I feel that alot with my SS even though he is a spoiled brat. Sometimes I hate it that he lives with us I cook, clean, do laundry, p/u after him and take care of him when he is sick but I am and never will be his mother or do I get even a token of appreciation or affection. I do all of the things a mother does I try to be the best SM I can be and try not to be unfair with him. My DH told me when we first got together you are not his mother and never will be nor can you ever take his mothers place. No duh. But you know what, I am a better mother than she is and I know it. In here way she loves him and I know it but she is not trying to prepare him for the real world she just wants to be the cool mom and lets him do whatever he wants with no responsibilities. In defense of your mother maybe she said that way because she is hurting right now and doesn't want you to take his side over hers and she knows you have been close. Or maybe, she feels like he did not really parent but got to be just the friend to you.

Moon Child Step Mom - do not let your mother's bitterness towards your SF sully your thoughts or memories or your view of your SF now - he is your father or what you perceive yourself to be - she is angry and pissed at SF - he was your father - your father was not there this man since your were 6 stepped up and took on the care of you. When we get older a wonderful thing happens that can't be controlled by BM's or Birth Father's or anyone - we get to choose who we consider family.

I live pretty far from my family and I miss them and hate where I live but to make it more tolerable I have created a family for myself here in this part of the world - I am adopted so I view family differently than other people - and that is a good thing for my DH when he wanted his Foster Father who is 90 to move in with us - I readily agreed - it has been very difficult but since he helped out my husband when he was younger the only answer I could give was yes.

Your parents are the ones who helped you get up when you fall down, who teach you morals and through their example what a work ethic is - who is not afraid to correct you even when they know it won't be received well - they are the ones to wipe away the tears and hurt inside for you anytime that someone hurts you. Your Stepfather is your father and just because your mother said that - that does not change a thing - you are an adult and unfortunately you are now seeing what happens when love goes bad and the break up that ensues - let your mother know you love her but you also love your Stepfather and you won't be getting in the middle of this - and that any comments of how he was just a friend will not be tolerated. Your mother is an adult and needs to deal with this in an adult manner and not try to smear the only real father you have ever known. I am sorry you are going through this it can't be easy and I am sure for your Stepfather it is hard as well. Just let him know you love him and you are not taking sides - don't be someone like you mentioned in the second to last paragraph - stop the cycle with you and tell your stepfather the he is your father show him that all the time, love and attention he showed you was not in vain - yes he is your friend now because you are an adult but he still is your father!!