Actually the car situation has been a hassle at our house. SD 17 turned old enough first as the oldest...and we set the rules up front that they would all pay part of the cost, half the insurance, etc...no car/driving without a job. Problem came in DH not being able to enforce any of it. SD got a car even though she hadda no jobba, he sneaks behind my back to pay for all of it...even lies to me about her paying him cash for insurance bill.

Now, my BD turned 16 last month...she had to help pay for her car, I've told her she has to have a job to drive, so guess what...she goes and gets one yesterday, she saved money from last summer to help pay for insurance, tags, etc....and I'll enforce her paying for half her insurance. I have a hunch he would have called me out if I didn't....and that hacks me off. However, I'm doing it because I think it's the best way to teach responsibility and respect for the priviledge....but it IRKS me beyond belief that he pays lip service and then won't follow through.

To top it off....he was actually car shopping for SD a 'better' car before she took off SIMPLY because BD was getting old enough and the car she got was perceived 'better' than SD's. UGH....why do I do it??? I sure don't know.

College was something I had started thinking about...my belief is to not go into debt to go to college (live and learn), but SD is going to be going next year if she goes....so no time to save. I am becoming more financially stable and will be able to save some for the others....so I know that would be perceived as unfair..but honestly I think it's a perception and fight I'll walk into. I don't see why me and my kids should jeapordize or sacrifice things we've worked and plan for because it's doesn't seem fair to those who didn't. SD was 15 when she walked into a world where kids are expected to grow up, so not her fault, but I don't plan on compromising my kids or what I've worked for because of her unfortunate predicament. Now her really rotten behavior and character makes me feel not too awfully bad about it....thanks DH and SD for that part

I do not plan on paying for my son to go to school after high school. I would expect him to do what I did and get scholarships and pay for college himself. I find that those that have to work for it dont take it for granted.

The skids. Not paying for that at all. My dh is onboard w/you have to earn it.

my stepson 6, lives with us. But if that ever changed I would still plan to help him out for college and car. I didn't live with my dad growing up, but he still helped me when it came to those things. We are expecting in May, and I couldn't dream of treating our future baby any differently than my stepson (In my eyes he's the kid I didn't have to go through morning sickness for, hehe)

Buy cars for kids---one must be crazy. Well, we did spend $100 on one fixer upper, and $100 on another fixer upper for our kids to work on if they wanted a car to drive. SD19 ended up using money she saved to buy a "better" car, BS15 plans to fix one of cars up for himself. SD16.5 doesn't seem to worry about it. I say it is one of ways for kids to learn responsiblity. Get a job, save money and buy one, otherwise walk or bike everywhere---both SD16 and BS do just that until they can get cars.

College is different. With SD19, we helped pay for her first year---was a disaster first semester as she was hiding things from us (thanks to BM), so we did a contract w/her for the 2nd semester that if she continued to want our support and keep her laptop, she would have to do this this and this. She agreed to this contract, signed it, followed through for a short time, but then did nothing. DH went up and picked up her laptop from school, and now she has to make payments to us for her tuition for that semester. Plus she dropped out because she was not doing well, and really not ready to be in college

We will help all the kids (step or bio) as long as they are responsible and trying to do well and keep us informed. HOWEVER, I do think that in order for most kids to really appreciate college, the must pay for some of it, otherwise they just waste it away. I worked 2 jobs throughout college to pay my way and I am so glad I did.

Of course, DH and I stand together, united on this, so it helps. No sneaking around. And all kids have savings accounts for puporse to help pay for schooling (or something else once 18). A portion of any money they get as gifts, or work money or allowance has to go into the savings account

When / if I have children, I will establish a college fund for them, however my skids can go out, get jobs and save up for it on their own....or have Mommy DEAREST AND HER FAMILY PAY FOR IT (although she loves to cry poor. I will not contribute a single cent to their college education - it is not my problem that TROLL and DH didn't save any for them!!

