DH and I separated on November 1. The plan was that I would live in the house until January 24 (possession of my new house).

Two weeks after we separated I discovered that he signed up for about 4 dating websites. 3 being the kind that you sign up for to have sex with strangers (Ashley Madison, Lonelyhousewives and Adult Friend Finder) and the other two (Plenty Of Fish and Lavalife). I know his e-mail and his password is SD12's name. Simple.

So for the past month I've been living in this house knowing all of this, reading the emails sent to strangers etc. Masochistic really because doing this was hurting myself. Although in some respects, it made leaving easier, knowing there was no going back now.

Why didn't I confront him. 3 reasons:

1. We're separated, he can do whatever he wants, none of my business.
2. I knew would FREAK if I told him I knew. He would lash out at me and I still lived there. I just couldn't anticipate what he would do if he knew I knew and I couldn't take the chance. I want him to sign our separation agreement so that I can protect the investments that I saved while we were married.
3. I didn't want to give him the SATISFACTION of knowing he still had the power to hurt me.

Meanwhile, for the last month I become addicted to checking his activity on these sites. As far as I could tell he hadn't actually "met" anyone in person yet. Yesterday morning, I log in and see that he's arranged to meet this poor innocent nurse with a 4 year old daugher in a week or so....the date he picks is....my birthday. Awesome. That's was it. Yesterday I call my sister and take her up on her offer to stay with her for the next month.

I call him from work to tell him that I'm moving out the next day. He's surprised. Doesn't understand why. He thinks we're friends!! After settling on a dollar amount for the separation we haven't been fighting. But remember I know what he's doing.

After work yesterday I go home and frantically pack up a bunch of boxes. He and SD12 come home. I’m sure he probably told her I was moving out. No matter. SD12 asks what I’m doing, I say packing. She says “I thought you weren’t moving out for another month”. I say, “Im moving out tomorrow”. I’m very kind and say it in a really casual..’Hey SD12 its no big deal’ kind of way so that she doesn’t think I’m leaving in anger.

DH tells SD12 he’s going to have a bath, she watches TV. I pack some more, do some laundry then knock on her door and ask to watch TV with her. (Its her love language and I want to show her some love). So we hang in her room for a while and she wants me to braid her hair (in a style she’s wanted for a while). I help her. Then, like she’s done with me, she goes and plays chess with her dad. (its like…”I got what I wanted from you so “see ya”) I do more packing. Then come downstairs to wash some things in the kitchen sink. SD12 then accuses “someone” (there is only DH and I there, but clearly the “someone” is ME) of “taping something that bumped over one of her shows”. I explain that I haven’t taped anything and that I haven’t watched TV in two days. She’s rude. When she realizes she might be wrong, I say. …”Now what do you say??”. And DH half heartedly agrees. Regarless, no apology was forthcoming. I didn’t push it because…fuck..this is the story of my life. I just spent 1.5 hours with her and braided her hair just like she wanted, but 5 minutes later she’s a rude girl accusing me of taping over one of her shows.

I put my robe on and walk by them and say “goodnight” to both. Only SD12 says goodnight.

What is the moral of this story??

For 6 years I tried, compromised, paid exorbitant amounts of money and busted my ass for this man AND did the same for his child. Now that its over. Its all a big fucking waste of time. This kid couldn't care less if I lived or died. Her and her Disney Land Dad will live happily ever after.

So those of you ladies without kids of your own. Run, run very far away.