SD6 and Christmas present
The way DH and I have worked it is that instead of me and DH running around trying to get 400 different people presents for x-mas, he pretty much takes care of his side, and I pretty much take care of mine. He gets daughter, siblings, nieces and nephews, and father all something on his own. I get my mother's SO, my sister, cousin and cousin's two kids all something on my own. We usually both get a little something extra for each other's mother's as well as by ourselves. We just put both of our names on all of the presents. And although DH and I had previously agreed that we weren't going crazy on Christmas this year so we can set aside the extra and put it away towards a house, he is still set on getting his kid a very big ticket item. I've discussed this with him several times. I'm not singleing her out, this applies to everyone we are buying for this year. He got really deffensive and pissy when I brought it up and still plans on getting her this expensive gift.
So, I especially wasn't going to get her anything beyond what he is getting her this year because he will be spending way more than we had discussed to budget. I'm sure DH is expecting me to pick up something for her. No one makes any effort on SD's behalf to aknowledge me with even a dollar store present, so why should I spend extra to get her even more?
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Do you combine money? Also
Do you combine money? Also what is the item if don't mind me asking. Or atleast how much money is he going to spend on it?
It's a big drum set. I guess
It's a big drum set. I guess you can say we combine $$$. He works an 7-4 five days a week job and I have taken over his previous property management job that's 24 hrs a day 7 days a week on call. So whatever $$$ comes in from both, goes right back out and very little is left over.
"It's a big drum set." Are
"It's a big drum set." :jawdrop:
Are you kidding me? This being for a 7 year old?
Yep, it's a drum set for
Yep, it's a drum set for younger people, but it's still big it's not one of those little kiddie ones if you get whati 'm saying.
No offense, but your DH is
No offense, but your DH is nuts!
I would offer him TWICE the money to NOT buy it!! Unless you guys have a sound proof room to put it into...
I would go insane for life
I would go insane for life with something that noisy in my home.
Reminds of a song but can't think of who the band is/ was;
" I don't wanna work, I just wanna bang on the drum all day..."
Todd Rundgren
Todd Rundgren
Had to "jump" in here Sky,
Had to "jump" in here Sky, and tell you thank you.
(No subject)
Just be the bigger person and
Just be the bigger person and get her a few small things. Its not about what people help her get you..and your hubby should be the one taking her to gift shop for you. Its xmas time of giving! If you dont get her something (no matter what dad spent) you will feel guilty, hubby will be upset and you become the bad one. I understand budget, but if he wants to spend extra on his child let him.
In the words of Dolly
In the words of Dolly Parton;
" Hard Candy Christmas"
Um no if you combine your
Um no if you combine your money tell him this is a joint decision no and if or butts! And if he doesn't stay in budget if effects you too! and if he insists on it don't get her anything, b/c if you do it just adds to him with knowing he was in the right. No he is not in the right with spending more than you agreed with the joint money! That is not fair if you have joint money it is a joint decision!
Actually MIL opened her mouth
Actually MIL opened her mouth to BM and she said it is absoloutely not going to be kept at her place. BM calls MIL all the time to "babysit" and MIL runs to the rescue every time. So, the drum set would be kept at MIL's. MIL's is crowded and cluttered and she is constantly complaining about it, but of course since it's for SD she will find room, and then most likely complain about it later. We live in an apartment and are up to our ears in clutter too.
I'm sorry but I'm one that
I'm sorry but I'm one that feels like wanting to make a child's Christmas wish come true. Young children don't realize the cost, they just know what their they are 'wishing' for.
My son who is the father of my 4 year y/o granddaughter, started dating 8 months ago, a woman who has a 2 1/2 y/o daughter.
Both girls made a wish list and the 4 year old wants Toy Story toys and the 2 1/2 y/o wants a "big" dollhouse. I got the Fisher Price loving family super set and Woody, Buzz and slinky dog. The dollhouse is much more expensive but that isn't what matters.
StepX2, I am not saying for
StepX2,
I am not saying for DH to not get her anything, I am expecting him to stick to what we agreed upon.
"I'm sorry but I'm one that feels like wanting to make a child's Christmas wish come true.Young children don't realize the cost, they just know what their they are 'wishing' for.
