DH I think you're using the wrong approach..
So SD12 decided that she wasn't coming this weekend. As I secretly did my "happy dance" I tried to be the supportive wife (a very hard thing to do).
I said why don't you just tell her that you're going to pick her up and she has no say. He said he didn't want to do that because she would be in a terrible mood all weekend.
I suggested that he begins to tell her all the fun things we do when she is not here, I really think this would work, she wouldn't want to miss out on any potentional fun so she would come. He doesn't want to "make her feel bad" although she has no problem hurting his feelings.
He was going to call her yesterday to see if she had changed her mind but I told him to wait and see if she called (she didn't).
I hate, hate, hate when she does come, but I do feel badly that DH feels he chose me and my kids over her. He would never say this to me but BM said that he had to choose his wife or daughter and DH said "That's not an option my wife is not going anywhere". This was a rare occasion that he remembered he had a pair. Since then SD comes maybe one weekend a month, she used to come 3.
We were out at the mall yesterday with the other 3 children and we ran into someone DH works with. He says "this is my wife "3bk1sd", "dd2", "bd11" and "dd6", SD had to stay with her mom this weekend". I just found it funny that he even mentioned it. I did notice that he tries to avoid his family when she's not there. If there's a bbq or something he'd rather not go then explain that SD doesn't like to come anymore. MIL asked where SD was and I said "oh, she doesn't come much anymore, I'm a b1tch and she hates us all, at least that is what BM says". She looked very confused so perhaps DH is giving her another story.
I just think it's time for DH to tell SD12 that BM is full of crap, she has to come wether she likes it or not and that if she tries to get along we will have fun. She is PAS'd by BM though so that when she does come she is cranky and destroys things, not a pleasure to be around at all. Maybe this is why DH doesn't push her to come. I did tell him to read a bunch of articles on PAS that I forwarded to his email and he agreed that's what we're dealing with.
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I will, It's a slow day at
I will, It's a slow day at work!
Thanks
I think he does know how I
I think he does know how I feel, it's hard to hide. I did say to him before that it must be hard to see your own child turn into a nasty person that looks and talks just like BM who you hate so much. He did agree that sometimes when he looks at her he sees BM. That could also be a reason he's not pushing the visitation. We have had long indepth discussions about SD and BM but not for a long time. They seem to have us arguing so now I never bring them up unless he does first. I promised myself that I would never, under any circumstances let those 2 start an arguement again, I find it best to just pretend they don't exsist unless SD is with us.