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I Busted Mr. Kate

stepkate's picture

Submitted by stepkate on Mon, 07/05/2010 - 3:31pm

For the billionth time...recap: I spent 10+ hours driving this weekend to my parents house by myself to go to a wedding because at the last minute, Mr. Kate tried to bring his 10 year-old daughter along. She wanted to spend Saturday (wedding day) with him. Friday, right after I arrived at my parents, Mr. Kate told me that, as it turns out, his daughter did not come to spend the weekend with him because when he tried to pick her up, BM wouldn't let her go. This is odd, as we have had his daughter every weekend since I met her, four months ago.

I've never mentioned this before, but I have questioned Mr. Kate's faithfulness to me.

Right before I left on Friday, I counted the condoms in his drawer where he keeps them. They come in three colors, and I wrote down how many there were of each. There was one condom on the nightstand-I marked this one with a pen a couple of times, and then I left for the drive for my parents.

I just got back from my parents' and lo and behold...there is still one condom on the nightstand. Same color...but no markings. I count the condoms in his drawer...one missing of that specific color.

Check under the bed...there is the mssing condom, markings and all, torn open and empty.

Mr. Kate is in a bad mood because I woke him up and told him that we need to talk...haven't told him about what yet. I'm not sure what strategy I would like to take-I would rather not tell him how I know what I know...or maybe not tell him what I know at all and just move out? Wish me luck, but I'm pretty sure that I know how this is going to go...

Comments

FallingfromGrace's picture

Submitted by FallingfromGrace on Mon, 07/05/2010 - 3:51pm

Oh Stepkate, I am sorry to hear this.

I have been through this myself. It is devastating.

I will keep you in my prayers. I am so sorry.

IslandofDreams's picture

Submitted by IslandofDreams on Mon, 07/05/2010 - 4:09pm

Stepkate,

I hope you can get the truth out of Mr.Kate. It is always better to KNOW than to wonder what is happening. I asked my DH about this and he said that men sometimes use a condom to "take care of themselves" without making a mess....Don't know if this is true or not.

Men - any comments?

forestfairy's picture

Submitted by forestfairy on Mon, 07/05/2010 - 4:17pm

I've heard that as well, but if that were the case he wouldn't have gone through such great measures to make it look like he hadn't used it. Although I can't believe he left it under the bed! Which means he was cheating on you in your own bed. :sick: That's so messed up.

stepkate's picture

Submitted by stepkate on Mon, 07/05/2010 - 5:18pm

Just got back from confronting Mr. Kate-this is the explanation he gave me. I, as well, thought 'why did you replace the missing condom, then?'

I am, however, inclined to believe him because he pulled the DVD he was using out of his drawer-that definitely wasn't there on Friday, either. Mr. Kate is also not likely to be very open about doing something like that-after getting sober, he's thrown himself into church and has been trying to do a 180 on all of his bad habits. He hasn't gotten rid of this one, however. I know every time he does it on my laptop (I took the laptop with me this past weekend, btw), but I don't tell him I know (and I don't really care), and he's pretty computer illiterate and probably thought I didn't know. He never bothered to clear the history...or doesn't know how.

stepkate's picture

Submitted by stepkate on Mon, 07/05/2010 - 4:40pm

Hmmm, maybe I'll post another entry about some of the non-step drama involved in my relationship. It might be a long one.

stepkate's picture

Submitted by stepkate on Mon, 07/05/2010 - 5:10pm

I'm pretty cheap, or I probably would have opted for that.

That, and the gizmo that lets you read deleted text messages, tracking devices...

Really though, Mr. Kate is not very good at being sneaky, (whenever he tries to lie, its just...awkward), so I figured I could catch him with low-tech strategies.

Pantera's picture

Submitted by Pantera on Mon, 07/05/2010 - 6:28pm

Its been 4 months and you were already having doubts because of the child situation. Now this? In my opinion, you should leave him.

PoisonApples's picture

Submitted by PoisonApples on Tue, 07/06/2010 - 2:49am

Agreeing with BlendedFam is becoming a habit.

My first thought was exactly the same. I don't know any man who would use a condom to jack off. I didn't want to say so outright that's why I asked why you had reason to doubt him. I was going to try to get there in a roundabout way.

Based on what little you've said, I'm convinced he's cheating and lying to you about it.

Old Timer's picture

Submitted by Old Timer on Tue, 07/06/2010 - 4:09am

I'm almost 60 and I have never used a condom to jack off. I've never heard of a male who did - although perhaps someone with autism or ocd might do it. That's about the only two reasons can I think of.

Seems like it would hurt to jack off with a condom. the hand motion is different from the penis motion. One goes up and down and the other goes .... anyway, you get the idea.

Sounds like he got caught - and as you say is "awkward" about lying. Yep, this sounds pretty awkward to me.

stepkate's picture

Submitted by stepkate on Tue, 07/06/2010 - 6:15am

Thanks for all of the feedback. I know you're all going to think that I'm crazy, but I think I believe him. He's not very good at lying, and this story came out pretty smooth. After I'd stepped away and thought about it, he almost always has a condom on the nightstand. I only remember him going over to his dresser drawer to get one may two or three times in our relationship. Maybe he just replaced it as he always does.

But I will be keeping my eyes open.