Dealing with Bitter Ex Wife!
Hello everyone..I need to vent...I have been with my Fiance for 4 years now. It has NEVER been easy, EVER. Let me give you a background story..My Fiance was married before, I'll try to shorten this the best way I can. He met her at a party and "clicked", they dated off and on for 2 years because he couldn't handle her anger/emotional instability...Anyways, she told him she was on the pill but lied, so lo and behold she got pregnant..He, being the old fashioned guy he is, married her...they went on to have another baby as well. After 4 years together, my Fiance found out that she not only had been cheating on him their entire relationship/marriage, but it was with 4 of HIS BEST FRIENDS as well. She eventually brought home a third baby, which turned out NOT to be his, the baby belonged to her Grandma's neighbor who was a drug dealer. That was the last straw for him so he kicked her out and divorced her, and she moved in with the real father of baby #3, aka the neighborhood drug dealer. I'm not kidding. Anyways, that was about 8 years ago....I came along 4 years AFTER their divorce. I was the 1st serious relationship my Fiance has had as well. Right off the bat, crazy showed her colors. She would try to show me that SHE still controlled my fiance, for instance, she'd text him DEMANDING he drive to her house THAT MINUTE and shovel the snow away from the garage so she can get her car out...nevermind the fact that she's an ADULT and could do it herself, or even her own BF could...Or she'd tell him things like "When ____ gets home from school you ARE going to bring him to my house. Got it?! bye bye!". And in case you were wondering, My fiance has FULL custody, because child services deemed her UNFIT! She has harassed me, degraded me, made false accusations about me, and has tried to fight me so she could press charges against me. I'm serious when I say this b- is bat sh*t crazy. Now enough about her as a piece of ____ person, as a Mother she is not much better. Her and her boyfriend get into physical altercations in front of the children, and once she actually busted her kid's head open with a broom while he was trying to stop them from fighting. She takes them with to ADULT parties and has them sit in the garage watching cartoons while she gets high/drunk and screws a random guy (not kidding), and she's also been neglectful in other areas...like she's "accidentally" locked the kids in the car on a 96 degree weather day because she was posing on the beach for this 60 year old photographer guy she was screwing at the time. She had to call my Fiance to pry down the window to get the kids out. She's an absolutely deplorable human being and Mother. I've never seen anything like it...I'm currently reeling from our latest spill...which was, her and her bf wanted to claim the kids on their taxes..My fiance told them no because he has custody and they live with us..It ended with her bf telling us to come get the kids now or they wont be in school tomorrow (we have a court date because she never felt like taking them to school, which is why she can only see them on weekeneds now), so we drove over there and she went CRAZY, screaming at my Fiance saying he neglects them for his "new family" (me and my fiance have a daughter together as well), she said we are "playing house" and he needs to "get out of la la land" with his "WHORE" (Her calling me a whore was ironic by the way), then she proceeded to scream at my Fiance IN FRONT OF THE KIDS saying that her bf takes better care of the kids than he does..And at that moment my Stepson defended me and his Father and his mother IMMEDIATELY started screaming at her own son! I'm telling you! There's something REALLY wrong with this Woman! Anyways, I can tell she's extremely bitter with how things worked out for her. From the way she acts, it's almost like she expected my Fiance to remain single and miserable after he left her..OR she expected that she'd still be able to control him. It didn't work, though. This Woman has made false accusations against me saying that I've hit, starved, and screamed at her children...she's threatened to call child services on me (and she did, but they knew who she was and immediately shut her down). I need advice, my stepsons are 10 and 12..which means 8 more years of this...How can I cope with her being crazy?! Leaving is not an option because I love my Fiance and we also have a child together, so I'm in it for the long haul. I have tried disengaging with her but the whole situation of dealing with her has brought so much anxiety, my heart drops every time my Fiance gets a text because I always feel like it's from her. Can any other step moms help me?
Does your BF answer her
Does your BF answer her demands? Does he rush over and shovel the walk?
