I do not know how my life has been spun out of control? Lets see if anyone can send me a comment or two in regards to my situation. I am very open minded. Sept 2005 I met the man that would turn out being my husband. Sept I met him, he asked me out on a date, and we were and have been together since then and its been a little over five years now.
He has three children at the time in 2005 they were 5 7,9. I did not meet them until two weeks after I started dating their dad. I was informed that he had been divorced for three years and he had custody of the children. In court the mother had visitation at the discretion of father as she was tested and confirmed to be on methamphetamine and to have an alcohol issue as well.
So the kids and I were introduced and hit it off right away. They would call me to come over and hang out with them, and to have dinner with their family. I at that time had still not met their mother and did not even know her name? Until the first week of October 2005, as she had arranged a time to have the children to visit her for the weekend. When the children came home from the visit a day early they were all visibly upset, and hungry. I overheard their dad ask what was wrong? the oldest child said "mom" was asking me what your girl friends name was, how old is she? is she pretty, skinny and where does she live? The middle child was crying and came to me and told me her mom told her to not like me, and that her mom made her promise to not like me. The youngest a boy seemed too tired and hungry to be bothered with that sort of discussion.
I would have thought that would be just the curiosity of the ex wife and wanting to know who her kids were around. Nope she called and was asking my boyfriend (her ex husband) why the kids were around the girl friend? He told her and asked to not speak about his personal life, that if she had something to say in regards to the kids then he would talk. She went on to tell him that I was a gold digger and that she knew all about me that I was a bad person. I had never met and still to date have not met her. October 28th a few days before Halloween the dad tried to work out a plan for kids to see their mom and to have time with her for the holiday. She promised she would come to get them to trick or treat. She was a no show, and we took them through out the neighborhood to enjoy and to participate in the events of the holiday. The youngest kept looking over his shoulder and said he was looking for his mom to show up like she promised. We get back to their home and the phone rings it is now 8:00 pm and it their mom, she said she was sorry she could not make it. Her reason was work, but later we found out that was a lie. As she was talking to the youngest on the phone he walked away and was whispering. His dad asked what that was about and why he was acting odd? The boy said "okay" I will tell you, mom came by this morning and Nana let her in, she was really drunk and crying promising us all she would be here or give us all a hundred dollars if she missed it Also that they all promised to not tell the dad she came by. She has to get permission to do so from father, . Well the boy is only five and he wanted his hundred dollars. So my boyfriend called the ex and talked to her about her behavior and the fact that she had them lie to him about her coming over? Nothing came of that except she stated she was not coming over as I the girl friend was there.
November 1st 2005 I find out that the middle child's birthday is on the 5th day of Nov so I asked her what she wanted for her big day? she asked for a slumber party and a turtle. Her father and I decided that would be okay and I would host it at my home. I called her mother and introduced myself to her, and extended an invitation for her to not only attend but that I would leave for many of the hours of the party so that she could enjoy time with her daughter on her day. I was told to F off, and that she would have her own party. I was shocked that someone would do such a thing to someone that you dont even know. someone that was extending the offer to not just meet but to allow the mother to know who her kids were around. For the good of the kids. So I had the party her friends family and the mothers parents came. She thanked me over and over again for the turtle and party.. She was very happy

We decided to get married and my boyfriend his mom and his three kids moved into my home as it was bigger and in a better neighborhood. all seemed well the kids loved the new house and all the attention they were getting from a "mother" figure. Their bio mom would call off and on with nothing but discontent and would upset the kids. She refused to have any type of communication or schedule for the benefit of the kids. I was doing her job for her at this point, here comes thanksgiving, and my thinking is well its the holidays just be nice and invite her. Bad Idea I got the same treatment and was told she did not want "her kids" around me. I asked her why? She said its not rite, and that's it. Big surprise she was a no show for the holiday, but her parents came.
December 2nd day before the wedding, middle child tells me she doesn't want me to marry her dad and that she doesn't like me? I tell her that her feelings are normal and that its just the new situation that she is struggling with. She was without a doubt making things difficult and late found out her grandmother "mothers mom" was relaying messages to the kids without fathers knowledge, and the child had some kind of delusion that mother and father would maybe someday get back together. I let her know I understood her, but that was never going to happen,and that I did not steal her dad that the mom and the dad had not been married for over three years before I ever came around.
So we get married and she is fine at wedding, but the minute I walked into the house I had a phone call on my cell phone. I answered it and it was their mother yelling at me telling me that it was inappropriate for me to be around her kids and she wanted to talk to my husband. I told her that this would have to happen a different day, as I was not going to let her ruin my wedding day. I hang up and another phone call this time from a friend of mothers letting me know she had a relationship with my husband before the ex wife did and he was going to talk to ex wife and her and for me to get him, I hung up and turned my phone off.
That was just the beginning of the nightmare I am about to live for the next five years.
