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Not only step-mom, but Birth Mom, too!

cat1964's picture

Not in the way you think, I gave my child up for adoption when I was 17, now he is 29 and he lives off his adopted parents, they pay for everything and he has no respect or conscience, been to jail 5 times, married a 36 yr old when 21. I could have raised him that badly myself. Can anyone point me to a sight which could help me with this mess????

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newbiemommy's picture

I have no idea as far as a site. But, my parents adopted me, another girl, and another boy, then had 2 boys of their own. My parents are honestly the best parents I know of. My sister is a mess. She was on her 3rd pregnancy by 18, she has two kids, STILL lives with them, they pay for everything and support not only her but her two kids as well, they do everything as far as parenting her kids.
I'm not saying your sons patents are perfect, I'm sure they made mistakes. But even the best circumstances don't produce a mature adult. Best of luck.

emotionaly beat up's picture

Had a neighbour who was adopted and she also had a brother who was also adopted. Brother grew up to be a responsible hard working young man did all ther right things, married, built a home, had kids, picture pefect so to speak. The younger of the two the daughter, was a horror, 2 kids, other pregnancies, abortions no hoper boyfriends ex jailbirds and druggies and the like. A bludger who actually felt that her brother had bought his own home when the adoptive parents died then she should be given the whole house to herself, her brother didn't need two houses. Both kids were given the best education lived in a nice home with lovely parents, and both turned out polar opposites. So, I guess you just can't tell. Try not to feel guilt or lay blame, you did what you did in the best interests of the child, and maybe no matter who raised him this was how he was going to be. Who knows, but you did what you thought was best for your son and that is what matters. People with bio kids raised in the same home with the same parents their entire lives can have the same thing happen - 1 bad apple, no offensive to your son intended by that as I said sometimes it just is what it is.

branmuffin97's picture

Throwing in my 2 cents..it happens with bio kids as well. My mom has two daughters...raised us the same way..same values...same examples...we are 18mo apart....I grew up and have lived a very normal life...never on drugs, never in legal trouble...and my sister is a mess. My ex and I had custody of her 2 kids for 2 years...she lived with my mom until her kids were 5 and 7yo...she's led a ROUGH life..her choice.

It's not always the parents fault. Good luck to you!

bestwife's picture

Do you know anything about how the bio dad's life turned out? Sometimes genetics are more powerful than environment - especially with mental disorders. Adoptive parents may have done all they could do.

bestwife's picture

Do you know anything about how the bio dad's life turned out? Sometimes genetics are more powerful than environment - especially with mental disorders. Adoptive parents may have done all they could do.

Rags's picture

Sometimes nuture wins over nature. Sometimes it is the other way around.

And..... sometimes neither nature or nurture is the primary influence. Sometimes a kid is just a mutant.

My wife is definately a mutant. On all three sides of her family she is the only one who has made a success of her life. Her BioDad was killed in a car accident when my MIL was 2mos pregnant with my wife. The entire paternal side of my wife's family are welfare entitlement deadbeats, alcoholics or married to abusive alcoholics. The maternal side of her family are all eternal victims who can not make a good decision if you write the answer on a 2X4 and beat them in the head with it. My wife's Dad is actually her StepDad. He and my MIL married when my wife was 2mos old. Same story as my MIL's family. My FILs family are all deadbeat dipshits.

My MIL, FIL, BIL and SIL have all declaired bankruptcy at least once. BIL#2 does Okay but is the eternal victim of sob story "give me money" extortiions by the rest of my wife's family.

Ny wife ...... had SS when she was 16. But that is where her bad decisions end. She finished HS with her class with honors. Finished a dual major BS (Mgt/Acct) with honors, an MBA with honors and is a CPA.

Yep, my bride is definately a mutant. She could not possibly share a gene pool with the rest of her family and could not possibly been influenced by her SDad's family.

Sometimes people chose to be POS criminal dipshits. Your BioSon made that choice. It is not your fault and very likely is not the fault of his adopted parents. They chose to let him sponge off of them. That is their choice.

Do not blame yourself for your BKs plight. The accountability for that rests entirely on his choulders.