If he's willing to change, let him change, and demonstrate those changes to your satisfaction over a significant period of time, BEFORE you even consider going back. Otherwise it's just empty promises. Frankly, based on what you've posted here, there is no way, no how I would go back to this man no matter what he did. Remember that he's going to say what he needs to say to get his free babysitter and maid back. Talk is cheap, and a couple counselor visits and AA meetings are a nice start but only a small fraction of what he needs to do. I think it's unlikely that things are going to change, and your best bet is to stay the course and go on the assumption that they will not.

ah - it's classic behavior Hon.. DH is begging you back after 22 days with empty promises, cause he simply can't handle parenting his spawn with BM, he does not like being tied down and being a parent, he want's his freedom and needs his full time babysitter back. He had enough of being a parent and being responsible, and it's only been 22 days.

I suggest you stay where you are, simply tell DH, he's welcome to come and visit you on his own, not with his children, tell him he hurt you way to much in the past to trust him after 22 days, people do not change in 22 days and make sure he understands he will have to work hard to earn your trust back, that could take years.

For your baby growing up without a father, nothing funny about it, she will grow up in a loving home with no abuse and no brats, there's allot of children in the same boat and it's nothing to be ashamed about. Keep true to your son and your new baby girl... eff DH, he's making empty promises that he will never keep....

MomOfTwo1313: I've just read your story and your previous blog posts, and the people here have given you really good advice.

DON'T LOOK BACK.

The only thing I have to add is: Watch out for your son. Warn him that your husband is dangerous and is looking to get back into both your lives. I'm so worried that your husband will, in his desperation to reach you, seek to harm/abduct your son.

Maybe I've watched too many dramas, but you can NEVER be too careful. Abusive alcoholics are unpredictable. Please ensure your son is fully aware that he is NOT to go off with your husband.

Do keep us updated and know that we are all rooting for you!

You said in your other blogs that you left before then went back when he promised to change. He never did change long term from what you wrote previously. So you have already given him the benefit of doubt a few times and he never followed through. He is not going to follow through this time either. A man who would physically attack his pregnant wife will not be cured with a couple of counselling sessions and AA. He is not the man for you. Perhaps down the road he can seriously sort his shit out and be a better partner but he needs a lot of time (years), a lot of personal reflection, hard work and and a fresh relationship for that even to be a possibility. And I doubt it will happen.

Stay strong, ignore him. Block him, do not go back. You can do this.

As for your mom, unfortunately I guess that you do not have too many options right now to moving elsewhere, so just try to get on with her as best you can. Perhaps a heart to heart thanking her for letting you stay with her, acknowledging that it is not easy for her to have a crowded apartment. And then let her know how hard you are finding everything and asking her to try to be positive for you to help you keep going, this might help her change her ways a little. In a few months time when your little one is here you can start to make a plan to get your own place with your kids.

If your daughter came to you and relayed your story, what would you tell her? Would you tell her to work it out or to run? What would you want your own mother to tell you right now other than everything will be okay?

If you go back and your DH has truly not changed, will you be able to leave again? If you stay, you teach both your daughter and son that behaving as your DH does is acceptable. You teach them that being treated by someone like your DH is acceptable.

You going back cannot be based on what you want. It has to be based on what is best for your children. You are already worried about the safety of your daughter with your DH. Her safety won't improve by you going back throwing yourself and your son at an abusive, sick man. That's most certainly not fair to your son who has no tie to this man whatsoever.

Have you sought out services from a DV shelter? You don't have to live in a shelter to receive services. They can help you find higher paying jobs, a new apartment, and counseling. I think you need to work with professionals who understand so you feel less alone and like you can't do it. Isolation is a powerfully damaging thing. Don't let feeling overwhelmed and alone lead you and your children back to danger.

If in a year, he is sober still. Willing to take random tests (you can buy them online yourself), has continued counseling personally and together... Then and only then should you START to consider giving him another chance.

He will not change.

Even if he were to quit drinking, that is no guarantee that he won't be the same asshole. Sometimes, when addicts quit drinking or doing drugs, the behaviors stay with them. Psychologically, they are still an addict and still have the personality of an addict. The mean streak, the violence, the denial of any responsibility. He may very well have had those traits to begin with, he was just motivated to keep them hidden from you, at first.

Of course, he wants you back, to take care of him and his kids.

If he was serious about getting sober and changing, he would be willing to do it while living apart from you, you taking care of you and yours, and him taking care of himself and his. Instead, he is using your unborn child to try to manipulate you into moving back with him, based on promises that he knows he won't fulfill.

Alcohol can change personality. But, if you were crazy before you started drinking, you are still crazy when you stop drinking. He hasn't been sober long enough for you to know if the crazy was from the drinking or is part of his personality.

But, whether you get back together with him or not, giving his ex your money is not wise. Money you saved is for you and your children, not his ex. I'll be blunt. Do not give the ex your money. It is your safety net. You have two children who are counting on you to keep them safe. You need that safety net.

My mother divorced my dad when I was 2 because he was an abusive alcoholic.

It wasn't easy for her, but she did it. She earned a bachelor's degree during night classes and made a good life for herself. I grew up happy and surrounded by love. My mom never remarried, but my grandfather and godfather provided some kind of father figures. I never felt I missed out on anything during my childhood.

My father lived in another province and I eventually saw him only once a year for a week during the summer. I loved him in my own way but of course we were not close. Thoughout his life he battled alcoholism. He had good and bad times and his body finally gave out at age 63, after having had seizures from the drinking. I was 25.

I learned from my parents' divorce that a woman is strong, can be independent, and should always be respected and treated well. You can also teach your children these things. I am now in a great relationship with a wonderful man.

All this to say, Your husband likely won't change, and your DD will be OK, in fact she is better off without him.

You left, now keep it up and things will get better!

“Currently he has seen a Couselor 2 times according to him and has also enrolled In some AA classes.”

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Key words: “according to him”

Alcoholics love drinking more than their family. He will not change.

Stay the path. You’re doing fantastic!

Go read Ajanie 's blogs. Her heroin addicted husband tried the same things. She stayed the course in her own little apartment. Sure it was a hard adjustment. Now she is happy seeing an awesome guy . Stay the course

6 months after marriage he started changing

No, he just hid who he was. He was on his best behavior to get you to fall in love with him, that was all (the 'ol bait & switch). What you have experienced after that first 6 months of marriage, is who he is.

You have done the hard part, you left.

I have enjoyed being responsible for my son and only my son and my pregnancy that I wasn’t able to enjoy being living with my husband.

See, it's better, already.