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Again with the pants.

cat1964's picture

Submitted by cat1964 on Wed, 10/26/2011 - 5:08pm

So, SD11 still swears she did not take pants out of trash, now blaming a neighbor for doing it and saying I saw her in pants 2 days before and told her keep the pants. Not only is she trying to make me to look like liar, now she wants me to look crazy, too. Even though I have disengaged from her almost 4 weeks ago, now I know positively she is just exactly like her mother. I have no place to go or I would have left last night, I was so angry I almost had a stroke. I want her to go away, I can't help her anymore, her father obviously does not know what to do with her. So, now she no longer exists to me. The worst part in all this I am going to lose my soul mate and he is going to lose the best thing he ever had or will probably ever get. Advise, Ladies!!!!!

Comments

Lauren1438's picture

Submitted by Lauren1438 on Wed, 10/26/2011 - 5:18pm

Burn them or take scissors to them when she isn't there, and don't say a word don't even let her know you know they are missing. Her disrespect for you is awful and it will give you a little joy when she is in her room looking for them.

the_stepmonster's picture

Submitted by the_stepmonster on Wed, 10/26/2011 - 5:23pm

I know it bothers you and its not just the pants, its the principle. But sweetie, I think you are going to have to let this one go. She is making you crazy because you are letting her. If you really love your husband, you are going to have to be the bigger person in this battle and let it go. I know its hard and easier said than done, but its all part of disengaging. If her mere presence is getting to you, go have coffee with a friend. Make yourself a SD-free safe haven in your home. If you end up leaving your husband because of her she will have won.

cat1964's picture

Submitted by cat1964 on Sat, 10/29/2011 - 8:24pm

I just can't get anyone to help me or stop her. That's why I have such a hard time letting go. But you are right, if I leave she will feel like all she has to do is be a little sh*t and she can get her way.

hismineandours's picture

Submitted by hismineandours on Wed, 10/26/2011 - 6:22pm

My ss is a "crazy liar" too. Tells lies even when he knows there is proof right in front of everyones face. He's been doing it for years. I mostly just look at him and say, "yeah, right" and go about my business. I would never believe a word he said. But since I have no expectation of truth from her I dont find myself disappointed or upset when he lies-it's just typical.

briarmommy's picture

Submitted by briarmommy on Wed, 10/26/2011 - 7:28pm

I would just take the pants and dispose of them somewhere she can't get to them, a park dumpster and tell her that the pants are gone forever and she might want to skip the dumpster diving this time unless she wants pictures of her doing it on a christmas newsleter to everyone you know.

Kes's picture

Submitted by Kes on Thu, 10/27/2011 - 1:56am

Have to say I agree with the stepmonster, above, on this. My SD14 is a liar too, everything that comes out of her mouth is false - if I let it get to me to this degree I would be dead by now, that's sure.
You just have to be cleverer than her. I never go tattling to my DH about her awful behaviour - I just let it come out "casually" in conversation a few weeks later and am very downbeat about it. This way he doesn't think I have it in for her but he learns about all her sins.
Keep up with the disengagement - it worked for me for the last 8 years. Good luck.

Doubletakex3's picture

Submitted by Doubletakex3 on Thu, 10/27/2011 - 8:13am

I need to learn the art of "letting the truth come out casually." Is there a 12 Step guide? LOL

Kes's picture

Submitted by Kes on Thu, 10/27/2011 - 9:58am

In answer to your question, Doubletake - an example of this happened this morning when DH was talking about SD14 telling a fib - I said "oh by the way, SD14 put her breakfast (that I cooked as a special favour as he was doing some emergency DIY) in the bin in a plastic carrier bag in her room on Sunday last". I said it without any anger, just for his information.
I did the same when I observed her stealing a couple of our CDs and taking them home. She had her back to me and I saw take them from the rack and hide them inside her pullover, then take them upstairs to put in her bag and add to her collection at the BM's house. I mentioned it about 2 weeks later when we were talking about the CD collection in general. I find this method is much more effective than getting all steamed up, as HE then gets more steamed up than I appear to be. I behave as if I am resigned to her evil ways, which in a way, I am.

Willow2010's picture

Submitted by Willow2010 on Thu, 10/27/2011 - 8:29am

You are not disengaged properly if you bought her pant. You are not disengaged properly if you get angry over her writing on her pants. You are not dis engaged properly if you are to the point of stroking out and leaving your DH over a pair of pants.
I understand why you are bent out of shape, BUT I think you need to really learn how to disengage and let things like this go.

cat1964's picture

Submitted by cat1964 on Sat, 10/29/2011 - 8:15pm

Thank you guys for all the comments, I agree I need to let it go and go back to disengaging TOTALLY. I also agree about the mentioning things CASUALLY, in front of the child and her father that she has done wrong.