Not dealing with the sk's is bliss... dealing with the dh is NOT
Mon-Fri I work til 5 and don't get home til almost 6 so dh does dinner. And I swear it never fails... every single night I walk in and he's bitching about something. If it weren't for my kids I wouldn't come home at all. I am so sick of it. Tonight it was "your son took a whole pack of hotdogs! I am sick of buying shit for dinner only for him to eat it before I can use it!" Calmly I ask, "Why do you think ds17 did it? Did you find it in his room or something?" Oh... he has no reason to believe it was ds17, he just KNOWS it. Excuse me, but WTF??? My mom lives with us and she feeds her cat hot dogs and then lies about it (she's been caught red handed many times) so it could have been her. She is WORSE than my kids about this. But I spent the first 10 minutes I was home listening to him bitch about the fact that a pack of hot dogs (that we didn't need for dinner) were missing. Then we sit down to dinner. He yells, "I'm going to stop buying food for this house! I had 3 G**Damn tomatoes in the drawer that I planned to make a salad with and they are all GONE!" Sigh... "yes dear."
I go to my room before dinner is even over... no appetite anymore. A bit later I tell dd13 to rinse out the chili pot for me so ds17 has an easier time washing it when he gets home. She asks, "Why do I keep having to do ds's chores?" I asked her what she was talking about I just asked her to rinse out a pan for pete's sake. Oh, dh told her while I was hiding to put the dishes from the drainer away. I have said a million times that I don't mind ds to leave the dishes in the drainer until he gets home so they can dry and then he's still responsible for his chores, etc. She says, "Dad told me to put them away because ds 'never does his job'." I said, "What? There's 2 plastic containers in the drainer?" She says, "No, dad did the dinner pot." I said, "Oh good grief. Leave it in there and ds can get it when he gets home."
I'm sorry but this is just ridiculous to me to bitch incessantly about absolutely NOTHING worth bitching about. NO ONE is supposed to touch any of the food... NO ONE puts the dishes in the dishwasher right... DS NEVER does his job (even though he does it every day???)... but your lovely, perfect, princess of a daughter can call me a bitch and an asshole and tell me that I never did a damn thing for her and THAT is OK??? Your golden boy son can threaten to beat the shit out of his baby mama, mooch off of every person he knows (including YOU) and THAT is OK??? YOU will STILL pay for his cell phone and give him money for tires??? What the hell is WRONG with you??? Are you REALLY that much of an idiot??? SERIOUSLY???
Why in the hell am I still sitting in this marriage right now? Oh, that's right... I forgot. I don't make enough money to support this huge ass house that we had to build because of your POS kids to live with us by myself! Ugh... nothing like feeling completely trapped is there? Sigh. Tomorrow HAS GOT to be a better day!!
- TheWickedStepmom's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
I'm sorry things aren't
After I posted the blog I
After I posted the blog I re-read it and realized it probably sounded like he was pretty justified in his rant. So let me elaborate a little. I am very serious when I tell you that he does NOT buy food for the kids to eat... no snacks, no lunches, no breakfasts. I always end up having to go BACK to the store when I get paid because he refuses to buy anything that HE won't get a bowl/plate of. He bitches when a gallon of milk is gone in a few days (we have 6 people living in the house... 3 kids eating cereal for those 3 days takes at LEAST a half gallon), but here's the best one. He bitched last week that "no one EVER eats left overs and they sit in the fridge and go bad". Then the other day he bitched because my son ate some left overs after he came in for the night and DH "was going to eat that!!" Even if we had the BEST communication in the world, who in the crap can communicate through that? The kids are being TOLD to eat left overs but then bitched out when they do. Just for example.
My mom used to buy food and my dh would bitch about HER eating food that SHE bought! Needless to say, she stopped buying. She buys snack type stuff for herself, but she rarely ever helps purchase dinner stuff anymore (which I do not blame her). He buys stuff for himself as do I and we keep it on extra shelves in our closets. But when it comes to food for my kids (including OUR dd together), I have to be the one to buy their breakfasts, lunches, and snacks (oh, and drinks). He buys dinners and whatever HE wants for himself and basically the only reason he buys dinners is because he doesn't like the stuff I would make. I told him a couple years ago if he didn't like what I made, then HE can cook dinner and have whatever HE wants... got tired of him griping about what I cooked.
We had PLENTY of hot dogs last night. He had purchased 3 packs when we only use 2. I am sure that it was more than just 1 person that got into them truth be known, but I wouldn't be surprised if it was my mother feeding her cat again (which DOES tick me off too, but I can talk to her without being an ass at least). Of course no one ever admits to anything because he bites their heads off whether they did it or not. He's just constantly bitching.
