obligations and responsibility.

I made a vow to my husband when I married him. I have an obligation to him to help him to make our marriage work.

I did not make make the same vows to his daughter. I did not marry her.

I am not responsbile for her. Her parents who chose to have her and who chose to bring her into the world are responsible for her.

Anything I do for her is by choice and not by obligation. I refuse to let anyone impose this responsibility on me.

I am the most important person in my life. No one will take care of me more, than me. No one knows what I want and need in my life better than me.

If I am fulfilled, then my relationships will be better for it. It starts with me.

TheBrightSide's blog
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My FDH makes me feel so

My FDH makes me feel so guilty when I so much as mention that his daughter shouldnt be my responsibility. He is the kind of man that thinks if I love him and want to be with him, I should feel the same way about his child. Unfortunately it's not that easy, and things just don't happen that way. I will just go along letting him think what he wants to think about the situation but truth is, I'm with him for HIM, not for the "family"..that is of course until I have children of my OWN!

I read "toughjob"'s post

I read "toughjob"'s post about taking care of her messed up SS while her DH was deployed and getting no support, then in-laws telling her she's not doing enough.....it made me angry.

i wanted to shout....YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HIM!!!

Just because we married these men we are not responsible for their children. Marriage doesn't make us responsible for children, birthing them does!!

I can understand your

I can understand your viewpoint but at the same time I believe that it's a package deal. If you marry someone who has children, you have to be willing to take on some responsability as well. While it's definitely up to the parents to care for their children, many don't and I personally can't just sit there and do nothing. Situations do differ though and if both bio parents are holding up their ends of the deal, it does make things a lot easier on the step-parent(s). In my situation, my SD3's bio-mom is currently in jail so I find the need to step up and be a mommy to her. Because I am so in love with her father and want our marriage to work, I realize that I need to be there for his daughter as well. She's already been through so much at such an early age that I feel I need to do all I can to help her grow into a good, well-adjusted individual. She's pretty easy to deal with now but I know that as she gets older, she will test us and there will be very rough times. If I build a bond and relationship with her now, I hope that she will realize that I am there for her no matter what and that she can come to me in times of need. I also feel that putting in an effort shows my fiance how committed I am not just to him, but our family in its entirety. This really means the world to him as his daughter is his everything and for me to share an interest in raising her makes him love me that much more.