DH's and BM's debt
Hi everyone, I hope you all had a great weekend.
Well this is what I am wining about today, we finally got through the pics deal, but now, I'm mad, not really...I'm pissed about my liar DH, to start DH has tons of debt from his marriage with BM, one is with a real estate agency, collections contact him about a year ago to pay the debt of 3000 dlls, after a few months he decided to start making payments, he always mention it like it was HIS debt and he set up the payments based on the whole ammount, I even asked him if he was the only one in the contract and he said yes (he had the nerve!!)well he made 3 monthly payments of 400 dlls, got the statement and saw that the ammount left was a little bit less than 3000, after 1200 dlls payment!, so he decided to stop paying, about three monts ago he got sued by the agency, he got a court date, last friday I got the mail, and he got a letter from the court it wasn't sealed (I swear!!) so I read it, and oh surprise!!! BM's name was there too!!, when I confronted DH about why he has been lying to me all this time he said "I knew you were going to get mad about it" "I told you since the begining that I only had to pay half" (liar!), "last time we talked about BM you got mad" yeah the time when she texted him at 3 am and he didn't see any problem with it (for the record it wasn't any emergency) really??? He had the intention of paying the whole ammount since the begining! the court had to tell him that he only needed to pay half!, now this is why i'm super pissed about it, when it comes to our finances and our expenses i'm entitle to pay HALF of them always even thoug I make less, much less,than him (he pulls the CS card whenever I tell him this, after CS he makes the same than me, he pays half of his monthly income to CS)how can he pay or intended (thanks to the court, not because of him)to pay his ex's debt when we are expecting a baby??!! and we need money!!, doctor visit aren't cheap! what do you ladies think about my liar HD?? do any of you ever came across a situation like this??
please apologize my grammar, english is my second lenguage, but you all got the idea right?!
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Comments
I wonder that about my own
I wonder that about my own DH frequently. We have a 2 yo and one on the way as well, yet he finds it necessary to pay for things that are not his responsibility. You would think these grown men would stop GIVING their money away to able-bodied adult women who should be responsible for themselves. Unfortunately, I don't think I have any advice. I'm still trying to figure out my own DH and why he does this...
you are totally right!, why
you are totally right!, why does he feel like he still has to take care of BM? like you said BM has a job, she doesn't pay for daycare because SD13 babysits SS6 and SD10, doesn't buy them school supplies or clothes they get that when they come here, I don't get it, please let me know if you figure out this situation before me....
Did your DH have an
Did your DH have an agreement with BM that you aren't aware of in regard to paying this debt? If not, he must be paying it out of guilt for something. That's usually what my DH does. GUILT. I keep telling him that he can't buy the skids love or erase any guilt from the past by throwing money at it. What happened happened. His kids will need to move on and learn to respect DH and me. You can't change the past, but learn from your mistakes and try to make the future better.
I really don't know, when I
I really don't know, when I confronted him about it, he said that they agreed on paying half of the debt but so far he is the only one paying, and you are right, he has soooooo much guilt, last time the skids where here he got laid off, he was 3 months unemployed so he couldn't buy the kids much, he was feeling soooo bad about it, he felt like he was letting them down or something. One thing I don't understand, is why does he have to still pay CS the months the kids are here with us??
Definitely sounds like guilt
Definitely sounds like guilt to me. How about he gets a part-time job just for a while so he can pay this off? He might have to pay the entire bill to keep his credit on track, but he can always take her to court after it gets paid to get his half of it back from BM.
Well if they were married at
Well if they were married at the time this debt incurred I would have assumed they would most likely both be responsible for it.
Maybe your DH just wants to get it done and over with, and knows that asking BM for some help in paying it won't amount to anything.
I can see where your fustration is, but I don't see how she is getting away with anything. If he has already paid the debt down to 1200 then I would just make sure he continues to pay it until there is nothing left. I'm sure he didn't tell you she was on it because then you would expect her to be held accountable for it as well but it looks like he want to take care of it himself.
The BM in my sitch left my FH. She is the one that wanted the seperation/divorce so she could see someone else. Yet, FH was the one who foot the bill for the divorce.Why? Because there was always a reason why she didn't have the money, or why he had to wait. It just didn't make sense. So when he had the money he went and did it. It wasn't worth the aggravation to wait around for her to be ready.
I get why your upset. And this economy its tough. But try to understand that this debt needs to get paid ASAP and it probably won't be her that does it.
well I understand, but when
well I understand, but when he said it was his debt, I figure it was because the apartment was only on his name, if so, there was nooo way he could've have BM to pay half of the debt, and yes BM its crazy and unreasonable, but he told me once, that he (I assume both of them) have a debt for about 20,000 dlls (2 repossessions and credit cards)he has to deal with her to pay all this, she can't get away with it just for being crazy!
