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I'm not sure where to even start. I just don't know that the step parent thing is for me. I love my dh but the SS are about to rip us apart. I can't bond with them, ss15 drives me up the wall. He is there ALL THE TIME. There is no time to decompress from work on the weekends because they're there. The time I have during the week seems so caotic and hectic because of dh and my schedules that we get home, eat, enjoy eachother and go to bed. SS15 and ss17 don't appreciate anything and it drives me up the wall. I knew about the kids before we got married. we dated for 2 years before we got married but once married i thought it'd be easier with them but it hasn't. we are about to celebrate 1 year of marriage and every weekend seems like a battle of my patience and love for my husband over how much I wish the kids were 18 and out of my house!
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It's shared custody. We have
It's shared custody. We have them EVERY weekend. It was supposed to be bi-weekly in the beginning but it was too much time away from them for my husband so good for him for wanting to have his kids around when they were younger when all this happened 10 years ago. I consider my dh a "disney land dad". he doesn't want to do anything that would upset the boys or make them not want to come over. They have no reponsibilities at our house. If they get their dishes in the sink he's happy. Me on the other hand thinks that it wouldn't hurt to have them helping.
They know i'm there, but it's not like we're buddies by any means but neither is my husband. As i said before ss17 is on the computer 24/7 when he's at our house so the only one that really interacts is ss15.
Oh i hope they get on with their lives! they both sound excited about going to college, but i know that it's scary when you get there and I'm afraid ss17 doesn't have the life experience - how can he, he lives behind a computer- and will be scared to death of life on his own where he is accountable for himself.
thanks for listening and any input you may have!
Sounds like you need a
Sounds like you need a break.
Maybe you need to take some time for yourself. Seriously, have brunch with a friend, go shopping etc. Do you have a friend or relative that lives a few hours away? If so - go for a visit. Possibly develop a plan where YOU are away a weekend (or 2) a month. You can still spend time with the stepkids and DH but give yourself a break! They are his children and they will always be in his life. You need to find a way to balance that with your needs and your sanity. Show DH that you respect and understand how important their presence is in DH's life but still give yourself some "me" time.
If you are also feeling that your relationship with DH is suffering, schedule a date night with DH. You two can do dinner and a movie without the kids. I also made it a point to occasionally have couples only dinners. Invite adult friends over for dinner or drinks - without the kids. It's perfectly okay to do that.
And I would make DH responsible for cleaning up after his kids and taking care of them: meals, laundry etc. That's what I did with SD and it made my DH much more aware of the mess that she was making and what I was contributing.
We have a date night
We have a date night scheduled - just us!!! YEA!!
I recently got my motorcycle license so maybe I will just have to take an afternoon cruise by myself. Go find a nice spot and just chill out for a while and write in a journal. I've found talking on here helps because instead of having everything bottled up inside i'm releasing a little bit of tension. I love DH very much it's just I thought I would have adjusted better with the kids. I'm not hoping to be their best friend, but I didn't think I'd have as much hostility as I do toward the SS as I do. My family is 3 hours away andI don't want that to be the only conversations when I do get to see them. I can't vent to him or his family that I get along with because that's their family!!
Thanks for listening and any advise you may have!!