I just need to quit whining on the boards and start saving up some money to get him the hell out of my house and then I can be done with him AND his POS kids. sigh.
Thanks to the 3 of you for your responses.
DH needs to lighten up.
DH needs to lighten up. There is no way with that many people that there is ALWAYS going to be exactly what he feels like eating at that moment available. He'll have to suck it up and get used to it. Oh and I wouldn't say a word to your mom about feeding the cat hot dogs! Who cares!? It's a fairly inexpensive vice!!! DH is going to complain no matter what so I wouldn't give it any thought, some people are never satisfied.
Yeah... I've never said a
Yeah... I've never said a word to my mom about what she feeds her animals other than it's not good for them, because it's really not. But I'm not anal about it... I'm like you... who cares. I have battles much bigger than hot dogs to worry about! LOL
You are SO UNHELPFUL. Go away
You are SO UNHELPFUL. Go away please.
Go away please.
Go away please.
Go away please.
Go away please.
Go away please
Go away please
Go away please.
Go away please.
Problem with this love them
Problem with this love them all is that all you are doing is trying to make ONE person happy and to teach the kids to walk on egg shells around dear step dad.
UM no I know for my dd she
UM no I know for my dd she had homework out the butt last night and she did not get her chores done. That can not be helped. Did my dh go off and start in the way the ops did? UM NO he understood why her chores weren't done. So yes if you make accommodations to make one person happy then yes you will always be walking on egg shells around that one person!
The whole family has always
The whole family has always walked on eggshells around dh. I must admit that it's gotten better in the last couple of years... we separated twice... once in 2006, once in 2008 and each time, I did see improvement with dh. I've been at the point the last 6 months or so that I no longer walk on eggshells. When he starts going off and my kids start to defend themselves, I tell them to keep their mouth shut... partially out of respect (I don't want them talking back) and partly because it's pointless to ARGUE with dh because he WILL argue back with the kids. That's why HIS kids are so argumentative now. He never stopped them from defending themselves... he would literally argue back and forth with them until I was pulling my hair out and yelling at all of them to shut up.
I gotta agree with your DH
I gotta agree with your DH here, because I am the one who is usually pissed off because SS11 scarfs up every bit of food in our house when he is there.... it's all the kid does is EAT! I swear, DH will make him steak for dinner and 1/2 an hour later he is in the chips and then 5 minutes later, getting ice cream etc. I'm like are you freeking serious??? DH always says.. "He's a kid" and I get pissed! If I know SS is going to be there I refuse to buy chips or anything that I know he likes because he will devour it in a day, plus I don't want to eat chips out of a bag that SS has had is grubby unwashed hands in! BLECHCH!
This is the problem though
This is the problem though Daizy. I went through the whole "teenage boys eat you out of house and home" twice... once with ss22 and once with ds17. But ds is NOT like that now. The night that dh accused ds of taking the hot dogs (the night before we had them for dinner) ds had a chicken breast in his hand. There is no way that ds ate the chicken breast AND an entire pack of hot dogs. Even at his worst, he's never eaten THAT much food! Now, it's certainly possible that ds ate 1 or 2 and then my mom fed the cat 1 or 2 or 3 and maybe one of the girls ate 1... but the point was that my dh had NO idea why he was just instantaneously blaming ds. And he's always been that way with my son. He doesn't need "evidence". My ds is always guilty until proven innocent with dh. So that gets irritating.
EXACTLY! That is EXACTLY how
EXACTLY! That is EXACTLY how dh is with my bios... and even my mom. Drives me INSANE.
He is an idiot. I see no
He is an idiot. I see no justification at all for his behavior. Seventeen year olds eat all the freakin' time. I couldn't begin to tell you how many times I've gone to make supper and found that one (or several) of the kids had eaten what I needed. That's called life in a family.
The only way around it is to label the things you know you need. I have been known to leave notes like: "Please do not eat this pasta". I just write it on a sticky note and stick it to the item.
I can't keep hotdogs in this house. And my daughters go through hummus like water. And lunch meat? Forget it! It's gone almost before it gets put away. If I want it for lunches, I label it: "Do not eat...This is for lunches".
If all I had to worry about was a package of hot dogs, I would consider myself pretty lucky. Your DH needs a hobby. If it were me, I would tell him that I will do the cooking from now on to avoid the drama.
I agree with labeling. We had
I agree with labeling. We had to do this when SS18 lived here because he would consume EVERYTHING. I started buying large quantities of frozen pizzas because he could eat two for a SNACK, especially during football season. The only rule we had was that for the most part only adults could label the food, otherwise skids might label it and forget about it and then it would spoil. I can't say it was always fool proof but yes, things like lunchmeat, etc... that are needed were left alone.