Because he of course shouldn't be doing anything she tells him to do. He should be following the CO to the letter.
This is a case of you stepping back completely and letting him deal with her. You be there to support him and the skids when they need it but don't have anything at all to do with her.
Yes. You can't control her.
Yes. You can't control her. She's bat S*(^ crazy. You only get to control you and how you behave. Notsobad is right. We need to know your fiancé's reaction and what he does to protect you and your child and his two children with the crazy woman? What are his boundaries with her?
She only has an effect on
She only has an effect on your life if you let her in. So what if she is telling him what to do? Who cares? She will do it as long as she gets a reaction of any sort.
So the next time she texts some trash remarks he forwards it to a gmail account called "Stuffshesays@gmail ...etc". If the children are in danger he calls the police and tells them they can get there faster than he can and he will meet them there.
Call the police every single time she behaves like a nut job. Every time. If she texts abusive stuff, forward the text to the gmail account for future court case use.
She will remain around as long as you keep engaging in her craziness. Let the children know they can call you at any time. Maybe even have a password like "medium pepperoni pizza please". You need to work at deleting her from your lives and keeping the kids safe. They seem pretty smart to know she is dangerous. And by living a normal life without the high drama they will continue to move towards you two being the stable ones.
This is the exact advice I
This is the exact advice I would give above so I won't repeat
Sorry you are stuck with such a shitty creature in your lives
If he has full custody and he
If he has full custody and he gives one iota about your well-being, he needs to start with blocking her phone #.
I swear, this is so much like my situation used to be, except
only one child and BM remains custodial parent. My DH had to stop his ex from running the show by allowing her to have a "voice" via texts.
Ignore the whore. It's the
Ignore the whore. It's the best thing I ever learned here when dealing with a crazy "bitter" BM. And yes, when they cheat and leave (get kicked out) they always act as if the men are suppose to learn something from being cheated on and beg for them back. Most men with sense don't want them back and move on. She will always hate you because you are living proof that HE is making family life work so it makes it look like SHE was the problem. Unlike me though, your skids are older so the see and understand their moms behavior is crazy. You're ahead of the bunch with that since most step kids on here refuse to side against their moms even when it's most obvious she's a lunatic or like me, they are too little to understand and easily manipulated.
In the beginning my DH's ex was mildly like the one you deal with. Things did not get better even after the custody order was made because of the control issues. I took the advice given here to me for DH and he took it to the bank. Ignore that whore. If it's not in email form:ignore; if it's not an emergency:ignore, if she doesn't have SS4:ignore. Any other information like "who's his pediatrician" (yes she didn't even know that until a few months ago) can wait until after 5pm and is responded in a short email. Try to use as little words as possible. The conflict escalated for a while after that but when he wouldn't respond to her text or let his boundaries slip even a little then she calmed down and accepted it for what it is. The next best advice I've forwarded along to my DH is to follow the CO to a T. No favors, no swapping days, no nothing. Don't blur the boundary lines. Stick to the order and ignore the whore when it's not important and things will get easier for y'all. I'm not saying she will stop being crazy, but it's your reactions she wants and that feed her so ignore her. If she's like our BM, it'll drive her insane.
I lived through a similar
I lived through a similar situation as you, in fact it's the reason I looked for and found this group.
My BM was the same way, showing up unannounced in my driveway, screaming profanities, stealing my mail, bearing into my house, opening accounts in DHs name, autherizing money withdrawals from our bank accounts, stalking my house, literally sitting outside my house for over 20 minutes everynight after she was done at the bar, taking the skids to parties and having drunken sex with random men while they sit unattended, unfed, no shoes.
I took care of the problem, my DH didn't have the balls to do it and my exH was having concerns with my children being exposed to the behavior.
I called and got ALL the police reports, printed all the emails, screen shot all the texts and took myself down to the court house for an RO.
The judge waved the filing fee because he felt the children and I were in true danger.
It's that simple, call the police, report it, collect reports, file an RO.
Problem is now solved in our home, bat $hit crazy is no longer an issue!