StepTalk: A Place to "Vent"?
I'm sorry, but does it say StepTalk is "where stepparents cone to vent" at the top of this site, or do I need a refund on my new contacts?
For a second I might think I'd come to the wrong place after reading the responses to some SP's "vents", even some clearly identified as a "VENT" in the subject title!
So I have to wonder why some people feel so compelled to respond to "vents" in a negative, critical manner, even in some cases when advice is not even solicited by the blogger? Are some step parents in such a "perfect" situation that they have nothing to "vent" about? If yes, then why, pray tell, is this "perfect" step parent the member of a site such as this? Are they here to be antagonistic & cause drama? Certainly a "perfect" step parent could find something more productive to do like say, for instance, parenting their step children?
Just curious...
- mommylove's blog
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Comments
Vent or requests for advice,
Vent or requests for advice, etc....... If you post you will get a response either supportive, neutral or negative. Regardless being a S-Talker has been a good thing for me.
My first posts were met with some pretty extreme negative responses but I hung in there and have learned from all of the responses I have gotten positive or negative.
Vent away!
Best regards.
Ahhh I remember. I was one of
Ahhh I remember. I was one of your first fans if I recall. I like to come to the aid of the new underdog.
Oh I won't let a few
Oh I won't let a few "negative nellies" run me away or I would've been gone.
This was meant as more a debate topic than anything to me. I'm really not that sensitive of a person - instead I usually respond back in more of challenging or debate tone, but I have seen some people really upset (i.e. responding with profanity & CAPS) by the negative feedback they've received.
This was posed as one
This was posed as one possible answer to a question and definitely not a sweeping judgment of the site. A few weeks is long enough for me to make a simple observation. Honestly I don't know why people take posts that are not in direct response to their posts personally unless it hits home, & if that's the case then that feeling is obviously self-imposed if a post wasn't directed at you.
Amen, sister! This is a place
Amen, sister! This is a place to vent and I have stuck it out despite some negativity thrown my way here and there. Online as in real life, when people are openly jerks it makes it easier to weed them out so that you can connect with the awesome people. When someone is nasty to me, I take it as their problem. If someone wants to spew anger at me, a virtual stranger, and it makes them feel better or whatever, it really doesn't matter. That's how life is.
And to add one little point, this site would be as boring as watching beige paint dry if everyone posted happy little blogs about how wonderful their step-families are. Misery loves company! And I sure have appreciated the support and camaraderie I have experienced on here. Props to ST and to the people who vent on it!! Whooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!
I simply take in
I simply take in consideration who the critical/negative responders. I think for some it's easy to sit behind a keyboard, thinking you are better than everyone else. But all that glitters is not gold, I am certain even those "perfect" step parents have many skeletons in their closet. They just hide them. I also disregard and ignore any posters I feel are either attention seeking or just plain out snobs.
Yeah. I figure, it doesn't
Yeah. I figure, it doesn't matter where you go in life...in person, or online, there will always be those who want to point fingers at everyone else so they don't have to address their own issues. There are also those who will try to force their opinions on you. There are those who post pretty much the same things over & over, seeking pity & attention. And, tahnkfully, there are those who have been in your shoes & have similar experiences to share, similar feelings to share, & often times, great advice & ideas to share. Sometimes, we face things that words can't help, but there are always those here who will sympathize & offer hugs & support. The fantastic thing about StepTalk is that you can pick & choose whose advice/words you feel are helpful to you. The rest, you simply ignore.
Absolutely. Honestly, I
Absolutely. Honestly, I think if people are here TRULY searching for help, they will have an open mind. Obviously, they know that what they are doing isn't working. There are those who will SAY they want to resolve issues or help fix problems or whatever, but will not consider other options. Then, there are those who really do want solutions & understand that what they're doing isn't working & will reach out for other ideas. In my opinion, if you're not willing to at least explore other peoples advice/suggestions, you're wasting your time posting here.
Agreed DPW, but there is a
Agreed DPW, but there is a difference in those offering a different opinion and advice versus just being nasty or CONSTANTLY negative.
I totally agree with all of
I totally agree with all of you. I have no problem with differences of opinion, my problem is with those who wag their finger & tell you did wrong, but don't offer any suggestions for making things right.
For instance, I'd never heard about "disengaging" before I came to this site, & even though I decided it wasn't for me because I just don't feel right ignoring or excluding my SD from stuff I would do for my kids (just don't like "better than BSs" treatment & no supervision or discipline, etc.) I still appreciated the advice & loved reading the stories about how others had successfully made it work in their families.
Right! So the quesion then
Right! So the quesion then is: why are they allowed to feel how they feel but you are not? Everyone is entitled to their feelings & that doesn't necessarily make them a "bad" person just because some don't agree.
Have you been talking to my
Have you been talking to my skids BM?
I believe she recites those exact comments off to me on a weekly basis!
WHAT IS DISENGAGING?
WHAT IS DISENGAGING?
There is a link to a website
There is a link to a website called Step Together that someone here posted for me. Wonderful information even though the process itself was not for me. I'm on my smartphone so my capabilities are limited for finding & reposting the link, but maybe someone else can help? If not, maybe try Googling "Step Together" or "Disengaging"?
http://www.steptogether.org/d
http://www.steptogether.org/disengaging.html
I'm on a computer now, so I found it for you.
Comments are welcome whether
Comments are welcome whether agreeing or disagreeing, but why attack the person simply because you don't agree the observation or topic of debate?
This topic was not directed at anyone personally - no screen names were used, & the original post did not hi-jack someone else's blog. So again, I have to question why people would take it so personally as to attack me personally? This is EXACTLY the point I was trying to make.
(NOTE: This just me answering your question, not suggesting anything is "wrong" with your post I'm replying to.)
