I prefer the raw, honest answers. Critical or not. I would not have learnt to disenage without them. I would have continued on my useless path of righteous indignation. I'd have been on anti depressants and single again.

Hi still learning, I sent you a PM xo

I am good with straight forward help. I got a lot and it worked for me. There are some people that are rather mean to their kids, so no, I will never support that. Wrong is wrong.

Curious, why are you asking for blanket support to all?

I think it would be good to have a place where we can talk about how we feel and know we won't get attacked for that. I know I would respond differently if there were actions involved that I felt strongly about.

For example, a LOT of Smoms already get blasted/blamed for not 'feeling' like the mom to their husband's kids at home. MIL or friends who don't get it, DH's who don't get it, etc. So it would be great to be able to talk about those feelings freely.

Yet a SP talking about how they disciplined their skid, if it wasn't just immediate consequences/personal boundary drawing, might be something I have a beef with, because *even though* I think it is best for SP's to have equal parenting power in the home, if the bio-parent doesn't fully support that, or if the parenting is inconsistent or involves corporal punishment or humiliation.... then I think it's best for an SP to stay hands-off.

That being said, there are days on this site where you can post about puppies and rainbows and a bunch of people will piss on your parade. And other days where everyone wants to show you pictures of their puppies and rainbows too. And some people you just can't take seriously any day.

*facepalm*

Really? REALLY??

You post on a board with several SPs. Some that are new to the game and some that have been around the step block forever.

You're going to get opinions. Especially from those of us who see exactly where you're heading and are trying to steer you to a place where you can find your footing.

Instead you whine, bitch and moan about the meanies (who aren't really mean, just being plain spoken about your situation) and say you want a "safe zone"?

Are you five?? Do you need a time out??

Pull up your big girl pants and read over the responses to your blogs. I'm willing to bet they are trying to help you by giving you sound advice from the "been there, done that" side of things. Instead you're getting insulted and your feefees hurt because you want everyone to agree with you and no one to oppose you.

Echo had the right idea. Create your own private blog so you can get it all out without having to worry about people trying to help you.

Still Learning...I'm pretty new here myself, and you are right. Things can get pretty harsh...with some ppl laying blame and being petty by name calling and what not. People get off the original topic pretty quickly and it usually turns into a rant for everyone. If everyone lived their lives like the advice they put out here I can't understand why they are here!! Their lives should be perfect!

BUT there are a lot of good comments as well. You have to take the good with the bad and apply what is relevant to your situation.

Just. No. You want a judgement free zone? Go to Planet Fitness and work out your frustration there.

You're going to hear things you don't want to hear. That seem harsh. They typically come from a place of experience and genuine concern.

There's a difference between support and honesty. I can support people here while still telling them when they have their head up their ass.

If judgement free is what you want then you can only post silly questions and random polls. Anything that people feel emotionally charged about is open to judgement. Even as small a thing as miswording can invite judgement.

Just remember you can delete or ignore any comments you don't like. But pretty much everything discussed on this board incites some judgement.

Dupe

Venting is a discourse. I would say that the more discussion a thread gets, the more support it receives. If the topic did not gain interest and illicit extensive opinion and discussion then I would say that the OP is not getting support.

A key element of support is people caring enough to give their opinions. Nothing but a "Like" option is useless IMHO. People who want that likely know at their core that they are wrong to begin with.

IMHO of course.

There are individual STalkers that I do not often agree with but they are often the ones that make me think the most deeply about my own perspectives. One does not need only tacit agreement to be supported.

IMHO of course.

still learning,

We hear you. We're working on some changes that will give ST'ers more power over level of privacy, and ability to "turn off" other users that they don't want to get feedback from (but that feature goes both ways as well). However, great power comes with consequences as well. As many have pointed out, sometimes you don't know what feedback will be ultimately useful to you until it's gelled a while...and shutting users out can prevent you from receiving the feedback you most need.

The hard part is drawing the line between allowing constructive feedback, and allowing bullying. There are a LOT of bullies on this site and we're still struggling with how to deal with them. There are even more users on this site that happen to sit on the complete opposite end of the spectrum of emotional constitution as most and can express themselves aggressively, which can be seen as bullying as well. Those are the hard ones to deal with.

Just so we (ST) are very clear, while we recognize that many users here have very different ways of providing feedback, WE DO NOT ALLOW BULLYING or attacking users in any way. Constructive feedback is the only feedback we want to see. If you don't agree with someone, it's OK to tell them, but it NOT OK to attack them in any way. Keep it civil. That's all we ask. If you can't be civil, don't interact. Move along.

As usual, if you witness bullying or other violations of our terms of use, please report it to us along with links to the evidence. We can't possibly review everything that happens here so we rely on the users to report.

Happy Holidays everyone!

-Admin

I am involved in another forum that is specifically for mini-wives where there's no judgement allowed, only support, and it is awesome! We all go into it with the assumption that we are all good people trying to make it in a bad situation, so there's going to be days we are not the most wonderfully behaved stepmothers. We allow each other to vent on those days and if we don't like what they have to say we just scroll on by. Or send them hugs. It's really nice being able to open up about what we really feel without the thought police coming in to tell you how you should be feeling.

So I think a judgement-free area would be a wonderful idea:)

Katielee, where is that forum? I'd like to check it out.