my BD! need some advice please
my 13 year old daughter has her first"real" boyfriend. he is coming home from school with her and hanging out at our house some during the week. He seems to be an ok kid just a little cocky! but they are sitting on my couch with his arm around her and her legs thrown across his lap. I mean they were sitting closer than my husband and i do! I ask her to move over and tried to explain that she is only 13. After we take him home i try and talk to her about respecting herself and the thoughts of a 14 year old boy whose horomones are raging right now. Suddenly I am the bad guy and i don't trust her. Was I wrong? I mean both their hands were visible and they were only watching a movie but i was always taught if you don't respect yourself nobody else will. Is she being allowed to date to early? am i overprotective? I am only 32 I don't want to be a grandmother before my time.
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Well we put our foot down
Well we put our foot down for our 5 kids (3 bios 2 sd) and said no dating until 16-ish. 13 is too young, redirect her into school and friends. There is plenty of time for boyfriends. My 2 sd's lived with their BM and were allowed to date really young. Well from the two sd's they blessed us with 5 grandkids, starting in their teens. Call me old fashioned, but 13 is waaaaay too young. Now I have a 12 yo grandson from sd and he is allowed to date. I know that everyone else is allowing their kids to date young, but kids are kids, and at 13 they don't know how to handle that whole boyfriend/girlfriend situation. They'll break up, then approach her and let her know that she should wait until she is older, blame boys for being immature, etc, and that it is not worth her time to be dating right now. We have a total of 8 grandkids,4 out of the 5 kids are married.....help
I do not believe a girl 13
I do not believe a girl 13 should have any "real" boyfriends...she should be taught not to have boyfriends until at least 15 and even then, I would never allow that behavior in my house. That's just me. I never held hands or anything remotely like that until I was over 18. Yes, at 15 I could date and guys came over, but never in my parents house or anywhere that they, their friends or even my "boyfriends" parents would I have dared do that.
Some say things have changed and I don't believe it...I know girls today who act and are expected to act the same way...I also know some who 25+ years ago acted just like you describe...
I believe it is our duty to teach our daughters what is appropriate and to respect themselves and demand respect...if you do not do this now, when she is starting, it will progress faster than you think.
Again, my neighbors were 13 & 17 when we moved in to the house next door...neither acted that way...both had boyfriends and we never saw anything more than a kiss on the cheek when they said goodbye...both now are adults (18 & 22) and they still do not behave that way in front of their parents, although both now have steady boyfriends and do hold hands in front of their parents...nothing more.
Where is her dad? I think many bio-dads are more strict on this than bio-moms & step-fathers...
Well she sees her dad every
Well she sees her dad every other weekend and on Wednesdays when she goes to church with him. but its kind of hard to ask him for any advice. he thinks i shouldn't allow her to do anything. even to going skating with girl friends from school. I mean i don't allow her to be outside the living room with this boy and she isn't allowed tobe kissing on him and stuff. My husband is really old fashioned. he still opens doors for me and is eager to make my first cup of coffee each morning. So he is pretty strict about the guy chasing girl thing. Think i will have more luck with her SD than her BD! I just don't want to keep her so sheltered that when she is out that she decides to be wide open. I was a young mother. I had her when i was 18 and i have tried to teach her that its way to young. I married her dad because i was afraid of having a child out of wedlock and raising her alone. She is really a great kid. she has always made outstanding grades in school and has plenty of friends. We have talked to her and told her that we will not allow her to be "cuddled up" with this little boy, of course she was upset. she thinks that just because they were only sitting there that she is doing nothing wrong. My husband and i have had several conversations about her need for male attention. it worries me a lot. she has very high goals set for herself. she plans on attending college and medical school and i just don't want her to mess that up. I have tried to explain the way a 14 year old boys mind is working right now. but she continues to tell me he is not that way. I have to give the kid some credit. He has been to the store with us and doesn't allow my BD or myself to carry anything. he always carries things.he seems to have SOME of the morals that my husband was raised with but i still know what all boys his age have on their minds and i will not have my daughter be a victim of teenage pregnancy!