You are here

Oldest Stepdaughter don't like me at all what to do?

lavada_129's picture

Submitted by lavada_129 on Mon, 09/07/2009 - 7:50pm

Me and this guy met online we were both married, I was leaving my husband and he was leaving his wife but we needed a friend. We were friends for about a year and then became intimate. With that we decided to move in together and file for divorce. I am completely divorced and his is doing his as to speak where he goes to court tomorrow for the final hearing. He proposed to me last month and all the kids love me and my kids love him. But his oldest daughter do not. She is very disrespectful to me and only would talk to me if I she needs money for anything. Now she is pregnant and she is nastier then ever. We told her we were getting married and she went crazy, she said she don't want anything to do with me only her father. She stop calling and seeing her father because of me! He is saying he don't care, but at night he cries about it and I feel bad. Whenever his kids needed anything I was there, his ex does not work, cook, or clean, and I saw for myself and everything has been on him. He wanted more for his life and the same for me so we found each other. I love this man dearly and he is my soul mate. I am on the verge of ending the relationship and marriage because I had a great relationship with my father and I want them to have the same!! She don't want anything to do with us and especially him if he still decides to stay with me. I don't know what to do!!! I can't stop crying and I just want us all to get along like a happy family. Please help me somebody or anybody. I don't know what to do I want to spend the rest of my life with this man. I was in an unhappy marriage for 10 years and now I want better.

Comments

misguided's picture

Submitted by misguided on Mon, 09/07/2009 - 7:58pm

Ok, play out you plan. You leave and he resents his daughter for ruining his relationship with his soulmate and they have a very strained or no relationship. She is old enough to get pregant and be a mom, she has her own life and although it would be nice for her to have a relationship with her dad whether you are in the picture or not she is not going to be a companion for him or be in his life like you can. Don't you think he deserves better. Sounds like he needs you. I think it is really big of you to sacrafice like that but it won't change his daughter and how selfish she is.

lavada_129's picture

Submitted by lavada_129 on Thu, 02/18/2010 - 3:23pm

Thanks for your advice. I really agree with you thanks alot we talked and talked and you were right!! We set our wedding date and the only problem with it is that she influenced the one of the other kids but it is all ok. Thanks so much!!

Anon2009's picture

Submitted by Anon2009 on Mon, 09/07/2009 - 10:34pm

but you can both insist that she treat you with civility and respect. She doesn't have to love or like you, but you both should insist that she treat you with civility and respect. I agree with what Lauren said- DH needs to tell her that if she loves him, she needs to try to get along with you.

Maybe you could all benefit from family counseling. Do you think your SD would object to that?

lavada_129's picture

Submitted by lavada_129 on Thu, 02/18/2010 - 3:32pm

Thanks, He did tell her all of that and her attitude just gotten worst and it is to the point now I want to smack her. But she is even very disrespectful to him. She only wanted to be apart of us for her birthday and christmas. But after we got her a nice present for her birthday and took her out to dinner and she was so disrespectful in front of everyone at the restaurant and it was embarassing and in the bathroom she told me how she did not want me there. I was so hurt because at first I felt bad that her mother did not do anything for her for her birthday but after that. We agreed that she would not get anything from us for christmas. And that broke her heart and after that she decided she is not going to talk to her father at all. He seems to be handling all that very well. But I still feel that is wrong.

LizzieA's picture

Submitted by LizzieA on Tue, 09/08/2009 - 8:58pm

On the memorable occasion I met SD, 20, she called me to DH "your slut girlfriend." She sided with her mom, same case as usual, cheater who wanted out, did the victim routine when DH said, "OK" and moved on. SD was brainwashed for quire a while so I kept my distance. I didn't expect to have a relationship with her, I still don't really. SD is bipolar I believe and was abusive to her dad. She has turned that on her brother, 16, and her mom. DH is supportive but does not take a bit of crap from her. When I last saw her (we moved far away) she was actually civil and quite sweet. She had a baby and we bonded a little over that.

Leaving your soulmate (DH is mine too, it's fabulous) won't change anything. She'll just do that to the next woman. Divorce is hard and whether she's normally nice or not, she will be funky for a while. Lower your expectations, limit contact, and focus on your DH.
That's what I did. We just had our 2nd anniversary.

lavada_129's picture

Submitted by lavada_129 on Thu, 02/18/2010 - 3:41pm

thanks, It is so nice to know that I am not alone in this situation it is amazing. When you are going through something it seems as if you are the only one going through it. And it also seems as if it is not going to get better.