It's abusive, period.

I've been watching this show online over the weekend. Before that, I caught bits and pieces on TV here and there but never followed it, so I started from the beginning and am just into season two now.

For anyone else who watches this, is it just me or are Amber and Gary heartbreaking? Or, more appropriate, my heart breaks for Leah in the middle of so much hate and anger.

Amber needs help. The medication she was put on in the first season, Klonopin, is a serious drug and has a lot of addiction potential and really should not be used without a psychiatrist. A family doctor can prescribed psychiatric drugs but most won't maintain it unless the patient gets a psychiatrist and the reason I bring this up is while she was given it for anxiety and depression issues, it's only made things worse. She was whiny, lazy and kind of a heinous bitch from the beginning, but post-medication she's become aggressive, violent and downright abusive.

I realize that Gary is lazy, immature and kind of a slob. He says douchey things sometimes. He's no peach. That being said, I do think the guy has a lot of love for his daughter and Amber. I realize when Amber stays at home it's a lot to watch a toddler and it's annoying when your fiance won't even pick up his clothes, and I realize she has every right to feel overwhelmed and frustrated. I don't doubt that she's been depressed and has anxiety issues; I also think she may have more serious mental issues. It made me sick to my stomach when she shoved Gary into the wall, grabbed him by the throat and smacked him, all right in front of their infant daughter. I don't care if she's the woman. I don't care what he said. I don't care if he wasn't seriously injured. It's domestic violence. There is nothing that makes that behaviour acceptable, period. It doesn't matter if he didn't sustain any real injuries, it's about crossing that boundary and opening the door for that to escalate - what if next time she doesn't smack him with her hand but hits him upside the head with whatever object is closest to them? In a season two episode, they were arguing and she went to move past him and she grabbed him arm and pulled her other arm back with her fist clenched like she was going to punch him. I understand she's *now* being investigated for assault, so I'm assuming there have been other incidents, especially since what we have actually seen is what she's comfortable doing on camera. I don't want to think about the kind of thing that might go on when the cameras are gone.

Even when it's not physical, she's screaming at him, name-calling and generally acting like everything that goes wrong is his fault (like it's his fault her car won't start and like he can do anything while he's at work). She belittles him and somehow he always ends up being the one apologizing. When he says, "Fuck this" and goes to walk away from her, she switches tones and cries and begs him to come back for their family. It's about control. She verbally beats that man into submission on a daily basis, shouting and cussing and screaming in front of that little girl. The look on that baby's face and the yelling she starts to do when they get going is downright haunting to me.

Or how about the total lack of remorse for any of it? For anyone who's read my blog in the past, you'll know I have struggled with anger management. I realize I have escalated out of control (although, for anyone who's curious, I'm making a lot of progress :)). I have never reached an Amber level of hate and belittling, but what gets me isn't even the intensity but the lack of remorse. When I overreact and yell, I feel terrible afterwards. I feel embarrassed that I acted that way. I apologize. I hold myself accountable. Amber says it's Gary's fault she talks to him that way. It's his fault she screams day in and day out. It's his fault she hits him. That is so unsettling to me. I watched the reunion show between seasons 1 and 2 and during her recap, it showed her face during the clip of her grabbing his throat and smacking him and she was *laughing*. I don't know why I reacted so strongly, but seeing her laugh about it made me tear up. It sickened me. It showed me that this isn't a stressed out, depressed young mother who had a moment of weakness. It's an abusive person who needs some (real) medical help. It's someone who should not have a toddler. What if next time it's not Gary? What if next time it's that little girl who pushes Amber's patience too far and gets thrown into a wall or smacked in the face?

This is random but it's just been getting to me a lot. I almost hate watching their segments because the whole time my heart is breaking for this little girl, staring up at them and yelling along with them while they scream at each other.