When my husband and I got married one year ago, his ex-wife wanted to know what the rush was. They had been divorced a year before we got married. The ex and their child lives in WV, we live in TN. It is a 6 hour drive therefore the divorce papers say they will meet half way which still ends up being a 6 hour drive both ways. My husband works very long hours and the only way to see his son is by me going to pick him up. His ex hates this, she hates me. I am no longer allowed to call her to set up meeting times, she will not talk to me. She calls my husband at work, usually to talk about their son which is cool but almost always leads into other things. She wants him back and she lets him know this. He says he has told her that he is happy and he loves me. He also says that she calls me "trailer trash". She doesn't know anything about me and that is far from what I am. How should I handle this? I'm at the end of my rope with her but I know that is what she wants. I love my husband more than I have ever loved anyone in my life and I don't want to lose him. He hates her so I'm not really worried, I just want her to leave him alone.

Thanks for listening (reading).

Hi all,

I am currently living with my partner whom I love very much. He and his ex are currently in the process of getting divorced (this has been going on for about 8 months). I met him a year to the day that his ex decided to separate. She lived in his house for 6 months after the date of their legal separation, then moved out into a friend's place. She lived there for a couple of months waiting for her new lover to leave his ex wife and then moved in with him.

My partner and I met last year and because of tumultuous circumstances my daughter and I became homeless. He opened his home to us and we stayed here for 6 weeks before I was able to get my own apartment. During that 6 weeks she called her children three times and took them to spend the night at her place twice. Since she has known about my relationship with the kids father, she has been more attentive to the children to the point of being intrusive. She started calling every day, and picking the children up whenever it suited her. She would walk into our home (we live in his previous marital home) and the otehr day she took something she said was hers out of here without asking myself or my partner. I finally told her the other day that walking through my home was not acceptable and she was not welcome to do that anymore. She fought with me and yelled "those are MY children".

I still do not want her in my home. I don't know her; she is a stranger to me and I am not comfortable with strangers having free run of my home. Yesterday she had the kids for an evening visit and when she dropped them off (at 9:PM) she went upstairs to tuck them in to bed. I don't know of any parent that forces herself over boundaries like she does. I told my partner that I didn't want her to do this and I was told I was being unreasonable. He thinks she should be able to come into my home and tuck his kids in because she is insecure with her relationship with the children. He forgets that there is another child (my daughter) that has a routine too. When she is in this house and goes where she pleases, I feel like I am not welcome here; that my wishes don't count. Should I be so pissed about the fact that she tucks the kids into bed in my house, or am I being ridiculous? Any feedback would be helpful and thanks for reading this.

Catherine

Hi,

I have recently been having arguments with my BF about his wife (hopefully soon to be ex-wife), and just didn't know where to turn- then I discovered your page! I'm just looking for some help/advice really.
I have been with my boyfriend for 2.5 years now He sepearated from his wife just before we got together. We have been living together (renting), but we are buying a house together now. He has 2 kids (4 and 7), who I get on with just fine, but the wife is the real problem. She calls him all the time (usually using the kids as an excuse) and talks to him about stuff going on in her life (job/parents holidays etc) -They still seem to get on great! She moved away after they split up, but has now decided to return to the place we live with the children. She is so lazy, she cannot even be bothered to look for them a house to live in, so my boyfriend has been looking at houses for her (even though she comes up here regularly to visit friends!) She makes plans at weekends so we have "no option" but to have the kids, and we always have to fit in with when she is visiting friends/going out. I feel I have no control of my free time anymore. She has also asked him to help her move house -to which my boyfriend has agreed. He argues that he is doing all this for the kids, but it is HER who keeps asking him favours. She is always impolite to me when she sees me -never says hello or anything, and I the kids have told me on a few occasions that she says she really doesn't like me!
I'm fed up with her being in my face and my life almost every day, but my boyfriend always defends her. I'm starting to feel like he thinks she is a Saint or something! Makes me wonder what she is after and why he split up with her in the first place? hould I still be buying a house with him while he is so into his (ex) wife??? Help!!!!!

My ex wife wants me back. First of all, we were married 13 years when she started having an affair with a co-worker. She then left me on February 14th, Taking our 9 yr. old daughter. Our 12 yr. old son wanted nothing to do with her for the next year. We had divorced in June of that year and she remarried in August. 6 months later, she promised our son the world, so after Xmas, he moved in with her. I've never forced my children to do anything in this whole situation. I have requested that they "make a phone call once in a while" and to share time with me also. Well, since all this happened, my relationship with my children has been extremely strained. The only time I hear from them is directly before holidays and birthdays. I try to call them and they blow me off. My daughter has called my bad names and is being influenced by her grandmother, which has a vendetta against me because I no longer trust nor respect her daughter. Therefore, I think my children are being turned against me. 5 months ago, my children started to finally talk and be with me and it was great. Until I found out that my ex-wife left her husband and wanted me back. I told her that it would never happen because I could never trust her. Since that point, my children are back to avoiding me. Incidently, she want back to her husband. Anyways, That was 3 1/2 years ago and my ex wife still wants me back. Why? She says that she made a terrible mistake. I feel I can no longer trust her at all. Is this the only way I'm going to get to see my children? I fear that I may have to take her back in order to finish raising and being with my children. What should I do?

i met my husband of two years when he was seperated from his now ex wife. we got together and married six months after his divorce was final. (him and ex have one daughter, 5, together). there are some things that i can't seem to get over... and he believes it's because i am jealous of his ex. for instance, we met in august...and that december i took his car to go to the store and found a wrapped package in the back seat addressed to the ex wife. i opened it and it was a picture frame for xmas. when i confronted him, he told me it was no big deal because they are just used to buying each other presents. (um, the divorce was final two months prior to xmas) then he told me i was insecure and jealous of the ex. even after being married for a couple years, she and him will talk while he's at work and i find out later - he rarely tells me - or there are always emails about 'something' constantly. he changes visitation schedules w/ her without consulting me and tells me that i just need to get over it because he's "compromising" with the ex. he will slip sometimes and call her parents his in-laws still and they still send him cards signed "mom and dad". he wrote them an email after we were together stating that they will always be his in-laws...
what the heck??? any ideas ladies? and when i confront him he tells me to get over my jealousy and insecurities. i'm not either - i just wish he spent that much time thinking about me.
thanks.

I have been with my husband for 4 years. Now married 2 of those 4. There has always been back and forth tension with his kids and his ex. (she left him for another man). I am the bread winner in the family in fact when I met my husband he was so terribly upside down in debt, yes, I helped him out of it and gave him money for his divorce. I question my self daily on this now, because what if he liked where he was? So now our kids, I have 2 boys from my previous, I am widowed x's 7 years, and he has the 2 girls from his previous, the ages are similar girls:11, 8 and the boys: 11 and 6. My frustration now lies with the lack of respect, the lying, stealing and "Hating" to come to our home, my husband recently informed me that his girls say this each time he picks them up. I have done nothing but give to his girls the exact same that I have given my boys. In fact by boys get less now because I treat them all the same. I am resenting this terrribly now. If they hate coming to my home I feel like telling them "don't". I want to tell my husband to take them somewhere else during visitation. We have them over two days during the week and then every other weekend. I now have anxiety attacks when those days come. I try to avoid coming home. I try to keep myself and my boys occupied outside the home so we dont have to be togehter. It's AWFUL! I don't know what to do. Maybe I wasn't ready to take this on. I thought I was but my heart is now saying no. I do love my husband but it's not fair to resent him and his kids. Any reply would be greatly appreciated.

Hi All
What a relief to find I am not alone
I have been married to my husband for 10 months, we lived together for 3 years first and he had been divorced for 3 years when I met him alouthgh the financial side was still ongoing he has 3 kids a boy 11 & 2 girls 12&15.
I first met his kids about 6 months into the relationship when things were really serious (his choice). He brought them to my house one afternoon and the same evening they wanted to finish off a game which would make them late home, I told them to ring their mum and say they would late, she has a really loud voice so I could hear every word from across the room, she said put your dad on, kids hand phone over and she said what are my kids doing with that f*****g whore. I was completely shocked I thought what is her problem, but that was the start of her efforts to cause problems between us and she has literally tried every thing to split us up (I should also mention she is still with the man she had an affar with and left my husband for) i.e.

We took kids on holiday, they take my bag home by mistake, and kids confirm its there but ex says not

Take kids home for 7pm Sunday, ex wont be in because it’s my husbands night out with lads.

I also found out she had been blackmailing my husband over a misdemeanour in his youth and had told the kids things they should have only been told when older, as well as lies.

Threatens to throw kids out, ‘’go and live with your dad who doesn’t want you or love you’’

Ex stopped kids seeing my husband as long as he was with me and when he told her he would take her to court for access rights she said she would report him for child abuse.
Lots more but I could go on forever

When we met and he told me he was divorced with 3 kids I was honest with him and told him I could not stand bad mannered cheeky kids, he told me his were fine, no problem except the middle one could be a handful at times but was a nice kid, he lied, they are the kids from hell. I realise Its not their fault they have a mother who poisons their minds and uses them as weapons also my husband has spoilt them and refuses to parent them (guilt over divorce)

I have now learned to handle the ex. But I would appreciate any advice on how to deal with hurt screwed up kids, but as for dealing with evil ex wives I would say when they are being nasty do the opposite of what they expect and what they are trying to achieve it takes her power away, also learn what makes her tick then you can push her buttons.

Last time she was not home at drop of time, husband goes out as normal and I have kids, she did not like this and so never did it again

Middle child rang to ask could she live with us as mum was throwing her out I told her she was more than welcome (she never came) and kids are no longer threatened with being thrown out.

Sorry to drag on but once you start, hard to stop.

Well i cant believe that this problem is so rampid. i have been with my live in BF almost three years come June. I have serious issues with the mother of his three year old daughter. She is beyond immature and gets on my last nerve. The sight of her sickens me. My major issue is that she treats my BF like crap and he is so naive he allows her to do whatever she wants. She talks to him like a crap and then the next couple of days she calls and everything is fine. she treats him as if he doesnt give his daughter the world. We argue often because he has lied many times in the past when it came to her and how much he actually does for her. he used to pay her bills and her rent and i believe he still might be doing so. She calls all the time all times of the day and night just to talk. she is always around because they hang out with the same crowd of people. so it goes without saying that is a problem when i happen to be around. she feels as if she did some major miracle by having his baby.
he constantly defends her for all of her nonsense. he will be mad and come to me all upset, and the next day she will call needing something and will apoligize. then all is forgiven. UNREAL!!!
he is always worried about her feelings and how she might respond to things. it seems as if she is happy that is all that matters. granted whenever she gets upset she keeps his daughter away, but i feel he needs to grow a backbone and put her in her place. she is mad that he has moved on but she let him go. she knows that all she has to do is tell him some sob story and he will fold. he always claims that he only does for her because of the daughter but in my opinion he does entirely too much. he tries so hard to keep my life with him and her dealing with him separate. I try to explain to him that he only has on life and we are all a part of it in some fashion or form. He gives her priority because of his daughter but yet i am "the love of his life". Even his family thinks that having this child with her was the worse thing hes done in his life. she is a loser!!!!

what a great web site. I'm am so glad to finally see that I am not the only one out here having problems. My fiance and I have been together for almost two years now, we have a beautiful baby girl together whom is almost 3 months old. He has two girls from his previous marriage ages 8 and 6. I have two children from my previous
a girl age 10 and a boy age 8. The weekends when his girls are here
have turned into nightmares. His youngest isn't the problem. His 8
year old is. And so is her mother. She uses her children like pawns
on a chess board. Stratigectly placing them where she wants them.
Right in the middle of our relationship. His ex has the every two weeks syndrome. Every two weeks something new is wrong with his oldest girl. This child has been diagnosed with ADHD, BI POLAR and nowshe says autistic. There is nothing wrong with this kid other than the fact that she is very hyper and her mother can't handle her so she drugs her up so she doesnt have to deal with her.Now we are in a court battle to get custody of the girls for medical neglect.
But this child is unreal. Dad isn't much help, he thinks that letting her have her way to save an arrgument with everyone else is going to help her, because she has it ruff with her mother. So when she is here, she gets her way, everyone else gets in trouble for picking on her. She does nothing but cause arrguments between the kids and she smothers our new born. And when I get upset about that her father defends her saying that she is the only one that wants anything to do with the baby. I say she does it to get dads attention and to anoy me. She had thrown such a fit over our daughters baby swing and constintly putting her doll in it that I finally got fed up and stood my ground and dad said I was being selfish by not wanting her to play with it, so now he has went out and bought her one. It's crazy. Anytime I stand up for myself or the other kids he gets angy at me and will defend her to no end.
When in reality she is really just being a brat to get her way.
I am at a loss, neither one of us know what to do anymore. An we end up in a huge arrgument about her, then he turns it all around and blames me for everything that goes wrong. Any advice would be greatly appriciated.

I am so happy to see there is a place for venting! Sometimes just saying it 'out loud' helps me get over 'issues' and move on!
I just got married to a wonderful man that has full custody of two wonderful boys. I don't have children of own--not because I couldnt, but because that's what I chose.
Of course you can imagine what comes after that! For example..I must be a child hater, or I couldn't possibly be a good stepmother without children of my own, or I must be in it for the money!!
How is it entirely impossible to be with a man simpley for the love & companionship? Because I dont have children of my own, does that mean I am without maternal instincts completley?!!
The kids mother left when they were 3 & 4, they've been divorced for 4 years, and she bought a house with the boyfriend on the day their divorce was final. BUT...she decided the grass wasn't greener & wants to come home.
Now I can certainly understand what she's feeling & I feel sorry for her, but why should it be my problem? Both familys are still 'friends'--why I dont understand, but it causes terrible confusion for the kids. If I say anything I must be trying to control his life, or be trying to take away something from the boys. Could anyone ever see beyond the tip of their own nose enough to see that my only interest is whats best for the kids? They didnt choose to be in the middle...they didnt ask for there to be such distress between their loved ones...and why is it so hard for them to believe that I am in this because I love my husband & his children...no other motive????? Are there not any good hearted people left in this world?
I hope this site will help me stick to my guns...instead of always trying to iron out the problems or be the one to always have to comprimise my feelings... when Im not the one who wants this fight that seems to be an everyday occurance!
Please dont tell me it will be like this forever! I have never tried to take their mothers place & have been very clear that they should respect & love their mother! I try to help make this clear by comparing what a wonderful relationship I have with my own mother in hopes they'll understand.
Anyone have some suggestions, simlar experiences...advice...anything????? thanks!

I am searching online for helpful tips on building a productive relationship with my fiancee's ex-wife, because she's a little tough to deal with.

I have been on the other side of this situation with my ex-husband and his new wife, and it has been just unbelievably healthy. I think that part of this is due to the fact that she is a calming influence on my ex, and part of it is due to the fact that I really want my kids to feel happy and comfortable at both my house and their dad's. I want them to feel loved, I want them to feel that they belong... so I treat her with respect and I smile when I know that they are being nurtured by her. Please know that this would not be my gut instinct -- my gut instinct is to hate her and feel jealous and threatened and not want her to touch my kids. However, I have acknowledged my deep dark feelings and moved past them for the sake of my children, and in the process have found that I genuinely like the woman.

Some of the people posting on this message board seem to *not* put the children first (especially when the children aren't their own), and I think it's a crime. You should think long and hard about the damage that you are doing to these poor kids who did nothing to deserve the disruption they've already had in their lives. Apologies for the soapbox but it's really quite disturbing, the way some people can be so small-minded.

Unfortunately, I believe that my fiance's ex-wife may fall into this category. She won't come to her son's soccer games if I am going to be there, and I feel terrible for him. I feel like maybe I should stay home so that he can have his mom there supporting him. However, my son is on the same team, and that isn't going to happen.

I'm not sure how I can help her to feel less threatened. If any of you have suggestions on what a new wife can possibly do to help alleviate anger, jealousy, and discomfort in an ex-wife, I would love to hear your feedback.

Thanks,
Steph

I met my Fiance 3 months after ex-wife left him for another man. They Have one child together(8 yr old son) and I have never been married nor do I have children. They have been divorced 4 years. I went through entire thing with him. We have been together for 5 years and recently(christmas) became engaged. Before the engagement, his son and I got along great. He and ex only communicate about son, friendly of course. Well, that is because the daily calls made by ex to fiance did not go over well with me and I insisted they stop. She would call if son lost a tooth!!!! Anyway, since we have been engaged son is distatnt and acts odd as if he has something to hide. Fiance and I would argue alot about ex which caused seperations and discord. But, we have since learned to deal with it and get along fine concerning her. But, son now comes over and CONSTANTLY talks about the mom. This annoyed me alot and I would react. I guess that is what they(son and mom)were aiming to do because since I have stopped reacting and we have stopped fighting over ex........
Ex claims fiance sent son to ask her when she is coming home. She even told me in front of fiance's sis who adores ex and cares little for me that 2 weekends ago when she came by to get son's clothes while son and I were at the car, fiance asked her while they were under carport..."when are you coming home" also when we went to get son this past weekend fiance supposedly winked at her. She told me if he denies it to bring him to her house. So I went back to in-laws and got fiance, called ex told her we were coming and brought him to her house without saying a word. First she said I don't want to cause problems between ya'll and then asked fiance if he loves me? He said of course I do why? she said if you love her as much as you say you do then you need to stop asking me when I am coming home. I am remarried(to affair) and happily. He looked stunned and asked what she was talking about. She said don't deny it and retold the story about the 2 weekends in question(both weekends I was present just not right next to them). He then told her with me there, "She is my fiance and I love her. I do not want you back. If I wanted you I would not have divorced you 5 years ago. I am making a life with her and I am glad you are happy. She and I have a home together and you have a home but we do not have a home for you to come back to. The only thing we have together is a son and all I ask is that you not deny me my son." She replied, " Can you prove you did not say that? I can prove that you did." She called son out to tell me and his dad what dad had told him to ask mom to come home. Son was stammering and stuttering. I realized he was probably scared I would be mad. I told him just tell the truth and I wont't be mad. He then said "my mom helped with the new house" (we were seperated for a few months and fiance got new house and I decorated the new house). son would not say anything else and hid behind mom. Mom then put the words in his mouth and he agreed.
I love my fiance and know I should trust him but why in the world would someone tell a lie about another person and confront them in their face and try to get them to say the lie is the truth?
Fiance is always with me when not at work and I have access to phone bills to check calls. The only calls on bill that come from her are placed to fiance from ex. Fiance does not call her except on friday evenings when we have to go get son, he calls to see if they are home or when he has to return one of her calls. The calls never last more than 5 mins. Fiance does not act funny around me there has never been a change in treatment. Why after 5 years and only months after engagement would he ask her to come back home?
I believe him because he has hardly any contact with her apart from weekends. I would think if he wanted her back he would come up with a thousand reasons to talk to her for "son's sake"
on the other hand I believe her because how could someone be so screwed in the head to lie on someone in their face? Usually if it is a lie you tell it behind their back and deny it when you are confronted that you lied.
Maybe son did tell her that but it could be that he wants mom and dad together and does not realize the repercutions of a lie like that. But, why did she say fiance asked her that at our home after all this time. Fiance was not any different that night after they left and I would think after asking ex to come home he would have been standoffish and cold towards me. This is literally out of the blue.
We do have son every weekend which means we stay home every weekend and she goes out. Well 2 weekends ago(hmmm) I had to bring son to her on Saturday for a birthday party and she would bring him back. The weather was getting bad and they were far away. Fiance did not want son to come back in bad weather(70 mph winds and 5 inches of rain)so fiance asked if she could keep him because it was already 6pm and he had to work Sunday anyway. She agreed but then son calls back 5 mins later telling dad off(sentence structure very adult and son never talks down to dad)and hung up. Then next day(sunday) she called for us to bring sons clothes and fiance said he would bring them when he had time(ot school uniforms did not need them immediately besides they live 30 mins away and fiance works near their home so he thought he would bring them after work). she insisted she come get his clothes instead of us dropping them off to her(this is the day fiance supposedly asked her to come home). Next weekend arrives(this past weekend)and friday night she decides to wait until 9pm to call and let us know she will be dropping son off. We always go to his house and get him by 6pm, so fiance suggested we get him in morning since we were already in bed. Son calls back crying so we go get him(this is the night fiance supposedly winked at her).
As I type the words the more it seems as though she is jealous and feels she has no control over him anymore. Because for 5 years we would get son all weekend every weekend and last 2 weekends we wanted to actually go out and have a little fun and all of a sudden my world has been turned upside down. Please give me some advise before I make a mistake.

