Don't Know If I Should Be, But I Am....
...hurt by what DH said to me last night. Its dance recital season and by this time we are always busy making costumes for SD/10 and SD/6. This year is a little bit different. Because of our new custody arrangement we dont have the kids on the weekend any longer which means that the recital falls during BM's time with the kids. I would like to continue to make the costumes because I have for the last 4 years and its something that the girls and I have always enjoyed doing together...PLUS, not to toot my own horn BUT...Im pretty good at it.
So I bring it up to DH last night. I asked him what his thoughts were on the situation this year and he said..."We have never given her the opprotunity to show the kids what she is capable of so maybe I should step aside and allow BM to put together the costumes." I have known BM for 4 years and she IS NOT much of a "homemaker"...she doesnt bake, help with school parties, do "crafty" things with the kids, etc. Not to say that it makes her a bad mother only that some people enjoy and are good at that stuff and she is not one of those people. So upon saying this to DH he pretty much accuses me of being OCD when it comes to the "homemaker stuff". He said that I "go overboard" on things like Halloween costumes, paties, etc. And that I make a big deal out of thigs that "most parents dont even care about".
I have really gotten to be oversensitive about things lately so maybe Im making a big deal out of nothing. I always thought that spending the time to make the kids stand out and feel special was something wonderful about me. Could it be that I'm really over-doing it and just wasting energy that could be better spent somewhere else? What do you guys think?
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I think your SDs probably
I think your SDs probably treasure the 'homemaker' stuff you do with them. My mum always made me dancing costumes, baked, did crafty stuff etc & we loved it (until we became teenagers when a hand-knitted sweater wasn't cool anymore!)
Why don't you ask BM (if you 2 get on) or SDs what they want to do?
I think men
I think men underestimate....
the importance of those 'homemaker' skills. Kids like to be 'mothered' like that and appreciate it. My own mother was never too into that stuff and I always envied kids who had that.
However I do agree with him that it's a good opportunity to let the BM step up to the plate if she is willing. I don't see anything wrong with letting her know you always enjoyed doing it and are willing to do it this year if she wants you to. You would still be giving her that opportunity but also giving her an easy out if she's looking for it. That is if you have the kind of relationship that would allow for that kind of exchange.
I completely agree with
I completely agree with Astepabove.
I think thats great that you
I think thats great that you even WANT to do that for them. It is something they probably look forward to and it seems you do as well. I dont think the kids should be left to "decide' who makes the outifits, but if you can talk to BM, you could tell her, you dont mind still making the outfits and that you have a great idea already. And maybe make her a part of it, but you still do it for them. I dont get along with my BM, but I wish we did b/c I wouldnt mind having 2 minds for some times. I am more crafty and "susy homemaker" than BM as well. I keep a clean house, I make dinners, bake and do all sorts of crafts with SS's. Doesnt mean I'm better than BM, but thats just me. Dh should appreicate that you are such a part of SD's lives and their dancing.
DH refuses to even mention
DH refuses to even mention my name to BM. Its as if Im the dirty secret that eveyone knows about but is afraid to discuss. She is also in a relationship and discusses her new partner with DH, allows him to pick up the kids, etc but I am not allowed to. I guess what really hurts me is the realization that he doesnt appreciate these things as much as I do and rather than being greatful that I do these things with the kids he treats me as if I "burden" them with it. Im sure that BM will come up with something for the girls to wear so I guess that is all that matters, right?
Thanks...by the way, I love
Thanks...by the way, I love your pic! Is that from the "How Are You Peeling" books?? Those are some of my favorites!
Ask him why he left BM in
Ask him why he left BM in the first place. That was a cruel thing to sayl i think it's awesome that you get excited about things most parents don't or what HE THINKS most parents don't. He is obviously not that involved.
" Faith is a bird that feels dawn breaking and sings while it's still dark"-R.Tagore