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Wondering??

marissamae88's picture

Does anyone ever wonder how their SO or DH or DW was ever in love with their ex. I look at BM and I just cannot see how he ever felt anything for her let alone have four kids with her. I almost get confused and need an explanation like why would you? How could you find her attractive with the way she looks, acts and the words that come out of her mouth I just am so confused sometimes.

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Barbie2390's picture

Yes were in the same boat i saw her and shes not attractive at all let it alone doesnt even speak english there nothing attractive about her has no boobs, no but, short butch hair, not skinny but skrawney where u can see her ribs thru a shirt shes about 5'0
80 lbs compared to me 5'6 120 im obeesse. lol..... I dont know what these guys ever see in these women and have kids i just ask why.

marissamae88's picture

When I start to think about it I get angry not that I have any right to be but my SO seems to be so smart so why would you want to replicate her in the form of a child. I just dont understand.....

marissamae88's picture

Okay my SO isnt exactly what I would call "my type". He is short and pretty thin. I like bigger guys I guest I am a chubby chaser lol so he isnt my normal guy. I really liked him because he was so confident and so smart. So where did she come from its almost like he misplaced his brain that day or something.

TheBrightSide's picture

I think about some of the losers I dated in my past. The difference being, I wasn't stupid enough to marry and procreate with them. Guess I'm just smarter than my DH.

forever2's picture

I struggle with this all the time too, why such an amazing man would choose such a pile of crap as his wife and mother of his child, and why would he waste all of those glorious firsts on her? It pains me constantly in fact, so thank you for bringing it up and reminding me I am not alone. I think the root issue (tell me if you agree) is that it is indirectly insulting to us. We are beautiful and accomplished and funny and smart and he says we are everything he ever dreamed of and they are uh, hideous in every way! It is kind of like a man who prides himself in his exquisite appreciation for fine cars....and then you find out the first car he chose was a Ford Pinto...so then we say...hey, I am a Ferrari and we wonder if he really knows the difference. A friend asked me about my fiance's ex one day over dinner. I started on a long rant about what a nasty, trailer trash, ugly b---h she was when my friend looked at me rather perplexed with a hint of humor and said...but he picked her. To me, the implication was that if he had such bad taste in women, why choose me? Its a blow to our self esteem, and on some level, I think we fear that maybe in his eyes, we are no better than she it....after all, he chose us both. Ugh.
More than that, we want to respect our man, and not think of him as a blubbering fool who makes bad decisions. I take one looked at his ex, and honestly lose a little (okay, a LOT) of respect for him. He may be wonderful now, but obviously had a period of brain damage. I often wish that I could say, "yes, that thing over there is his ex, but he married her during his cocaine phase," or, yes, that's her, but they married before he had the brain tumor removed." I grasp for any explaination and he simply cannot offer one. He says he didn't really know her or he didn't really know himself, or the psycho-babble about unresolved childhood issues. It is all so unsatisfying and so short of explaining such a catastropic error in judgement.

young_step_mom's picture

^^^
EXACTLY!!! It is insulting to me that DH had a child w that piece of trash and then he picked me. I would like to think I am better than BM in every possible way, but how can he have done a complete 180 in choosing his mate? Does this in some way mean that I am something like her?? Ugh, it disgusts me to think that she and I can be compared in ANY way.

Unhappy's picture

My SO's EX is about 40 lbs over wieght, cakes so much makeup on her face that it makes you wonder what she actually looks like, has multiple personality disorders, thinks she's a princess, want's absolute control, and has anger issues.

SO has actaully told me that she was a very verbally and emotionally abusive person. (Go figure with the personality disorders.) She actually had him to where he was a shell of a person just before the divorse.

They were initially together for about a year before she became pregnant "accidentally". She was on birth control and was taking antibiotics which she claims caused her birth control to fail. BS. I've done my research and the antibiotics that they think can cause this speeds up your livers ability to matabalize. Meaning meds for things like seizures, tuberculosis, chronic migranes. I think that she just trapped him and they're is no actual proof that any antibiotics can actaully cause any issues while taking birth control. Actaully they did a study recently on over 7000 women who were getting abortions. Only 70 said that they blamed it on taking antibiotics which equated to .87% of all the women in the study. We do have evidence that an estimated 1% of all women while taking birth control will have their birth control fail resulting in a pregnancy. That percentage almost matches the .87% of women in the study that was done. Not saying SO's EX's birth control failed. I honestly think that she did it on purpose.

When I have asked SO why he was with her, he just says she wasn't crazy until after they got married. I'm amazed she was able to hide it for so long.

marissamae88's picture

forever2 I couldnt agree with you more. When I met my SO's good friend he told him later that he was actually surprised that I was as good looking as I am. I was very flattered and told him to tell his friend thank you. He was like yea I asked him why are you surprised I have a good taste...................:( what? He was surprised because your ex was not an example of good taste. She was something you hope you never see again like what are you talking about. I was very insulted because I think we (my SO and I) match up good together but your ex (in my opinion) doesnt hold a candle to me. I think I am decent and I am 6 years younger than her and I havent had four children or abused drugs so therefore she didnt make the standards for me very high. I just wish he would acknowledge that. I fear that he does see me and then her as if we are in the same pool as women and we are not even close. He told me he never loved her that they were friends with benefits and he had actually met another girl and liked her a lot. He called her(BM) and told her he didnt want to be physical with her anymore because he met this other girl. She said well I am pregnant so how does that work.....I sometimes think maybe she wasnt and just said it. Then my SO felt bad made her is girlfriend and then got pregnant. I have no idea but my SO sometimes I look up to him and then others I wonder how I even fell for him.

sasha101's picture

I've often wondered about this too, and can't believe my dh was stupid enough to get involved with such a horrible woman. They're about as opposite as can be - she's loud, selfish, foul mouthed, low IQ and always has to be the centre of attention. Dh is quiet, shy, considerate and very intelligent. I'm no oil painting and neither is dh, but this woman is the ugliest bitch I've ever seen and there's nothing remotely attractive about her. I could understand it if she had a nice personality, as looks aren't everything, but she's not a nice person and did nothing but embarrass him and make him unhappy. He has a severe social phobia and chronic shyness and when he was younger covered it up by drinking heavily, as that gave him false confidence to socialise. He got involved with her through drink, and she got pregnant so he stayed with her for the sake of the kid, as she threatened to take the boy away and not let him see him again. He'd had short term failed relationships and been treated badly before meeting her and had very low self esteem, so he thought she was the best he could do and was all he deserved. She was very abusive towards him and the kids throughout their relationship. What I can't understand is how he was stupid enough to then produce 2 more kids with her. I can understand him staying with her for their son, but to then have 2 further accidents??? He says she pestered him for sex and lied about being on the pill (I can believe it- she's an evil bitch), but the thought of them having sex and creating these kids makes me cringe, and I must admit it does lessen my respect for him that he could have been so stupid.

hismineandours's picture

My dh was on drugs at the time. Really, the boy wasnt thinking straight. She got pregnant and he tried to do the right thing and marry her. They divorced before ss was 1.

marissamae88's picture

I love what you said cheesedoff in terms of thinking that I am an upgrade lol. I love that!! I will go in circles wondering and asking why but that wont change his choice almost ten years ago. He sometimes asks me where were you 10 years ago........I was 12 so even then we wouldnt have worked out lol. From now on I am going to think of myself as his upgrade