Sometimes I feel alone. I have been married to my husband for 3 1/2 years.He has a 10 year old daugther from a previous marriage. WE have a 16 month old son together. After our son was born, she decided to take him to court for more child support and to modify the parent child relationship. Now, he is accumulating all of these court fees. I don't know sometimes. Sometimes, I just want to take my son and leave.

I am sick and tired of my husbands x coming over to our house to see her non working lazy 18 yr old son. She is trying to contol our lives (or my husbands) by trying to have a custody battle about a damn dog. it is clearly my husbands dog and he has the paper to her, but the x still keeps coming oover and takes her with out asking and so forth. She dumps can food on my patio which she has been told a thousand times not to.Sheseems to want to have some kind of control over our family and wont let go...HELP???? Can you imagine how I feel when I am out in my pool or sitting in my housecoat on my patio when she comes up and acts like she owns the place? Also, just so you know...she comes over 3 times a day.

Hi, I live with my boyfriend now for six years. He had a terrible divorce 10 years ago and his ex-wife does everything and anything possible to make our life a living HELL! We have the his two boys, 13 and 14 years old every Thursday and every other weekend. I feel that the boys are very uncomfortable around me and if I tell them no about something they go to their father behind my back. For the most part my BF stands up for me, but there are times he says I am too hard on them. His ex-wife tells my BF the kids don't want to come over because "they hate that BITCH (being me)". I am getting to the point I feel myself getting very uneasy when it is time for the boys to come stay with us and I can't wait for them to go home. We do have plenty of good times together, but I feel for out of place when they are with us. They seem to fight with me on purpose. I was married for 11 years and did not have kids of my own. I don't know if I am the problem or the kids or the EX-WIFE. What do I do????????????????

i moved in with my boyfriend after dating about 4 months. i relocated to a different part of the state for him along with my two daughters ages 14 and 9. i transferred into a new field of employment and moved completely away from my family. the trouble is that one of his daughters age 23 is so jealous of me and my children its unreal. she was fine before i moved in, but from there on has been a real nightmare. both daughters i feel hate me and try to cause problems between their daddy and myself. they are hateful to my children and they are adults. the other daughter is 21 and both are married and need to act like adults. they ignore me when they are around and are nasty to me if they say anything at all. I have discussed this with my boyfriend and he thinks they will come back around. what should i do?

My husband and I have been together for a total of 3 years. I was married before but with no kids. My husband has a 4 year old now with his previous wife. They of course are now divorced. For the past 3 years everything has been fine with her. Everytime we drop of his son I smile and wave to his ex and I treat his son as if he is my own. Well My husband and I got into an argument and we had to cancel last minute on picking up his son. Well his ex was so mad because we spoiled her vacation which we didnt intend on doing and she thinks we are lying about having an argument just so we don't have to pick up their son. Well I called her to let her know we couldnt pick him up and she accused me of lying and that she no longer trusts us with her son. This is the first incident where we have not been able to pick up his son and she has a huuge cow. Obviously all the niceness she was dishing out was very fake. She didn't want us to know she was hurting that her ex husband found someone that actually cares for him. It is just so immatture. Well after our argument we talked things over and we are working things out so my husband calls her up to say is it okay if we pick up our son for the weekend and she said "Oh so you guys are back together now?" and continues to say well I will have to think about it.We havnt heard form her in 3-4 weeks. I feel so bad for the son because he loves his dad more then anything and his ex knows this. How she can sleep with herself at night for denying her son his Father is beyond me. I have emailed his wife and apologized so many times and she just can't seem to get over this. What do I do?

I got married at the end of July.. And my husband & I both have ex's and children from the previous. His children are 21 & 15, my children are 10 & 7.. Anyways.. We have been together for 3 years and in the beginning his daughter (15) and I were really close and then it was like over night things went bad. Her mom and I also got along in the beginning. I am not even sure what really happened with why we do not see eye to eye anymore. I mean I know some circumstances. The bio mom lives in an apartment and I would have to go pick up the SD there, which was ok until I walked in one day and the mom had these picture collages on the wall of her and my husband. I thought that was pretty strange just because I think that confuses the kids. Then there is issues of calling everyday about things such as her and the daughter having a fight and my husband saying what do you want me to do about it, the ex saying you just don't care. I like everyone else could wish her away to another state.. They had a lot of years together and I think that maybe thats partly why I am "threatened". Which I am working on. I know that when we were first together she used to call when we would be on a date and ask him to come over and watch movies with them and he would get off the phone and tell me with this look of "no way". My husband and I have had our share of arguments about her and he told me one day I do not know why you are threatened by her, there is no way I would ever go back. You treat me better then I have ever been treated. She also had told his family that she wanted him back and of course they told me for some reason. I wanted to know that but wish that I didn't if that makes any sense.

I must also tell you that my ex now has a GF for the first time in the 7 years we have been apart. I wasn't sure how I would be with any of it when I would try to put the shoe on the other foot. But I did learn some things, I am not that nagging ex. I talk to her probably more then him. She is good to my kids and I am not worried about them liking her more or any of that. I think it is awesome he finally found someone. He deserves happiness too. I only call when I need too. Which is not very often because I have control over my children. I do not really need his help in parenting situations. I have learned over the years to deal with things.. So the GF and I are friends which in turn I truly believe is helping my kids out.

On my husbands ex- well I have what she gave up and wishes now that she didn't. So instead of being angry and jealous I think I will just smile and giggle and be the way I am with him all the time even in front of her. She knows that she is not part of our family. She is the mother of his kids. Besides that if I put a lot of energy into being angry and complaining about her I am taking energy away from my marriage and possibly could cause problems. I DO NOT WANT THAT.

On the SD- I get angry with her because she does nothing, when asked or told or anything. She sits on the computer in my bedroom and talks on the phone. When I ask her to do anything around the house, she just looks at me. So I told my husband from now on you tell her to do things. I told him that his kids were lazy and that they needed to start helping around the house. I make my kids do things all the time. But I noticed the one thing I am thankful for with my mom, she taught me respect. Which in turn I have taught my kids. RESPECT is very important. My SS & SD have no respect for me but for that matter anyone.. That is not on me, I have my kids taught that. The SD hurt my feelings with the wedding because I had her stand up for me and she lied. But to make the story better she had went to her mom and told her mom she did not want to be a part of it and all this. So the mom calls my husband and asked him why she would be feeling that way.. His response to her was, I do not know why and said well why does she come here and say she wants to move in all the time. he said she is a teenager.. Do you think she is confused about there divorce? Maybe she does not understand? Or maybe she knows that the mom wants the dad back and the thing she sees standing in her way is ME? I am not sure. So the SD and I are not really talking. I have decided that you can only do so much. And if the mom and her are against us having a relationship then why put so much effort into it. Not to mention I will not let it come between my husband and I. I love him way to much to do that. He is my soul mate. I am not saying that I will never get mad or that I will never get jealous again because I AM HUMAN. I will continue to help my kids develop a great relationship with there dad's GF and with my husband.

I love my SS and SD and would and will be there for them if they need me I just am not going to let them ruin my marriage. I will stay out of things as long as it does not involve my children. I will continue to ask for support around the house from all of them and just try to be the best parent I can be for all involved his and mine.

So I guess what I am saying is these ex-wives out here that I have been reading stories about are WOW, take it to the extreme.. But if you really sit back and look at the big picture they are getting a rise out of all us new wives.. Which is exactly what they want. They want you to fight with your husband about them. They want there kids to hate you, but if you smile no matter how hard it is in all actuality you are sticking it to her in the end. Because the end result is you have everything she lost and wants back.. So I would smile and be as sweet as pie to the ex's and kids that way there is not ammunition or fuel to the fire.

I hope I helped someone out there. I know that by writing this I helped myself out a lot. We never listen to our own advice.. At least usually you never do..

We all can get through this. Statistics show that 2nd marriages usually end up in divorce, I am not sure about all of you but I have been thru one before and vowed I would never go through another. And I did not get married for the 2nd time to have it end that way. I want to grow old with my husband.. So if I have to smile on the outside and scream on the in I will do it..

Thanks I know I rambled some or a lot..
CC

I know that I'm not the only one that has to deal with a crazy jealous ex-wife of my husband's, but I feel like I'm losing it! We got married in June but have had a on again off again relationship for the past 6 years. In between me he continued to go back to her everytime she knew he was with me as she used the children to guilt him back home. Now he married me and the ex-wife will not let up. SHe calls and text messages all day long. Sending pictures of her in bikinis (not that impressive if I do say so!), messages of how she couldn't sleep cause she was dreaming of him etc. I know she's doing it to drive me crazy and it's working. I expressed to my husband that it was inappropriate and how it hurt my feelings and how I want it to stop. He says he asked her but he can't make her stop and she's only doing it to upset me. I am losing it! I just don't know how to deal with the crazy woman! Is there anything anyone can suggest i do? I work as a paralegal in a large firm and go to law school at night. The last thing I need is to worry about her!

First, let me thank the person who created this site. I am glad to know I am not alone. I have been dating the most wonderful man for the last year. He has two kids, Mir (10) and Jes (7). I have one adopted son (12) and do not have to deal with my ex husband, as his parental rights were terminated. I need some advice. My BF has joint custody with his ex. They live close by, and share time with kids M-th daily...she picks them up after work and he picks the kids up after they are done with school. He has kids every Friday night and alternating weekends. Today, was Mir's birthday. The event was held at a gymnastic place. Her friends were there, my BF, his ex and her mom and dad. Everything was peaceful and pleasant. I was sickened by the whole thing. My BF and his ex act like one big happy family. I shared with him afterward that his kids keep bringing up the idea of mom and dad getting back together, expecially when they are around me. His girls continually tell me about "Mom & Dad's wedding video" and "the first time they met" (even though they could only get that info from his ex, who pops in the wedding video frequently). I told my BF that it troubled me that they still held birthdays together life one happy family and I thought it was wrong and adding to the message that mom and dad belong together. Needless to say, he was totally offended. I understand that there will be events in life, like graduations and weddings, that will be one-time large events for both parents to be there. And, I agree that they should and it should be as pleasant as possible. However, I think birthdays could be shared at both homes--without the other present. And, I am tired of the constant phone calls (even though his ex sees my BF practically everyday). He covers by saying that they have always had "open communication" where the girls are concerned. My BF and I have been discussing marriage and looking for homes...however, we are constrained (once again) by living by his ex (which is on the other side of town--and not where I want to live). I am beginning to have serious doubts about marrying this guy because I do not think I can handle the situation. Am I just being jealous and need to get over it? Should I apologize for saying that I thought it was ridiculous that they share birthdays? I can truly see myself with this man for the rest of my life...but, not his ex.

I am very grateful that there is a forum such as this and thanks to all the people that have shared their stories. It is helpful when going through a situation and have support. I have been with my partner for the last three years whose wife left him. Although, she has never wanted him back, she is livid that he is with someone else and whom their daughter is very close too. She has made racial remarks, attempts to poisin the child's mind and constantly tries to interfere by creating situations that pertain to emergencies. i.e. - the child is ill and he must come immediately. I want to be supportive of my fiancee and more especially his daughter and hate too be resentful and angry. I reside in Europe where although she cheated and committed fraud, the courts favor the status of the mother despite the love a father may have for his child. We have sought the best lawyers and she will have joint custody. Please offer any advice as this would be greatly appreciated.

Thank God for such a website that people can share their ordeals. I met my BF almost seven years ago who then was separated from his wife but not legally and had two kids. He was in despair over his marriage because he is the kind who believes in staying in a marriage for the sake of kids. He had been married for 13 yrs then and 9 of those years were hell. His wife was seeing other men and was not hiding the it. He did tell me he was going to try and work things out again with his wife so that if it does not work out, he will know he did his best. They got back together, things were o.k. in the beginning but then the wife riverted to her former behaviors. She was coming home late at night alot, was neglecting the welfare of the kids, exposing kids to different men, always broke though she was working, picking fights with my BF when asked of her whereabouts, etc. She physically abused my BF and I took polaroid pictures of his bruises. I told him to press charges but he refused saying it will cause more disharmony. My Bf tried to track her whereabouts by using an investigator so as to have concrete evidence when he was filing for a divorce. The same day she got served with the divorce papers, she filed false physical abuse allegations to get a restraining order thus he was forced out of the house. Temporary visitation and support orders were executed while awaiting for main divorce hearing that my BF's lawyer dragged on for so long he dropped the laywer. In between, he went for long intervals without seeing his kids which distressed him a lot coz he was very close to them. We had a kid together last year and I met one of his kids the first time this year. His lil girl is so adorable and was His wife was so pissed when she found out she filed more false restraining orders so that he could not see his kids and she even filed false child abuse allegations against me & my BF. My Bf has to beg her to see the kids. It will be difficult to establish a relationship with my BFs kids coz they have definitely been poisoned by their mom. The divorce has been on going for 3 yrs and the hearing has been pushed next year thanks to her manipulation of the legal system. In the mean time, my BF is financially down, can't see his kids as ordered by the court. Why can't this woman get a life? it was her choice to see other men and do as she liked, my bf dealt with that for so long and the moment she learnt my bf has moved on, it became a problem. She knows very well she let go a very responsible and family oriented guy. She knows all the men she was dealing cant compare with my bf. Has anyone else dealt with such an ordeal?

My husband and i have been together for 2.5 years now.My issue is his kids and ex wife,she is very toxic and has caused problems in our marriage.She has phisically assaulted me in front of our children he has 2 ages 12 and 14 and i have 1 aged 11 she has told my son that i am a slut and when the kids phone our house to say goodnight to there dad and i answer i always ask how school and things are for them and their mother is yelling in the backround that they are not allowed to talk to me and calls me a slut in front of them.His daughter has also called me a bitch and said that she was going to ruin our wedding day but we talked to her and she denied she said it She was talking to my niece on the computer when this was all going on and my sister who is 34 read what she was writing and phoned me right away and told me.I dont think my husband believes she did it because he didnt see it for his own eyes.I have spoke to natasha alone and she tells me her mother is always saying nasty things to her about me.I have been a good stepmother to the children but my husband never wants to stick up for me.I have even asked him to let the lawyer know that she is not to phone our house and speak to me or my son this way but he says it will do nothing because she has mental issues then he will give in and say he will and never does.I feel that maybe my husband may feel guilty for leaving i just dont know i am so hurt by all their actions and my son always asks why i am crying and he is very angry at their mother for treating us this way.There is alot of things i can write about that has happened but i would be writing all day.Please help me.

I have been in a relationship with a man that has been seperated for 10mths,I have been seperated 1 yr.i was not out looking for love but it fell in my lap.My bf is a very caring loving man that treats me like gold.When we first were together his children accepted me,after 6 mths I'm not sure what happened but neither wants anything to do with me or my children.They have been acting out smoking pot stating that they are going to end their lives if mom and dad don't get back together(mom left they're dad for another man that she has been seeing for the last 3 yrs of their marriage.)I feel for all of the children this is the hardest thing they will have to deal with ,their parents are not getting back together but I don't know if i should step out of the pic because of all this...my bf tells me he loves me and I and the children are definatly in his future but i worry about his children and don't want to be what brings them down, all though his ex is still with her bf, I feel like I'm the one they are blaming...please help I'm so confused right now i don't know what to do....The children are in counselling and we've been told this is definatly a cry for attention (which they get plenty of)but i still feel guilty...help Shaw

About 2 1/2 years ago I met a very dear but very depressed man who was still living with wife but said in his mind marriage was over and he needed a divorce but had not yet done so because of the worry of the effects on the children. Over the course of being just friends for a few months , we began dating. Also during this time she finally filed for divorce. They had lived the last 3 years in the same house with no talking (unless about kids) or for her to give him "the list" of why she did not want him, constantly putting him down, citing all of his "faults" in her mind and telling him she wanted someone better for herself and the kids. (extreme mental cruelty). I went through all of this with him , though at times it was very difficult. I love him more than I ever thought I would love anyone but this ex has turned out to be (or always was) mean, miserable, spiteful etc. The 3 children are 5, 13, and 16, with the middle child being special needs.
After she found out about me she became more evil--screaming things to the kids about me, name calling etc.Two summers ago, she came to his house (he is living at his Mom's) and attacked him physically in front of the 2 little ones and me , in addition trying to get me as well. Police were called and when they came he had blood on his clothes and body and I was appalled that when asked by police "what happened?" he said "oh nothing-my ex was a little mad". The police were smart enough to ignore the "trying to defend" and took both our statements and pictures of him with scratches, blood etc.They practically begged him to press charges but just like the other time she had attacked him at home he declined , stating he could not let his children see their Mom get arrested or jailed.Later on into this as he kept putting up with her she did something that FINALLY made him mad and he contacted the detective that had the assault record to ask about the statute of limitations for assault. He was told that it is 3 years and he could still press charges. He made 3 appts to do so and ended up canceling all of them !! As time went by I asked him about this. He gets very defensive and wants to "keep it apart" from our relationship and not talk about it. I find this very difficult. In addition she is cold to the children, and possibly abusive to the middle child at least verbally so. Currently she has quit her job of 4 months of working in her entire 45 years of life and made herself a full time "student" , now telling him she has no money and will need yet more "help" with the boys. He currently gives her $1800 a month for child support and alimony and I suspect more.They have 2 weeks to be out of their rental home as it is being sold so we believe she will either be dropping the 3 kids w/ him or wanting more money. While all this is going on when I am there to visit she is still allowed by him to whip into the driveway of his Mom's house (police suggested meeting at a public place for kid exchanges) to pick up or drop off children. If I happen to be outside I am glared at like she wants to kill me.One time I called her to try to make peace for the children's sake and got called names , told off, and hung up on. So much for that. His Mom has begged him not to let her come to driveway, that request was ignored and Mother gave up (she is 79) I have asked him that this is not fair to me. He either ignores or defends and if I bring up any of this we argue. Besides loving him , I love his kids. The 2 youngest are close and dear with me, the teenager is pretty much distant with everyone, including both parents. Why does he not see what this is doing to the people around him?? He says he is fine. Well that is great, but his Mom is in ill health and constantly tells me how she cannot deal with this and I see her point , because I have a hard time as well. But I do love him dearly and hoped for a future with him. What can I do?