"
That's all fine and good and I'm sure if we were a lot better off financially, it would be a lot easier said than done.And you are right, she doesn't know the cost but DH does. She saw this drum set in a flyer and pointed to it, she also pointed to about 50 other things she wanted, all at very reasonable prices. I'm sorry but we can't afford spending $2,000 on everything that she pointed to in that book, no matter how badly she "wishes" for it.
The price is what matters when you are struggling financially. When we struggle to pay our credit card bills, medical bills, car payment, and rent, when I am selling my personal things that I still would love to have on Craigslist to get extra $$$ for groceries, YES it does matter.
It's not about that with this
It's not about that with this girl. As far as we know the kid didn't ask for the drum set plus they AGREED to a budget and the dh doesn't care about that and is doing what he wants. It is about the agreed upon part and him going back on it and not caring what his wife thinks. But the bad part is that it is THEIR money not just his. He doesn't have the balls to even come to his wife and try to compromise he is just doing what he pleases with her money too like she has no say.
SD did point at the drumset
SD did point at the drumset in a flyer, but also pointed to a ton of other things. He could have gotten her several of the other things she pointed to instead of the drum set and still would have come in at a reasonable price.
So either way, she would have been getting things she wanted so I don't get it.
When I was little I wanted a pony. I also wanted a powerwheel. I never got these because my mother did not have the money for it. I don't feel like my x-mas dreams were crushed because she was a responsible adult with her $$$
I hear ya, I wanted the
I hear ya, I wanted the lasted clothes all the time but I never thought my dreams were crushed b/c I didn't get the lasted trend. I just got a job when I was old enough and bought them myself.
UM, I just bought my son a
UM, I just bought my son a SLIGHTLY used drum set; first one for 90 bucks!! and it is nice. That is it!
I love how these guilty daddies go out of their way to BUY their spawn's love
perfectly said. and it isn't about making Christmas wishes come true it is about what they both already agreed on. Dad and BM went in on the one gift she asked for a laptop of course; the same amount as the other 3. So she will sit there with one gift while the others get 20!! Oh well; if he goes and gets her more stuff; christmas morning with be his own little hell
I admit I didn't read clearly
I admit I didn't read clearly what you were trying to get across.
I understand the need to stay within budget. It's the shared money decisions being made by one person that would totally piss me off.
I guess what I really wanted to get across myself was to try not to take it out on your SD but rather where the blames lies with your DH.
I'm not taking it out on SD,
I'm not taking it out on SD, I'm not saying she is a brat for pointing out things she likes, but DH needs to have enough common sense to know what to do with that knowledge when we have come to an agreement on things. I have been buying right along for my family less than I normally would because of what I thought was our "budget". So, I think he should be keeping up his end as well. SD doesn't neet to get special treatment from our budget, it's nothing against her, but i'm not going to decrease present ammts for everyone and have her be exempt from such you know?
I understand where you're
I understand where you're coming from. My BF and I agreed on a limit for the 3 kids and now his 3 year old son needs a TV for his room. Oh and it can't be any TV. It has to be a flat screen. The price of a small one is more then what we planned on spending. And then of course he can't get just one present while he watches my daughter and his sister open up more even though less was spent on them. No no no. We can't have that. We'll need to buy him some more things to make it even.
Give me a break. Why does a 3 year old need a flat screen TV. I told him that if he is spending more on his son, then his daughter and mine will have the same amount spent on them. He wasn't very keen on this idea so guess who's not getting his own flat screen LCD TV this year for Christmas.
There is no reason why when things are agreed upon that it needs to change without just cause. I think setting a spending limit on kids for birthdays and holidays is great. Especially is you're not made of money.
"There is no reason why when
"There is no reason why when things are agreed upon that it needs to change without just cause. I think setting a spending limit on kids for birthdays and holidays is great. Especially is you're not made of money."
Exactly. Also especially when we are cramped in this tiny ass apartment and have been scraping away everything we can to put in the bank towards a house and I would rather us spend less on x-mas and put some towards the house fun instead of spending hundreds upon hundreds of dollars on the holidays. He agreed that he would rather do that too and that's what we would do, but that's obviously not turning out.
i'll vote, let him get it,
i'll vote, let him get it, get her some lipsmackers and some little stuff. choose the battles you want to fight. this is just stuff. this will pass. guilty daddies do this stuff. who wants to hear it tho anyway? actual learners tho learn one instrument at a time and have to earn each piece by mastering the first one. if its just going to be a toy to tear up, get a cheepie.