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What Hers Is Hers and Whats Mine Is Hers

CrystalRE's picture

Submitted by CrystalRE on Thu, 10/27/2011 - 9:35am

Halloween is going to be here in just a few days! One of our favorite holidays, the SK's and I have been planning their costumes since the first of September Smile

BM emailed DH this morning and apparently there is a costume party this weekend and she wants to borrow the costumes that we put together for the kids so she can take them and not have to spend any money.

Would this bother anyone else? I know to some it may sound selfish but DH, the kids and I always spend lots of time and money putting their costumes together and have ever since the first year we were together. The thought of BM getting to be the first one to see the kids in their costumes and enjoy all of our hard work really pisses me off. She never does anything financially or physically for the kids so this is just really the icing on the cake!

Comments

shielded2009's picture

Submitted by shielded2009 on Thu, 10/27/2011 - 9:38am

Yeah...I wouldn't go for it...What if at this party they ruin the costumes??

I'd tell DH to her it's a no-go, OR tell her you're not fully done with them...

Either way, I wouldn't let them leave the house...When I make DS's costume, I expect him to get candy and goo all over it...I doubt if BM would be careful...

oneoffour's picture

Submitted by oneoffour on Thu, 10/27/2011 - 9:40am

From the outside it sounds like a hill not to die on but..... as she doesn't contribute anything I would tell her it would be a MUCH better idea if she has her OWN costumes for the kids so she has her OWN memories.

I cannot stand people who use kids to get what they want by making you seem petty and selfish.

CrystalRE's picture

Submitted by CrystalRE on Thu, 10/27/2011 - 9:48am

Thats exactly it oneoffour. You verbalized exactly what I am feeling! The last thing I want to be is petty but when is enough enough? We just got done dropping two hundred dollars on winter coats for the kids this week and she won't help with any of it.

the_stepmonster's picture

Submitted by the_stepmonster on Thu, 10/27/2011 - 9:53am

I agree, don't do it. She can get her own costumes for them. It may seem petty on the surface, but she had the option to make costumes with her kids as well. Its not like you kept her from making costumes with them. That was her choice and now she is trying to piggy back on your efforts. I don't think so.

dragonfly5's picture

Submitted by dragonfly5 on Thu, 10/27/2011 - 9:54am

These women are too selfish and lazy to do the work, but they will jump on the band wagon when we do.

I gave fsd11 her first slumber/birthday party for her 10th bd. We sent out message in a bottle invitations, shopped together for everything in her luau them party. Planned all the games, prizes, etc.

When crazo got wind of it she took SD to the dollar store and bought about $10.00 worth of crap and sent it to my house. She also bought a very large expensive gift for her to open at the party.

I wasn't about to let her laziness and selfishness ruin what we had planned so I let her open the gift immediately and not wait for everyone to get there. I took the stuff out of the bag looked at FSD and said sweetie where do you want to put this?

She looked at me and said everything already looks great and ran off to play. It stayed in the bag and I threw it away with the trash.

Really crazo you have never given either of of your children a party of any kind, so you want to be a part of ours...whatever.

I am sorry this "witch" is interferring in your fun halloween plans. But if it means a lot to your skids I would let them use the costumes. She's a piece of work, but the kids can't help their mom is lazy.

Disneyfan's picture

Submitted by Disneyfan on Thu, 10/27/2011 - 9:56am

Do you have last year's costumes? How about letting them wear those to mom's party?

briarmommy's picture

Submitted by briarmommy on Thu, 10/27/2011 - 9:57am

Don't let her use them, they won't come back or they will be ruined if you do. That seems to be the trend on here, I would just tell her that they aren't finished yet and won't be because of time constraints until the day you take them out.

Elizabeth's picture

Submitted by Elizabeth on Thu, 10/27/2011 - 10:07am

We always just let it go. We ended up providing SD18's costume EVERY year because BM would claim she didn't believe in Halloween for religious reasons. But funny how she would still need SD18's costume to take her to parties, etc., and she wouldn't let DH have SD18 on BM's Halloween night to take her trick or treating, considering that BM refused to. The costume belongs to the child it was made for, in my opinion, at least until Halloween is over.

ThatGirl's picture

Submitted by ThatGirl on Thu, 10/27/2011 - 12:20pm

I'd probably do the same, let it go. I'm sure the skids are excited about the costumes you put together, and are not going to want to wear something else. I'd ask the skids to be very careful with them, and tell them that if they ruin them they'll have nothing for Halloween. Make them responsible for keeping them in good shape and return with every last piece.

It would bug the crap out of me, but then I'd also have some satisfaction in knowing that the skids are going to look great, get tons of compliments, and tell everyone that STEPMOM made them Smile

CrystalRE's picture

Submitted by CrystalRE on Thu, 10/27/2011 - 10:18am

Thanks guys. Its nice to know that there are people who understand how I feel. HRNYC - there is no way in hell she would switch us weekends. We have to make concessions but she doesn't. Disneyfan - we thought of having them use last years costumes but they don't fit Sad

hismineandours's picture

Submitted by hismineandours on Thu, 10/27/2011 - 10:20am

We had this discussion with bm a few years back. She had just started paying cs and felt she was entitled to whatever we bought him at our home so she requested his Halloween costume the week prior to Halloween for a party she wanted to take him to. My dh actually handled it very well and explained to her that she was aware that the store bought costumes are fairly low quality and tear easily and that since he had 2 events here to wear it to (school party and trick or treating) right after her weekend-he just was afraid it wouldnt hold up or something would happen to it with her and she wouldnt even have time nor would stores have any availability left to get him a new one. Halloween was like on a Monday-right after her weekend. She was surprisingly understanding of this and said she just really hadnt thought it thru.

So yes I think bm can provide her own costume for the kids. She can get them big enough that she can use them for several years when they visit.

Newstep's picture

Submitted by Newstep on Thu, 10/27/2011 - 5:42pm

Great way to handle it!! SD is taking her costume to her BM's. She is with us till Monday. So she will wear it to school and the dance tomorrow then to school on Monday and home to BM's. She is 12 which is a little old for a costume but she acts like she is two so I guess it works LOL