You are here

Oh.. I need to recover from Thanksgiving Weekend!!!

NewStepMother's picture

I need to vent, hope you dont mind. I had to of known that Thanksgiving break with my SD was going to be tiring.. Wow.. it sure was.

My husband, SD, and brother in law all drove to PA to visit my husbands grandmother. She is 95 years old. One of the most fantastic women I have ever met. My husbands mother died with he was 19.. so his grandmother has been one of the most influential people in his life.

Needless to say, as soon as we arrived.. SD was already trying to take the room with the biggest bed. REALLY? My husband said NO! SD got all mad, ran out to the car and cried for over an hour. The grandmother told my husband that he shouldnt bring her next time if she is going to act that way. The grandmother said she didnt want to be put in the middle, it's not fair to do that in her house.

SD finally came in.. total additude. She ended up sleeping on the couth. she didnt want the other bedroom which had a queen size bed? Later that night.. of course.. as always.. she knocks on our door for attention. Totally stopped us from having sex... My husband got up... tucked her back into the couch and told her if she gets up again.. she gets her phone taken away. What did she do? Yep.. got right back up.. came to our door.. complained how hot it was. My husband put her back to bed.. came into our bedroom and NEVER TOOK HER PHONE!

The next day was full of disrespectful comments from SD to her dad. We all just sat there at lunch in awe. We didnt say anything. My husband told her "if you dont stop Im going to take your phone away".. SD said "YEAH RIGHT!".

See.. perfect example of SD knowing her dad has no balls.

Later in the evening my husband and I were going to go out for an hour just as adults.. My husband ASKED SD if it was ok??? she said NO. So we ended up staying in the whole night. AND SD was a total brat.

I was upset. I would NEVER let my daughter tell me whether I can go out for an hour with my husband or not. SHE IS THE CHILD! What is wrong with people! When I spoke to my husband he said "i only get her every other weekend~!" That's his excuse for EVERYTHING!

When we left PA.. His grandmother told me a few things 1. I hope SD doesn't spoil yoru life. 2. Next time she acts out, give her a pacifier.. cause that's what she is,.. a BIG BABY.

I know some men are in denial and try to "make up" for the divorce or time away. But dont they see they are only hurting the children in teh end?

oh and i forgot to mention the 2nd night.. SD was complaining of her stomach hurting (one of many reasons every night).. so teh grandmother said "dont bug your dad, I'll stay up with you". THANK GOD! She actualy got her to stay on the couch and let us have ONE night of full sleep. THANK GOD!

On Sunday night after he put her to bed, school night, she was SCREAMING at the top of her lungs CRYING.. DAD DAD DAD. Cause she didnt want to go to bed. I thought it was my 4 yr old.. but it wasnt. It was SD.. of course. We had company over.. how embarassing. My husband had to put her to bed.. took him about an hour.

Now I am faces with many issues with my husband. I am taking my daughter to an amusement park this weekend. I didnt invite his daughter as I WANT TO SLEEP THIS WEEKEND! plus we dont have our kids on the same weekends. But he is upset I am leaving his daughter out of fun activites. He said I am alienating "US".. meaning him and his daughter. I told him until he gets his daughter under control.. I wont involver her or subject other people to her misery. It's embarrasing the way she tells him to Shut-up, You're stupid, I hate you, NO. It's REDICULOUS!

I dont have an issue just going with the 4 of us,.. my daughter, his daughter and my husband. But I wont go with a group of people or to visit my side of the family. so sad.

Comments

NewStepMother's picture

Grandma will be staying with us for CHRISTMAS BREAK! I can't wait! And Grandma has mentioned this to my husband. In fact, he did admit that she told him how she felt about her additude. Even my husbands dad has mentioned it to him.. he told him to mind his own business.

You are right.. my husband sees me as being mean or hating his daughter. which isnt true at all. Every time I mention something.. he becomes defensive and tells me how i need counseling. It's so sad. I really just want everyone to be happy.. and to start.. he needs to dicipline her to make her a better person instead of treating her like a baby.

she came to our room the other day when we were relaxing.. knocked on the door (for attention) and said "i need my dad to help me, my towels keep falling down and he needs to fold them for me". I asked her dad if he wanted to HELP her and he said yes. I looked at my SD and said "Maddy (my daughter) is 4 years old and she knows how to fold towels!". I walked away. When my husband when in her room, she was crying because I said that to her. BUT ITS THE TRUTH. I wasnt nasty about it. Just letting her know that SHE IS 12 AND SHOULDNT BE ASKING HER DAD TO FOLD HER TOWELS!!!! But he folded them for her anyways.

When I tlaked to my counselor a while ago, she said if we are still on opposite weekends, for me to get out of the house and make time for myself. My husband was FURIOUS when I started doing this. It's almost like he wants me to be in misery/drama with him. NO THANK YOU!

oneoffour's picture

When my s/sons were rude to their father I bit my tongue. But one day was just too much. I turned on them and told them "Don't you DARE speak to my husband like that again!"
It wasn't THEM I was getting at but defending my husband. They can't turn it into a 'you hate me' game because you are defending your husband.

Yay for grandma coming for Christmas. Maybe your DH will get a flea in his ear from her. And as I remind my DH from time to time, "The way you allow him to behave is how he will treat his future wife.: The same goes for her.

NewStepMother's picture

you're right. I probably just need to put on a happy face... and just pretend everything is dandy. But I will say something if she disrespects him again. Sticking up for him... I like that idea. Takes the focus away from me.

Sometimes I think.. Why did I marry someone else with a kid. I wasn't thinking too clearly..

My husband asked me today "Why did you marry me.. if you knew this was a package deal (meaning him and his daughter).. I told him cause I love him.

I thought that since we have her only every-other-weekend, it wouldnt be that bad. But now that she acts out EVERY time we have her... it puts a lot of stress into our relationship. Especially after 2 nights of disrupted sleep from her knocking on our door! Not to mention i have to get up at 7am with my little girl!!!

LizzieA's picture

Go ahead, go to counseling...and they'll tell him that his daughter is the problem...her behavior is infantile and I'm glad you have GM in your corner--I hope that helps.

I had to tell off my SD (21) when she visited--she is b***** and she kept being rude to DH. Finally I snapped and told her she was rude. It was the truth.

NewStepMother's picture

So ... I spoke with my husband today. he said he was picking up his daughter tonight (not his usual night). Things have been VERY stressfull in our house since the whole THanksgiving break. I have been trying to separate myself a little.. and have very much expressed to him my frustration.

When he mentioned his daughter would be coming over.. I told him that he needs to tell her that she should NOT be knocking on our door at night and waking us up.. especially on a school/work night. This was his response.. and my responses.. Please give me yoru feedback and let me know if I am out of line.

I mean seriously.. we have been dealing wither her wakings us up for the past year.. EVERY NIGHT SHE IS OVER!!!! SHE IS 12~

This is my response via email after he told me I need to be nicer about it and I should have said "Please have a talk with your daughter and ask her to please not come to our door"... this is my response to his requedst via email:

MY RESPONSE:
I wont sugar coat things anymore.
Point being.. if sd wants.. or you want her to sleep over, ...
I don't need to be interrupted at 11pm-4am.
Maybe you need to be more sensitive of ME.

HIS RESPONSE:
I don't need you to sugar anything..Not sure if you remember how to be sensitive to my feelings anyway.. Point being... be conscience of your commentIs.. No response necessary!.. Thanks

my tesponse.... Be conscience that there are other people in the house, besides you.