scared to death!!!
my daughter will be 7 this september... i left her biological father when she was about 8 months old ... bc he was a junkie and i sobered up and he didnt... he was granted visits at first but were taken away bc he was unsafe and then granted visitations that were supervised but those were taken away bc he failed to show up or pay the fee it cost to visit... he didnt pay child support until the beginning of this year and has been in and out of jail about 5 or 6 times in the past 5 years he has seen my daughter once in the past 4 years and when my daughter was one and a half my ex became her father and it is the only father she knows bc he has been there for her and treats her as his own she even goes out every weekend to spend time with him and his children and her brother everyone considers her part of the family. but now bio dad is out of bootcamp and going on one year sober and wants visits... she does not want to talk to him see him or talk about him bc she knows that he chose drugs over her and she wants to either be with me or dad as she knows it... is it possible he could get visits? he says hes taking me to court... i had an ofp on him once bc he threatened to kill me and he violated that but that was over five years ago... his prison sentance came up short.... my daughter is happy an loves her life as is could the court actually grant a visit which would confuse her and go against her wants ?? is there anything i can do... i was told not to go to court first bc it opens up the door for him to go agianst me and he wouldnt have to pay the thousands it would take to bring me to court... wish his rights or whatever could be terminated for abandonment for so long bc my ex wants to adopt and has for some time now ... and like where would she go if i died? id want her to stay with her family not a stranger who is a psycho ...advice me please !!
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Question: if you were also a
Question: if you were also a junkie but now are sobered up and are good for her now, why do you think he can't do the same?
Would u let ur kid hang out
Would u let ur kid hang out with a junkie and has been in and out of jail? a stranger someone they've heard of but don't know? Would u allow them visits? He's a stranger to her... I just don't understand why everyone has a hard time understanding this... Every time while he's been in jail I've received letter after letter saying he's going to change and never has once except now how long should I give him he's living in a sober house he's not even on his own yet!
I'm sorry, but Rhyleighblue
I'm sorry, but Rhyleighblue only offered the advice that YOU asked for. What she stated are all true facts. Go see a lawyer, They will tell you what Rhyleighblue has already said. Seeing how BD is her BIOLOGICAL dad the courts will always favor BD's over SD even with us, BM over SD. Yes he has a record, yes he did horrible things but the courts see that he is trying to straighten his life up and will start with supervised visits.. once they are established for a while it will go to unsupervised visits then increased visits to possible 50-50 custody depending on his commitment and attendance and cs payments. She is 6 years old in the eyes of the courts she has no say unfortunately. The only thing you can do as her mother is help her ease into it with the support and understanding that you and SD is going to be there for her. You have to realize people change and who knows, your daughter might realize hey dad was in a bad place when i was younger and maybe now he is in a right place to be a part of my life. Hope it all works out for you. I know this sucks.. but its just the way the court system is
Mazzy has some valid points
Mazzy has some valid points her. PAS is so wrong regardless of the situation. Maybe it took her dad a little longer to grow up and realize his responsibilities but every child and every parent deserves a relationship with one another as long as the parent is trying. There are some things that children should NEVER hear. Our BM went to jail for a few weeks, we had to get skids from her stupid family members that were lying for her and covering for her. When we got the kids they asked "where is mommy" our responce was that she had to go away for a while and they would see her soon. Please do not put such adult issues on your little innocent child. She does not need to know her dad is a POS or a junkie. He may end up staying sober and being a fantastic father. You owe him that chance. He deserves another chance. Addiction is a tough SOB to kick but at least he is making an effort and trying to be involved with her!!!
I do not understand how so many BMs cry because the father wants nothing to do with the child but when the father wants a relationship the BM does everything she can to destroy the relationship... I just don't get it.
To the OP intelligence
To the OP intelligence doesn't not equal maturity. I can't tell you how often I get onto to people about that. Just because my 3 year is smart and speaks well doesn't mean he understands what's actually going on.
She doesn't know that it's
She doesn't know that it's drugs I worded that wrong I've told her bad things bc she knew he was in jail and wanted to know why and I said bc he was doing bad things and he has. Ever done anything for her except this past year tried to give her presents she didnt want ... Otherwise before that no cards gifts child support nothing....
She knows that he was making
She knows that he was making bad choices and he chose bad things I mean what should I have said to her when she was asking questions I never said anything bad to her or in front of her I asked her last Xmas if she felt comfortable taking Presents from him and she said no... When I asked her if she wants to talk to him she says no and she has reasons bc she knows that he hurt her by not being around I personally worry about her getting hurt again... Sorry to the above comment of seeming a little bit off... Wtf? I am a mom who has worked my ass of for my children and for someone to have they're cake and eat it to seems a little selfish and rediculous over me wanting what's best in my opinion for my daughter and everyone else in the family... He is a scrawny guy who is an embarrassment to me who I on e heard him tell a child that colors are made from the moon and he's the type of person who acts high to create the feeling they've had they're whole lives I don't feel comfortable with that maybe I shouldn't have had a child with him? Well then I wouldn't have a daughter and some people aren't meant to be parents and I'm not keeping her from him by any means but she doesn't want to I'm not going to force her and what makes me different bc I've been clean for five years I bought a house I've had a job I bought a car I buy my furniture and name brand clothes for my family and everything I take care of .... I am not one that really believes in equality bc I know there's people out there who are better than me but I guess I was looking for more an understanding than a lecture ... This happens to me every time I write on here I end up feeling worse... I don't feel like he deserves to be a part of her life he was abusive and threatened to kill me ...
OP, it sounds like you have
OP, it sounds like you have some unresolved issues that need some work.
How does a young child have ANY inclination that her father "chose drugs over her?" That info could only have come from you.
Facts:
You are a recovering junkie.
He is a recovering junkie.
He pays child support.
He wants a relationship with his child.
He has legal, parental rights.
He has EVERY right to have access to HIS child. You need to let go of the hate and anger you feel toward your ex and love her more. You need to realize that your DD will always need her father. That's her father. You need to do what you can to encourage and facilitate that relationship.
And, and the "other" ex, the one who like to pretend he's her father? Yeah, legally, he's a stranger. Legally, he gets no rights, no visitation, nothing. If you choose to "share" your young daughter with him, that's your choice. But it will have to be on YOUR time and not on her father's visitation.
People change. You claim to be living proof of that.