I am getting married in one month to a man I have known for 10 years and we have been dating for almost two. He has a son, 4 and I have two sons, 7 and 4. All of that mix is fine. My issue is, we starting dating while he was going through his nasty divorce. No, we did not cause the divorce. She was an evil person that was horrible to my fiance. Anyway.. now she has even remarried. Well, now she is getting a divorce and he seems to be going over to her house (their) old married house quite a bit. We do not live together yet, so we do have separate lives still. It seem I am always finding out about him dropping in over there to "see his son"(he has 50-50 custody). okay, that's fine. But, now we are looking for a new house and she happens to be a realtor. So she gets a line on great house and gives my fiance this info. He gets her keycard and passwords to get into the potential new house. ANd, if we buy it, she makes a commission. We are considering tearing the house down and building a new one on the lot to sell for profit. This is big bucks.. so she makes a commission and I am on the hook for two houses.. I just do not care for the intimacy of doing business with her. I am not threatened by her, I am just sick of her constantly in our lives. Why did he even leave her? He may as well move in over there again if he's there every day.

Tal vez nadie hable espanol pero de cualquier manera necesito decir esto por que me esta matando no puedo mas y necesito consejo, se un poco de ingles puedo entenderlo y tal vez escribirlo pero en este momento no quiero pensar demasiado para escribir.
Conoci a este hombre aproximadamente hace 8 meses y era todo casi perfecto, fisicamente era lo que yo buscaba y su manera de ser es tan educado y tan propio que no pude imaginar lo que me esperaba unos meses mas tarde.
Despues de salir unos meses lo que aqui llaman "DATING" empese a sospechar que algo estaba mal por que su telefono no dejava de sonar asi que lo primero que pense era que el estaba con alguien mas pero hay algo que se me estaba olvidando y era que cuando lo conoci el me dijo que era divorciado y que tenia apenas unos meses de divorciado, yo no tenia problema con eso por que yo estuve viviendo con una persona por 5anos y es practicamente como estar casados asi que no tengo problema con alguien que ha estado casado, pero bueno volviendo al tema despues de algunas llamadas y que el escondia el telefono cada vez que sonaba empese a sospechar que era la ex la que estaba llamando, pero POR QUE SI YA ESTAN DIVORCIADOS ELLA LLAMA DE ESA MANERA TAN INSISTENT? pues no tarde mucho en darme cuenta de que efectivamente era ella, pero cual fue mi sorpresa cuando me entoro que N O E R A L A EX E R A LA E S P O S A Para ser mas clara no se habian divorciado en lo absoluto si no todo lo contrario vivian junotos y por supuesto bien juntos. Pues por supuesto que fui yo la que le di la buena noticia a la querida esposa de que el estaba conmigo pero cuando la llame ella dijo que si era la esposa pero que se habian separado por un par de meses (que fue cuando yo lo conoci) claro que no fue la historia que el me conto pero bueno ella al principio no estaba muy sorprendida ni tampoo dolida incluso platicamos tanto que llego a decirme que en el tiempo que ellos estaban separados ella estuvo saliendo con algunas personas, ovio despues de eso no me senti tan mal pero pues para hacer a el sentir miserable le pedi que nos vieramos sin que el supiera que las dos ya sabiamos todo asi que me sito en su casa y ahi me tienes con mi mas grande coraje tuve que ir y enfrentarlo apesar de que estaba muy dolida pero no queria dejar de pasar la oportunidad de ver su cara al vernos juntas so eso fue lo mas divertido de el mundo al principio cuando se sento en el suelo como perro sin saber a donde correr, pero despues de eso empeze a darme cuenta por que el ya no queria estar ahi con ella pero el es de aquellos hombres que no tiene los suficientes (huevos) para dar la cara y terminar con eso pero bueno no pude evitarlo y me dio lastima y si lo perdone pero enntonces ella se convirtio en la victima y dice que lo ama y que quiere estar con el pero al dia siguiete dice que es solo basura y al dia siguiente lo ama de nuevo y es un cuento de nunca acabar.
El esta viviendo conmigo pero ella todavia no firma los papeles del divorcio y siento que solo busca pretextos para hablar con el y el con la escusa de que no quiere mentir otra vez, le cuenta a ella todo lo que le pido que haga como el no hablar con ella, no se que hacer no se si devo seguir con el o no o si devo de ponerle un alto a ella o si solo devo hacerme a un lado por favor denme un consejo.

I'M GETTING CRAZY ABOUT THIS, AND I NEED TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

My relationship is the exact same as you all describe, only somehow I have ended up being the one one that he gets angry at... I suppose I have tolerated it for so long that I can no longer even handle the small things anymore. I am not questioning my relationship and if I even want to be in it because of the way things have turned. Now after reading all these posts I realize that my husband has never STOOD up to her in regards to our relationship and what she has done and continues to do... she is so good at it that he now believes all the problems are ME and my inability to just GET over the small things!~ We actually split up for about 4 months and they all of a sudden were able to CO parent as if they were pro's, of course as soon as we get back together they can no longer be decent to eachother, my husband blames me, she tells the kids it's me as well. The added pressure of this has made our current relationship even more unbearable than before the split up. I question every thing about me. My husband just allows the crap and looks the other way. On the weekends we see the kids, she dresses them in the SAME clothes (holes in pants, shoes that are torn and OLD) and they go to school like this) Somehow she has brainwashed the kids into believing that they must wear the same cloths because WE cant seem to return their NICE clothes...However, it has gotten to the point where the children now LIE to their father about NOT having shoes because of this or that... I know that they have decent shoes. They dont EVER wear coats to our home and on the weekends we have them we are pretty much house bound if the weather is bad. We are financially STRAPPED all the time and he does pay his child support...I do get upset these days because Im simply tired of the game. Most of all... Im tired of thinking and now believing its all because of ME... My husband says let go of all the little stuff, But Im telling you, I might be able to if he would JUST PLEASE open his eyes and see all the games that are going on. Im SO TIRED and ready to change something.
Someone please tell me how I can turn this around and save my relationship, Im begining to believe everyone would be better off if I werent in the picture.

I just broke up with someone I love dearly and we ended our relationship because of our love for one another. Love isn't always enough. He won't stand up to his ex and it took our relationship and my boundaries for him to realize just how much he lets her run his life.

He doesn't like her as a person and she creates a ton of anxiety in him and he has no desire at all to ever be with her again, but he lets her manipulate him to no end. He always saw it as him putting the kids first but now realizes he was using that as an excuse and he really does put her over me. She is a total drama queen and he feels he has to keep the peace and he is afraid appearing mean to mommy and upsetting the kids.

He says he's working on it and reading the book "Boundaries", but for now we are apart. I love him more than I've loved any man in my life and I hope and pray he'll stand up to her and maybe we will have a chance then. I highly suggest the book boundaries for anyone going through the same thing and don't settle for 2nd place behind an ex ever or you'll just be miserable. He'll lose respect for you and you'll lose respect for yourself, and worse yet, so will the ex.

Well, I have been a step mom for 6 years now and my step children are ages 11 and 8. The 11 year old hates me, I am sure. His mother has poisened him over the years but was not able to do so with the 8 year old. When he is here, we have joint physical and legal (they live with us all summer) he tends to do better with me but is never affectionate like he was when he was little. Today we had a court date take back the ex for custody because she has had numerous over night boy toys in her house while the children were present and actually moved on in with her and the boys in January, just a few weeks after meeting him. Both boys have not been doing well in school and we felt that they deserved a stable home life. In fact my husband's mom is the one who drives his boys to school every day, packs their lunch, does their homework, etc when they are in the ex's custody. We had so much documentation, the ex married new boy toy after we sent a letter (from our attorney) advising him to move out because they were in violation. SO guess what, they got married three days later. In court today we felt good and felt like we had a strong case, it took all of 10 minutes for the judge to say, "sorry, there is not a substantial change" and it was over like that. There is no way to suceed in this and I honestly believe it. All we can do is keep living life the right way, not talk bad about the ex, put the boys first Always, and hope one day they will see on their own that we love them and that I am not the horrible monster that their mother always portrays. P.S her house went into foreclosure also and it is okay if the kids are "homeless" according to the judge. Just don't get your hopes up, build a strong relationship with your husband and know that he is put in the middle of her "games" and he needs your support always and your support of his children.

Met my SO a year and 1/2 ago and moved in with him a couple of months ago. He is separated (just a couple of months before meeting me) from his wife of 23 years and has two kids...17 and 19. While we were seeing each other, and even when I first moved in with him, there was little contact with the ex. Pretty much just a twice weekly email with her telling him how much money she needs. After he moved out, neither she or the kids bothered to find out where he was living...which was just a few miles away, but to me it shows how little they cared.

In August, SO told his boys about me, and they were fine with it. They seemed to understand.

About 6 weeks ago the ex, or I should say soon to be ex (maybe ?), decided she wanted my SO back (after a year and 1/2 of not caring at all), and she has absolutely gone off the deep end. She calls his cell at least a dozen times a day begging him to "come home to us." It's sickening. He takes her calls and tries to comfort her. Although every now and then he gets tough on her...I've heard him tell her he is home, meaning with me, and I've heard him tell her that he's never going back, and he tells me he's never going back even if I died tomorrow, but this is so difficult! He'll backtrack and tell her he understands and he is "with her" when she tells him the pain she is in.

A few days ago, she begged to see him. Said she had to seem him soon. This weekend in fact. We live 6 hours from her, and my SO told me he wanted to sit with her and explain things and do a couple of things with his kids. So here I am sitting in a hotel room, while he is over at her house. He's been there most of the day. I know he is sending her mixed signals in trying not to squash her, and she is saying she can't live without him, that their kids don't have a mother anymore, that she just wants to try again. It's just horrible and she's got the kids acting as messengers. The youngest one, 17, called me last night and told me NOT to come to this town. That they couldn't be a "family" if I came, and then he hung up on me. I've not met this son. I've met the 19 year old and have had dinner numbers of times, and we get along fine. He is a sweet boy.

I know I'm rambling...should I just wait it out? He's living with me, and we live 6 hours from her which is a good thing, but the emotional stress and trauma she is causing for me, my SO and her kids is becoming devastating.

I have been with my husband for 5 1/2 years (married 1 year 4 months) and I have always had problems with his ex-wife but since we got married, I really can't take it anymore. We both have daughters from our previous marriages (both are 9 year olds). We have been together through the entire process of both of our divorces. It has been one hell of a roller coaster ride, because of his EX and all her immature Bull!!! My ex-husband doesn't see my daughter and hasn't for almost 4 years so he causes no problems for my new husband to have to deal with. Sometimes I feel like leaving, but I know that’s what she wants. She doesn’t want him, she just wants him to be miserable and alone. Just for the record, I was NOT the reason of their divorce, she left him for someone else. She calls about every other day and picks up their daughter whenever it suits her. She comes to the house and acts like it is still hers but if I tell her that walking through my home is not acceptable, she will flip out and tell me HER child is here. When I told him I don’t want her in my house, he told me I was being unreasonable. He seems to forget that there is another child (my daughter) that lives here too. I feel that my wishes don't count. I know he is trying to keep peace but when & where does it stop. She is trying to show that she still has control and it appears that she does. She makes plans on weekends (and any other time) so have to change our plans to accommodate her (EX). I feel like I have no control over anything concerning us anymore. She will call him and talk while I’m at work or call him at work. I am so frustrated with the lack of respect from the ex, his daughter and him. I give to his child and do for her (almost) exactly the same that I give and do for my daughter. The ex treats him like crap yet he allows her to do and say whatever she wants. He constantly gets mad at me when I become upset about her and stay that way for days but when she goes off then calls the next day and apologizes she is forgiven. Whenever she gets upset she keeps his daughter away. She knows that all she has to do is threaten him with social services and he will fold. I’ll give it to her, she is so good at what she does, he know believes all the problems are ME and my inability to just GET over it--let it go in one ear and out the other because he is with me.
Prime example--My daughter is sick so she called him and asked him how long my daughter had been sick--but when their daughter is sick, she comes over here and spreads germs, so why is it a big deal when daughter is sick? She also gets mad if he leaves and I have their daughter--yet she brings her as early or late (and sometimes not at all) as she wants. She has no respet for us or any plans we may have made whether their child is with us or not--I don't really know if I can take this anymore--what really makes it so bad is that he says I cause all the problems between me and him because I won't "GET OVER IT."
HELP--I need some advise immediately!!

Sincerely,
Confused

I stumbled on this site while trying to find help with my situation. My situation sounds amazing similiar to most of the postings. My BF of almost 4 years feels that I am too hard on his daughter. We both have kids age 10 (they are 4 days apart). For the most part the kids get along great. The daughter tells my son on a regular basis that she hates his mom (me) and that she wishes I would leave. She tells him that she doesn't have to mind me (which she doesn't) and he's frustrated because I tell him he has to respect and mind my BF. My son adores my BF and feels slighted when these situations come up. I've talked to him about it several times and it's always the same - he's going to talk to his daughter, he's going to do something, but nothing ever happens. His ex-wife calls on almost a daily basis. If the daughter is w/ us (visitation is currently Wed. and every other weekend) she will call the a.m. that the daughter is to come over and again that night. She will call on days that the daughter isn't even w/ us just to remind BF of something that she wants him to do. I feel like she has control over his every move. I've told him I'm frustrated about this and feel like my son and I take a HUGE backseat to the ex-wife and her wants/demands/needs. He feels guilty about the divorce (you just don't get divorced in his family) even though he went to counseling to get over his ex-wife...sometimes I wonder why he allows her to "run the show". He says he doesn't want her back and would be unhappy w/out me and my son, but he doesn't ever stick up for us or stand up for himself. We've talked about discipline - their techniques are talking to the daughter while she cries, carries on and screams about how unfair her life is. These "discpline sessions" can sometimes last up to 2+ hours. Even his Mother thinks his daughter is working the situation and has a bit of the Princess Syndrome going on. Any suggestions on how to work through this? I don't want to leave because I do love him, but I don't think it's fair to me or my son to always have to take sloppy seconds to a demanding ex-wife and daughter. They are truly not doing the daughter any favors by letting her think all she has to do is whine and cry and things go her way. HELP!!!!

Reading all this was great!! I'm so glad to find more woman out there like me. I have been with my BF for the last 6 years. In those 6 years we have been engaged once and broken up at least 8 times. It all comes down to his EX-Btch Wife. She is bipolar and that should speak for itself. He feels that he has to be nice to her or he has to please her. They have three children ages 10, 8, and 6. He's in constance fear that she will stop taking her meds and will end up hurting the children. She has a strong hold on him. This causes big problems for us. I have three children also ages 17, 12, and 8. They like him but they also feel his tension when they are around him. He seems to be stressed all the time. His marriage to her messed up his way of thinking. He has be going to therapy off and on since we've been together. She manipulates him and the kids so much. He sees the things she is doing but it lets it go. We fight and argue over the sh*t that she does all the time. This last Christmas she made him a blanket and bought a few other things and put the children's names on the gifts so he would accept them. This really pissed me off. I told him how that made me feel and he said he didn't look at it like she was giving him the gifts. I tried to explain that she took the time to hand make him a blanket....duhhhh... the children didn't have no part in it. It was from her. He kept it anyway. I haven't been back to his house. Until he gets rid of it I'm standing my ground. I told him to give it back to her but, he won't he said he would just keep it out of my sight. I told him not to worry because if her blanket was there I wouldn't be. Anyway.... I got carried away. She does everything she can think of to piss me off. Most of his family still talks to her and they are now telling my BF that he should give her another chance. They are trying to convince him that she is better for him than I am. He has no plans on ever getting back together with her and he tells them that but they still pressure him. When we first got together things were great with his family and now they all hate me. Well almost all of them. I know its because of her. They think it would be the best thing for the children. They have no clue what she does. He had to work a lot during the Month of Dec.so he let her keep the kids more than normal. The middle child dropped two grades at school in three subjects. The oldest one went down one grade in math and two grades in science. He feels that it was his fault. So, now he's back to working with the kids everyday to bring their grades back up. She didn't do anything with them except talk to them on a daily basis about getting back together with daddy. The oldest one told him that he should really think hard about marrying her again. He couldn't believe his ears. Anyway.... this is what I have to deal with. I love this man more than anything. He melts my heart. He's my big teddy bear..... I can't let him go.... but I am finding it very hard to hang on.

Where does it end???

I am about to get married in two months. Ever since the ex wife found out, my fiances little boy has really changed his behavior. He is 4 and now he always says he wants his mommy when he is with us... he used to never do that. MY FIANCE GETS HIM EVERY ONTHER WEEKEND AND on Tuesday afternoons. On the weekend that he doesnt have him, she lets my fiance also see him on Thursday afternoons (which isnt in the court agreement) but now for some reason... she wont let him see him on Thursdays now. My Fiance is always sacred to make her mad or not do what she says because he was scared of this, but sure enough for no reason... she did it anyway. She told my fiance that he just doesnt understand what she has to go thru to get the little boy ready to go see his dad ???? I am worried taht she is doing this because of me. I texted her husband ( he seems pretty reasonable) and asked if it was because of me? Well he told her that I did that... which now I wish I wouldnt have, and she called me and left a message sayng she wants to discuss some things to make me understand the situation better. My fiance said to just ket him deal with her. I am statring to het worried. I dont want a life full of DRAMA

right now I am thousands of miles away from my wife,but last night we had one of our biggest fights she still feels like she is second in my life and that I constantly compare her to my ex I dont know what to do but any advise would be great how can I make her feel like she is the one and only in my life

I met my husband when I was 15 and we had a great, loving relationship which produced 2 kids - my son is 15 and my daughter 11. He had a close working relationship with a woman at work which turned into an affair about 3 years ago - she kept contacting him at home and asking him to leave me, which is how I found out about the affair. It broke my heart, changed my life and, most importantly, hurt my children.

