For a while I was the 'what do you think' person when it came to female issues. And then I became the potty person in public. I got really sick of that.. what was FDH going to do if I wasnt in the picture?

I also gave myself the role of telling him what was appropriate and what was not when it came to dads and their daughters.. Not that I think its ok for Dads to sleep in the beds with their kids of either gender..

Now that Im a Mom too, I think I balance out the discipline (not doing it, but putting my 2cents in) and the rules of the household. Im there to be sensitive when he is not (he expects both SD and our BS to be tough and not cry when they are hurt). Theres been times in the past that I have held SD because FDH almost didnt know how to be sensitive.

Weve had the talk of how things would be if SD was here full time. Its usually known that the wife's job is less important than the Husbands job. I told him about how many SMs on this site do the full-mom role (school/doctor/events, etc).

I told him I knew id be taking on that role if SD was ever to be here full time.. he looked clueless. I said can you take off work 2x a week for events? Get off early if shes sick? Go to the dentist in the middle of the week? He said no, and although I work full-time I truly seeing it as expected that I would take care of those things, just as I will with BS.

What do you think?

Agree and agree to disagree on some points. It was very clear in the beginning of our relationship that my FDH had never had to balance the dad role with the husband role at the SAME time. In good healthy regular relationships does Dad ignore Wife when a child enters the room? No.

I have made the choice to work on the weekends that she is here (I work every other and switched my weekends when SD came into the picture). This promotes daddy/daughter time, but also seems to put it out there like Im choosing not to be involved when I give them their space. (They cuddle and watch tv in the living room before bed, while I usually am on the computer). SD has asked if Im going to watch tv with them, and he responded No SM doesnt watch tv with us... Uh ok!?

I think a lot of the added stress that comes into the Dad/SM relationship is that Dad has very little/no control on what goes on with skids when theyre not with them.. which is what 99% of the time? We hear way too much about BM and what theyre doing and where theyve been. Often that time that skids arent here, we're still having to deal with all the drama associated.

Another issue I would say is that when skids come before biokids shared by the dad/sm, skids are suddenly so important now (as if they have this instant competition). FDH never made a deal about doing things with SD, but now that BS is here and I want to do things with him, FDH is all worried about SD not getting to do this or that.. that just causes more resentment in my book.