I will definitely have to try
I will definitely have to try this labeling thing and see if it works. It may actually help my mom a BUNCH. Thank you for the idea ladies!
LTM- As in the words of
LTM- As in the words of Glenda;
" Shoo! Go away before someone drops a house on you too!" :O
ALL of the kids (including my
ALL of the kids (including my bios) are bad about sneaking food (obviously). I don't deny it... I just hate it when dh picks on ds. It is ALWAYS ds's fault even when there is no evidence to suggest it. I'm just thankful now that ds is old enough that he can go "hide out" at friends or other places and get away from it sometimes. Like when this happened with the hot dogs, he wasn't home and I'm thankful. I don't want him hearing dh accusing him with no basis for his accusations. If you have proof, give it to me and I'm all over it. No proof? Forget it til you get some. I was that way with my sk's too.
And chores... that was one thing I didn't have to worry about with dh. He did make the sk's have chores... but if they were working HE did their chores for them. But ds is supposed to do his chores regardless of what excuse he has. He could be off fighting the war in Afghanistan and my dh would expect ds to come home EVERY NIGHT and do his chores! Of course that's a bit of an exaggeration, but you get my point.
Your DH needs to chill. Kids
Your DH needs to chill. Kids are going to eat and not just at mealtime. If you don't give them something, they'll fend for themselves.
I do all the grocery shopping here, and I always have my meals planned out the night before. So I have 2 big chalkboards up in the kitchen pantry area where everyone can see them. On one, I write down what is for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. On the other one I write what the choices are for snacks. It's usually in accordance with what needs to be used up. Like today for snack (which was only after school since it's a weekday) the choices were fruit, yogurt with granola, and string cheese. Sometimes when they're hungry the boys will eat one of each. Fine with me, it doesn't affect my ability to prepare a meal.
I don't know if maybe something like that would work for your house. It only really works if you can get everybody on board and if everybody can do it by the honor system.
Sorry your DH is being a jerk. It sounds like he's not looking at the big picture.
That is a good idea. I admit
That is a good idea. I admit that I was an only child and things were pretty cut and dried when I was growing up. I knew what my dad's snacks were and what I could have. I was never griped out for eating anything like hot dogs or left overs, stuff like that so we didn't have any kind of "system" like what you have working at your place. It's something I am really going to consider putting in place... that with the labeling surely should do some good.
When I was growing up I lived
When I was growing up I lived on a hobby farm, so I just ate whatever I wanted, too. It was never an issue. And there were only 2 of us kids, so I guess my parents didn't have to worry about it.
The only reason I've implemented a system is that when DH and his kids moved in it became apparent that there was a problem. SS12's BM and SD8's BM are both very poor and on public assistance. Evidently there is never enough food at their houses, and the kids have what, in a dog, would be "resource guarding issues". Basically, their mindset is "eat it before somebody else does or you'll probably starve." So they would eat everything that wasn't nailed down.
Making a menu detailing what we were having for every meal helped them come to realize that I plan for every meal, and it's a priority. Having some kind of food that they can "help themselves" to and eat all they want has oddly dampened their need to eat as much. They still sneak food and probably always will, and I admit, I still have to keep most prepared snacks in my room, which is locked. But it at least makes a dent in the problem. Hope it works for you.
I think your DH is being a
I think your DH is being a jack ass. I understand that it is frustrating to be looking for something that you wanted to cook for dinner and it not being there, but to automatically blame someone with no proof is ridiculous. He might want to take all of that energy and put it towards finding a solution to the problem. I'm sorry you are trapped. I have felt trapped too many times before and I would rather claw my own eyes out than to have to feel that way again. (((HUGS))) to you
Yeah... dh is pretty good at
Yeah... dh is pretty good at playing the role of jack ass a lot of the time. I've talked to sil's a lot over the years and quite honestly, their parents sound like real asses too. Youngest sil has some major issues with some of the things her mother said/did when she was growing up.
And I do have to give dh SOME credit because compared to what he was 11 years ago, he's a freakin' PEACH now. So it's not that he hasn't tried to do better because he is definitely better. I just wish that he would at least TRY to get along with my ds and stop picking on him already. Sigh. Sometimes I feel like telling him to grow the hell up because my ds is starting to outshine him AND sk's in the maturity area. LOL
LOL! I definitely
LOL! I definitely understand. I'm glad he is doing better, but you are right he is picking on a kid for goodness sakes! Sometimes when we grow up we do have to act like the adults :O