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. - George Carlin

I just want to clarify...I'd plan to HELP...not pay entirely for. I got a job at 15 and learned how to save money and pay for the things I wanted, however, my parent's still helped (my first car was a $900 pick up...I'd expect my kids to get the same) I expect my kids to get jobs, pay for things, and not depend solely on us.

I feel very strongly about not paying for college. However, I think that if the kid does decide to go as parents we should help them so that they only need to work part time this way they can focus on their studies.

I have no problem helping with a reasonable rent or books, but I'm not funding their college education. We have four kids between us. We've paid our dues to them 10 times over. Once his kids graduate high school its our turn.

I have already put 50K into a college fund for my BD (long story but I got a settlement and that's where most of it went) so she is set for college. My DH and his ex have saved exactly $0 for SD. But my husband has already informed me that he expects me to participate in paying for SDs college (because "its the right thing to do"). His ex doesn't work. I make six figures....I won't do it but he'll realize this when we cross that bridge down the road.

Last year when perfectson turned 16, my mom bought him a very nice used car on the condition that he keep his grades acceptable and that he would promise to go to college. I pay his insurance which on a 16, now 17 year old boy is OMG expensive. I also opened him a checking account when he was 16 and started putting most of his child support money in it so he could learn to keep a bank account and pay his own expenses associated with the car and being a teenager. Now that he has a job, I am trying to save all the child support I can to help him next fall when he goes to college.

For my SDs, I would do everything I could to help them out with a car and college both. They are both good girls and I'll do whatever I can to help them.

If you see him once a year, I don't see the reason to put an equal amount of money away for him.

Here's the struggle IMO...and I think from what I'm seeing that the way kids handle it is totally inline with the character that's already there. But anyway, here where we live, you can barely get a car that runs for 500 bucks. That takes a kid a long time to earn and what they would get is a piece of junk. Kids can't really get a job until they are 16 and by that time they need a car unless you want them driving yours which, VERY expensive to insure unless you own it outright. also, I don't get home in time from my job to drive them to their job or give them my car to drive, so really it makes sense in a lot of ways for them to have their own. I wouldn't pay for it all, but so far with both my Biokids, that is A-OK. Sure they'd love it if I did, but they don't make too much fuss over it. I explain why I'm doing it and they know it's true. SD on the other hand...has been pissed she couldnt' have something cool and new without working for it, didn't understand why she had to 'work' and cried about it endlessly. BM called bitching because she didn't think SD should have to work and didn't understand why she first didn't have a car on her 16th birthday and had to pay for anything...again, the way the kids handle this next step in life is completely in line with the people you've raised them to be from what I've seen so far.

Dh and I have already discussed this. We will give SS6 and SS5 a car to share, sell whatever they want. BM is partly responsible to help so that will be our contribution, if she decides to help (she won't) then she can. AS for my bios and our bio together, they will each get their own car given a few rules they already know about (grades, getting in trouble) etc. These will not be fancy cars, but a small used car nonetheless. As for college, I already have savings for my bios, but none for skids, he pays too much CS to save anything for them once he has helped in our home too. We are both in agreement. They can live here for free, but we will not pay for their college. The bios college accounts are from my mother.

Good question - I pay for my kids and he pays for his. All finances separated. Thank gosh!!! As for a car, we are splitting the cost of a third car and the kids have to share it. When they can afford their own car, they can get it themselves.

My DH and I have dicussed this in great depths. He has SS8 & SS5. No bios kids...yet. We want one together. I went to college and paid for, well still am paying for. DH never went to college. We both agree that if SS's or bio wants to go to college, than they have to go the route I did and get loans or schlorships (hopefully). I also told my DH that I want my child to attend private school as I did K-12th. And he agreeded. I feel bad his SS wont have the same but I'm not THEIR parent and thats up to DH and BM to agree and pay for. As far as cars, this is where SS may get mad. I have a sports car that has ridcoulously low miles and is now paid off. I plan to get another car in 2 yrs and save this car as my Sunday car. By the time my kid drives, it will be a classic...lol! but I told my DH that I hope our kid will love fast cars as much as me and I'd give to my child. I WONT give to either of my SS's b/c I feel it is again, their parents responsibilities to provide that for them if they agree that when they start driving they can have a car.

