Roommates
I am beginning to feel like fdh's roommate rather than partner. He apparently cant get his upper head into intimacy and is not sure when he'll be interested in the again. He wont stand up for me to the skids which I know I can do, but I feel he should do it. Him not doing it just means that repsect for me is not important to him and it should be IMHO. Everytime I say I'll take care of an area he lacks (initmacy, dealing with skids, etc) he just says okay and does even less in this relationship. I get home, he already home usually, we talk about tv shows, how work went, and go to bed at some point and rarely even cuddle anymore. We are roommates that say "i love you", cuddle occasionaly, and sleep in the same bed. There isnt much "us" left and when I asked about problems he thought we have he says we have none. I think we are in different relationships. I bring up what i think are problems and he doesnt even think they are problems. So never being intimate is great for him, he wont even look into some kind of testoterone pill to help. This is getting old quick.
I feel like the man, I have to ask for intimacy. he uses excuses like head aches, stomaches, being tired, cant get "into it". He seemed relieved that he no longer had to deal with the skids disrespect (which he doesnt see anyway).
Dont need advice, just had to get this out.
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Comments
I thought us women were
I thought us women were suppose to be the ones who made up excuses like "I have a headache" or "I'm just really constipated tonight hunny" lol lol lol. Seriously though, I'm sorry you are going through this, I hope things get better for you!
If they dont i am outta here,
If they dont i am outta here, I am in my mid 20's and can not stand feeling so unatttactive. I am not a sex freak, but once a month would be nice. I totally feel like the man in this relationship. Thanks for the hope!
he is in his 40's so age does
he is in his 40's so age does play a role in uninterest, but I know other 40 something men that have sex drive. He says he is still interested in me and attracted, but actions are more important to me than words.
When i ask if he is happy he says yes, doesnt want a break, nothing needs to change...so I dont know if he is truly happy or not.
I have like zero sex drive, I
I have like zero sex drive, I could really care less if I ever had it but SO is the type that wants it like everyday and if he could have it all day he would, he understands I don't have much of a drive though and knew this when we got together, I mean I wish I had more of one, I just don't! Weird thng is I found out recently from my SIL that my brother is the same way very little to no sex drive and she said she is lucky to get it once a month, now I wonder if it's just our genes or something? I atleast have it more then that!
I'd feel the same as you though if suddenly SO just stopped wanting me and depression popped into my head too when I first read this post, I mean, for you to express concern in the relationship this way and for him to just shrug it off as if nothing is wrong is bothersome. Obviously there is a problem if you are voicing concern over it. Perhaps he doesn't know what the problem is? Maybe he's in denial there is one? Could you try talking to him again? Or maybe plan a nice night out just the two of you and see where that takes you?
Hugs!
Thanks, We've never had a
Thanks,
We've never had a lot of sex, but he's always been interested in it. It seems that with winter his interest dwindles quickly. It never got this bad last winter. He doesnt like dealing with any kind of conflict at all including with me. I've been very clear about the issues, but i can try talking to him again.
Okk my mom was talking to me
Okk my mom was talking to me last year about her and my dad lost "it " weird for me to say...my mom and i have aways talked.
She was worried because it had been months my mom is 43 and my dad 44 well i suggested that they start wotking out together. It helps. They are " better" then ever now plus they are both in better shape. Also cooking healthier helps as well the better you start to feel and it will help both of you feel more confident...
DH and I have some issues
DH and I have some issues (enough that we should offer subscriptions, I swear) but WANTING sex was never one of them. We're pretty well matched and he describes his drive as "high". I wouldn't, but I'm happy with what we've got.
He'll be 40 in a week, and is still very interested.
This may sound like hippy-dippy BS, but have you thought about Seasonal Affective Disorder? A LOT of women get it, and I used to. There's no reason why men can't get it too. I haven't had many issues since I quit drinking (alcohol is a depressant) and started a strict sleep routine. I've also heard that a huge percent of the population is deficient in vitamin D - one of the main things you get from sunlight, which you don't get in the winter. I take a Vit D supplement along with melatonin for sleeping, and a strict early bedtime - I wake naturally and easily, and feel a lot better. (I haven't used an alarm clock for most of a year now - I'm usually up around 5am)
My DH is 49 and still wants
My DH is 49 and still wants it all the time. Well, if I wasn't pregnant he would. It's an issue for us right now as well because he loses interest when I start looking pregnant, and pregnancy makes me feel unattractive to begin with. If we didn't have our current son, DS 8 months, I would be extremely upset about the lack of affection and sex on our end. We don't even say "I love you" anymore, but we say it constantly to our son. I hope we revert back to the way we were at least a little bit after the next baby is born. I know my DH has that seasonal affective disorder, and anytime he's seriously stressed he also loses interest or ability. Although once a month is still less than we ever have with the exception of right after I gave birth...but he was counting the days til we got the go ahead then!
I have a friend who is in a similar situation. Her boyfriend has virtually no desire. They never had much sex to begin with, and her drive is fairly low, but she wants some at least once in a while. She also asked him to get his testosterone levels checked out, but he doesn't seem to care that he's like this. She is in her late 40's and he's in his 50's, so it's not quite as bad. I had a boyfriend when I was in my 20's who was not as interested in it and I knew I could never see myself with a person forever if they didn't want it more!
Your FDH needs to at least seek some help to make you feel better...it will make you depressed!