And I maybe didn't write it down right, but he paid 1200 and that was consumed by the interests, so he is right where he started.
My DH left BM, because she was cheating on him and got pregnant, he had to pay for the divorce too and for the DNA test! I just don't know why he still has so much consideration for her after that
I understand the
I understand the frustration...but you know what. You are expecting...you get paid less...so pull back on finances and tell your dh, since we are expecting i need to save money for our baby. I know you are paying cs...but think about getting a second job? Since you are trying to pay off your debt , your exwifes debt too and you pay cs, i earn less than you and we are expecting...so i've decided unfortunatley i cant' cover the half you expect because youare paying ex's debt...so please get a second job.
I know, but...he has two
I know, but...he has two jobs already! one is for his family (I'm not sure if I'm included on that, or he should've better said for his ridiculus child support amount and his kids desires) and the second one for his debt,how is that fair??
I already told him that this morning, he haven't given me any answer, I know he is really upset about it but too bad
I earn more than my dh, he
I earn more than my dh, he pulled the CS payment card on me and said oh...i should pay more of the bills cause he pays CS...What did i say...mmm
1. I didnt' F your ex to have kids.
2. I didn't divorce her to pay CS
3. I made it clear from the beginning that our finances are separate and CS and any payment concerning your kids, ie gas bills etc..is soley your responsibility.
4. I am not your personal bank account.
I can see how you would be
I can see how you would be frustrated! We too, have a baby on the way and are paying off debt from the previous marriage but at least DH did not lie to me. And yes, if my DH had lied to me about paying off BM's portion of debt, I would be FURIOUS.
It still eats me up inside just knowing that I am paying because of her, but I love my DH and I'm here to support him. I know that for my DH, he doesn't see it as taking care of BM. She would never pay her half on her own accord, so he sees paying the whole thing as taking care of himself and his new family. Getting the debt paid off is important for getting his badly damaged credit score back on track, and we can't even think of having our own home until that is repaired. I have even put $$ from my savings into helping him pay off some stuff, since it could speed up the time it takes to get us out of this hole.
Also, the "I lied because I knew you would get mad" seems to be a normal thing, it happened to me too for different things... and I was always MORE mad at the fact that he lied rather than the thing itself. Once I started simmering down my reaction to anything he had to say regarding BM, he started to be more upfront and honest.
Dunno if this helps, but hang in there!!
I understand, I would like
I understand, I would like to be able to have a house too, but with his horrible credit score that is not going to happend any time soon, I can understand his situation, he most feel like he is being drown in debt and CS and the new baby, but like you said, he lied to me, and that is not ok, and seriously like I said I earn less money than him I feel like i'm taking advantage of, and I respect what you do, helping your DH pay his debt, but there is no way in hell I would do the same thing, BM should be taken to court to pay her part of the debt, she shouldn't get away with it only cause she is crazy, and I need to look up for my baby too, that is more important, thanks for your words it makes me feel better knowing that I'm not the only one going through this.
If only we had the $$ to
If only we had the $$ to take her to court... sigh...
I agree 100% about your baby being more important than him paying off her debt right now. As it is, I have helped but I am looking out for myself and baby too, there is no way I would put ALL my money in, especially now. Please make sure you're putting aside for yourself and baby in a place that he cannot touch it, take that out first before anything goes into the pot to pay bills, the same way his CS comes out first. He probably will not like that, but it is only fair.
That was really smart, I
That was really smart, I wish I would've done that :(, all I have to do now is to put my foot down, and stop helping him supporting his BM and kids.
We didn't do the prenup
We didn't do the prenup thing but we're currently working on our post-marital agreement...I'd like to have it in writing that my portion of our marital money won't be going to pay child support and alimony no matter what.
~The aim of life is self-development. To realize one's nature perfectly - that is what each of us is here for.~
Oscar Wilde
jeeezzz, really?? this
jeeezzz, really?? this really sucks, I don't have bad credit, and he wants me to get furniture using my credit and co-sign for him to get a car....I think I'm just not going to do it, because he is sooooooo dumb that he just won't take her to court and won't fix the CS amount he pays so I'm afraid he will leave me hanging with the debt, cause he will pay BM's debt but not his and his wife's!!! :sick:
well I guess we'll just have to look for ourselves...
and I still haven't got any answer from him...maybe he is thinking that I'll forget about it.