We tried to make it work, but there was too much hurt and anger, and he ended up with her again. Obviously a greedy cheat is better than a sad, needy wife.

When my children first started to sleep at her house it made me feel physically ill. I couldn't stand the thought of the hands that had touched my husband's body touching my children. I feel violated by her - I feel abused by the situation.

My ex turned up today to fetch my kids with her kid in tow. Why? Why would he feel the need to humiate me further?

Yes - I hate the woman he is now with - she has stolen so much from me and I can't bare the thought of my kids even talking to her. I'm NOT a "bio", or a "biomom" I'm the mother, I'm "mom" - you people are fooling yourselves if you think you can negate the love and passion that existed between your partners and the mothers of their children by making it sound like a factory process. They were in love - no matter what they tell you.

Woman whose husbands leave them after an affair feel as though they lost in a war they didn't know they were fighting. The only thing left to fight for is the kids. I tell mine it's ok for them to like her, but they have to understand that its ok for me to hate her. And I do.

Hi, I am new to this site and I just have to vent. My boyfriend and I are living together while we are waiting for his divorce to become final from his wife. This woman has done everything possible to hurt me, my boyfriend and their two children(9&12). She has made scenes in public at the childrens sporting events, even her father sexually harassed me and I had to take him to court to get a protective order issued!!! He harassed me infront of the children and parents at a baseball field during a game screaming at me. My boyfriend of course was livid and he stuck by me through it all. The wife though is the worst. She is much older than I and she has no class. She constanly leaves messages on my boyfriends phone about me and even hired a private investigator to check me out. She is a terrible mom and never does anything with her children. My boyfriend and I do alot with the kids and the 9 year old girl really loves to hang out with me. The 12 year old boy however is so brainwashed by the wife that he refuses to come over to our home. My boyfriend is trying desperatly to get him and his son in counseling. He is such a good father. They have been separated 1 year and 6 months and the wife is still crying because she wants Curt(my boyfriend) back. I have heard him tell her time and time again....I don't love you, it's over, stop calling, he has even said some really hurtful things to her and she just doesn't want to let go.....there divorce will be final in about 2 weeks but I know that this woman will never leave us alone until she finds someone to give her some attention. she has even contacted girls who graduated highschool with me to see if she can find any dirt on me. This woman clearly has no self worth, self esteem , or any pride. This is such nightmare. My boyfriend and I are so tired of dealing with this pathetic woman who just won't let go!!!!

Anyone else going through anything similar???
I guess the only good thing is that I have my boyfriends support and he loathes her as much as I do!!!

I know exactly where you are coming from. My step Children are 10 and 13. We did get along at first, but after I married their father they honestly hate me and will do anything to me to try and get to me. I hear stories of when they were born, what their parents were doing and how happy they were when their parents were together and how miserable they are now. They blame me for everything, not seeing their father, not having the relationship that they once had with him before I came into the picture, not seeing him like they once did. But that is their choice, we are suppose to have them Monday’s Thursday's and every other weekend. Now because of the Ex and the crap she puts into her children's heads they don't come down. We are lucky if we get them every other weekend. They haven't been down for about 4 weeks now. His son once told me that if he came down and hugged dad that she (the Ex) would find out and that she wouldn't love him anymore. Can you believe that? Not love him because he chooses to hug his own father. This makes my husband very depressed since he wants a relationship with his children and I know that they love him, but they blame me for not coming down and then he blames me for not wanting them to come down. I have always been an understanding, they are children and they don't fully understand everything. They blame their father for the divorce, yet it was their mother that cheated, that slept around, that wanted and caused the divorce. But according to the kids, it was their father fault for not wanting to be there for them anymore, that he was sick of having to deal with his own children. They hate me because I took their dad away from them and that I am mean to them, yet have never done anything wrong and haven't said anything wrong to them. The vindictive EX has come over to MY house (not his) and pushed her way in, so I called the police since she has tried it before and I warned her not to come onto my property, then I was the bad person for calling the cops on his children’s mother. The kids didn't talk to him or I for weeks. I would never go to her house, neither would my husband. that is hers and my house is mine. She calls him all the time and wishes his a happy anniversary, or calls to tell him remember our first date and how special it was. I hang up on her since I don't want him to even talk to her unless it is about the kids and then their kids get mad at me.
Another thing is getting the kids when we are suppose to, it says 5:00 the days we are suppose to get them that we pick them up at a local store, she will be 15 20 minutes late always on average. Most of the time it is more than that. Then when he is 2 minutes late dropping them off, she is on the phone so quickly with the cops it isn't even funny. One time she say us at the stop light and it had just turned red meaning we were going to be late and she called the cops (we were 1 minute late). His kids call me Bitch every time that they see me almost yet my husband doesn't believe that they would ever talk about me like that. They have even tried to hit me before and throw things at me and told me that if I ever have a kid with their father that they will do everything in their right minds to end our relationship so fast I wouldn't even see it coming because dad will listen to them and he doesn't care about me. it hurts when they do these things to me, but I never get angry or mad or say anything back, I just cry when they leave or try to find a reason to leave the house for a while. The only thing that my husband and I ever argue about is the kids and his EX and how to deal with certain things. His 13 year old daughter wears so much eye makeup she looks like a little ho, I have mentioned to him that she wears too much for only being 13, but he says that isn't up to him to tell he not to, that is crap, yes it is, grow some balls and be a parent. He acts more like a friend to them not a parent because if he disciplines them they cry to mommy and not talk to him or see him for weeks. He never stands up to his own kids, and I can't because they are not mine. I can't even tell them to make their beds at my house because his EX to me to court for abusing them by making them do something that they didn't want to do. Her case got thrown out, but still why do I want to do that again? She is an over all evil person, she is completely not all there. She has a disorder that she needs to get help with. Nobody can be this mean to people without having something wrong with her. We are going to move away from them now. In the next 6 months we will no longer be in the same city and what will they do then? They will be lost without their dad, but they won't understand that until we are already gone. At least my husband has understood that all of them are bringing are marriage down and things need to change. I am just glad that we love each other so much not to let it wreak our marriage, we are not running away either. We need to start our own lives someplace else. His kids don't see him now what would be different if we moved away. They will only call now if they want something, they can still do that when we are gone. I can't wait to get out of her, not having to see the EX or his kid’s anymore will be a relief for me. I didn't marry them I married him and that is all that matters. When we have a child of our own, things may get worse, but at least we willl have something we can care for together and bring up correctly, to the best of our ability.

My boyfriend's soon to be ex wife is not a stable mom to his 3 children... does some wacky things like dying his 7 yr. old daughter's beautiful blonde hair brown (because I'm blonde), they go to school in dirty clothes,she's sending his 13 yr. old to counseling because "dad isn't fun anymore since he's had his girlfriend" (when the girl has SERIOUS other problems such as smoking, drinking, failing every class in school,having lesbian sex with an older girl right in her mom's home). The list goes on, and here's my dilemma...
I'm a mom too... 2 girls, one son. They are happily adjusted since my separation from their father, healthy, great students, and love my BF to pieces. I think of myself as a great mother, and when I see the wacky things my BFs ex does to her kids, I have a "moral fit" and tend to ramble on about it to my BF (as I'm concerned about his daughter's welfare). He can't stand his ex, and says there's nothing he can do to control what she does...she just hangs up when he calls to discuss the kids. He has his girls 3 days a week, but doesn't have the living accomadations for them to live with him full time. (which is a concern because the ex is being evicted from her home soon). He CANT'TAKE the things that she does, but he says it's even harder for him to deal with me and my feelings/talking about the wacky ex. How do I deal with these things??? Just turn the other cheek and say "they're not my kids, mind my own business?" I care about these girls and can't help but to voice my opinion... any suggestions? I'm willing to try anything as this 3 yr. relationship is going down fast. HELP!!!!!

I just want to tell you thank you for understanding. It is hard being the step mom, harder than I ever imagines it would be. I don't want to ever take those children away from their mother, because they are hers and my ex husbands. He actions on the other hand make me want them to be with us even more. They are in a negative situation, where they are told that I am an evil person when I have never done anything wrong and have always been nice to them. I dislike the fact that my husbands ex is taking their children away from him because of spite. He wasn't the one that cheated, she was. She was the one that wreaked their marriage and ended it. He wanted to work through it for his kids because he loves them more than anything else, other than maybe me, but I am a different kind of love. a love for a child is never the same.
In response to bettyboop, put yourself in someone else's shoes every once and a while. Having a person who isn't a bad influence being around your children isn't gong to hurt them. It will make them a better person. Don't you thing your children no matter what happened wants happiness for their parents (mom and dad)? We as stepmoms are not here to take over their children. We are here because we want to be. We want to teach the children that life isn't over, that everything no matter what will be alright and make them realize that their father is happy. Divorce is cruel to the children. What I don't like is the mothers that take out the bitterness of the divorce on their children and make it seem like it is all the child's fathers fault. Sometimes it is, but my husbands ex does this and he is the one that was willing to work on it until he caught her sleeping with him on their anniversary! What if the children would have come home from school and saw that? The children don't have to know what happened to split their parents. That is none of their business until they are old enough to understand. I just don't like her playing games with their children telling them that their father doesn't love them. A parents love will never end for their children no matter what. My husbands ex is the devil though because she does this, because she won't let them children see their father, because she says evil things about him on a daily basis and uses this against them everyday. telling them that she won't love them if they go down to our place, telling them that if they hug their OWN father that she won't love them. She plays all sorts of mind games with children, her own children in spite! I know it must not be easy seeing another woman come into her children's life, but seriously maybe she should have though about that before she choose to cheat and wreak a marriage!

I never imagined myself in this situation but here I am. I'm 37 divorced for 10 years and have older children. I've been fine being on my own and have dated off and on though the years I just haven't found someone I can see spending my life with until now.

I met my BF 3 years ago. He had a live-in who was pregnant by him, not married, unfullfilled but wanting to do the right thing. The kicker is he was already with her 6 years. He was engaged to her after she got pregnant but even to this date has not married her.

We started as friends and has over the years moved to a deep relationship. I've many times tried to bring the relationship back to friendship mainly by avoiding sexual contact. In the last 9 mo. I have not had sexual contact with him. That didn't stop our need to see each other all the time and spend hours on the phone daily while he is at work. He has also many times tried to stay away from me. It's quite obvious to the both of us that we are in love.

I finally realized I have myself in a rut because I'm also faithful to him because he is the only person I really want. The guilt of being the affair was getting to me. And I'm tired of being hidden. Around christmastime I broke up with him. I told him we couldn't talk anymore for awhile. I needed to move on and get him out of my heart so I could eventually allow myself to be with someone I can actually have a future with.

This man has always kept his emotions to himself for the mostpart. He never really told me how he felt about me I just always knew by his actions and attention to me. When I broke up with him the second night of not talking he drove by my house late at night and wanted to talk. I could tell he was scared of losing me but was confused on what he should do.

The next time we talked he told me he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me but he needed to know from me when and how. I told him it would need to be done slowly and we needed to talk more about having a plan regarding how to tell everyone, finances, the children, where we'd live and when we'd make the transition.

Since then he's been more open with his feelings for me, publically displaying affections which always was a no no before. He's begun to park his truck in front of my house which was never done before.

I just don't know how we should do this with the least amount of disruption to the children and her. I feel bad for her but I also have felt bad seeing him unhappy in his life for the past 3 years. I feel the most guilty for his son who is 3 now and I've thought long and hard of all the affects this will have on everyone involved. But, I also feel his son doesn't need to grow up in a house that is emotionally sterile and exposed to a lot of arguements.

My BF solely owns his home as I do but I know we shouldn't live in either home and he can't afford to keep his home only on his income. I don't want to rush anything but I can't handle knowing he is still living with her. I don't want him to right away move in here right away because this all needs to be done slowly so everyone involved can have time to adjust to the changes.

I have looked up books on blending families and just don't seem to get the advice I need for my situation.

I just would like some advice from people who have been in similar experiences. Primarily how to make such great life changes and how to slowly blend your family under these circumstances.

I feel he needs to tell her soon but I want a plan and guidelines with each other so things don't fall apart and get more caotic then they already will be until things settle down.

I'm about to fall apart and really want to have a real specific plan so at least through this tough time we know what exactly what we are working towards.

I just want to do this in the healthiest way for all parties involved and I don't know where to begin.

my husbands ex is always taking us to court and we have spent all of our money. She won't stop though. she is now taking us to suspend contact with me the sm. she said I have said things in front of her daughter that depicted her badly and trying to change the ay her daughter looks at her. I never say anything in front of her daughter but she was angry because I sent an email to her mother who inteferes and manipulates like her. I also on myspace just blogged aparagraph about things. I did not use names. But she is trying to use it to suspend contact. She lys to her daughter about my husband and me. Anything ugky you can imagine she says and does. We just want her to leave us alone. We have two childern together now , and she tells my sd that my children are ugly and me also. She tells her she does not have to eat our food, so she throws fits if we cook and do not take her to mcdonalds. my sd is now 5yrs she was 1yr when we maried my husbands ex left him for another man, when it did not work out with her new love she stated attacking us. What can I do?

I have known my step children now for quite a while. Their mother just had abandoned them left the country and then turned around and attempted to win custody. When I met my huband he was in the middle of a bad custody battle in which he won. The kids grew attached to me very quickly since I am there in their lives and the mother chose to leave them. Their mom would only call to try to find out some way of discrediting their Dad and bullying him. The kids learned really quickly to play both sides against each other. My SD learned at a very young age how to hurt both me and her mother by playing the games sames she learned watching her mother. Keep in mind neither of us like the other. I want the kids to know and love their Mom. No one is keeping the BM away. She keeps herself away. I just made it really clear to my SD that I won't let a young one dictate my life or hurt me. My house is just that mine. No one else but my husband has any say so period. I don't care if she loves her mother more (it is her mother) and she has the capacity to love more than one person. They can only manipulate you if they know they can hurt you. So don't let them. Their father stands behind me 100%. They now know since they live in MY house and live with me that they will have to deal with me. They have one set of rules for my house and another whole set of rules in their mothers house. It is made to the kids that it is my house and mine and their fathers rules in this house. If the BM has a problem then she needs to contact the BD period. She won't because she refuses to communicate with him. He wants a friendly relationship with her but she is mean hearted and will never do it unless it benefits her. I guess I just won't allow ANYONE to tell me how to run my household. Especially a BM who is not doing her job as a parent living around the world and barely even calling her children. She doesn't do anything more than the court mandates and gives her children NOTHING for Bdays and holidays which is really sad. She doesn't know what she is missing. I figure when the kids get older they will see who really does for them and who is really there when they need them. I don't need any glory but I do demand respect. If your husband doesn't stand behind you then there is no point of staying and letting someone else dictate your life in your own home. Id rather be alone then to have to put up with that.

its just really hard for me. all this x stuff. a long time ago, second wives didn't have to put up with this. The first wife died, then out of necessity, for the kids, the man took another wife.nowadays, the husband, has his cake and gets to eat it too. He has an ex wife and a girlfriend. these are just the plain facts. the x never goes away. You can never truelly have a man if he has been married before.

Like I've said before being a step mom is the hardest thing that a woman can do to an extent. Yes, we as step mom's put ourselves in the situation that we are in, but doesn't mean that we have to deal with all the BS that EX wives put on us. Especially for me, since my husband wasn't the one that cheated or wreaked the marriage, it was all her. How about walking in on your wife with a stock guy from a local grocery store on your anniversary? Then the EX taking everything because of a no fault state. She didn't want the kids anymore that is why she even admitted she did what she did, but now that she divorced him she wants everything and it is crap. She takes my husband her EX to court all the time, she uses the kids to get things and uses the kids against their own father because it makes her feel good. She treats me like crap and spreads rumors around are little town about me all the time. I don't know how many times people have come up to me and asked me why I did this or that to her, people I don't even know. I have only been nice to her or as nice as I could. She is a manipulative bit*h that deserves nothing more than the clothes on her back and the whore boyfriend that she now has(same one she cheated on with while still married). If she is such a mean person, how are their kids going to turn out. If she teaches her kids nothing but to be mean, manipulative and crazy why should I really care about there well being? It isn't like she allows us to see them even though my husband has JC. Because if they come down she tells her kids that they won't love her if she leaves....how crazy can one woman be?

I know exactly where yall are coming from. I married a man that has custody of his daughter from his first marriage. His ex is bipolar so let me say it has been more than interesting and stressful. My stepdaughter says that she does not have to listen to me because her mother tells her "you do not have to listen to that b**** she is not your mother!!!" Although my husband disagrees and says that she does seeing as how she lives with us full time. He and I have a 3 and 1 year old together. Our 3 year old sees how the 11 year old talks to us and now she says my sissy can so I can too. No ammount of discipline seems to phase her I don't like the whole spanking idea so I don't do it. Does anyone else have this kind of problem with your husbands or BF ex-wife?