I know it's me & I apologize.
I know it's me & I apologize. I really do love a good debate about topics that are near & dear to me but I often forget that I am missing that "sensitivity" gene that most women have. I will never get it when people come at me with emotion, as the only thing I get emotional about is my children. This is why I've always have trouble maintaining friendships with women & communicating with highly "sensitive" men like my H. Unfortunately for H this is who I am & it's not changing, but then he knew who I was when he married me.
Sorry if my lack of sensitivity got a few panties in a bunch.
Doesn't look like I've
Doesn't look like I've alienated you yet. I'll keep trying!
Miserable & Unhappy? I guess
Miserable & Unhappy?
I guess I'm just confused, but I've noticed that some people will "accuse" people of being "miserable" and "unhappy" as if that's an insult or something when, maybe I'm wrong, but I just assumed almost EVERYONE here was "miserable" and "unhappy" with their situation, otherwise they wouldn't be here "venting" about it. Am I wrong? Do deliriously happy people join groups to "vent"? I guess so, but I wouldn't. If I were happy with my situation I would be spending time enjoying my happiness with my family that I'm so happy about rather than on the internet "venting" suggesting that I am unhappy, which would apparently be a lie, right?
Yeah, I'm definitely confused...
True, and THAT was the point
True, and THAT was the point I was trying to make. Unfortunately I don't think the person this post was intended for "gets" that.
Up for a Debate? I was
Up for a Debate?
I was thinking that maybe the recent backlash I've been getting from my posts like this one stems from the fact that I intended it to be more like a DEBATE topic, but I don't think it came across that way. (Maybe I should've put the words "debate" in the title?)
I like a good debate and have yet to discover a "safe place" for that on this site. Other online groups that I am a member of (Single Parents and Divorcees) either regularly post topics for debate or even have a designated forum on their site specifically for debate topics.
Yes, I think that's it, I must be out of line in thinking that we would be able to discuss differing points of view like mature adults on step parent-related topics. Oh well, I tried...
I apologize, but I'm not
I apologize, but I'm not understanding the point of this response?
This topic has been dead for quite some time. I accepted the social norm of this site as one that does not include debate after this thread, so I'm not sure where the confrontational response to an old post is coming from?
I think we ALL come here
I think we ALL come here looking for "kindred spirits", which we usually find, because WE ARE miserable and unhappy when we become mired down in "step" issues!
So many people will admit that, outside of this site, there really is NO ONE to whom they can confide/compare situations. Well-meaning family members, friends, co-workers try to understand and help but, as we all know, so many of our situations are so unique, that VERY FEW people in our immediate life circles can REALLY RELATE to the stress that comes with blending two families!!!
I joined this site 3 years ago, and I was an emotional mess from my H's meddlesome adult Ds. I really thought that his Ds, my teenaged BD, and I would be GREAT friends, go shopping together, go on day trips. NO CHANCE. They wanted NOTHING to do with me or my D, so I was not only HURT, but deeply offended by the way they put me down and insulted me (and my D.)
Just thru venting with others who had gone thru this, my options became obvious. Either I STOP giving them so much power over how I FEEL, or I GET OUT. Keep knocking myself against a brick wall to try to make them "like me" was counterproductive....the harder I TRIED, the more they KNEW I WAS TRYING, so the easier it was for them to be REJECTING, thus continuing the HURTFUL CYCLE.
SO, I just got on with MY OWN LIFE and let my H handle his ADULT KIDS. It was never easy and there have been lots of bumps along the way, but I at least know what works for MY situation. And, my H and I are finally at a point where WE OWN OUR lives. His "kids" are part of his life, but they no longer call the shots or try to as they had in the beginning. (And, as Cruella pointed out, any issues I have NOW have more to do with H than with his kids!! )
Had it not been for this site, I never would have learned any of this. I probably would be divorced from H now. So, I have a great deal of respect for this site and for all the wonderful people who dare to put their personal stories on here.
And, I so agree with you, ML about "finger pointing". You will never see me delve into a situation with young Skids, because I have NO EXPERIENCE there. I can SUPPORT the SParent, but I have no advice to give. Unless someone has direct experience or can truly relate, they have no right to put anyone else down.
All that said, I have made some really good friends on this site. I have even met some in person, and we get together every now and again. May ST be with us all for a LONG LONG TIME.
Mommylove!! I totally agree,
Mommylove!! I totally agree, I just saw this post (I'm at work) and I feel the same way.. Almost each week I have random people on here giving nothing but..npot negative, but more so degrading replys or comments! And I'm getting irritated.. And the 2 ppl doing that on this very post, are the ones doing it on mine today.. At first I thought our crazy BM found this site LOL... We can't even escape drama in a blog!!!! UGH
I think that you can delete
I think that you can delete any posts on your blog that you find offensive and if the comments truly get out of hand you can flag them as offensive and Adm will do the rest.
I don't create my own blog often and before Adm intervened about a month or so ago - I had stopped blogging because the responses to other's blogs were so offensive.
I try to be open and honest here: at times I vent and at times I'm looking for advice. I want to hear how others handle similar problems and how it worked out for them. It's okay to disagree with me - it's all in how you disagree.
I agree with differing points
I agree with differing points of view on the "subject matter." I think what mommylove is referring to is that her person is being attacked instead of the subject she is posting about. I think if we debate the subject rather than the person it would solve the problem. However, in an emotionally charged subject such as x-wives, x-husbands and stepchildren, its no wonder some lose sight of that. As much as I hate to admit it, I have been guilty of it myself a few times.
Sometimes it is hard to determine what emotion is behind a comment. In the context the post was written by Blended "feeling sorry" for mommylove, I too thought it was condescending and facetious. Only Blended knows her true intention.