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im ready... how about the kids?

glam-mom's picture

My new soul mate realtionship is amazing!!! i love everything!!! and my kids are so happy and love spending time with this person who gives them his undivided attention... so much i even get jealous haha but my question is weve been together for about 2 months and it seems like years but when is it appropriate for him to spend the night while my kids are home as well... my daughter asks every night if he can stay the night Sad i dont want to send my kids the wrong idea but i know me and this person are meant to be and will be married someday without a doubt... we even talked about moving in togeher by winter Smile

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dragonfly5's picture

Stay the night? Wow that is a good question.
FDH and I have been together for over 2yrs. His kids 10 and 13. Mine 29.

We have never stayed together when he has the kids. My rule. I am not confortable. But my daughter comes to visit and stays at my place and my FDH is there.

It is a double standard I know. But somewhere in my mind my 29yr old is grown she has her own opinions and ideas. She and fDH get up together and have coffee and talk. She loves him and his kids, but I just can't have his kids and him stay over. I have even had his kids over for slumber parties without him.

When we vaca with my family or friends I get my own room. Usually one of my god children stay with me. But not FDH. I just can't do it.

Let me know how it works for you and how you get there.

I am not sure I ever want to marry again, so this is a subject FDH and I talk about a lot.
I love him, Like you he is my soul mate. Gives me more than I ever dreamed possible in a relationship. But I don't want to do wrong by his kids. Staying together and not being married in front of the kids is a hard for me.

I am conflicted in that area too!

oneoffour's picture

2 months is 8 weeks. It takes about as long for a cat to have kittens.
OK you may not like this but here it goes .... right now you are in the 'honeymoon' stage of your relationship. Your andorphrens (?sp)and other hormones are running crazy right now. There is very little this man can do to make you miserable. I bet you even likes the way he shaves and cuts his dinner. This is totally normal. It is all part of the way we choose a mate. We are VERY attracted to them in every possible way. Very little the perfect man does makes us cringe or think "umm, ew!" And even when we do the 'um ew' thing the little habit is endearing. This is why my ex husband blew his nose every morning 3 times and for a very long time it didn't bother me in the slightest. But eventually he changed and became less likable and eventually left. And I realised how ANNOYING that 3 blow nose thing had become.

You didn't say how old your children are but I would wait at LEAST 6 months. If you lead by example your children will see nothing wrong with knowing a partner for a few weeks and adding them into the family mix by inviting them to stay the night.

When I lived with my DH for about 9 months I would not sleep with him while his kids were there. They KNEW but they never saw anything inappropriate.

As much as your kids ask for him to stay the night, do you REALLY think they know what is really involved? REALLY?

I suspect they expect sleepover fun night. Making smores, chasing fireflies, cuddling up while watching a movie.

Definitely wait a while. Out there somewhere is a cat who got pregnant the same day you got with your soulmate (I find the phrase 'new' soulmate interesting. I have one soulmate. I never really thought of my prev husband as my souldmate but DH is definitely THE one and only) who is only JUST delivering her kittens.

If your kids asked for a Great Dane puppy would you buy one just because they want one?

glam-mom's picture

you must have misunderstood me when i said new soulmate bc i have never felt this strongly about anyone in my life i thought i lved my ex but it was purely bc i became comfortable in the situation and then realized how uncomfortable i was... this new guy is terrific and yes it may be a honey moon phase but i know we are meant to last i knew it since the first date and its wierd bc ive known him my whole life and only now have feelings for him, weve talked about moving in with each other... is this wrong to do if your not married? and i just cant help but feel with the current situation my kids are dealing with dad being out of the picture for this present time and weekends are the only time they have that theres nothing wrong with movie night and cuddling bc this is truly how we do things here we have quality time together an have been giving them all the attention in the world and they deserve it... i like to see my children happy... and so does he... i wouldve never imagined bc he is not the type of person i wouldve ever gone for but soemthing clicked and its just so amazing and so right... maybe i shulve gave it more time but it was almost like it was out of our control... has anyone else ever lve someone after only 2 months... did anyone else know that they would spend the rest of their lives with someone after two months?