BM's been lying to us, to our daycare provider, and to her daughter's bio dad.

(I am reposting this with an update at the end...I need advice too.)

About a year ago, when SD5 (not fiance's actual daughter) and SS3 first started going to this new daycare, I remember DF remarking that BM put down his name as SD's biological father. He kind of shrugged it off. About a month or two ago, after some strange comments from other daycare parents, I told DF that I don't think people at daycare know that SD has a "real" dad and it's not you! He shrugged it off again, saying that he was sure they knew.

And here begin the lies...which have been going on for over a year in some cases and especially over the last month since SD started going to her real dad's house on weekends instead of to ours. To clarify, SD's bioDad wasn't in the picture for the first 3 years of her life...now he wants to be more involved and BM has given him weekends we used to have her, but nothing else.

Lie #1: That SD's bioDad can't pick her up at day care because he doesn't get off of work early enough to get there by 5:30.
Proven Lie: My DF goes to pick up his son at daycare, and has been picking up SD and bringing her to BM's house, so that SD can be picked up there by her bioDad -- all this running around because BM said that BioDad couldn't get to daycare on time. BUT, BioDad is always at BM's WAITING for SD to get there and it seems pretty obvious he's been waiting for awhile...he has plenty of time to get to daycare to pick her up, so BM has lied to both DF and BioDad.

Lie #2: Today (Friday), DF asked BM why BioDad can't just pick up SD at day care. BM says that BioDad REFUSES to pick up SD from daycare because he's never been there and doesn't know how to get there. (which pissed us off because bioDad needs to just grow a pair and figure it out!)
Proven Lie (Self-admitted by BM): Friday I was picking up SS3 from day care, and DF called BM to tell her I shouldn't have to do all that running around to get SD to her biodad's. BM says that bioDad "refuses to pick SD up at daycare because he's never been there." DF tells her that bioDad better stop acting like a child and start acting like a parent! Then finally BM says that "Actually...Daycare doesn't know that SD has a different dad than you...so I don't really want daycare to know, so I'll just pick her up."

Lie #3 (already covered): BM has never told Daycare that her daughter has a bio dad. This is ridiculous because I'm sure daycare has figured it out when SD refers to spending the weekend with "Daddy BioDad" that it is NOT my fiance...she's a smart woman. And that SD goes with her "other" grandma that is not her brother's grandma...Does BM really think that daycare wouldn't figure it out? And then wonder why she listed DF as the biological father?

Who knows what lies BM has been feeding to SD's bioDad!

I've had it with BM's idiocy....and BM still doesn't want to explain the situation with her daughter's real father to daycare, she'd rather PRETEND he doesn't exist. My plan was to talk to daycare about the situation and explain to her that we never knew that BM didn't tell her about SD's real dad. However, I didn't have the opportunity to talk to daycare about it because other parents were there, and SD was still there waiting for BM to pick her up.

I think that DF should call BioDad and have a talk with him...about that they should work things out between them so that it's less confusing and neither of them have to go through BM (and be lied to by her, too). If DF and BioDad were able to work together, it's possible this could be a really good thing for SD. Plus, if BioDad really does want to have more time with SD it might open the door for him...which would lead us down the track that this should have been on the whole time -- SD going to her bioDad's, rather than our house all the time.

What do you think?