bio-mom won't let us talk to step-daughter
My step-daughter is 5 years old and lives about a thousand miles away from us. We are just now (within the last 9 months) re-entering her life. My husband is a recovering alcoholic that has been clean and sober for about a year. I used to talk to my step-daughters mom via text message on a weekly basis. She related to me that she was afraid that my hubby would "get bored" with SD. That she was afraid that SD would get hurt in the end. We drove the 1000+ miles over Christmas to see SD and have plans to drive out there again the end of March. Bio-mom and step-daughter used to live in the same state as us, but three years ago left our home state to move across country because of Felony Warrants for identity theft. The warrants are still in place. In the month since our visit to see SD, we have tried calling to talk to her 14 times. In that time period we have only been able to talk to her once. Bio-mom no longer answers text messages. She'll randomly send us messages asking us if we're going to be around at such and such time so she can have SD call, but then never does. We don't know what else to do now. Bio-mom went on and on about how afraid she was that my husband would enter the kiddo's life and then just disappear. Well, he's not disappearing, but she still won't let us talk to her!! We don't know what else to do! My husband, because of the alcoholism, has a criminal history too, although he has no pending cases on his part at least. He is afraid that if he took it to court that he would either not be granted any custody because of his history, or that she would make stuff up about him (she did this in the past to a previous baby daddy). She's too young for us to get her her own cell phone. We don't know what other options we may have. Does anyone have any suggestions on what we can do???
that's a touchy situation
that's a touchy situation honey. But if Bm has felony warrants you and DH need to report her. The child might automatically be placed in your care if BM is arrested. I'd talk to a lawyer if I were you. Doesn't matter what BM makes up about Dh, his records is squared away and he is in a recovery program i'm assuming...showing effort to get his life back on track and rehabilitate himself. That stuff looks good to courts, better than moving to escape felony warrants like BM.
"Venting without the desire to look within and improve your situation is simply venting to hear yourself bitch."
..."I'm not mean, you're just a sissy."
Call the warrant office and
Call the warrant office and let them know of BM's whereabouts }:) If you don't want to be that underhanded then your DH needs to put in a court order to see or least talk to his kid. He may have a past but its highly unlikely he would be forbidden to talk to his child. Besides, what is it going to hurt? BM is preventing him from talking to daughter already. He can start a relationship with his daughter via phone, establish trust with BM (I wouldn't bet on this), then he in turn get more actual one on one time with her. SD can at least come out for the summer and every other Christmas.
Does he pay child support? If he doesn't then he'll probably be mandated to.
He does pay child support
He does pay child support and we have talked about having her arrested on her warrants. We're just not sure how that works with her being out of state and we want to have SD with us so that she doesn't get placed in foster care for any amount of time. I am personally afraid of the effects of just ripping SD out of her home will have on her, but at the same time we're both afraid of the effect on SD if she stays with BM. BM has had CPS called on her because of her mom spanking SD with a flip-flop. SD is violent to her siblings (she was spanked because she pushed her brother into the couch and broke his nose). BM doesn't push SD to complete anything. This kid won't even ride a bike because it's "too hard"! What a joke! SD has no rules or consistency at home. My husband grew up without rules and I think that plays a large part into his past, ya know? SD isn't in pre-school because the BM would rather buy herself tattoos and piercings then pay the $25/month to get her into pre-school. I could go on and on (which I might...venting feels good...thanks for "listening" lol) I know that BM loves SD, but I just don't think she has what it takes to be a good parent. From what I've heard she didn't exactly have a very good role model. Husband and I are afraid that SD will follow either her footsteps (two kids before she turned 18, first one was taken by the courts) or his. Neither life do we want for her...ugh...this is so complicated!
Venting does feel good
Venting does feel good doesn't it...lol
Put in an Emergency Order of Custody due to BM's outstanding felony warrants and her obstruction father/daughter relationship. Go seek counsel first though. Does DH have joint legal custody? He should have a say on the welfare of his kid.
I don't know about BM's parenting except that its wrong of her to keep her kid from knowing her loving father.
Just whatever you do, make
Just whatever you do, make sure you are biting off more than you can chew! Make sure you are prepared to take this child with all of her issues before you make any type of "arrest" phone call. KWIM?
Good point Jen. OP, you
Good point Jen.
OP, you might get this kid and find out she has serious,deep issues bc of the drama in her life. Issues that may cause DH to be stressed and relapse into alcohol even...just be careful about what you're trying to accomplish. Have a plan before you act.
"Venting without the desire to look within and improve your situation is simply venting to hear yourself bitch."
..."I'm not mean, you're just a sissy."
What does KWIM mean? I can
What does KWIM mean? I can usually piece together what all the initial's mean (there should be a dictionary!) but that one is new to me!
Thank you for all your help
Thank you for all your help and insight! We have already looked into getting a lawyer.
Confused-Thank you. We hadn't considered legal aid before. I am the only one working at the moment so financial assistance for a lawyer would be a huge help.
We know she may have a great deal of issues if she comes to us. I have pretty darn good insurance through my work, so getting her into therapy should not be a problem. I know for sure that she has some attachment issues. From what BM has told us and what we've experienced, SD will cry and cry and cry if she ever spends the night away from BM. Even if SD initiates the sleep over and she's sleeping over at families houses that she sees on a regular basis. This poor kids only constant has ever been the BM...if moving from one place to another every two months is considered "constant".
Thank you again for all of your input!
Have you guys thought about
Have you guys thought about moving where BM lives? You would have a definite stronger case if you lived closer.
Both of our whole families
Both of our whole families live in the state we are in now. So does 95% of BM's for that matter. We own a home and I have a good, not well paying, but good job here. For me, moving across country is not an option. If we moved to where BM and SD live, knowing BM, she would pick up and leave two weeks after we got there...probably back to the our home state! We will just have to fight this battle from afar