MY rocking chair!
I'm 8 months pregnant and as a gift to myself, I bought a really comfortable rocking chair. It helps with my back pain now, and I'm planning to use it for nursing when the baby arrives. It was expensive and a splurge for us, but I really wanted a nice chair for relaxing. I haven't been sleeping well and sitting in the chair seems to be one of the few ways I can rest right now.
Unfortunately, we live in a small apartment and the only place that the rocking chair fits is in our living room. The baby is going to sleep in our bedroom for a while, but there is no space in our bedroom for the rocking chair.
Here's my problem: my step kids, SS8 and SD6, also like the chair and they use it when they are with us. In my opinion, on occasion they don't use the chair properly -- they sit on its arms or lean their bodies against the backrest so that the chair dips further back than it should. My SS on occasion has eaten oreos on the chair, and he can be messy with food (and wiping his hands on things, like his pants). I've asked them to use the chair properly, and generally they do, but from time to time I need to correct them. Last weekend, this all came to a head when I asked my SD to stop sitting on the chair's arm. My DH rolled his eyes at me but backed me up and my SD stopped. Even though he backed me up, I could tell he was annoyed and that he thought I was being ridiculous.
The reality is that I feel like I live in a completely child-centric home, and that I don't have the "right" to speak up when I feel that something of mine is being misused because my DH thinks I overreact and that my rules about cleaning up or using furniture properly are too uptight. I probably speak up once out of every 10 times that something bothers me, usually when I'm really pushed to an edge. Mostly DH backs me up or doesn't say anything, but occasionally (maybe once or twice a weekend) he defends the kids openly in front of me, and it causes a lot of tension in our home and makes me withdraw from the family in resentment.
At this point, I'd like to ban the kids from using the chair. It feels like my one special thing in our common space, I really need it now in this last stage of pregnancy and I get so stressed from always "monitoring" behavior on it. I wish I could just use it whenever I want, and that it is just available for me. We have three other very comfortable spots for sitting in this space, and they are always empty, so I don't understand why my chair can't be reserved for me, particularly when I feel that the kids don't use it properly and I become a nag, asking them to stop doing whatever they are doing that bothers me.
My DH said that I am completely overreacting and that I can't expect something that is in our living room to be solely "mine." At first he agreed to back up my ban on kids using the chair, but last night he revoked it, telling me that he isn't going to support me if I'm being "crazy."
What do you think? Am I being crazy? I really need a reality check on this situation.
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Thanks, and yeah -- I think
Thanks, and yeah -- I think the kids never really learned how to treat furniture properly in the years that they lived with their father alone. From time to time I'm embarrassed by the very messy state of their bedrooms if we have guests over or whatever, but I never, ever say anything about the bedrooms because I figure I need to pick my battles...but I am hobbling around, having trouble walking, and I just feel so disrepected on this chair issue.
Growing up, I remember that my friends parents had furniture items that were "off limits" to the kids, and that was just accepted and fine. I can't understand why it is such a big issue or why my DH isn't willing to bend and let me have the chair?
yeah, exactly -- every family
yeah, exactly -- every family had a family room, but also a "living room" that was formal and that we were scared to tip-toe through! i remember lots of white carpets back then...
haha That's hilarious.. we
haha That's hilarious.. we had one of those with Rose coloured sofa's
Tell the skids to leave your
Tell the skids to leave your chair alone, you have a reason to need this chair and they don't need to be breaking it, besides I'm sure you have other furniture for them to destroy, let them destroy that. I would insist that this chair is yours and yours only to sit in until your baby is born and walking.
I tried, but last night DH
I tried, but last night DH said he won't back me up on that because it is ridiculous and crazy. It is so frustrating. He also says that I am totally overreacting to how they are using the chair and that they won't break it because it is very sturdy, and that I should react IF they break it, not before...
sounds like your DH doesn't
sounds like your DH doesn't want to control his children, you are not being unreasonable. When your baby needs a high chair is he going to allow them to break that or decide that he can't sit in it because they want to? Asking for your items to be treated respectfully isn't being unreasonable especially this ONE item since there is clearly a need for it and I'm sure you don't have the money to keep repairing it or replacing it. Sounds to me like you have a guilty dad on your hands and his kids run the show. I feel for you.
that's exactly it -- i don't
that's exactly it -- i don't feel like i have the right to speak up. when i do, he backs me up more often than not BUT i feel his resentment and bitterness when i speak up and afterwards (not always, but often) he tells me that he thinks i'm overly sensitive about my belongings and that i need to relax. he also points out that when the baby comes the baby will make a mess everywhere -- i get that, but i have a lot more sympathy and understanding for a messy infant than a messy 6 or 8 year old.