Dec 2005 a week before Christmas I invited her parents and her through them to attend in the holiday activities, her mother informed me she thought that the ex was back on meth and drinking.
The ex called to talk to the kids and was very distant and rude to them, discussing old memories of a dog that the kids had to give away and that it was all the dad's fault.
My husband and I decided that we needed to get a normal schedule for the kids and their mom.
She refused to do anything whatsoever in regards to being normal. so we started a proceeding to terminate her parental rights as she had very little contact and when she did it was via the phone once in a while.
We decided to move out of state, and we did seek legal advise. With the legal matters at hand there was not an issue. Mother was ordered to pay child support, of which she was not doing as well so the termination and the papers to notify her of the move were being served to her. She refused service and we did not hear from her until the end of Dec of 2006. that was after the move and many months of no contact. I mailed her a package of pics report cards and all of the honors that the kids received in school. sports pic and the home where the kids lived. Jan we were still dealing with home studies of which went well for us not for her. she was found to have mental issues. The court was in the originating state so we had to travel back and forth. She was fired from her job in DEC as she showed up drunk and had exhausted all of her time and employee assistance program. She was taking many meds for personality disorders and schizophrenia She was able to retain not one but two different attorneys with no job and owing now 60,000 dollars in back child support. the child support was not being heard as the court said during the termination that matter could not be addressed. So we are still supporting children alone. Her attorney asked for mother to have time with kids during the termination and cps denied that request. almost a year into this matter the oldest child say she wants to know her mother.
We moved back to the state where mom was, dropped the termination and petitioned the court for her to see the kids. Yes you read that we were making her see the kids. and you know you cant do that, now the child support issue can be addressed. she avoids it, we get the proper authorities involved and nothing. Now we decided that if a counselor could assure us the kids would be safe she could have a parenting plan and schedule. Thats what we wanted in the first place. Now she cant agree to anything, s the judge orders supervised visitation with a re unification counselor, and that dad and mom are to half the cost. I was shocked after all we re trying to make her see them. she applies for a grant for her half and of course gets it, though she had a paid attorney. Now the counselor after only two visits allows a request of mothers to have un supervised visits, he gets it approved my courts. Mother is out of town on vacation and misses that time with the kids. She apologizes and has it re set up again.
That firt time after the visit the kids came back and they were completely different kids and decided to not like step mom. I was approached by the youngest and he tells me he is not going to call me mom anymore because it hurts his mom's feelings.
A few months go by and they all come to me and my husband (their dad) an let us know they want to move in with their mom? We did not like that, but we were assured the kids were safe that mother finally got a job and had started paying a portion of her child support, but none of the arrears. so Nov 2008 they move in and we all had the courts assign plenty of paretnal time for father in the agreement. From the get go they would not come and see their dad, and had excuse after excuse, so their dad said ok i will give you guys a couple of months to get adjusted to the new home, schools and getting to know you mom. (they did come to house for christmas) just to get gifts and left. so no child support , she did not go and deal with any of that as mentioned in court. She needed to deal with her ordeal in order to establish child support for dad to start paying as they now live with her. She told us over an over she was not going to pay any of the arrears and that they do not need nor want anything from us. Now in Apil of 2010 my husband gets served with order to appear to establish child support. the state slaps him with an arrears and an order to pay child support, as mother went and filed for welfare and assistance. we gave much proof of many things mailed and returned and school supplies mailed. We also showed the emails where they did not want anything from us. Now it comes down to the parenting time, and he was being denied that , so the child support was worked up with no parenting time credit, and the allegations of child abuse from me and my husband surfaced.. We of course would cooperate with any investigation and did . found to be unsubstantiated and then more games and refusal to see the dad unless he was alone, he did that and they still would not see him. Now its just me the step mom that is the supposed problem. This lady the ex has went out of her way to attack me and my marriage, and to honest there is so much not in this but now my husband gets supervised visits and she was ordered to pay 75% of the cost and this was to re unify the dad and children. We have done everything, yet she doesn't. now that she had to pay something she says the dad is safe yet the step mom the kids want nothing to do with her ever. The youngest which is now 10 said the only way this will get better is if dad divorces wife. Her arrears was addressed in court and she was ordered to pay twenty five dollars a month and no contempt for non payment for years was ever handed down. Nothing ever comes of her and her not following or complying with court orders. Now I the step mom have been cleared and pose no threat have been told that I am to have no contact with children as per mothers wishes. Dad has four hours a week and thats it. we pay over a thousand a month and both of us work and go to school. she the mother still is not working. and cant get assistance anymore due to her lack of telling the state she receives two thousand dollars a month in cash from family and has for more than five years. Fraud and nothing happens to her. We do not have the means for an attorney and she still has a paid attorney. We are so just going to give up as its destroying our marriage and his kids as well. One day they will see this for what it is. Can you believe this is the nutshell version... thanks for reading and helping.