DH have a joint account that both of our pay checks go into and all bills are paid out of. We agree what we spend our money on. I never mind helping his children or providing for them. But expenses like college and a car are not MY responsibility and I'm not gonna go without for anyone! I paid for my first car when I was 17 yrs old. I started working when I was 14 and saved up. I think his boys can do the same. I appreciate what I have SO much more!

my parents and grand parents bought me savings bonds since i was born...and when my parents split, my mom took any money my dad gave her and bought more. when i was old enough to understand...i think middle school, my parents told me that if i worked hard and got a scholar ship to college, i could use the money for a new car. (i was given my dads old bronco till college time)

i worked really hard, got a sports scholarship and other partial scholarships, and got a 24k to buy a car.

ss's grand parents have done the same 200 a year, (not sure if they will continue since they dont talk to us any more, and see ss through mil)

when dh and i have kids, my side of the fam will buy them bonds, the kids will be told the same i was. for me college is very important, and if ss wants to go and works hard, i would do what ever i could to help, but not at the expense on my kids with dh.....but bm discourages ss from college because she is so afraid she cant keep him down and he will grow above her and her white trash life....so most likely with ss college wont be an issue

if ss doesnt go to college, the money from inlaws will go towards our half of a car for ss, and thats it. bm can pick up the rest of the tab

I think for kids living under the same roof, things should be fair for under that roof. Maybe an unpopular view I guess, but for instance, with our car situation...I would have never said, well since we have saved and can afford it my kids get cars and your daughter doesn't. Especially if it's because BM is a loser and won't help out. I would definitely try to make things as fair as possible within reason for all kids in my home, whether 'mine' or not in a bio sense. It breeds too much bad emotions and feeds step resentment to raise one set of kids above another due to parentage. Now, being in a better place financially complicates things...as adults we should be able to understand that sort of thing though. If we are lucky, our parents love us and want to give us the best that they can and if they do, we should be grateful and not resentful.

We had all are daughters(3) they save and we matched what they saved towards their cars, as teens. They worked at 15 yrs old, for the county, in wic and the health dept. HS full time.
At 16 they bussed tables in a ritzy restaurant on the beach, a good night the earned about 60-80.00 in tips, sat nights 80-120. and worked 3 nights a week. All are girls worked at the same place. We drove them until they took their road tests.
Then let them use my car 5-11 pm just to go to work and they rode together..3 nights a week.
Then they bought used cars, with what they saved and what we matched, they drove those cars until they got out of college.
After college, they earned great incomes and bought brand new cars, within 6 mos of graduating
We did pay for college,( parcial what we could afford ) first year community for 1 of them, then she switched to UCF. Two went directly to UCF..All have degree's..(1) BA &(1) masters, one (youngest)has a (1)doctorate and a Law degree. Two had scholarships, grants etc. Youngest NO scholarships, just grants and she has the Law degree and makes the most now 32 last week LOL.
We never allowed them to take out LOANS. They worked part time/during college.
All owned their own homes before age 26. And hubby died when the youngest was in her second yr of college,he was disabled when I was 24 yrs old & he was 30. So we weren't rich. I owned & still own a mag. business, and I was a counselor(retired now) Do to medical. And he was unable to work, on SSD, and uninsurable, so only had a small policy on him. 20,000. when he died. he was 52 ,10 yrs ago.
I was basicly was the bread winner since my girls were all young,6, 2, and a infant.
They all were taught to earn their own money, can't depend on men and Many when married, end in Divorce now, so they did well. All very successful.
My youngest, who was almost a HS drop out,came close... earned the law degree and makes high 6 figures. Her sister's make less But great incomes for women. Over 90,000 each and up. And they paid me back 10 fold. I never expected to be paid back for any college I helped with. When I turned 50 My daughters bought me a Brand new car( SUV) for my Birthday.!