My situation is this, I have been with my husband for 6years and in those years his daughter and I have never had a problem with each other even when I have to discipline her. A few weeks ago I had a talk with her and afterwards everything was fine, the next thing I know is that her mom has forbidden her to come to our house because she claims I am a bad parent and she needs to protect her daughter's feelings. The problem is her daughter did something that was not right and I sat her down and told her about it and now my husband can only see his daughter at their house or at school functions. I have 3 kids of my own and this is the second time I have been a stepparent and I have never had these problems. My husband and his ex were never married and she has done nothing but jump from one guy to the next. I have done nothing but go out of my way to try and please this woman and to no avail it does no good. My children are 17, 14, and 3 years old they are not perfect but they are good kids, they go to public school which also seems to be an issue because my stepdaughter attends private school and her mother thinks and tells me and my husband all the time that her daughter is better than my kids because she goes to private school and therefore she has a better upbringing. I am at my wits end on how to handle the ex and her daughter. Any Suggestions

I am somewhat dealing with some of the same things that I have read here in this forum. My husband and I have been together for 6 years. Of those 6 years we have been married for one. I too, like all of you cannot stand his ex-wife. He always says that things with her will get better, but they haven't. I even thought that after she got married and she and her current husband had a child together that she would quit being such a bitch, but she hasn't. We are suppose to have his daughters, age 8 and 12, every other weekend, but for the past 4 months, she has always had some excuse as to why it is not our weekend or they have a religious thing to go to or they have a birthday party or family function. There always seems to be something....when it's suppose to be our weekend. My husband has talked to her about this but she claims that she does not remember the conversation. She has e-mail now so at least my husband has all of the visitation denial in black and white and could use it to his advantage, but he chooses not to go to FOC with this information because he says they won't do anything. I am just so fed up with her crap and it is starting to cause problems in our marriage, mostly because I am not the kind of person that can just sit back and do nothing and I have a hard time understanding how he can do that. It's as if he really doesn't care whether he sees his kids or not. I have a 6 year old daughter of my old and I know that if I had to fight for visitation, I would do it. She sees her father every other weekend and I don't deny him visitation. I'm just tired of her control over the situation and his sitting on his ass and doing nothing. I guess it wouldn't be so bad if he didn't complain about it. You see....he will complain about his ex-wife and not being able to see his kids but yet he sits back and does nothing. I don't get it? Can anyone tell me why????? I'm confused. To me, you have not even earned the right to complain about not seeing your kids if you aren't going to do anything to help the situation.

I am so happy I found this forum!! First of all, My Husband has 2 exwives, he has 2 children with the first one ages 16,15 and a five year old beautiful princess with the second one. The first wife and the second one are best friends and as you can all imagine they hate me. They constantly say very bad and nasty things to the children about us. My husband pays 780.00 a month for support for the 2 older children and 350.00 for the younger one. Plus we have to give them about 300.00 extra every month because the first wife says that the 780.00 isn't enough. I totally understand that she might need more money every now and then because she has two teenagers. You all know how expensive that can get! What makes me angry is that my husband and I work 3 jobs each to be able to pay for our bills and their bills. They do not appreciate anything we do for the kids. They told us that we shouldn't have anything anyway and that all our income should go to them. I try not to get involved and when the kids say all the bad things the mom and the second wife say about me and about my husband I change the subject and start talking about school, etc. I don't know what to do anymore!! I also have a seven year old that lives with us and they think it's not fair that my husband spends more time with him than with his own children even though my husband picks them up almost every day. I just hoped that they wouldn't be saying bad things about my husband in front of the children. If they want to talk about how much they hate him, they should do it when the kids are not around.

My husband & I have been married for 4 years,& I have absolutely had it with his ex wife. My husband has her in all our business, it's sickening! He puts her feelings before mine, I'm about ready to move out. We have a 10 month old baby, & now he's taking him over to his ex wifes house. I also have to deal with his ex wifes sisters kids sleeping over at my house, and her family visiting my house. Please help!

First I'd like to say that I have read most of these posts and am so happy to hear that I am not the only one dealing with these kinds of issues...many thanks to everyone having to deal with this...it's not easy!!!! I have been married to a man that I absolutely adore for 5 months, we dated for a year before we were married. We are both previously divorced in 2005 with two girls, mine is 6 and his is 4. I am 27 and he is 34, we both have good, stable jobs and are very responsible and practical. His previous marriage was nothing short of a Jerry Springer episode. I'll start from the beginning: They were engaged for four months before they got married, she was pregnant, he was 29 and she was 19 (yes, VERY young, I know) He has told me that during the engagement he noticed she totally changed from being the clean, nice, loving woman he had known to a lying, deceitful slob as soon as he slapped the ring on her finger. He said they got married anyway though. (I guess because of the baby) During their "brief" marriage, (they were only married a year and a half) she cheated on him 3 times, one of those he caught her red handed in bed with the other guy. She also lied about finances, wrote a bunch of hot checks and put him in a lot of debt. When he filed for divorce, she, her mom and her aunt lied and tried to nail my husband for abuse, saying he was an abusive husband/dad to get custody of their little girl. My husband fought tooth and nail, recorded conversations, got videotape, etc. for custody and won. She even went as far to tell the judge on the stand that she didn't want to raise her daughter, that she wanted to give her daughter to her mother to raise. To name a few other things, she was charged with having oral sex with a teacher in high school, shoplifted and is a compulsive liar.(or so my husband says) She has visitation every Thursday night, and every 1st, 3rd and 5th weekends. Well, before we were married, she was not cooperative at all. She found out he was dating me and was being very hateful and trying to cause problems. She even told my husband if he married me she would never speak to him again. She's also one of these types that lies and says she's going on a cruise or things of that nature to make her look like she's "cool" or "big" to my husband and that she's having the time of her life, then we find out it is all lies. While we were dating she would call him and ask him for favors like a copy of their divorce decree or copies of paperwork she said she needed to get her last name changed. He obliged and then she turned around and stabbed him in the back with it by trying to sue him. (she still hasn't changed her last name by the way even though she was ordered by the court to do so, and it's been two years) She would never pick up her daughter on Thursday's, her mother always would, and when she had her daughter on the weekends we would find out that she didn't even spend time with her, either her mother would have her or her aunt or something, she just dumps her off. She's is extremely irresponsible and obviously doesn't care about her daughter to spend time with her. My husband has been to court numerous times for child support and she never shows up. She is now a flight attendant and still has problems picking up her daughter, so my husband made it a point that she has to be the one to pick up/drop off, period. Not her mom, aunt, etc. Now that this has happened she has been around a bit more but her mother still picks up and drops off when she calls and says she can't for some lame reason. She blames this on her job because she is not around, but I know better because this happened before she even had this job, and we have found out that she has been lying about her work hours. She's always asking to change her schedule, or for time that is not designated hers. We can't even make plans on her weekends or Thursday nights because we have to wait and see if she's going to pick up her daughter or not. This is really starting to effect our marriage, I am a VERY patient person and can put up with a lot of things, I kept thinking it will get better and she will move on. You know how things happen and you let them slide, then they just start to build up?? For instance, in my case, my husband still keeps all the pictures from when he was with his ex and claims he is keeping it for his "daughter", which is fine, I guess I understand that. But I found a card in his sock drawer the other day that she gave him I guess when she was pregnant about being a new daddy, when I confronted him he said he was saving that for his daughter too, but if so why was it in his sock drawer??? You would think this would be put away with other baby things. We had just moved so there is no way it could have been in there by accident, it was put there. And there are other things, like he has a dog that was hers that he has had for four years, we recently adopted a little beagle that is about 10 months old. Well, one of our daughters has developed serious allergies and we have to get rid of the dogs, so my husband says he will get rid of the Beagle and not the dachsund....but why one and not the other?? Don't both have to go? One Thursday that she was due to pick her daughter up at my house, I get home at about 6:20pm. (her pick up time is 6:00pm) and find her parked in the driveway and him and her standing outside talking. As soon as she saw me get out of the car with groceries she completely ignored me and got in her car. As I walked up I tried to wave to her but she just kept looking down and ignoring me. As I walked in the house to put the groceries up I heard her yelling something out the window and giggling about cutting his daughers hair, and my husband started to giggle and laugh too. I took it as being "flirtatious" and so I got snippy with him, and he responded to me by saying "Oh, you're just jealous." Jealous of what?? A lying cheating woman who is a bad mother??? He totally stormed off and wouldn't even talk to me. Then aftewards we had a heart to heart talk, and without me even saying a word about what had happened he mentioned that he thinks she was being a little flirtatious.....BINGO!! I am NOT crazy! What made me upset was I thought he was flirting back, and I think he was, but he will never admit it. Deep down I feel that he still wants her in his life for some reason, what I can't figure out is why you would still want (and your child) to be around someone like that.....in my opinion the first thing he would have done would have been to get FULL custody of his daughter if he feared for her and totally gotten her out of the picture for good...for his daugther's sake anyway. He has been told numerous times that he can't make his ex be a mother, yet he will not stop trying to keep her in the picture. I was supposed to pick up the girls from day care last Fri and when I got there, his daughter was not there, and the ladies were saying she never showed up. I started freaking out because I thought someone had taken her or that she was gone! It scared the crap out of me. When I called my husband I asked him and he said she was with her mother. I was SO upset that he didn't tell me!!! He apologized and said it slipped his mind, but how does something like that slip your mind for an entire day and a half!!!! I told him he should have told me as soon as he had talked to his ex and they made these plans, I felt totally left out. Plus, when it comes to your kids, how can that just slip your mind??? I have confronted him on many of these things but he usually just says I am jealous when I know that I am not, I think it is just a cop out because he doesn't want to discuss it. I brought up counseling and said I thought it would be a very positive thing for us, but I noticed he was wary about going.....that to me is a red flag that he either doesn't want to hear about his own faults from another or can't face them. I really feel torn because I don't want to be the nagging wife no one wants to come home to, but I also can't ignore my feelings. What is so strange is that we have a great marriage, she is the only problem we have....and it's a BIG one. I have been mulling this over in my mind for some time trying to make sure that I am not being unreasonable or jealous and that I am always giving him the benefit of the doubt. This may sound silly, but the other day there was a country music song on the radio and it was talking about how "I'll never get over you, every time I see you, you've got me wrapped around your pretty little finger" and he was SO into that song....singing out loud and patting his leg and stuff.....I could definitely tell who he was singing about, and it wasn't me!! Any advice, help or comments would be greatly appreciated. He is a great person but this ex wife thing is driving me crazy!
Thanks.
Mandi :o)

First, I'd like to say... thank god for this website!! I can't even begin to describe the hell that I've been going through. I'm sure you all know what I'm talking about. I am dealing with the ex-wife from hell!!! Apparently, my fiance's little boy, who is 8 years old is telling his mom (the ex-wife) all of these things I supposedly said. In part some of them are true but blown out of context. I am about to completely with draw myself from the children because this is taking a great toll on my emotional state. I know that this is what their mother wants. What do I do? I ignore it most of the time but it still runs through my mind. I'm sure some of you can relate. I feel like my heart has been torn piece by piece. Have I given to much? I love these children and my fiance with all of my heart. Please help. Thanks

Oh my God just knowing that someone else is going through similar situations make me feel better. My BF ex is the ex from hell one day we liked to came to blows. She came to my house disrespecting me calling me bit**es and what not. She would call the house phone and curse me out leave obscene messages on my voice mail. It was so bad that i had the house phone cut off. So i moved out with my BF b/c he just would not nip it in the bud. Now we are living together again. Well she has it to where their kids 8&5 will not speak to me when she is around. The 8 year old had a baseball game last Saturday and as soon as she stepped up she said "umph i see he brought his bit** with him. I think enough is enough so i was going to say something to her. He pulled my ponytail and held my hand. That really ticked me off its okay for her to disrespect me in public but you don't want me to defend myself. So when we got back into the truck he was like don't stoop to her level she is stupid and just jealous. Then she bad mouths us both to the kids. His five year old got mad at my Bf and told him that he doesn't do anything for them anyway. He pays child support and he gets them on his days off. She's the one who barely has them and uses their child support money on her BF. I used to buy for them because i don't have any children, but now since their momma is so stupid i don't anymore. Everytime they are at the house i leave because i can't stand to be around them.

Wow, I guess I figured this would be a common problem when I googled it. My BF and I have been together a yr and a half. For the most part I get along with his only daughter. But every once in a while she goes off the deep end and calls him to yell. It all stems from his ex feeding her information to rile her up. It's so pathetic. Last night she was upset because my voice was on the voicemail. Excuse me? I have been living here for over a year. Also, I was wearing one of her Dads sweatshirts the other day. Is this ridiculous or what? She is 23! My BF is so guilt ridden and although I know he wants to support me he is still manipulated by his ex and his daughter. I don't know if he will ever be able to stand up to them. Although he says he will. He's been saying that since day one. He is just too nice. I have tried to distance myself from the whole thing and half the time I just laugh. But it does put a damper on my visions for the future. I don't push the issue anymore. Now I have just suggested he go to counseling cause I think he needs to hear it from a professional that he shouldn't let these two control his life.

How do you talk about healthy relationship boundaries with ex? What is norm? I have been dating a man for 8 months and we have discussed living together and marriage etc. I love him sooo much, and am pretty sure he loves me. However, I am very uncomfortable with his relationship with his ex. I have never been a jealous person, but something about their relationship just makes my stomache queezy. He swears he is completely over her, she had cheated on him, but they still act like they are best buds. Sharing information about each others lives that are personal. Am I wrong for being uncomfortable with that? Shouldn't their relationship be about the kids and nothing else? I am a firm believer in getting along with ex'es for the sake of children but do they have to be 'friends"? I see it more as like a business like relationship, keep it strictly to the kids, no chit chat etc. Am I wrong for feeling this way?

I just spent a wonderful weekend with him, just perfect, and then in casual conversation with his daughter she mentions her mother has a rash on her legs and he says "oh she has had that for a while..." and when he noticed a gave him a quick "how do you know?" glance he says "she told me about it a while ago. WTF? I just wanted to be sick! Why would they be discussing something like that with each other? I would never dream of discussing anything with my ex husband unless it had something to do with my kids.

Am I just being paranoid or do I trust my gut in that there is something NOT RIGHT about that relationship. Just doesn't seem to be any boundaries. I have told him I am uncomfortable about his relationship with his ex. But I worry he just doesn't bring up their conversations just so I wont get mad. And that to me just makes it worse. I know I cannot continue on this relationship feeling this way. Just don't know what should be considered reasonable communication and relationship boundaries.

HELP!

I am in love I guess with a guy who's 13 years older than me. We've dated since last November. I just recently found that his exwife is soooo incompetent yet in the same time so manipulative. They both are old (he's 53 and she's 46) and together they have a 7 year old. She also had a son from the previous marriage, who's 21 and went to jail several times ... He is aware how bullie she is and left her but because of the little girl, he is just so weak and whipped, let the 2 women (including the little girl) walk all over her. Calls him when we were in bed, having lunch or dinner, yell and shout at him ... when my 9 year old daughter play with his daughter, the little girl would accuse my daughter for things she didn't do ... then I got angry with mine and got her in trouble. Until a few days ago, I saw her screaming at her dad saying things that I've never heard from a sever year old ... I realized whom she learnt after and how bad it could be for me and my daughter ... I sincerely care for the man but I just don't think I could deal with 2 selfish drama queens ... they controls his schedule ... he can't make any plans until the last minute ... he will leave our dinner table to rescue them because of car broke or forgot the house keys ... she would keep calling at lunch time until he spoke with her ... BS after BS ... So I tell him to "not to bother to call me again" if he does not change ... even I still want to see him ... badly ...

Any advice?

The situation that you are in is very hard to deal with. I have been dealing with it for 3 years. I myself do not have children but my fiance' has two from his ex. I know that it is hard to sit back and watch your BF, fiance', or husband get walked on. They are trying to push you away. It is a goal that has been set the moment you walked into your Bf's life and their's. If you believe it is worth it I would beat them to the goal. My advice is to be careful that you do not feed the flames of the fire. I know that is annoying to have plans changed at the last minute. It drives me insane! It is another way to, excuse my french, piss you off and ruin your day as well as your BF's. If you keep a smile on your face even when you day is now changed b/c of the ex, you will not have to deal with this as much, in the future as mush as you are right now. Remember that your BF is in a hard place also. I do not want to put words in his mouth but he probably does not want to be made out to be the bad guy in front of his child if he says to his ex, "NO, I will not come and get you. You need to be responsible!" I am sure the ex will tell his child, in a manipulative way, that Daddy must not care about them b/c he won't come pick us up or blah blah blah. If you care about this man the best thing to do is stay strong and hold his hand through the way. In your posting it shows that you care for him, if you did not you would not be writing of course. If his little girl and your little girl are playing together, I would watch closely. Maybe try some crafts with them both at the same time so that they can bound and you as well. I am sure your BF's little girl needs you too. You seem to care about her. Go for the goal. The simplist thing can show that you care.

My husband and I have been together for almost 9 years, married five. My husband has a nine year old son from his ex-wife and a 13 year old daughter from his girlfriend before the first marriage. What I hate is that my husband never seems to take my side when I feel that I am being disrespected. His ex wife does not allow her son to visit us without her and a child she had from an adulterous affair (WHILE married to my husband) in tow. My husband has to meet the costs of their return air tickets. we live in different countries.. I see phone messages from her on his phone demanding money for this and that yet he pays monthly child support and pays school fees at an expensive private school my ex chose to really get him. Sometimes she asks money for her other child too which my husband secretly pays but never tells me. he is so secretive that I have to get into his phone when he is in the shower. She has expressed the wish that she wants him back since he started going out with me. She says horrible things about me to my friends.. what is so upsetting is that whenever she calls my husband demanding for this and that, he just seems so unsettled. he is more afraid of her than he is of me and this makes me feel really insignificant. Whenever he goes behind my back, like when he sends them return airtickets, I am only informed a few days before their arrival so that there is nothing I can do about it. He then likes to spoil them rotten and behaves as though my opinion does not matter. When I complain he says I hate his kids.. But he only had one kid with her. Which brings me to his daughter. This daughter and the ex wife connive to give me hell. She is so disrespectful and behaves like a malicious adult and not like a child. She is always whispering things in her father's ear and when I walk in the room, it is as though I am intruding. He is always shopping for her, her friends and her other brother (not my husband's son)She is so withdrawn when alone with me at home but when she sees her father she is suddenly animated even though I'm the one who does most things like shopping for her. I just cannot stand her at all and this blog is not enough to describe the things she does. In short I am just invisible to his ex spouse and his daughter. to Make matters worse I have been trying to get pregnant all these years and it has not happened. I feel if i had my own child, i would concentrate my energies there and that his ex wife is scornful of the fact that she has been able to give him a child and I cannot. I am so frustrated!!!!