I can sympathize with living
I can sympathize with living in a small space. However, do you happen to have a place in your dining room or somewhere where the television (or other loved skid device) may not be as accessible? This would make the chair less tempting for them, I think.
god, i wish. we live in a
god, i wish. we live in a small apartment in NYC, and our kitchen, living and dining room are all the same space. the kids have their own bedrooms, and we have our bedroom...but otherwise, no... no other spot for the chair!
Yeah, DH lived in a really
Yeah, DH lived in a really nasty apartment before he moved in with me, and the kids jumped all over the furniture there. No one cared, because the furniture was all busted up "college-style" furniture...unfortunately, I think they learned there that they didn't need to be careful with furniture, and it has crossed over into our household.
They are generally good kids, and they try to be respectful, but I think they just forget. It doesn't help that DH doesn't agree with my standards, because he really runs the show when the kids are with us.
my dh and i just got our own
my dh and i just got our own first bed set together recently, and its a queen size mattress and head board. and underneath it, there is only one board that keeps the mattress and box spring on the bed frame. Dh was letting sd7 stand up and then fall back on the bed, so not exactly jumping, but still hard enough. but me and dh were all on the bed as well and it was really annoying. She did it several times and I just looked at dh and was like are you going to keep letting her do that? this bed does not seem to sturdy for her to be doing that. im going to have to get a big board to put underneath the box spring so it doesnt break the bed frame! plus she has her own bed she can do that to!! I say keep standing your ground. That is something for you and the baby when it arrives. I know when I was a kid and there was a rocking chair around, I had too much fun on it. I think your dh should still back you up on it!
thanks, and i agree. it is
thanks, and i agree. it is amazing to me how men can just overlook things like this. if one of the kids picked up his guitar and misused it...it would be a very different story and they know it.
Not at all crazy, they have
Not at all crazy, they have no business sitting in your chair. Maybe if they asked permission and were told, "OK, but you have to sit in it right and you may not have any food or drink in it. Also, you've got to let me have it back when I'm ready to sit."
Not at all on the same level as your rocking chair, but this is always an issue for me when camping. Nothing fancy or expensive about a camp chair, like your rocking chair. We bring enough for everyone when camping, and each person has "their" chair. But every time I turn around, a skid is sitting in someone else's chair. Typically mine, dad's, or even another adult's who brought their own chair. It makes me nuts! I think it entirely rude, and it drives me crazy that dad doesn't see it the same way.
that would drive me nuts,
that would drive me nuts, too. it is rude to sit in someone else's chair!
That is indeed YOUR chair and
That is indeed YOUR chair and rightly so. You are not overreacting and I am quite tired of hearing that line used on many of us.
I am even worse about my things- trust me. When I see SD6 JUMPING on my new sofa, it ticks me off that her dad will let her act like an ape.
Claim it.
This is very simple to fix -
This is very simple to fix - when the skids are there put a plastic cover on the chair and tell them that this is for you and you only - if DH will not back you up then you must stand up for yourself and tell them that the chair is for you and not them. Also tell DH that if he does not get on board then the chair will go in your bedroom and something of his will need to come out maybe the TV - one of his dressers something.
This is your piece of furniture and yours alone make it clear that there is to be no sitting, eating or sitting on the arms because that will break the chair and if they can't listen then grab one of their games or something in their room and treat it like they treat your chair - they need to respect you and your DH needs to help them to learn to respect you. Take their shit and wreck it and see how they like it also tell you DH that if he does not want a raging hormonal pregnant woman on his shit then he better start backing you up or he will not make it to the baby's birth - I am sure the BM in your case got her own chair and I would bet my life that it was in a nursery and all done up and no one was aloud to sit in it but her - so tell him you can do without the room but not without the chair.
Congrats!!!
Yep, you are completely
Yep, you are completely right, particularly about the BM. Your post almost made me cry (but that's because I am definitely a raging hormonal pregnant woman).
