Long time lurker, I'm new to posting so here it goes... For the sake of our current issue, I'll try to keep the context of our story short, though is still quite long.

Married to DH for 3 years, I'm BM to DD5 mo and SM to SDs 19, 16 & 13. DH has been separated/divorced from his 1st wife since almost 9 years during which time BM achieved in PASing his daughters and turning all his friends AND family against him with different lies, such as abandoning the family when she threw him out 3x prior or cheating on her when a few friends (including my ex-husband!) saw her out late at night with another man when she supposedly was out with girlfriends. Her MO is usually to write complaints to CP for just about anything, even as far as insinuating that he is a "physical risk" to their daughters. Needless to say, he was summoned by CP often, and at a certain point, I ended up also being summoned because I have cats and put the SDs in health danger...

Before my DH and I started dating, my DH was so alone in his divorce and due to the incessant threats from BM and using his daughters to spy on him, he thought it the least worst option but to stop receiving the children so that the accusations of being a "physical risk" to the young girls would stop and the kids could relax a bit. This lasted 9 months until we bagan to date. 

Certainly, it's never the best choice to stop seeing your children, and the tears I saw this man spill about them being used as weapons, it was hardly arguable that he made the least worst of the choices he had and considering his lack of support. The city in which we live is really small so it's not long until everyone knows your business, true or false. 

Fast-forward: seeing these children for the first time, I knew they would be part of my life! The first 2 years was just wonderful getting to know them. SDs were 13, 10 & 7 when I met them. 

Today, SD 16 (the original 10 yo) wants nothing to do with us nor with her 5 mo sister. It started around when she was 14, going out, not coming home, turning off her cell, lying, but not as frequently. It escalated last year and we have seen her 2x since October 2010. She has basically turned into a carbon copy of BM!  Naturally, BM enables the behaviour and both BM & SD 16 lie to SD 19 & 13 about what's going on, so now we are the bad guys & DH is seen as scary. This is the focus of our current issue. 

SD 16 is re-using BM's lies about their father (stories told to the children 9 years ago!) against DH, saying that she's angry with him for abandoning them for another woman, and she's convinced the other woman is me. She's angry at me for putting her health at risk by having cats, which she has been desensitized to as her best friend has cats. She has told CP that we neglect her, treating the cats better than her, that we force her to go to awful places on holiday in Asia & North America & that she just hates being with us because we talk about work so much and we never let her do anything because we live in the boring country-side, and that she's terrified of DH (never stating any specific reason). Petty, bullsh*t brattitude, right?  She has also told CP and DH's family that her baby sister is NOT her sister, she wants nothing to do with her and anyway the baby will ruin our next holidays. The last time she saw her baby sister, she was aggressive, shouting at her older sister to shut up the baby, refusing to look at or hold her. Fortunately, my parents were on visit (they live in a different country) and we heard her from another room. She's told CP she just doesn't want to see her father, and we have tried to explain that she is using these excuses to run amok with her friends and boyfriend without any supervision. I must say that all 3 SDs do not understand boundaries and every week-end/holiday we have them, we have to keep reminding them of our house rules, we get brattitude back and DH gets nasty emails from the BM that we're unfair, too strict and irresponsible. 

SD 16 & BM have told the other SDs that we refuse to see SD 16 which explains why she no longer comes to visitation. She's also repeated BM's history by telling her sisters she has proof that I am the other woman for whom DH "abandonned" them. She also tells them she wants to see her baby sister but that I've become agressive with only her (SD 16) and I don't want her to see the baby. Just this past week-end, SD 13 cried asking me why we are so mean to SD 16 and won't let her go on holiday with us this summer...

There is much more garbage to this story generated by BM, SD16 & BM grand-mother. All 3 show bipolar signs; BM & BMGM show malicious parent disorder. SD 16 has a history of seeing child psychiatrists since she was 1 yo (!), five different ones, each of whom had said that BM also needs therapy (!). Of course, BM had stopped the therapy sessions thereafter. Even CP recently told BM that SD 16 needs therapy, and told them she will take her, but has not... This woman can write the book on "How to F*ck Up Your Kids and Make Them Like You". 

Anyway, I'd like anyone's advice or story how to deal with a vicious BM, screwed up SKids, unsupportive ILs and an innocent baby to protect. I know: disengage, but how to disengage when the BM has filed a case against us for neglect and not respecting visitation; how do you deal with the lies without kicking someone's *ss??? Honestly, at this point, I never want to see that little, lying sack of sh*t again, and now I DO NOT want her near my DD. 

Thanks for reading me, and for your comments.