First of all I would like to say that I'm so glad there's a forum like this to see what others are going through! It's great to see that my feelings regarding this situation aren't that abnormal.

My story is very similar to the rest i've been reading. I have been dating my fiance for just slightly over 2 and a half years. We recently got engaged but i've had absolutely no inclination to start wedding planning or dress shopping. Why? Because I don't see a happy future with us. What it comes down to is his ex wife and 2 kids - namely his 8 year daughter. First of all his ex wife is absolutely horrible. She's the kind who is on a 5 year cycle with men: traps them by getting pregnant (she has done this twice and has landed her next man already), and is extremely controlling of my fiance. She claims that her kids come first but this is clearly not the case. We both know the TV and video games babysit these kids when her other ex (her last boyfriend who lives in the same city as her) isn't watching them.

These 2 kids (10 year old boy and 8 year old girl) are the most underdeveloped kids i have ever seen! But of course I can't make that statement since I don't have kids of my own (eyes rolling). The boy is only interested in playing video games, watching TV or movies and talking about zombies. If we take them to the zoo or rodeo or bike riding (basically anything outside of the home) he suddenly gets a headache or stomach ache. Yet the minute we get home he's bouncing around playing his video games. He does not have the intelligence to add to a conversation so he fabricates completely crazy stories - how do we add conversation to that?

The 8 year old girl is the real problem here. Where do I even start. From the moment she gets to our house she is by her fathers side every single minute of every single day. She tries to push everyone else away so she can be alone with her father - she even pushes her brother away. She will sprawl out over the couch next to my fiance so that no one else can sit on the couch. Then she'll shoot me these nasty looks as if she's saying 'ha! i have him wrapped around my finger!" She is very rude and very whiney. She will intentionally do things she knows she's not supposed to do (like grab an orange before supper) and she'll do it when her father is in the bathroom, for example. I'll tell her no, that we're about to have supper and she'll ignore me. When i say it for a second time she'll start peeling the orange!! She's just so disrespectful!! Supper time (or any meal time) is a huge issue. She won't eat anything that isn't a carb or sugar. So she'll poke at her food. After me and her father tell her several times to eat her food it will eventually come down to tears. Then my fiance consoles her!!! And she gets her way yet again. It is very rude and disrespectful to me because i take the time to prepare good nutritious meals for them - something their mother obviously doesn't do if they only eat pizza and hotdogs! She has even spit out her food onto her plate! Something you would expect of a 2 year old. She even acts like a 2 year old when it's convenient for her "daddy can you cut my pancake for me? I don't know how." Bed time becomes the start of yet another issue. She will suddenly start crying and not just crying but she'll hysterically bawl every single night! For the longest time she wouldn't have an answer as to why she was doing this. Just recently it became "I miss my mommy." So the consoling begins again! She is just horrible. She is very manipulative, just like her mother. I do actually fear that she's already turning out like her.

I can't seem to get through to my fiance that consoling bad behaviour is absolutely terrible and is only reinforcing that she can demand attention through bad behaviour. Any time I try to have a firm hand, it seems to get brought up in the next argument me and my fiance have. I try to tell him that they are very unappreciative of anything he tries to do for them and that even though i don't wish this on anyone's kids, they are severely underdeveloped! Even my fiance's mother can see all of this!! He just can't.

I try to leave the house as much as possible when they visit or request that he take them to his parents house just so i don't have to deal with the same bs over and over again. I mean who want's to have an argument with an 8 year old at every single meal, bed time and in between??? It's tiring and the whole thing is so unnecessary. The sad thing is that things seem to only be getting worse over the years instead of better. My biggest fear is that i will have to live the rest of my life like this and I already feel like I can't and don't want to.