My husband's ex always does stuff and my husband don't ever say anything. She always runs 1 hour or more late when it comes to picking up the child or dropping her off. And he waits. She makes plans when she knows the child is suppose to be with us and then he has to get her the next weekend. She dresses her in clothes that are to small. She thinks she can call at 1 or 2 in the morning. And there is plenty more. I feel like he treats me like the ex. We fight all the time and I think about leaving all the time. But i don't. I feel like she is the one he wants that he cant have. I do complain alot but its because I am sick of the fighting and I have became an angry person again like I was when I was with my ex b/f which I have 2 boys with. He also is wanting to punish my kids but don't say nothing to his daughter cause he don't want the ex to get mad. I am not allowed and try not to cause its not right to talk about her but he can say things to my kids about their dad. Its nothing really bad but its still not right. I don't know what to do. There is no talking to him cause he gets mad and storms off and says either Oh your in one of those moods again or this isn't about me its between them. I feel different about that. It became my business when I married him.

maybe someone has a suggestion,for almost seven years i have been in the same relationship,my bf is a few years older,we were both divorced when we met,i made it a point to look at his divorce degree.He is the smartest,kindest,man i have ever know. here is the thing he has a ex wife she has grown children they raised. They found out by him we plan to marry/soon and told him not to marry me,here the other thing i have children grown also but say what ever makes you happy. i have agreed to give up everything like not seeing my grandchild at his home, my apt etc sign a pre-agreement for his assets. i wanted him not his assets

I actually need a little advice too (any would be appreciated) I now live with my BF of 7 months in his house with his 3 boys and his ex wife. His kids adore me and often refer to me as their mother which upset her (which is understandable) however she never spends time with them she is either at work or out for coffee with her BF while im playing with them or babysitting them im with those kids more then she is i clean the house and never get a thank you. She is absolutely self absorbed and cares about nothing or anyone but her self and talks trash about my BF when hes not around... i dont say anything to her because im trying to keep the peace at the house for the kids sake and im just waiting till me the kids and my BF move out together (next spring) any tips on how to deal with this situation i mean i love him to death and he is amazing to me but its hard!!!

First off, I'd like to say that not all of us dad's are deadbeats. I am paid a 1/2 a month ahead on my support, have it taken out of my check, pay insurance and a cell phone for my daughter. My Ex left me for another man, screwed up finances and I even gave her the house so my daughter would have some stability. Even though I do all that is supposed to be done and more (help with soccer, extra cash, etc)
she continues to ask for more and more. This puts a huge strain on my wife (re-married 2 yrs. after my divorce) which puts a strain on my marriage. She brought 3 kids into our marriage and I treat them as my own. I am working towards and Engineering degree, work on an average of 45 to 50hrs a week and I try to keep up with everything else that a Husband/Father should do. I am at my witts end with my ex, my daughter has even said things like "it's in the divorce decree and you have to do it" when she asks for extra money. Why would she need to know whats in the divorce decree? What rights do I have? She left me...I feel as though she thinks because we have a child together, she is allowed to receive any resources I have. What can I do?

My husband has a 7 year old handicapped daughter from a previous short marriage. His wife left him because she met someone new and wasn't "happy". My husband was crushed, but was tired of her games and let their divorce go through as a default. I met him four years ago, soon after his divorce was final. We married, had two of our own children. (I also have two children from a previous marriage). So, we have his, mine, and ours. All the children live with us except his daughter who is with us 2-3 days per week. My problem is that my husband seems to do whatever the ex wants him to do without question. He mentions it to me AFTER he already made the decision with the ex. (such as: babysitting for the kid when mom has a party to go to, taking the kid to whatever doctor's appt MOM says he must take her to, etc...) He tells me that this is his daughter and I should just get over it and he'll always make sure he cares for his daughter. I don't have a problem caring for the daughter but not when he can't reciprocate what he does for her with our children. I take our son to his OT appointments, speech, etc... - he's autistic. My husband doesn't go claiming he is working and I'm home all summer (I'm a teacher) so I should go. However, he has no problem rushing out of work every Friday to rush to HIS daughter's OT appointments. This puts me in a bind because I have to get one of my son's to football and I must take all 3 of the other ones with me - he refuses to come home to take any of the children with him to his daughter's OT appt. He tells me I'm being ridiculous. Anyhow, his ex only has this one child and is living with a boyfriend... but yet she expects my husband to do what she wants. And of course, my husband claims he wants to do it - but screw the rest of us, right? Please help me - am I being inconsiderate??
Thanks.

mY CASE IS DIFFERENT,BECAUSE MY HUSBAND WAS NEVER MARRIED BUT HE DOES HAVE A CHILD WITH HIS EX GF, I HAVE BEEN A PART OF THE CHILD'S LIFE ALMOST SINCE HE WAS BORN,HE IS NOW 6YRS OLD I NEVER HAD A PROBLEM WITH MY HUSBAND TALKING TO HIS EX, BUT I RECENTLY CHECKED OUR CELL PHONE BILL, AND I FOUND OUT THAT HE CALLS HER EVERYDAY ABOUT 4 TO SEVEN TIMES A DAY, ON ONE PARTICULAR DAY HE HAD 18 PHONE CALLS TO AND FROM HIS EX GF. I AM DESPERATE I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO, THERE IS NO WAY HE NEEDS TO CALL HER THAT MUCH FOR ANY REASON, AND NEITHER DOES HIS EX GF. I NEED SOME ADVISE.

Here's a good one. Two people divorce over communication and no cardinal sin committed, at least from this ex-husbands knowledge of his ex-wife's behavior. Jane was the youngest child from a set of parents that would get lost in a bottle before her bedtime (and theirs) as a kid-ACOA, and probably had so much damage from watching two parents in a big house with nice cars and clothes, etc. So, she grows up, gets fixed and then I get her. Within six years, two beautiful kids, and Wow, she really changed from the youthful, loving, seemingly caring and 'fixed' adult to a control freak that decided I should be an absolute enemy after divorce. What about just trying to allow the kids to enjoy some time with Dad-without a discussion of how he might have got a raise, and kids, ask him how much he is making now and all...please... Newsflash...10 years after divorce, she's horribly vindictive, it's a real-knock down-drag down, horrible legal hassle to remove the oldest from child support and establish an amount for our teenager for the next four years or so. Why can't people be SANE enough to give the kids a chance instead of raising them with hate and derogatory remarks, and refuse to work---burdened society. Cuz, she is likely suffering from mental problems, and may or may not be receiving treatment and medication for her symptoms. Meanwhile, I suffer from as much distance as I can, and don't see those two beautiful people that we made, even her own family avoids Jane like the plague. They call her Crazy behind her back and leave her OFF the guest list during the holidays. We're in Court next week, and there's a good case piling up for our 'Defense' partly toward her and some possible violations of law against her money loving Attorney who graduated law school two years ago. Geez, I was out of College before he was born! Just watch, this will be postponed for collection of evidence or some other awful excuse for putting delaying this pitiful mess.

So here is my story. I married the love of my life we got together when I was almost 17. he was 18. we got married when I was 20. I fell in love with him and my step daughter which was one and a half at the time. I always talked about her. His ex who only got with him to have a baby is making my life crazy. he never got proper visitation after she broke up with him. It was a Paternity case. He had to visit my step daughter at her house with his ex's parents there to. sometimes getting shitty. especially since her dad hated him at the time. so being young he was afraid to go to her house to see his daughter resulting in him missing a five month period at the time. He realized that he needed to make some kind of an effort to see his kid no matter what he had to put up with he was going to be a part of her life. still afraid he called his ex and asked if he could talk to her. she said that she would agree to let him see the kid but she wasn't to know him as daddy until she was sure he wasn't going to miss a visit. so he said what ever i have to do. so for about well the next year she refered to her dad as stephen instead of dad and his ex didn't call him dad either. so when she was about three he said that it was time his daughter called him dad he wasn't going anywhere and his ex needed to support him on this. at that time his ex didn't like the Idea and seemed annoyed. the next week when we went to visit my step daughter said that she called her moms boyfriend daddy. tell me that wasn't influenced. then he said to his ex i think she is confused and his ex said no she can have 2 dads. there was no getting through to her. his daughter did continue to call them both dad. around this time she got married and took him to court for support. which was ok. we still continued to visit at the mom and step dads house. the step dad was hostile. finally after repeatedly asking in the month of her fifth birthday we got to bring her to our house. and for a while this was great we never got to have her over night but she always said she needs more time. my step daughter loved spending time with us. then I got pregnant and his ex was jealous because she had been trying to have a baby. I had another girl and this created a problem at first she was excited and then the only child started to withdraw. we were having financial problems and moved in with a friend for a month and at this time his ex said to my step daughter that we were going to have to come and play with her at her house, because she did not know who we were living with. what ever that is crazy we disputed it but the kid wanted to just play she did not like life as a family where there was some playtime but we also had work to do. then it was a challenge trying to get her to come to our house. and her mom wasn't helping the situation. the step dad made it clear to the kid that he did not like us. then I had another baby 20 months after the first. and more problems came about. my step daughter came in and told me that her other dad might get mad if she calls her dad 'dad' so she didn't think that she should call him dad anymore and didn't from that day on. then she told us that these sisters didn't matter because they were just half sisters. she came once in a while but they always made her feel ashamed about being with us. finally this summer at 8 and a half he took her to court and got the indiana state parenting time guidelines. his ex was not happy since now she was going to help transport for the visits. his ex still doesn't refer to him as dad and neither does his daughter. and now she is really resistant to coming. her mom feels that she needed to get her a cell phone, she is freaking the kid out. she has openly admitted to wanting to change her last name to her mothers. and she just wants a family for her at home and not have her go here for this wkend and that wkend. she is creating this fantasy world for my step daughter instead of dealing with realities. the reality is that she has 2 families and his ex's subsequent children will be halfs too and that her dad is not her step dad and they need to encourage a relationship and allow her to not have to feel ashamed for spending time with us. so my step daughter hates her last name and doesn't want to come to our house and is getting ready to adjust to having a baby at her moms house at almost nine. what do we do. I think that we should continue to be consistent with our visits and try to be as family oriented as possible. and ignore the bull from his ex and her husband.

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for ten months we were best friends for a year before we got together. him and his wife dated for seven years and were only married for six months they have a three year old kid together which he doesn't discipline so she doesn't respect me or him. But the issue is he use to say how much he hated his ex wife, but now they talk on the phone once a day he calls the kid and then she gets on the phone to talk about her life. She just recently had a kid with another man of which she is not with anymore, and my bf is going to his parents which is where she lives to take the kid back and they are meeting for lunch so he can see the new baby. i don't feel this is a needed meeting i never was invited i am really not comfortable with this when i talked to him about it he said i was making it a big deal and to get over it they were gonna be good friend. i understand they need to communicate for their kid but that is it. Do you see anything wrong with this or am i just over reacting. i really need lots of feed back also he told me when the kid is in town which is 1-2 weeks out of each month that she is the ONLY thing that is important and it is true he acts like i am not ever around doesn't call or even want to see me but he makes time for his friends and car.....

Hello ladies. So I'm in the same boat and have been with my boyfriend for close to three years. I love him so much. He has 3 kids and I have 1 little girl and we all get along great. We live together and are currently building a new home. Ever since my boyfriend and I got together the ex monster cannot help but try to make things as bad as possible for us and mainly using her kids. I have never ever been formally introduced to her let alone held a conversation with her but she hates me to no end. I was not the cause our their busted relationship..she had had over 3 affairs and it finally ended between them. When I met my BF she was living with her new fella and would constantly call my bf to ask him to give her another chance. She leaves messages like " remember you laid in bed with me to make our babies not Janet" and " don't you miss your family ..Im you family and we have known each other more than half our lives" yadda yadda yadaa...you get the picture. This has made our relationship very hard. I know she wants us to not be together and nothing would give her greater satisfaction. She does the talking bad with the kids about me, has called my personal #'s looking for my BF and anytime I see her in a parking lot she makes it a point to drive out of her way to stop her car near mine and stare me down. Things are so bad as their divorce has now been dragged on for over 3 years and still it seems like end is no where in sight. Our relationship is suffering lots. Things are so bads with the exchange of the children that the court ordered exchange to be done at the local police station ( she gets them every other weekend..yes she is a bad mom)This pas weekend she drove into our cul-de-sac and I saw her as I was leaving and called my boyfriend to let him know she was around our home snooping around our vehicles. I called the police as she is constantly violating court orders of calling our home and she told the police that I assaulted her. I went to court to ask for a restraining order and was denied one as the court sees this as an ongoing family issue and that I needed the police to assist me..mind you the police sent me to get a restraining order. I cant help but feel like is this worth it? We fight so much lately over this and now i dont know what to do. Does it ever end?

I am engaged to the most wonderful man that has ever been in my life, nest to my father of course. His ex wife is constantly calling and texting. At first she was really mean to him and to me. Now he decided to be nice and see what happens. She has started being nice back and things have settled down. the problem is now that they talk all the time on the phone and by text and in person. I told him that I do not have any kind of problem about them talking about their kids, but to just sit and shoot the breeze all the time is wearing me thin. He assures me that he loves me and wants to marry me and have a life together forever. We really do love one another in a special way. I love his kids and they love me. She does not say bad things about me to the kids anymore. The problem is I stepped out and have tried to go out of my way to be kind to her by having the a/c fixed in her car, emailing her pictures (just of the kids) at events. They have joint custody but live about 45 minutes apart. We get the kids every other weekend and have a blast. Them getting along has definitly helped the kids and all the drama to settle down, but I still feel jealous sometimes. He states "she is the mother of my children and if we can be friends it is so much wasier on everyone". I understand this and agree with it, but I also do not think they need to be best biddies and hang out all the time either. She only calls when he is at work and texts him or calls EVERY day ay work. He tells me what they talk about most of the time, but it still frustrates me. I asked him how they could be such good friends after a failed marriage and hating one another so much just months ago and his reply was that their relationship and living in the same house did not work, but that being friends was working. He used to come by my work and pick me up to go pick up the kids on Fridays and now he seems to find every excuse for me not to go. he claims it has just worked out that he picks up the kids at earlier times lately. Maybe I am being rude about this and just being jealous, but he has other girl friends and I do not have a problem with any of them. We were on vacation in July and she text his phone with a picture of her kissing another girl who was a good friend of his in the past. He said it was disgusting (not your typical guy) but that he has learned to not let her stupid crap bother him and I should do the same. I was doing very well with letting things just roll off, but today he left work early and went to go get his kids. Usually they meet at a gas station half way between their homes, but today he was taking some lumber to his grandpas house while he picked up the kids because the kids, the ex and the grandpa live in the same town. He said he had to meet her at the bus stop at 3:00pm which seemed weird she would tell him to meet her there when the kids dont even get out of school until 3:00 and the bus usually come around 3:30. Instead she invited him to her house and he hung out with her there until the bus came. this really bothers me even though I am not worried about him cheating. I just don't like the situation. being kind to one another for your children and talking like adults is one thing, but being hang out buddies is a whole other ball game for me. I just feel trapped in an ugly situation because I know part of it is me being insecure and part of it is because she is the mother of his children and I wonder if that means she will always have the upper hand. This man is respectful and kind. he adores me and treats me that way. I do not want to loose him for anything in the world, but I would just be happier if they would keep their conversations about the kids and be kind to each other and not be such good friends. I know I sound terrible right now! I do not wish her any ill, and in fact pray for her daily. This is not always an easy thing to do. One thing that women need in life is security and she makes me feel as if she is jerking the carpet from under my feet all the time. She calls about her car problems and her job and her life situations. Where does being kind for the children's sake cross the line? Should I just suck it up and get over myself? Do you think he should be more considerate of how I feel about all of this? Please give advice. I feel so lost! i came out of a 7 year abusive relationship with an alcoholic and the men following that were free loaders basically. this man is good in every aspect. I keep telling myself that it is worth the pain I feel sometimes to have the love of such a wonderful man. He thinks I am having problems with this friendship with her because my dad died recently and I do not know how to handle things emotionally since. Part of that is true. My father was my security. What do I do? Please be kind as I am hurting very badly today. thanks for listening to my rant and please help.

Everything I have read so far sounds very similar to what I am going through with my boyfriend. I have to tell a little backstory before I can get to the recent things. We met in February of this year at a coffee shop and hit it off really well. About 2 weeks later we started dating. I came to find out he had separated from his wife in October 2006 so I was very unaware of how soon he was getting into a relationship with me. There are 2 children involved, both of which are not his but he takes care of them like they are. Well, in April his soon to be ex had the kids taken away from her by the state for "unsafe living conditions". Apparently she has had problems in the past with 2 older children of hers being taken away permanently as well (one living in NY the other in IL) Since then he has been fighting with the state to give him custody of the kids. With the divorce not at all even in the works yet he has had to move in with his mother and step-dad while everything is getting ironed out. She has severe emotional problems as well. She cheated on him several times during the course of their marriage (only 3 that he knows of) Well her oldest child was already around when he met her. She got pregnant out of infedility with another man and my bf overlooked it and decided he was going to be her daddy. Now they are currently fighting with the state over who is going to get the kids because they are not biologically his. The problem I am having with them is the fact that he spends a great deal of time with her (at her apartment for example; cleaning it to CPS standards for his ex) when he doesn't even live there. He will spend countless hours with her on the phone and this past mother's day (yeah, some mom she is) he bought her a new cell phone and I got nothing, not even a card or a "Happy Mother's Day." I have 3 children of my own and love this man dearly but I feel so slighted. How could a man love an ex like her that has cheated and had her kids taken away 3 separate times?? She doesn't work, he pays the rent on the apartment that he doesn't live in, and provides her with a vehicle that her current boyfriend drives. Am I insane for not liking the woman and being upset with my bf? I know he loves those kids but I'm pretty sure that if she wanted them back she is grown enough to handle it on her own. I give him alot of credit for taking matters into his own hands and trying everything in his power to get custody. I want to stand behind him but I also don't think it's appropriate for him to be providing those things to her.

I have an issue with my boyfriends ex wife.. They have not been together for about 7 years. I was always under the impression that they had remained friends but when I started to date him I realized she was doing nothing but using him. He hates to fight so he just always used to give into her but now he is not. She has a 2 year old son from her boyfriend now and my boyfriend and I are expecting a baby in a few months and now she is holding that over our heads because they have a 17 year old daughter together that lives with us and she is trying to make us feel guilty saying that their daughter feels that she is no longer wanted. My boyfriend and I have talked to their daughter a million times and she said she is happy again she is 17 not 5.. It just seems like every time we make plans she finds out what they are and does it before we can like we were going to take their daughter to a pumpkin patch and do a family thing and she decided to take her 1 week before we were supposed to go ( needless to say she has never taken her to a pumpkin patch before in her life but I guess this year is different ) and she is taking her the day we had family pictures which now we can not do since their daughter will not be with us. There are so many times where she has done this to us we have to change plans. I am so sick of it and it is not fair. She needs to just leave us alone and move on she has a boyfriend that she has had for about 5 years now why now is she trying to be a good mother.

Hi

Would love to have your comments. My partner has been asked by his ex-wife if we could possibly babysit her child from her new partner. I think this is totally unfair of her to ask this of us. Am I being silly? My partner thinks there is nothing wrong this.

