Does your DH know how to take care of you?

This has nothing to do with step parenting but i just wanted to see if anyone feels the same as me.

My FH grew up in a disfunctional family and i guess never really had the chance to see a good loving stable relationship. It wasn't until he moved out that his mom finally married a great guy. But anyways my problem is, I grew up in a family where my parents have always been married and they still love each other after almost 30 years. My dad used to take care of all of us and it wasn't until I started dating that I realized how much of a gentleman my dad really is. He opens all the doors for us girls (mom, sister, me), always remembers our birthdays and his anniversary with gifts and cards, doesn't mind driving far to pick one of us up, always carries the heavy stuff, etc.

Now my fiance is a great guy. But he didn't grow up with a father figure like that that would teach him how to treat a woman. I know he loves me alot but I feel like he doesn't know how to take care of me. This might sound weird, but he treats me like his equal. In all other cases this would be considered a healthy thing. But in my case, I wish he would be a little more gentlemanly. He just doesn't know any better. But its a little dissappointing to be honest. He doesn't have that drive in him that wants to take care of people and i'm scared for when I do start a family with him that he won't want to take care of the family. He is currently working off and on, I'm employed full time, and make more than him and he doesn't have a problem with it. In fact he says you'll probably be making more money than me always. He likes me to help him when he works on the house. At first I didn't mind it cuz it was fun, but the further into the relationship we go, I keep coming back to the thought that he doesn't know how to take care of me. And don't get me wrong I'm one of the least maintenance women you will find, but it's still nice to know that there are still gentlemen out there.

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Being that people tend to

Being that people tend to learn by example rather than by what we're told, I would guarantee that a lot of his behavior is based what he grew up seeing. Not to mention, there are so many women now, who have made a big deal about being treated as "equals" and seem to feel a loss of power when a man caters to her. I, for one, love it when my husband opens the door and leads me through first, pulls out my chair, etc, but he had it programmed into his brain all of his years growing up that these are things a man does for a woman. It's what he saw his parents do, and it's what he was told to do.

Have you ever asked him about it? Does he know how much it'd mean to you for him to do those things?

I can agree with you on most

I can agree with you on most of your post. It seems as if growing up in a household where my parents are still married (going on 35 years) and in a healthy realtionship.... does show you a different side of things in a marriage when your spouse did not have that background at all.

My advice would be to sit down and talk with your fiance about this. Let him know your expectations and be willing to compromise on somethings. Since he did not grow up witnessing this...... he will not just change overnight. He may not change at all.

Before you marry him - figure out if this will cause real issues for you or not. Whatever you decide together to do....... hopefully it all works out for you. He may just need a little guidance in that department since he did not learn it from his father.

********BM doesn't have to love me or even like me - it doesn't change a dang thing..... So get over it and move on BM! SD is way more important to me - then your feelings...... AND she should be to you as well.......************

It really doesn't help that

It really doesn't help that because of this my parents don't think too highly of FH and think that he doesn't care about me enough to do little things for me. It may sound selfish on my part that I may not want to be with him in the long run because he doesn't do enough for me. And it might also be my parents who keep talking about this issue that has made it an actual issue with me. I know he was a little better with doing things for me at the beginning and now he has just gotten content with the relationship and probably doesn't feel like he has to anymore. I guess the real issue for me is that because he doesn't do little things to make me happy or make me feel like i'm important to him, I feel like he doesn't care about me in the way a husband should.

It really doesn't help that

My DH takes care of me but I

My DH takes care of me but I also dont expect him too or have expectations of what he should do for me. DH grew up with an alocholic father who was never there and then had a Step Father when he was about 12. He wasnt thought this things but it was something he said he WANTS to do. He holds doors for me and opens my car door, not all the time, but enough for me to appreciate and not expect it. He takes care of all the maintenance items in our house and on the cars. I dont have to ask him to do anything, he knows what needs to be done. And I help him and enjoy helping him and he does the same for me, if laundry is backed up or dishes are in the sink.

I think you need to take care of each other. He isnt your dad and you cant expect him to do the same things. If its important to you, then let him know how you feel but I dont think something like that, should be the breaking point, if it is, then you're issues are running much deeper

My DH grew up in a pretty

My DH grew up in a pretty disfuntional family as well. His mom is currently on her way OUT of her 3rd marraige. His 2nd step dad is the one he calls dad, and his "real" dad... well... they haven't spoken since before our wedding. I think he used his childhood as an example of "what NOT to do" because he is so caring. Always has my feelings in mind. He loves us and is so supportive of everything I do.

I am almost grateful for his childhood in a way. It makes him strive to be a better man. I love my husband with all of my heart and soul.

DISbelief~

~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~

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