I hope that you always feel that way about your stepson. I hope that your future with your new family is a happy one, you are fortunate to have a ss who is young and can love you without a Bm's hatred interfereing!

Welcome rj!!!.....your story sounds very similar to mine in the beginning...today my DH has custody of his children and they live with us 24/7....I have a great relationship with my skids because I always treated them with respect and I tried to always be understanding when they were being torn to pieces by the BM....stay true to who u and yur Dh are and yur SS will ALWAYS know u are/were there for him....my skids were told to hate me, etc...blah..blah...blah....LOL...today they would walk thru fire to save me, all because I loved them no matter what their BM tried to do to sabotage our relationship....yur SS is so lucky to have u, and I look forward to sharing stories in the future :)...always try to remember where the negative influence is coming from...it helps so much!!

A mother is not defined by the "b" or the "s" in front of her name, she is defined by how she handles the "mother" part.....

Welcome RJ
______________________________________
"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

RJ, I am new here also, but have been lurking for awhile. I love hearing your story, because your situation sounds a lot like mine. My BM is extremely manipulative of SS5. I love him like he is my own son, and have always treated him as if he was my own. I have always been respectful of his BM and their relationship, and the fact that she is his BM. We have always had a great relationship, and I know he loves me, both as a mother figure, and a friend. My "baby mamma" / BM, has for the most part always tried to manipulate him to dislike, disrespect, and ignore me. She is always chirping in his ear, saying bad things about me, and trying to keep us apart, and manipulate how he feels ab me. It has been very difficult for me at times, both emotionally, and stress wise with all of the antics she has pulled over the years(I will make another blog about that later).

My SO is in the military, and is frequently deployed. While he SO is on deployments, BM refuses to let any family members, including myself, see SS5. SO and BM, have joint 50/50 custody. Being as deployments can often be lengthy, you would think a normal person would understand that for a 5 year old to have their father essentially disappear (because she refused to let SS5 see his father off for the deployment, because it happened to be on her day, saying that it was to traumatic), is hard enough, that you would want some sort of normalcy maintained for them - that being, best case scenario, maintain regular visitation with myself, or his parents, and worst case scenario, he would at least be allowed to see or talk to them. None of the following happened. The most he saw of anybody on SO side of the family is myself. Twice, shockingly. BM let me come over to her house to see him, and when I was ready to leave, SS5 starting crying as I was holding him, saying he didn't want me to leave him, and he wanted to go with me - all the while clinging to me. The most heartbreaking thing I have ever had to do in my life thus far is gently pry him off of me and look into his crying eyes and tell him I can't take him with me. BM is just telling him to stop crying and eventually takes him from me as he is reaching out for me crying and telling me he wants to go with me. And I had to walk away from him - tears rolling down my face. I felt like I let him down, like I abandoned him when he needed me. Don't get me wrong, am very grateful, for whatever reason that possessed her to let me see him, but I felt helpless. I knew how much he loved me at that moment and how much he missed me, and everybody else. I can only imagine what all she put him through then, and what she continues to put him through today.

I take SS5 to school in the mornings on S0's days, I help him with his homework,feed him, bathe him, read to him, play with him,tickle him, spoil him on occasion, and discipline him when he needs it as well. Not to say that SO does not do these things as well, he is an incredible father and takes equal part in all of the care of SS5. I also get attitude, and spurts of ignoring me, I am not called, Mom, I get the cold shoulder sometimes, and often he will tell me that "my Mom told me not to __________" or "my Mom doesn't do that", or " my Mom does this better." SS5 loves his mom, and she means the world to him. Sometimes it is hard for me to watch. But I always, always, always tell him how much I love him, and let him know that he means the world to me. I understand that it is not his fault she is a bit crazy, and does or says the the things she does. All SS5 does is love. Eventually, he will figure things out for himself and see the way she is.

So ... sorry Rj, for the long post, I didn't mean to hi-jack your blog, but I loved your story, so I started typing and couldn't stop.

Welcome RJS - Your story sounds so familiar. If I could just offer you some hope... don't listen to Steperg or some others. If you keep doing what you are doing - and be honest - with your SS .. he will grow up and see how f*cked up his mom truly is for doing that to him.

It's not that I would wish that on any child. But it is BM's problem, not yours and not your SS's. He will grow up to see that she is being mean and selfish. As he gets older and becomes more independent, he will not be afraid to show his love for you. Unfortunately, BM could push her own son away from her by her own insecurity.

Over here, and on the advice of SD's therapist, when DH and I were faced with things like that - we were instructed to let SD know that it wasn't her fault and that it was okay and that we understood. We also were to let her know that we didn't agree with it, but we couldn't trash BM at the same time. It's a very very tricky walk, let me tell you.

But... if you can make SS feel secure, while also affirming his feelings that what his BM is doing isn't right (without "trashing" BM) you guys will come out on top.

HUGS.... Stay strong. Hopefully, eventually BM will grow up and stop doing this... in the meantime... keep doing what you are doing!!

*** A rainbow just threw up on me... and now I'm sh*tting glitter! ***

RJS,

Welcome, I hope you find our community to be a good place to vent, contribute and pick up some useful perspective from others who are dealing with similar issues.

I like your attitude and your dedication to your family and your Skid. He will need your held and his Dad's help to deal with his BMs toxic vitriolic crap.

Best regards,

Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications) To each according to their performance, screw Karl Marx. (Rags)