Bindi

I have been reading some of your posts about horrible ex's. I agree that some of the behaviors are a bit extreme. I have a two year old son. His father and I have split after finding him in bed with his still current girlfriend. I must say that it is extremely hard for me to accept her in his life. And I too am guilty of using the words, "he is MY son not yours" When my son's father is working and so am I, I get either my parents or his to watch him. My ex however wants our son to be with his girlfriend. I do not tolerate this. She is NOT his mother or his family. I hate her and do wish that she would stay out of it. She has talked my ex into taking me to court for custody. Keep in mind that I have never taken my ex to court for CS. I wanted to keep things as civilized as possible. I am really have issues with accepting her in my son's life. I think that in the back of my mind I fear that my son might leave me. He is my world and is the only reason I keep on going. I guess I am a bit selfish. But, the thought of someone else playing "mommy" kills me. I dont care anymore that my ex and I are not together. I do care however that his GF feels that she has some sort of right or say in the matter. She is not his mother. Whatever happens is going to be decided between me and his father. She is his girlfriend, thats it!

Is there anyone out there with a situation like this? My husband of 4 1/2 years is still being tortured by his ex-wife. We are in the middle of a court trial again because she wants more child support and to take more days away from my husband. I know she is jealous because my stepdaughter loves me and I don't work and she has to. He is the best father ever. We have 2 children together. His ex cheated on him 6 years ago and moved across the country with their daughter. (age 1 at the time) She tried for full custody and lost. They have joint economical support, which helps with how much money she gets and gives him more days. She uses their daughter as a pawn all the time. She is at daycare until 9:30 at night everyday after school, as you can she her mom looks out for her best interest. When our first daughter was born she did not let her come to our house for 2 weeks because of preschool. Then 3 months later her and her new husband went on vacation for a week and she was allowed to miss that week of school. Then when our second daughter was born she started this whole court thing again. The first time my husband picked her up for the exchange she waited until midnight to give him to her and he had just driven 1200 miles. She would not give him the carseat, clothes or her coat. (it was during the winter) She had her brother hidding with a video camera in the woods to try to get him driving off with her and no carseat. We all live in the same state now and she will not make things easy on my husband at all. His childsupport is looking at going up to $1,300 right now, with this trial. I don't see how they can say it costs that much to raise an 8 year old. Well I could go on and on more. I know this is kindof going all over the place, but there are some many things she has done I don't know where to begin or end.

Last time I didn't put my name but now I will introduce myself. Thanks for responding. The child support formula is all based on income. Hers and my husbands. She makes 80,000 a year, because we get to see her income from the court papers. My husband does make a pretty good living so unfortunately her amount of income helps with what he has to pay but not enough. I just can't understand why ex-wives have to be so vindictive. My husband is very easy going and has left her alone. I am seeking counseling, taking an anti-depressant and sleeping pills to get through this. Dec. 13th is the next court date. I am counting down the days. My husband does better at dealing with this than me because he went through it before. I am making him feel worse and making it hard on him and I am trying to be a good supporter. It is just hard when someone won't leave the person you love so much alone. I just can't understand why she won't move on and why the courts allow such behavior. My husband actually talked to her the other day and said why are you doing this and her response was you refuse to pay child-support. For one it comes out of his check every week and for two if he wasn't paying he would be in jail. I know her thinking is that he is not paying her the 1300 or 900. Who really wants to call friend of the court and say hay I am making more money now please take more out for my ex-wife. Ex-wife's mother never left her dad alone about childsupport and taking the kids. He died at 46 of a heart attack. Her mom now lives off of half of everything her other ex husband ever worked for including his pension. They do this like a business. Oh this makes me feel like a crazy lady thinking about it nonstop, so I appreciate the responses and advice.

Ok here is my problem that I am having a hard time dealing with it. So please feel free to hand it too me if I am in the wrong. I need someone to be brutally honest with me.

I am currently living with my bf and his son who is 4. We have been living together since the end of April. We have been together for 18 months. He has been divorced for a little over a year. For the record I am not the reason they got a divorce. We remained friends during their separation/divorce. It was not until January that we decided to become exclusive.

Even though my bf does not want his ex wife back they still talk (text messaging) on a regular basis. Although for a couple weeks the talking stopped for a short while. Then after he found out she was seeing someone else it seems like the talking started up again. I know it is everyday small talk and sometimes about their son. We have had several arguments about them talking. I even went to talk to a counselor. What I do not understand is why they have to talk so much?

Even though he will not admit it to me but I truly feel he is bothered that she is dating someone else. Because when we talked about it, it was maybe 10 mins later he called her out about seeing someone else. I just feel there should be a line drawn and I feel he is over stepping boundaries.

We had lunch today and he answered a few of her messages. I felt it was rude. But if I say something then it will just cause another argument. Yesterday, I sent him a couple messages and it took him awhile to respond back. So when I said something he told me he was talking to his boss but actually it was his ex. The reason why I know this is because I checked his phone. I have told him that I will not be put second to her and sometimes I feel that I am.

He will ignore my messages to answer hers. Am I being a jealous girlfriend? I know she will always be a part of our lives. But I also feel boundaries need to be set.

I have been in a relationship with a wonderful man for about six months.
Since we lived in different towns, I moved to be with him (he has two girls, 5 and 7, from a previous marriage.). I have been introduced to the kids and we get along great. I wanted to see if it would work out for him and I together on a daily basis, rather than just weekends when neither of us had responsibilities. I have told him I don't want kids and would not be taking a mother role, which he respects. However, he constantly feels guilty (one time telling me during an intimate moment he felt bad about not being with the kids.), and he is at his previous house where his ex-wife lives at least a few times a week in the evenings and every morning.
When his ex-wife goes out of town, he stays at their home, which has been on the market for ten months (and is probably not going to sell anytime soon.). He cleans the pool and maintains the yard; his mom cleans the house and does the laundry. He sees them off to school; his mom picks them up...
Often times the ex comes home later than promised, won't answer her phone and dictates what the schedule will be.
His mom, who takes care of the girls after school, is sick of it. I am sick of it, and he won't stand up to her for relationship's sake.
He's willing to have the girls at our house, but I feel that is very soon for the girls, and sometimes the mother is gone for a week at a time to combine a work/visit with her boyfriend. He stays in their old bedroom!!!
He stood up to her once about her being gone for long trips, because he would normally just take a three day weekend when we were living separately, and she has promised after this last time she will not do it again. Now we have the kids Thanksgiving weekend.
They are great, but do I stay in the bedroom with him? Stay at his sister's house? What?
She shows up late and then he spends less time with me or our plans get cancelled.
All in all she isn't maniacal, but I want to set boundaries before it gets any worse. My boyfriend is torn. I'm ready to move out and set some boundaries of my own...

I just found out that my BF of 2 years has decided to represent his ex wife as her real estate agent. Then to add insult to injury the first showing was at a house RIGHT next door to his parents house. Wow. Now there is no love lost between me and his parents but, come on, what is that all about? Frankly, I think his parents are meddling, mean, nosy, and somewhat dysfunctional. After I had a heart to heart with BF, he says that he is her agent to make sure that she purchases a house that she can afford and that is in close proximity to his parents house (free daycare). He also stated that there is no way that she'd ever afford that house so was just appeasing her and his parents. I just think that it is wrong on so many levels, confusing for her as she has always wanted him back and is extremely needy while he is extremely caretaking. It would almost be like they were looking for a house together. She always pulls this dependency crap with him and he comes to the rescue over and over and over and says that he feels responsible for this kids, i.e. putting a swing set together, fixing her brakes, etc. Oh, and he says with the real estate market being what it is as well, every commission is very important. I mean, c'mon - what if I get married to this man and have children? I would never set foot in his parents house. Don't they see this or care? I can't believe that the parties involved think this is a good idea. I am starting to think that while I love BF and things are really good 98% of the time - there's this 2 percent that includes BM and his parents that is really really bad. I could probably be won over with him being her realtor (she is really stupid when it comes to big decisions and would more than likely pick a very expensive house then come to BF for handouts) I just don't think I could ever, ever, stomach her living next door to his parents.

All I have to say to you is this. As long as you are doing the RIGHT thing then you have NOTHING to worry about. Do not worry about the things that she is saying your Step Kids. They will eventually figure it out for themselves. I know that's hard to do. I struggle with that EVERYDAY. I'm in the same situation. My husband has an ex-wife and they have a 9 year old between the two of them. She is a liar, a manipulator and anything else horrible you can think of. What she doesn't realize is that SHE is hurting her daughter. Her daughter KNOWS what goes on in our home, so when she bad mouths me she just makes herself look stupid. I KNOW that I'm a GREAT step-mom and that's all I need to know. I do the right thing for HER daughter she does not. My husband and I were the ones to take care of HER daughter when she walked out on her at the age of 2 1/2. If you do the right thing in life you can never go wrong. Don't let her get to you and always communicate with your man. It's the most important thing. Good Luck!!!!

Okay, so after reading some of your responses, I am glad to hear I am not alone! I am having a huge problem with my BF's soon to be Ex Wife. We have been together for 8 mos, and are currently living together in their "Old" house. he has 3 children, 10,6, and 5mo. Yes, the youngest was born while we were together. When I met him he was going through separation with her. they had been married for 13 years. During the time while they were separating, he was having a hard time trying to figure out what he wanted. he would lie to me and go to her and vice-versa. Now everytime they talk I am always wondering what they are saying or if he is still lying to me. They talk a lot and she email him and calls him at work. One issue that just set me off this weekend, is that we went up to go cut Christmas Trees with the kids and a few friends. My BF then tells me we have to get a Tree for her. I asked why and he said it was for the kids. I think that's a bunch of bull*$%& and she needs to do her own thing with the kids. I think he did it because it's easier for her. There are a few more instances like this. Am I just over reacting or should I get out? I have confronted him about my issues MANY times and he says that they communicate only for the kids. Which i know not to be true. Please Help!

wow, boy am I glad I found this website, I seriously didnt think that anyone else had to deal with a psycho B*TCH ex wife that plays mind games with your significant other, who is selfish and makes everything about them and not the kids, and who calls your significant other a dead beat piece of shit father when they really aren't. Just recently my husband ex wife decided for no reason at all that she was gonna hold his little girl from him when he was home ( he is in the military) he told her in advance that he was gonna be there and she said that she was not going to let him see her unless he gave her his military orders and was getting more money from him for her to send their daughter to some private daycare for yuppies that costs some thousand dollars a month and he told her that she couldnt have his military orders because they are classified and that money would have to be settled in court and then she told him that he wouldnt be seeing his child. So he tries calling afterwards to talk to his daughter and on purpose she wont answer. Now we got papers served that he has a protective order on him!!! WTF??? He doenst even live in the same state as her!! He has not harassed her in any way shape or form but because she isnt getting her way she does this. I was so infuriated that I could have spit nails, I still can!!! There is so much that she has done to me that I could seriously take up all day and all night typing all the BS that she has dont just to me and not my husband, its horrible. And I seriously have had less and less faith in the judicial system since this has all happened.

I have been with my bf for 2 yrs and are engaged. I love him so much and he is good with my kids. I have a 16 and 13 yr old and he has a 9 yr old by his ex. Everything was great until we moved in together. Now he has his daughter on Wed. and every other weekend. I know I have been jealous of their relationship because when she is at our house he only has attention for her. I was too myself one weekend when she was over just so they could have time to themselves. Well I didn't really speak to them and did my own thing with my kids. She went home and told her mom I was mean to her and it has been down hill since then. For several months the ex would not let her come over to our house. This made my bf mad at me. I apologized to the daughter but that was not good enough for the ex. Anyway we went almost a month without speaking but he would would talk to the ex and his daughter everyday. His is so nice to the ex. He has never taken up for me or stood up to her for me. I was never invited to go with he and the daughter anywhere because he was afraid the ex would find out and not allow the daughter to come back to our house. He moved out a week ago. Said he didn't love me anymore and that I was to mean to his daughter. He could not forgive or forget. I miss him so much and I have apologized and begged him to come home. I am carrying all the guilt and he just doesn't care. Why could I not see this in the beginning and just go with the flow. I was so mad, it drove me crazy.

When dealing with nasty ex-, the following might be useful:
- Educate yourself about NARCISSISTS. How to behave with them. What to expect from them. By the way, publicity that you give to their behavior is a powerful tool! It is not badmouthing. It is exposing narcissistic behavior.
- Educate yourself about PARENTAL ALIENATION (best book is "Divorce Poison").
- Educate yourself about PARALLEL PARENTING: disengage from the other parent as much as possible.
- If your hubby does not understand or follow the rules of separation - separate yourself from active participation in the life of his children. Participate actively when children are not around. Let him do whatever he wants with them - he has to taste full time parenting without your help or interference. Guard your territory and your personal relationship. Remember, that the children are not yours and their final choice will be their mother no matter how bad that woman can be. Do not try to win them over or teach them better life style. Let them be and help them if they ask for help. Do not abstain form comments about your life values. Share those freely with children. Insist on your rules in your house. But do not try to change them! Step-children might love you but they are and will be defined by the custodial mother. Unless the children are in your sole custody, let them be their mother's children, and protect yourself from too much involvement and stress. You will see that the moment you release your pressure, the ex- will also stop competing with you and children will become more relaxed. They will be more like their mother, sure, but that is her right afterwards. Pray to God. He will take care of it.
- Trust me. I have been through all of it. I had to deal with an abusive Muchausen by Proxy mother with serious personality disorders. I have a taste of years of law suits. I made all possible mistakes. Save your time and spare your health!

Hello. It's Amazing How Many Women Have To Deal With The HELL Of An Ex Wife. After Reading All The Situations And Comments, I See Myself In Many Lines. I'm A Fairly Understanding Individual But I've Just About Had Enough Of The Bullshit From The Ex. Well, To Make A Long Story Short, It Goes Like This. . . I Have 2 Boys From A Previous Marriage And He Has 3 From One As Well. Christmas, My Boys And I Always Spend With My Folks. He Spends It At His Ex's Parents House With The Whole Freaken Family From Her Side. Christmas Day I End Up Alone Cuz My Ex Gets Them. This Year Was Not To Be Spent Alone But With My Boyfriend And His Children. Well, No Go. Matter Of Fact, I Was Alone The Entire Day Then He Showed Up Evening Time, Alone. He Had No Present For Me, Which Was Ok Except For The Fact That I Never Got A Card From Him Either. His Excuse Was He Didn't Know What To Get Me. Ok. The Next Day He Asked Me To Marry Him. I Said Yes Because I Truly Love This Man Despite Some Of His Manner. Well, Then I Find Out From His Son That The Ex Spent Christmas Eve With My Boyfriend And Their Children! She Also Spent The Night. She Also Spent Christmas Day With Him, While I Unknowingly Sat Home Alone On Christmas Day. I'm So Torn As To What To Do At This Point. His Put Her Above Me! He Didn't Care How I Would Have Felt Knowing She Had Spent Over 24 Hours With Him. He Never Thought Of Me. So I Ask Myself, Why Would He Want To Marry Me When He Still Caters To His Ex. He Also Lied Because I Asked Him If He Even Saw Her While I Was Out Of Town. He Simply Replied With A No Way Remark. Now Can Someone, Anyone Tell Me Why A Man Would Do Such A Thing To Someone He Wants To Marry. I'm Just Beside Myself, I'm So Hurt And Bothered By This. He Refuses To Talk About It When I Ask The Wrong Questions. He Says He Won't Argue With Me Over Her. I'm Thinking, Marriage Is Out Of The Picture. I Can't Trust His. She Stayed The Night While I Was Out Of Town!

My husbands ex wife had no need for her 2 boys at the time not convenient. 6 years ago she had the oldest in foster care. With in 48 hours I had the boys from TAS to QLD in school and on with life. My husband and I at the time had 1 baby (little girl). While the boys have been living with us we have had 2 other baby's and one has died.
This was hard but the boys made it hell. There grand farther died in a fire she came up stayed with family for 5 days and did not see her boys till the day of the funeral and did not even call NOTHING!! She was getting married the boys were to be apart of the bridle party. She called the wedding off because get this the boys where there. Then about 6 moths later she called on a Friday saying that she got married last weekend!! How could you jus cut our kids out. The boys went to TAS for xmas for 3 weeks. She told the boys that she would like them to live with her and the new husband. The oldest is in year 12 this year and the other is in year 11. she has even booked the tickets with OUT saying anything. Her or the boys. I have been used and put through hell by the 3 of them. From the steeling the lying and the fires. There USERS and I believe in the phrase "Misery loves company" They will try to eventually drag us down with them with no consequence for our feelings or well-being. She is a Passive aggressive hungry vampire that smells fresh blood and has a total victim's complex. She has a hidden agenda and is dangerous to be around. And her saying your working you can afford it still rings in y ears.

I have read blogs from several women in the throes of mixed signals from men in their lives and exwives still in their lives.

Here is my story:

I was married for 25 years and bore my husband two sons. We worked hard and sacrificed much to build a home for our children and ourselves. Anyone who has been in a long term marriage gives much and has given the best years of their lives for their spouses' and their children.

I came home one day to find him in our greatroom. He came to me and told me he loved me but was leaving. With that he left. No warning no indication of any strange behaviors. He just left. My boys and I lived for over a year thinking he was in midlife crisis, because he called us and stayed in contact everyday. I was destroyed and my boys were completely demoralized. One was in senior year of high school the other second year of college.
I only found out he was having an affair when my best friend was approached my family member and was told. We rocked on for two and a half years and he never once stopped telling me that he loved me. He just couldn't live with me. I won't go into details, but we have endured six years of this hell and he still is very much in our lives. He calls me everyday, gives us anything we need, money etc. I have pleaded with him to just tell me he doesn't love me anymore and to let me have closure. I still love him very much and would fight to the end to maintain our family. He will live with me but he will not allow me to be out of his life. Our boys are 24 and 26 now. My former spouse attends every holiday fully. He has been to every family function. He and I carried out the wedding of our oldest son. The affair partner did finally get him to divorce me after four years and he is married to her now. She is treated as a non person and is never mentioned. Only when I force it do we speak of her. I have asked my former husband to stop hurting me and our boys. I have told him that we cannot abide her and that though we love him beyond love, he is killing us by going between two women. I don't think his affair partner can ignore his absences nor his involvement with me. I will fight to the bitter end until he tells me himself that he wants me gone. He will not do that. He asks me to make our time together pleasant and for me to love him.
This is bizzare I know, but we have twentyfive and now thirty years in our marriage and relationship.This woman knew when she injected herself into our life that he was a married man and had children. She also knew we knew nothing about her. By the way she is a district attorney 15 years younger than my ex and has no children.
I thought I would shed some light on how the ex wife lives./

Hurt in Tenessee

The fact that we're all here venting sure speaks volumes about the challenges of stepping into a relationship with children and a bitter exwife. From reading the many posts, it appears that lots of these women are actually mentally ill. I know in my case, my boyfriend's ex is bipolar/borderline personality disorder. He has full custody because of her clinically crazy behavior. She seems them every other weekend and 2 nights during the week. That's enough time to poison their minds. A problem with a borderline personality, and what I've seen in the postings here, is that love to start campaigns to discredit their ex's or the new women in their lives. It's truely a sickness. They're obsessed with creating chaos to make themselves feel better.

