One more question...
Once bioparents divorce and remarry (or cohabitate, whatever the case may be), in your opinion, should they be co-parenting together and steps stay out of it, or should each parent start parenting ALL kids with their new spouse and parallel parent with BM and her SO?
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In my opinion. I think
In my opinion.
I think co-parenting with everyone is key.
If you have reasonable people all involved then it can work.
If you don't? All you can do, is the best you can, while you have the kids. Let the kids figure out how flippin stupid their real parent is on their own.
It is impossible with some people.
LOL... I think I'm going to
LOL... I think I'm going to agree with Jon-Boy here. Ultimately it would be best if Bios & Steps could agree and co-parent all the way around. Sadly, it's just not a reality for most, so I think we all just do the best we can.
Personally, I think it
Personally, I think it depends on how well everyone gets along. And Steps should absolutely be involved in parenting...to an extent.
As a Step Parent, you have to take responsibility of the children in your home. But that doesn't mean you have authority in all situations.
"To us, family means putting your arms around each other and being there." ~Barbara Bush
I agree with PnutButta
I agree with PnutButta here... I have responsibility for what goes on in my home just like DH does. I can do anything in our home or make any 'go to your bedroom' decision just like he can. I can't, and wouldn't want to, make any decision like 'sure you can pierce your ears' or 'sure you can get on birth control pills'. No way, that's out of my realm of responsibility with SDs.
Right! Exactly... Now lets
Right!
Exactly... Now lets say...
Bio mom does not want daughter on birth control pills because she thinks it will give the wrong impression to her daughter, like it is ok to go have sex.
And you the step mother who is actually living on planet earth and knows she is having sex. wants to talk to bio mom to reconsider. Because you are still saving for daughters college fund and you don't want to be a step grandparent yet and would like her to be on the pill.
This is called co-parenting.
And yes it is up to the bio mom. And hopefully everyone can come to an agreement.
But there is nothing wrong with these discussions.
They should happen.
Or, I would hope that I had
Or, I would hope that I had rubbed off enough on SD that she would take the initiative to go to planned parenthood on her own!
Okay, now, I sort of agree
Okay, now, I sort of agree and disagree with this.
Here's a hypethetical situation (that in only a very limited way reflects my own as my skids are not yet sexually active): So, BM doesn't want SD on BC pills. So flippin' what. If SD is living with DH and DH decides (at MY insistence) that his slutty daughter is not going to turn out knocked up at age 14 the way her whorish mother did, because SD lives with us and there's no way in hell I'm raising his kid's kid just because BM is a stupid twat that thinks it's her job to populate the earth with unwanted pregnancies.
Now, if based on my livid response to BM's refusal to make sure her kids do not follow in her loserly path, DH decides that he's taking SD to the doctor based on my discussing it with him. He has as much right to put his daughter on BC as her mother does. I as SM didn't technically make the decision and give the go-ahead to SD myself, which I agree I should not do, but behind closed doors you can believe I would put my foot down regardless of BM's wishes. I would put it down again, and again until he sees things my way. Because if he chose to see things his way, his daughter would remain the image of chastisty long into her elderly years.
But this is just a hypothetical
LMAO!!! Love it...and
LMAO!!! Love it...and really, any minor can go to planned parenthood and get bc pills on her own, she doesn't need parental permission anyway
So screw BM!! haha
"I child proofed my whole house, but they STILL get in!"
I agree with Step-Monster.
I agree with Step-Monster. I do stay within my boundaries, but DH and I both discipline all children, I do not spank the SD's but DH will. SD4 listens without spanking anyway though. I don't get SD's hair cut, don't get ears pierced, even though she would be so cute if the EMO would get off her butt and make SD look like a girl for a change.
Okay so if BM has legal
Okay so if BM has legal custody, some decisions are hers to make, like Jon-Boy's example of birth control pills. Lets say dad has legal custody and they share physical custody. Lets say you and DH do not get along with BM. Do you worry about overstepping, or could you not care less what she thinks, as long as your DH is fine with your level of involvement?
"I child proofed my whole house, but they STILL get in!"
Perty much like you
Perty much like you said.
But! IF you are doing something prenatally wrong and the husband is "in" on it with you?
Eventually the Bio mom will get it worked out through the courts. Hopefully fix things in the best interests of the child.
The bio father of our step son does not want me to get close with his son.
But this is out of fear of loosing his son to me. which I would never do. I believe you cannot replace your mom or dad. But I do believe my SS can grow to love and respect me and honor me as he wants.
Question...what does
Question...what does "prenatally wrong" mean?
"I child proofed my whole house, but they STILL get in!"
Ooops Parentally spelled
Ooops
Parentally
spelled wrong sorry.
If you are doing a something bad in a parental roll.
oh wow, I should've figured
oh wow, I should've figured that out LOL
"I child proofed my whole house, but they STILL get in!"
Melis, I could care less
Melis, I could care less what BM thinks. If DH thinks my method of parenting is okay then that's all that matters to me. We parent our children together, all of them. We have from day one. I don't think either of us would be in a relationship that wasn't this way. We, as husband and wife, are mom and dad in this house. I may not be my SD's mom, but in this house I am mom. And I will be respected as such. Same goes for DH.
Me too SMJ... several years
Me too SMJ... several years ago DH & I and BM & SF worked together pretty well for the benefit of SDs. It wasn't always the way we thought it should be but we did what we could to support each other. Then SDs decided they wanted to live with us and BM went nuts. So now, DH and I have our own rules and BM & SF can kiss off. We will no longer try to incorporate their rules into our home. Our home, our rules. Period. The End.
This is how I feel. Me and
This is how I feel. Me and my ex don't see eye to eye on many things, hence the divorce, same with DH & BM. I couldn't co-parent with my ex, I have to parallel parent. I'd much rather parent my kids with DH and let the exes parent on their time the way they see fit.
"I child proofed my whole house, but they STILL get in!"
My ex and I don't see eye to
My ex and I don't see eye to eye neither.
But she does trust me as a parent.
She does not parent the way I do.
So we do it "our" own different ways.
I try and keep communications open with her with my concerns.
And she politely tells me to eat shit from time to time.
But hey,
I am not one to put my head in the sand and hope it all turns out OK.
I can take confrontation. It has not killed me yet.
(I would parent acording to you and your spouse.)
All 4 should parent together
All 4 should parent together once they are married or in a LONG LONG term committed relationship--I think. I don't think that a BF or GF that is around for 1 yr shouldn't be doing a lot.....2 and plus years co habitating then yes.
What if they don't all get
What if they don't all get along, as in most cases, it seems?
"I child proofed my whole house, but they STILL get in!"
Well we don't get along
Well we don't get along either but we are adults and still can co parent as we need to.
It is about raising SD, we all do our best.