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will i regret this?

glam-mom's picture

Submitted by glam-mom on Mon, 04/04/2011 - 6:17pm

like i said in my last blog as a response to all ur well apreciated advice, i did end it with my bf of 4 years. i gave him 30 days and he went and looked at his first potential new home this afternoon... however i also said before i think he understands and we will work as a team but according to what he said yesterday... he doesnt really understand and thinks i just need to grow up and deal with reality and stop being so selfish! maybe he has a point but ive put in a good 2 years of trying really hard and dealing with his brats every weekend and when i would try to put in my 2 cents he would never even give me the time of day to express how i feel and now i feel that i dont wanna waste another 2 years wishing i would have done this ages ago... but also what if i just made a huge mistake? what if i was suppose to just grow up and deal with it? what if this is the only man that will even come close to my expectations of a decent father and lover? i mean we didnt have much going for us but what if it was just a long rough patch in our relationship that im just running away from? im scared... ive grown quite comfortable being unhappy and living with this person who makes me feel as though i was taken advantage of... i know i will not go back to being treated this way or even ask him to forgive me and for us to give it another shot...I WONT! but im just saying...what if? and as for the other guy he has proved himself a real sweetheart and has said things to me that i havent heard from my (ex)in the 4 years we were toghether... giving me compliments and just making me feel genuinly happy... i know i owe it to myself and my ex and my children not to jump into anything... my ex says he will "kick any guys ass" if i start dating even within the next six months but i guess ive kind f been getting used to the idea of us not feeling like a real couple a while ago now and kind of would enjoy the company of companionship and will not settle for anything less than what my expectations are at this point... i dont really need advice i guess im just looking for some reinforcement... am i in the wrong? should i have trie even harder? i told him what i wanted years ago and he never once gave it a chance to try to see things or do things my way...

Comments

helena_brass's picture

Submitted by helena_brass on Mon, 04/04/2011 - 6:31pm

You will get past this initial stage of second-guessing yourself. This was not just a rough patch. There's no respect, no communication, and no (apparent) attraction if you're only having sex three times a year. You can do better by far. You're not in the wrong. Yes, you could have spent longer and tried even harder to make this work--but it doesn't make a lick of difference if only one person is trying. He was not making the effort. You cannot make it work by yourself.

As far as him telling you that he'll "kick another guy's ass"--psssht please. How old is he? For goodness sake, just ignore that rubbish. He's trying to make it sound like he cares so much about you that he'd fight for you, but he has CLEARLY displayed that he will not put in the fight where it's most needed.

I would advise you, however, not to jump into anything serious right off the bat. Enjoy being single for a while. Do things for yourself without having to worry about that other person. You'll probably experience feelings of anxiety or guilt because it's been so long since you've taken time for yourself, but reason yourself out of those moments and you'll get through them.

You know you're always welcome here. Good luck glam.

simifan's picture

Submitted by simifan on Mon, 04/04/2011 - 8:56pm

My question would have been why you have no ring after 4 years? He's made no commitment to you. Trust me there are better men out there who will value your opinion.

unbelieveable's picture

Submitted by unbelieveable on Mon, 04/04/2011 - 9:23pm

Are you me? 4 years of bullshit...he tells everyone we are engaged...I refer to him as my Future Husband...we talk about wedding stuff...he has not YET formally proposed although he has my ring - and I have done everything for 4 years...and I now call myself the nanny. Trust us when we are you are not crazy. Do not allow yourself to regret this. I love how they expect us to be around every weekend they have their kids but they don't want to listen to us. I LOVE IT. I wish I was strong enough to do what you did...I am one of those who will wait around that other 2 years to see what happens!

foxxystep's picture

Submitted by foxxystep on Tue, 04/05/2011 - 5:28am

" ive grown quite comfortable being unhappy and living with this person who makes me feel as though i was taken advantage of..."

That's the saddest line in what you've written because I can relate to it on so many levels. Well done for leaving. The truth is that leaving a relationship is some scary stuff. It involves change and moving from the expected bullshyt to not knowing what to expect. Fill those unknown moments with things that are important to you. Enjoy your kids, they probably took stress in your relationship too, be kind to yourself....

Auteur's picture

Submitted by Auteur on Tue, 04/05/2011 - 7:48am

Guilty daddy seldom goes away. If you cannot be a "united front" and are just an "outsider" and treated as such when it comes to his "previously enjoyed family" then it's a deal breaker.

And be glad you DIDN'T get engaged or married. That just complicates the TRAP!!

stardust50's picture

Submitted by stardust50 on Tue, 04/05/2011 - 8:00am

Can someone help me? I have been widowed for 6yrs now after being married for 21yrs and have raised my 3 stepsons since they were preschoolers and now I have met a lovely man but my stepsons are angry with me and won't talk to me they don't want me to find anyone else I am devestated, I have tried talking to them and explaining that I will always be their for them and their childen but to no avail, my natural children are happy for me and have tried to talk to them but have landed on deaf ears I don't know what to do.

NotJuneCleaver's picture

Submitted by NotJuneCleaver on Wed, 04/06/2011 - 1:24pm

RUN!!! You are just getting cold feet. My experience is that it gets harder the older the kids get. Good luck to you!