Just hang in there and
Just hang in there and threaten your DH with bodily harm if something happens to that rocking chair - take it from me you will be spending many hours in it with your newborn and if it gets broken he will need to replace ASAP!! Good Luck with the birth and get as much sleep as you can now because you won't for the first couple of weeks - but it will be an amazing experience even with skids thrown in the mix. God Bless!!
and my DH doesn't have the
and my DH doesn't have the same level of respect for things (his clothing, his belongings) that I do, so it is very frustrating for me to deal with him
Indeed - it is YOUR chair. So
Indeed - it is YOUR chair. So it's in a community space out of necessity, but if you had your way (or space) it'd certainly be put in the BABY'S room (I'm guessing) which is not a place where the skids would be allowed to trample all over. I'd try putting it into perspective that way with your H...you have no control over the fact that you are in cramped quarters, and anyone will tell you that the only way to keep your sanity in those conditions is to have your OWN space of SOME sort.
Could you have a talk with the skids and explain that you really love the chair and that it IS YOURS and that you would like them to respect that. Then you can discuss ways to make a space/item/furniture piece for each person in the family (even if it's just a certain side of the couch) that is "theirs". Everyone has their thing and everyone respects each other's things. If everybody gets something to themselves then you will be more likely to win this battle and not come across as selfish (which I don't think you are being, sometimes we just need to manipulate the situation!).
My DH has a 2nd hand recliner
My DH has a 2nd hand recliner that is HIS. Yet when i first met him his boys would lay in it, lie on it, tuck themselves up in a blanket on it and then roll their eyes when their father wanted to sit on it.
I reclaimed the chair for him. I told the boys that this is their father's chair and he works very hard to earn the right to claim that chair. When they are supporting their father and earning more than him then they can claim the chair. And they hated me for a while.
If I were you I would tell the kids that this is YOUR chair for the next 6 months for medical reasons. Maske up some crap they will all believe that the Dr has told you you MUST rest in a recliner due to weakened pelvic muscles and it cannot be used by anyone else or it will not be molded to your shape and cause more damage.
Or point out to your DH that this is not college dorm furniture and if ONE THING goes wrong with it he is heading out to buy another one. Or hand the kids his guitar while he is around and watch him move. Then point out you feel the same about the recliner while you are pregnant.
Ok, DH sees that kids are
Ok, DH sees that kids are kids....but they are his kids, not your kids. If your kid crawls up in mommy's chair, it would be easier for you to understand.
At this point, tell him...this is my chair, everyone keep off my chair. In my house, I have my chair. DH has his chair, ds9 has his chair. Its how we roll. Noone sits in each others chairs. Your skids are little and you need your space from them. DH doesn't see it as much of an invasion as you do because they simply are not your babies.
Tell DH to just respect you on this, you don't ask for much, make it happen! You are not crazy, you're at the breaking point and need a couple of things to go right...one of them being...stay out of my frikin chair!!!!
Tell DH to use that word sparingly, it will come back to BITE him if he is not careful.
I thought of you this
I thought of you this weekend, and this post.
My fiance built the glider/rocker and ottoman for the baby's nursery (we're unable to actually put it in the room yet -- we have a roommate for another week -- and we thus have it sitting in our living room). I've become a FREAK about the kids playing on it! I don't know how many times we yelled at the skids last night for playing on it! I don't even care that much if they sit in it, but of course SS3 was acting like it's a jungle gym and hanging all over the arms and back and the ottoman. It drove me nuts! I can't wait to put it away in the baby's room. Thankfully, DF seemed to also have the same feelings I had about the chair so that helped!
I hope your chair has become YOUR chair.
Ugh. I hate his statement,
Ugh. I hate his statement, "that you cant expect something in the living room to be solely yours". Why the hell not? Children are NOT on the same level as adults-if you want to have anything that is for your use only you are certainly entitled to do so as an adult in your own home.
I dont really have any "off limit" items in my living room-but I do have a chair that I sit in all the time. The kids will occassionally sit there; however, when I want to sit down they have to get up. Dh also has a recliner that he feels the same way about.
I also have "off limits" food. Things I buy just for myself. I even leave them in the kitchen-but they are solely for me.
Tell the kids the chair is only for pregnant ladies and mommies with babies.