I went to trial yesterday for my partner's divorce. I was called up as a witness. It was absolutely brutal. Her ex-husband is a total nutcase. Really. He is a sociopath. He lies, is mean to everyone, hurts animals, etc. He threw a fit in court and was escorted out by 3 deputies. He insulted the judge, started shouting "do you know who I am?!" No one cares about his dumb job. He's a shitty father with a ton of proof that says so. He didn't bother to get a lawyer because he thinks he's smarter than everyone else. He insulted my partner's lawyer by asking him if he's gay and told him to buy new shoes. IN COURT.

My dad came up to visit for a few days in case the husband tried to insult me again. See, he's been particularly mean to me on a couple occasions. I guess my dad must have intimidated him because all he did was walk past me a few times. I guess he only insults and hurts people who are smaller than him. The coward.

Ridiculousness aside, the main point of this entry to talk about the discussion I had with my dad. He's never really talked to me about my relationship and living with my partner and her daughter. I mean, I've vented to my parents about my living situation and about how ridiculous the kid can be sometimes, but after visiting with us for a few days, he had some strong opinions.

He thinks that SD12 is going to grow up to be just like her father. He says that of course it's not all her fault since she was spoiled rotten, and her parents are going through a bad divorce, but that no good is going to come from her. And that I should "get out of this situation" as soon as possible.

That was pretty strong words to hear from my dad.

It was actually a relief to hear that from him. He's always been intuitive about other people, and it used to make me really mad when he wouldn't like a friend of mine. Time and time again I would never listen to him and he'd end up being right. These people would end up hurting me. And I'm thinking that maybe I should finally listen to him. I've been stressing over the past year and a half about this relationship. I love my partner so much but her child has been a nightmare. And her kid and I, our relationship has been pretty great up until the past 3 months- when I say nightmare, I mean that it's been difficult watching her treat her mother (my partner) like crap. I've realized that the only reason SD12 loved me so much is that I catered to her. The second I started saying "No", she started treating me just like her mom. She says whatever she wants to the both of us without any regards to our feelings. She just doesn't care. And she can say the cruelest things. She also lies about her homework, lies about boys, and the TWO times I let her play with my pet rat, the rat came back injured. The first time Coco had scratches on her back, and just seemed scared and jumpy. The other day she took my rat into the living room while I was taking a nap, and woke me up to let me know that my rat had blood coming out of her mouth. blood. SD12 is never allowed to touch my pets without supervision again.

I think I've been trying to fool myself this past year and a half. I naively thought that taking her to cool thrift stores and having her help out homeless people would somehow magically make the kid less superficial and self absorbed. I thought that showing her a few "life changing" movies would somehow make her a better person. God I'm dumb.

So what do I do? Since my last post I started taking more initiative in holding the kid to her chores, and speaking up when she says disrespectful things to me or her mother. And fortunately, my partner's been sticking up for herself as well. I've been really proud of her. She's finally picked up on the fact that her kid lies a lot. And she finally notices that SD12 cries and fakes illness to get out of doing homework and chores. But SD12 knows I'm the culprit for this madness. I can see this kid taking a bat to my car in a few years. What's she going to do when she's bigger than us?

Part of me wishes that she would go live with her dad because they obviously belong together. But I know that my partner would miss her like crazy, and probably wouldn't be the same person without her. She's still her daughter. She just lives in denial about her daughter's true nature. Maybe someday she'll "cut her off", but maybe she won't. You know, Moms and daughters are a package deal and I just don't know if I'll be able to hack it.

My dad mentioned that since I've been with her, I've gained 40lbs, I've grown a tumor in my colon, I was diagnosed with anxiety disorder, my IBS has become so unmanageable that I had to register for disabled student services and am unable to attend classes this semester. I no longer participate in any clubs (I volunteered with kids and was the treasurer of a Sociology club), I stopped hanging out with my other friends, and basically started living for my partner and her daughter.

He pointed all of this out and it's not that I didn't know my life had turned to shit..I guess I had just felt so awful for so long that I forgot when it all started.

So what do I do now?

We have so much fun when her kid isn't around. I'm pretty sure everyone on this site can say the same thing. And you guys stay with your husbands and wives. Is my situation different?

I come from a blended family. My mom is a step mother to my brother. I knew going into this relationship that times would be tough. But I've made myself physically sick. And this kid has real problems.

We've had a lot of great, fun moments. And I really felt like we were a little family. But since shit hit the fan in July (when SD12 couldn't visit her dad in Pennsylvania because he only bought a 1 way ticket and threatened to keep her) all of our problems escalated out of control.