step foot in our house, but I know that's not going to fly because she'll want to see where SD is living. I just hope she's too big a deadbeat to even follow through on the promise to come out here. She's so flighty she probably already forgot about it anyway.
One thing I do know, if she comes she's staying in a hotel, and SD can go and stay with her there the whole time, that's fine, as long as nothing seedy is going on there. However, the spare key to our house that SD has in her bookbag will be removed before she arrives. That woman is not going to have access to my house when no one is there. For all I know she'll steal from us - I seriously wouldn't put it past her.
UGH.
Ok, I'm done. Thanks for reading!
- SW1403's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
I am so thankful that the BM
I am so thankful that the BM in my situation doesn't step foot in our house. She did once (because her third child was hanging with SS12 and didn't want to leave!). My dog makes sure she doesn't feel welcome. Good puppy. Once, I had to attend a party at HER HOUSE. It was summer which made me staying outside an acceptable excuse!!! I don't think "dinner with felons" will solve much. If you aren't comfortable with it, I don't feel it should happen. Hopefully, she flakes out and doesn't come.
I evidently reside in the
I evidently reside in the same fairy world. BM isnt coming over this weekend, but ss's halfsiblings are apparently invited over for his bday bash. WTF? is all I've got to say. They are 16 and 9. SS14 thinks that thier dads (all 3 of bm's kids have different dads) will bring them over to our house. I find the idea repulsive, but apparently dh didnt see a problem with it and since I didnt "speak up" about it he assumed I was cool with it.
To me it just crosses a boundary, these are not my children, nor my stepchildren, indeed they are not my family at all. I respect that they are ss's family, but it is not mine nor dh's job to ensure that these 3 children maintain a relationship with one another that would be up to their MOTHER. If I were you, I would not let bm in your house. I would NEVER be willing to break bread with excon bm or excon boyfriend. I know when I first got involved with dh many moons ago, bm did take a tour of our new home, boudaries were far blurrier then, because I just didnt get it yet. It didnt take long for her to show me why boundaries are important.
any lawyer that tells you not
any lawyer that tells you not to file until someone has a job is just being lazy, in my opinion.
What happened with the order being in place and her racking up past child support?
Basically, if there is no order for cs then she get's a free walk until she actually get's a job and then really what's the point or drive for her to get a job even?
Even if she can't pay, she should still be on the record as a deadbeat mom who doesn't support her child at all.
Not getting a free pass.
I completely agree - I really
I completely agree - I really want to start the proceedings just so that she's on record for being in arrears and being a deadbeat. I also think we should change the visitation so that SD is not allowed to be around any other ex-cons than ther mother. Our counselor thinks we should change it so that BM always has to fly out here to complete visitation. Unfortunately I can't do anything until my husband starts to take action, but I dont think BM has long before we start coming after her. Even if its only $20 a week, I want her to owe to know what it feels like. When she had custody she got state aid to garnish his wages for YEARS because she told them he was in arrears when he wasn't (sadly he paid in cash a lot of the time when SD was younger, but he had receipts for every single time), he paid about $10,000 he didn't owe to her and they took his tax return for years, but there was nothing he could do about it because he couldn't afford a lawyer to put it right because all his money went to her! We finally got it written off by the court 2 years ago. I just think she should get what's coming to her.
Haha I know, it was so
Haha I know, it was so nonchalantly as though his it was his parents coming to town or something. He's ever the optimist...
I'm sorry but if she is with
I'm sorry but if she is with the man who got her put in prison they WOULD Not be entering my own not for ANYTHING. Screw that. Last summer I had to go to BM's house for a "family BBQ". My SO mom and her mom and her and her SO and all the kids. I was so uncomfortable I'm sure it was all over my face. Thankfully SS13 could see that and he took it upon himself to show me extra love. But I would NEVER invite her or her BF over for any kind of BBQ. Sorry. Not happening. Oh hell who am I fooling I'm the wicked Bitch they wouldn't even ask. LOL!
Nope, I wouldn't let her in
Nope, I wouldn't let her in my home either. Can't blame you at all for not wanting SD to leave the key when she goes there too! Stupid DH for thinking that would be ok...
So, my husband says to me,
So, my husband says to me, "So, should we invite them over for dinner when they're here, you think?"
SMHID! :jawdrop: I can't believe he actually had the nerve to ask you that question. WTF was he thinking?!?!
I agree a cs order should
I agree a cs order should have been put in place. Just adding up till she gets out of jail and starts paying.
If BM and the BF have a history of drugs I would want to be around them some to get a take on if their clean or not.
Chances are they wouldn't show.
Don't stress over it till they call and say they have tickets.
Don't invite her if you don't
Don't invite her if you don't want to. Personally, I LOVE inviting Moby to do things like SS's birthday parties, day out at the park, etc. because I know she will declined and I'll come out smelling like roses! And even if she did come I'd make it so sickly sweet that it would physically pain her.
Not in my home, drug users
Not in my home, drug users doing a stock take of what I had no thank you. For the sake of SD why not arrange to meet out one night 10 nights whatever for dinner - outside your home. SD gets to see you getting along and trying you get to keep your privacy.