Our job, ladies, is coping and not letting their disgusting behavior ruin our lives. I'm sure there are plenty of bitter ex's out there that just act sick because they are hurt. No matter what the reason, it's not acceptable to use children to hurt the father. It's hard to watch, hard to take and hard to handle. However, what can we do? It is what it is? We can document the abuses/lies/behaviors and eventually take them to court. We can talk to the kids and try to be a peaceful port in this storm. We can take care of ourselves and try to not let their sickness get to us. SUCCESS IS THE BEST REVENGE. I try to practice disengaging when something flares up. I feel horrible for my loving BF, but it's his deal, not mine. We've been together for 2 years and are not rushing into marriage. It seems like the right thing to do for us, and quite frankly, for ME. I matter. WE matter in the equation.

I love listening to Dr. Joy Brown, a talk show host. She has a 1 year rule that is so powerful. She advises all women to wait until man is divorced for a full year before getting involved. It doesn't matter if they're separated or what the deal is. They need time to be alone in divorce for one year and sort out things as a single man with kids. And time to work out some of the divorce kinks with the ex. I did that even though I met him while he was divorcing. I said he seems like a great guy but call me when you're officially divroced for a full year. He called me to the day and we've been doing as well as expected (with a crazy ex).

Also, Dr. Brown uses the phrase "stupid and cheerful." It's kind of like being "stupid like a fox." If the EX doesn't think you're bothered by her behavior, it bothers them more.

Trust me, I'm not gliding through this crap. I'm on this site too. It's SO difficult, but we're not alone. We're strong. We're capable. And hey, we got the guy!

Note to ex's... GET YOUR OWN LIFE.

My situation is a little bit sticky, but I still don't know what to do. My bf and I are both going through divorces...mine is a little more complicated than his as ours has domestic violence issues attached. His actual life is more complex than mine, however. He has a 6 year old from a woman before he was married to this ex. Part of the reason for the divorce is that she was never really fond of his son...barely talked to him, never played with him, never ever initiated any interaction with him.
Now that they're divorcing she has begun to make demands about spending time with him. She's even taking him for the day on Saturday, which really cuts into the time WE get to spend with him. Can she really make a claim to being in our lives forever? I'm not so sure I want either of our exes around.

i cant believe i found this website.thank you guys.whoever started this.i feel so lonely here at home with nobody to talk to.i mean, i cant tell my 4 year old daughter how i feel right.she's too young to understand me.but i wanna shout out real loud that I HATE MY HUSBANDS EX-WIFE!!!wow!that feels soooo good!

Hi since i found this website im so happy that someone out there can relate my situation here,Im asian 25 years old and my husband is an american who is 41 years old,I sometimes regret the fact that why im marrying a divorced guy with a kid,He is a divorced guy and his been through a nasty divorced because his ex cheated on him and worst is its their neighbor and infront of their store,they have this video electronic store before and his wife is the one whose watching the store part time since they have three employees while he was in south carolina to find a house because thyre planning to transfer there but the three weeks of her husband in there she was having fun and going out with her coccaine friends in the middle of the night and the kids whose 15 years old and a 9 years old sleeping in the house,she was out having fun with her friends and smoking and thats where she met her bf nowmy husband said that shes having a midlife crisis because they are married early when she was 18 years old,but its getting worst coz the rumors and gossiping in ton is growing that someone who worked for her bf saw his boss half naked and heard that laughing and moaning and fafter minutes he saw the woman running naked going to the bathroom,Anyways- to make the story short shes bad mouthing her daughter towards me that i am asian and I dont know everything that im innocent that her daughter can fool me in a simple way and she under estimated me,because she was insecure that her daughter told her that i got 5 years from collage in diffrent field that i got my nursing for two years and i got my radiologic technology for a year and i got my criminology and my caregiving,and she was so insecure coz she just graduated high school through GED and infact her husband before as her ex now forced her to atleast got her GED and his the one whose always doing the assignment for her to pass,so she passed and shes working in a nursery to watch the kids but shes still not stopping of her insecurity shes always teaching her daughter bad stuff so her daughter wont respect me and everytime her daughter is in our house she acted diffrently and talking so bad to her dad everytime his asking her to take shower and the kid when shes in our house she got nits and lice to prove that shes not being taken good care of with her mother and she always hungry like shes not eating for days,it sucks because i feel love of this kid,but shes disrespecting me and her father.Anyone can relate and give me advises on this,I never been married and dont have kids on my own and i dont know how to handle this kid now.Thanks and i will appreciate all the help and by the way,i would love to join this site but i dont know how,I created my own account in here but I cant open it yet,i cant wait to open it so i can read a lot of blogs in here.Thanks so Much God Bless everyone!

I posted earlier but didn't say everything I needed too.

The ex also freaks if I am even in the car to pick the kids up or drop off. This is a major inconv. because my husband picks me up from my Saturday college classes, then has to drive me all the way home and all the way back to pick up his kids when we pass the meeting point when i leave school.

This freak also was so crazy that she pitched a fit to come to the hospital when I gave birth to my son.

Then the first time she saw him she jerked him out of my arms and called herself mommy to my child!!
She's crazy.

And she hits on my husband at the kids soccer games. I know I trust him but I have so much anger towards her, that I don't know what to do.
She and I have had words but she's not in reality at all.

Well, I honestly believe my story would make a great movie. It's been two years since my bf got a divorce, and he is still going to court. He is trying to modify their Marital Settlement agreement. In the paper work it is stated that I am not allowed to have any contact with their children. So every Wed. and every other weekend zi have to leave my house for hours until he returns the children home. She refuses to modify the paperwork so we are basically spending every penny we make trying to fight her in court, her lawyer is working for free nd ours charges us to breathe so it is difficult.

If you only knew how I feel your pain...I am dealing with a woman that is 12 years older than me and acts 20 years younger. Her husband was a saint to her and she screwed it up and took him for granted so he got a divorce. We have been together for 16 AMAZING months...we're best friends, soulmates and have a great time together...he has two amazing daughters that I am going to meet this summer...Unfortunately the ex is so psycho that she is threatening a restraining order...for what you ask? NOTHING...just so I can't be around the kids...I am a military member with the cleanest record possible...she is just so jealous of the things I have gained that she lost. I love this man so much that I want to stick it out but I am ready to lose my mind when it comes to her and her childish ways...She even made a profile on myspace to check up on me and she's 37. I had to change my phone number and move because she was stalking me. I feel horrible for the daughters because they are pawns in her little game. My boyfriend is deployed right now and tries to call his girls as much as possible and sometimes she doesn't even answer the phone. He would do ANYTHING for those girls and has...he supported her until she got on her feet and still gives her more than child support...but she lies to his boss and friends saying he isn't taking care of anything. It makes me sick and it blows my mind that if their are this many people in the world dealing with this...why isn't someone saying anything to these psycho bitches? OH I know why because no matter what is said, no matter what they are told...they will never be wrong in their eyes...I am the blame for everything that goes wrong in her life and frankly I've had it. Just some advice or something that helps me get through all of this...a little something I told myself...The only reason she is doing all of this is because of jealousy...and when I'm growing old with my boyfriend and she's still alone because she can't focus on any relationship but mine and my boyfriend's that's when I'll sit back and laugh at how sad and pathetic people are....you were his past...and I'm the future he's been searching for:) Thanks Ya'll

I am a now full time Dad who was married for 15 years. Found out my ex wife is a swinger (with family "friends" no less) while I was out busting my hump 70+ hours per week to keep her in the good life and the circus going for my two girls, 13&15.

When I found out about her double life, I gave her a choice-get help or leave.

Well,, she attacked me after I stopped the $ flow and she was arrested for assault. For the last almost two years I have had almost full custody of my girls with her being on supervised visits as she now lives with mommy and daddy, the ultimate enablers. I went through the court system to originally get her help, as I actually thought we could re build this marriage. Thankfully I came to my senses after she filed for divorce after months of crying, etc., while now being a full time mom and dad to girls who really needed me and still do.

Well, I live in CA with the most pathetic court system.....I had her, I and the girls and evaluated by the court appointed shrink to see what was going on and have spent to date almost 250k while all of my assets have been tied up, with this nutjob playing games in the court system and with all of our lives with A.A., abusing the kids emotionally, no shows for visitations while partying hard with numerous boyfriends at the same time and even sharing bad info to the girls, such as her swinging, juggling men, while attempting to triangulate my relationship with the girls...And I have had to pay for almost everything.

The EX is diagnosed with NPD, Obsessive Compulsive, Histrionic-she is a mess.

So I did the right thing by my girls and went for full custody and guess what?!

After all of this, the court is going to give her 50/50 joint custody. The kids do not want to be with her, except for the older one who has some issues of her own, which I have getting her help for, which my ex wife is trying to block.

It is daily B.S. from the ex, calls, e mails, switching my mail, trying to change the kids school, changing other appointments, etc, etc. It is like I have 3 teenagers and my ex is by far the worst one.

Now, I met the most wonderful woman in the world last year-a true saint in every sense of the word, patient, loving, kind, great to me., the kids-an honest living angel as I have never seen a woman like her.

Her husband died of a brain aneryism. I Love her and I am very close with her son. All 3 kids get along great and we have a nice life, very well blended together-except for ex!

I want to do right by the kids and at the same time have a new life with my fiance-you know a normal life. Ideally, we would like to move out of state to get way from the crazy ex wife of mine. But, we can't leave the kids, which we will not do. And, now with 50/50 joint, the kids and my fiance and I are screwed with the CA court system until they are 16, which will turn out to be another 4.5 years of this craziness. How do we deal with non stop dram filled mental bullshit from someone who has been diagnosed crazy by the court, yet since we live in CA it seems that unless you kill your kid, or do drugs, anything goes as you can go in and out of your kids lives while leaving the healthy one (me) to pick up the mess?

Note, my fiance and I are very strong, mature people and our hearts are in the right place. We love each other and are committed to each other and to our family. She knows what she is in for and says she is up to the challenge. I believe that she is. I am trying to build a healthy for the 5 of us (her, me and the kids), for her and I as a couple because I never want to get divorced again and/or for anyone to get hurt. But the ex is a relentless, ruthless bitch, especially when a guy (there have been many to date) breaks it off with her after he finds out she is a nut case.

And, I am very worried about my 2 girls now having to go to their mother's 50% of the time beginning in about a week given their mother has no boundaries anymore, while I have established a very nice, healthy home life with boundaries for the girls?

How can I best handle this for the kids, my new life with my fiance, and for me personally? I want my ex to just go away as she has done enough damage. I have no feelings for her nor will I ever be her friend as I have way more character than that.

But it looks like this sicko is here to stay until we get the chance to leave CA. And the courts haven't helped. Suggestions?

I have an ex wife who is doing the same things I have been reading here, however, it has been aimed at me.
Background, she is remarried with an infant daughter. I get along better with her husband that her. At this point I do not believe our children are affected. In fact I thought things would get better between myself and my ex after she was married, since her energy would have a new focus, was I ever mistaken.
We split custody, with our girls staying with each of us for a week at a time.
For instance, the latest one is the fact that our youngest daughter has mono. I took her to the MD who said that she could not participate in phy. ed. or basketball for the next 3 weeks. I told my ex this and she retorted that, our daughter has 2 games left in her basketball season and she should be allowed to finish it out. Now let me say that she is in the medical field, our daughter has an inflamed spleen (due to the mono), which if my daughter is hit in the side can rupture.
My ex would not listen to me about what the doctor said. She has an orthopedic surgeon she works with, who said that basketball is not a contact sport. Now the way my 8 year old plays basketball, it is a contact sport!! I had no other option but ask the doctor who saw our daughter to call her. The physician did and here is her response.

"I don't need you to have a doctor call me about Audrey. I really don't appreciate it and I'm quite pissed off!! And I told the doctor that, I don't think she will be calling me back! I'm not going to put my child's life at risk for basketball and I know my child well enough to know how she is feeling. You are such an asshole and I CAN NOT wait for the next 9 years to be over because I'm so f#cking sick of you I can't stand it!!"

This is due to the fact that I am looking out for the well being of our daughter and she won't listen to me??
Because you are a medical assistant does not mean that you have any more knowledge of medicine than a layman.
What is very sad is the fact that this is one sided. I have no ill will toward my daughters mother. I don't want to have much to do with her, because she seems to be poison, in fact she makes my girlfriend more angry than myself. Perhaps this is due to the fact that I have grown accustomed to her attitude.

I am planning on changing my daughter's school to be closer to me when they reach 7th grade so they are closer to me, I feel it is only fair that half of their education is in my school district. The district they are in, is not the best that is in our area. I know that the sh** is going to hit the fan when I pursue this.

I will leave this with my admitting that when I feel I need (unfortunately or want to) I assert myself on behalf of my children. I don't feel that I am doing anything wrong. But this is very tiring to continue, as I'm sure all of you know.

I am glad I found this site! I need some help. Reading some of these postings, makes me realize I don't have it as bad as others. But what do I do? I've been living with my BF for almost a year, we've been dating for over a year. He has two kids that I adore (7 and 11) and I have a 9 year old. he has joint custody with his ex as I do mine. But I don't have issues with my ex like he does. She cheated on him multiple times and put him through hell. She refuses to work and lives off men. She seems to be very unstable. She has backed off some, but now that she has lost her latest boyfriend, she claims she has no-where to go. My ex still owns his house, (He doesn't live there) but she broke into it a couple of weeks ago and has been staying there because she has no-where to go. The kids are beggin us to help her. She is so manipulative and is so good at using him. he is trying hard, leaves his phone in the car most of the time and only talks to her when he has too. But now her grandmother is in the hospital (dying) which I know is hard for her, but she is calling me alot and since he was close to her as well he feels bad about the situation. I know she will want to cry on him through this and will want him at the funeral. What do I do? Am I selfish for saying no? And what about helping her out? How do I cope with this? One minute she is nice, the next she is hell. Do I stick in there? I love him and these kids and my son loves his kids too! Have I messed up?

Here's my story and any advice would be helpful!! I come from a totally biological Irish family.... we know nothing of divorce or blended families, so I really didn't know what I was getting into. I met my fiance last July while he was seperated and finishing up a divorce from his ex-wife. They had been married 5 years (together 10) and he couldn't put up with her anymore. She orcastrated the wedding and everything. she is 5 years his senior so, at 20 yrs old, he went along with the marriage thing. She was unwilling to work (when she did she was fired) and had a taste for coach purses and prada. Also, extrememly immature. Anyways, they had a little girl in Dec. 04 and they split in Jan. 06. They were on and off the entire time. So the divorce and drama starts.... I started dating "Joe" in July and knew this was the love of my life. When he said he had a little girl- 6 mo. younger than my daughter- i was ecstatic. I thought this would be a wonderful opportunity. We moved in together and in august of 07, I had my first run in with the ex. She had abandoned the house in april 06 and was slowly getting her stuff out. When he and i were moving in, she would show up and walk through the house when we would leave to snoop. I was home one day when she did this and i told her she couldnt come in. To make a long story short, she called 911 and said their was an intruder in her house who wouldnt leave. haha. needless to say, the officer told her to leave and not return till she had a court affidavit to retrieve her stuff. The whole thing terrified my daughter and it took a lot of convincing her "sara"'s mommy wasn't "scary". Well, she has continuously sent him e-mails saying i needed to just stay out of the way. She also made the comment that the day she tried to push her way through the door, she "could have beat me up" if she wanted to. And I'm talking about a woman who is 13 years older than me (yes, Joe fits the sterotype of finding the younger woman, but please dont judge me... I'm 22 just trying to start a stable, healthy family in this crazy place). The childish games are just outrageous. These are things i would never dream of doing. Anyway, its to the point now that Sara doesnt even talk to me and gives me this evil little stare when she doesn't like whats going on. If Joe and I are sitting on the couch cuddling, and i get up, she will be right there jumping in my spot and refusing to move. Joe does have her move, but she wouldnt do it on her own. She will also look dead into my eyes and do this whiney "Daddy, I loves you." Its like she knows what she's doing and is trying to drive a wedge. My daughter is so fed up with sara's little antics that Aangie woun't even play with her anymore. She says, "mommy, sara's not nice and she doesnt like me. can i play by myself?" Its sad to hear your 3 yr. old say that about their future stepsister. Angie will also give sara what she wants so she doesn't get blamed for any fits. For example: Sara is playing with the Pony and then puts pony down to play on the computer. Angie comes up to play with the pony and sara gets bent out of shape and starts crying. Joe comes in and skylar says angie took her toy. and joe believes her- angie is getting punished b/c his daughter is turning into a liar. she was talking to her Biomom one night on the phone and wanted to watch the movie i had started for them.... so she says to her mom (which wasn't true) "Mommy, daddy says i cant talk to you." and i can hear BM getting pissed off and saying to her 3 yr old "well, u tell daddy you will to talk to mommy and you love me." I was floored. I ran to tell him, but i was too late. sara got there first and not ten seconds later, the phone rings again and BM is chewing Joe out because "she believes the 3 yr old over him anyday." and i watched her make the whole thing up. I was appalled. I really need some help. I'm at my wits end and I want this woman to realize i'm not here to destroy her- i just want my life to be calm. Please help.

Ladies,

It makes me feel better that you too all have a horrible ex-wife. My husband and I have been together for 8 years and nothing's changed much. I have a son, 1 SD & SS (15, ,12 & 14), the boy I think still cannot warm up to me and is somewhat disrespectful. He got it from his mother. She calls my house giving orders and demands and that doesn't fly well with me. I've asked my husband many times to stand up to her, he hates confrontation. I don't think it's fair. So, funny thing this happened today and I found this site... the kids are on my insurance and she calls me asking for my Social and DOB, there is no way I'm giving someone who hates me personal info, so of course I said "No" and she went crazy, even after I told her I would call the doctors office and give it to them directly. i always try to maintain control but today I lost it!! I reminded her what a terrible mother she is, cuz she, told her things were gonna change, she is no longer going to take advantage of my husband or our income. That bi*# is on my payroll. Of course she hung up and tried to call my husband, he was already warned so ignored her calls. I wish he could just tell her this is my house and she can't disrespect ME! But I still wish I wouldn't have lost it with her, it makes me feel as low and immature as she is. It's probably because she recently just sent us with her son an old photo album of her and my hubby, i don't know why, he can't stand her, she cheated on him, i'm sure it was to annoy me. Do any of you know if we can have her remove my husband's last name legally, it's been 9 years.