We have custody of stepson and we pay for pretty much everything that he needs. Biomom only has to pay for stepson's basic needs for 10 days out of the month. Even then, she doesn't have to pay for stepson's lunch on her days during the school year. We pay for all of stepson's school lunches.
My husband always pays biomom directly as they have never been to court. My husband has always paid willingly. However, stepson is getting older and we know that biomom is not saving for college. We would like to start putting more money into a college fund for stepson.
Biomom is not hurting for money as far as I can tell. She spends money like it is growing on a tree in her back yard. Personally, I don't think that she is depending on our money for anything that is related to stepson. I guess she just thinks that she deserves something for giving birth and hopes we will just keep paying. I don't know.

Dawn

Is it possible to change the support at this point? The current financial arrangement seems very unfair to you and your spouse and really only benefits his ex.

But if you have a legal agreement on file with the court (at least where I live), you can go through the Department of Human Services, Child Support Division, to get a modification w/o any type of legal represetnation. They will base the support on your husband's income (not yours) and his ex-wife's income, and the amount of days each parent has the child. In my State DHS monitors all child support enforcement. In fact, I can not even receive my check directly from the ex. His support is taken automatically from his check by his employer and sent to DHS. DHS deposits it and writes me a check. I don't necessarily like that, however, if the ex ever quits his job, or stops paying, they will hunt him down red flag the IRS so any tax returns are diverted to DHS on my behalf. You may want to go online and look into your city's DHS Child Support Enforcement.

Good luck...I wish you success in gettings some changes in place!

Seems to me a judge would see what an extortionist she is, and make her pay back all that money, for a child that didnt even live in the home. If you took her to court, she would be in trouble I gaurantee you!! Are you in the US? My heart aches for what you are going through on this one!!! You are one awesome woman!!! Kudo's to you!!!! But all in all she is extorting money from you 2 and thats against the law. She committing fraud!!! Save that child support money and get an attorney. Show documents, that the child has been living in your household. Thats all it takes!!! What a loser she is.

De inimico non loquaris sed cogities.
Are in most states utilized for the garnishment of wages of the N.C.P for the child residing with the C.P. Because Dawn's dh made a legal agreement to continue payment's though the child resides with them now, it is not and will not be seen as extortion, nor will it be made to be paid back as it was a legal agreement by both parties who were clearly aware of the terms. Nor will the Department of Human Resources touch this case,as it is not one of payments not being made. Dawn, at this point your's and dh's only legal recourse is to retain an attorney to ensure dh has and remains legal custody of ss and then seek a modification in the legal agreement requesting A discontinuance of the payments dh is now making to bm and seek a new order that BM start paying X amount for childsupport. Papergirl, yes, what the courts ordered for your dh to pay to bm in regards to his arrearage is perfectly within their rights and very common. If he does not keep up with those payments as well as keeping current on the ongoing c.s payments he can be found in contempt, IRS can be notified , He can have his drivers license suspended and can do jail time.

my DH was paying as much in child support as she makes on disability(RUTHLESS HONESTY TIME:HER back "problem" doesn't keep her off it or from sitting at computer for hours on end but work would be too much???)BM had become so reliant on the amount that when DH was laid off she fought the reduction until the just was discusted w/her. Then when we got custody she flipped not over child leaving as much as money leaving. BM actually had to move again when cs dropped. I have two primary feeling on the subject:1) How do they justify giving a person the amount in child support that meets or exceeds their income.2) Some counties(not mine) require proof of spending for that money and I really feelthat would kill alot of misuse and anemosity for these situations. My big stink was that the BM would be dressed well but the SD would be in tight, out of style, raggy looking stuff and at her age looks are more of a topic than a 2nd grader would.

I am amazed at how easy it is for an individual to claim that s/he is "disable" and therefore incapable of working in any capacity. In this day and age, you cannot tell me that sitting at a computer AT HOME doing data entry, or making phone calls from a call center is too much for a person to handle, yet s/he can retain custody of a child. So you're telling me that the CP's injuries are so extensive that s/he cannot earn a salary in any capacity, but s/he can do all of the things involved in caring for a young kid? What a total FU*KING joke. BB in my case claimed that she was injured in a car accident last year and therefore had her hours cut in half. Yet, she also coincidentally got pregnant around this time, was able to lift her *VERY* big 4-year-old in and out of the car AND take him to the park, swimming, etc. while 8 months pregnant, sing at church three times a week which entails standing for over an hour straight each time, etc. But don't ask her to work (she had her Associates in some kind of finance and sat at a desk all day)--she's INJURED!! And hey, she just filed for ANOTHER increase in CS and--shockingly--she's rpegnant AGAIN!! You'd think that someone with terrible back injuries wouldn't be able to have two pregnancies back to back, but hey, I'm no doctor so what do I know? All she needs is a note and some records of her visits to the physical therapist (which is SUCH a joke that I can't even go there) and she is no longer responsible for earning an income.

I don't agree with the idea of providing receipts for CS but I do have a problem with people that scam the system so as to totally rely on the NCP's support for all expenses. It's unfair and WRONG.

Even though my partner pays his EW a basic salary in child support, she still bleets to his family that he "makes her buy the children clothes she can't afford" while she sits around and does not work herself. I have noticed that the kids are now turning up at our house with virtually no clothes or shoes - is this a ploy to 'force' my partner to pay for more things?

Just keep smiling......................

Lovers do not finally meet somewhere, they were with each other all along.

Is that in getting a reduction in c.s payments(which we too are currently trying to do, as bm gets at least 1/2 of dh salary per month)(In Georgia, they do not take into account the mothers income just the N.C.P) is that you have to fork out even more money to even get the modifications heard in court..for us we had to retain our attorney at almost $4,000.00. Then we have the expenses of having to travel 10 hours one way because the case has to heard in the county/state that the child resides. So now we have fuel, hotel stays ect to add to what ever else our attorney charges us. The worst part, bm has already stated she isnt giving an inch when dh and her have to go to meditation(before a court date can be set) and yet we still must attend...just more money out the door for nothing!!!! The plus side for us is that the state bm resides in now takes both the dh and bm's salary's into consideration..as my dh income is half what he was making when going through divorce with bm,(and bm's has not changed, she makes a decent income) we are hoping and praying for a good outcome.Taking into effect also that bm has withheld visitation with ss for over a year and half all the while recieving her alloted c.s.

My fiancee and his ex have 50/50...but in North Dakota whoever makes more has to pay the child support, here's the clincher...she doesn't even have the kid 50% of the time!! Fiancee and the Ex Monster verbally agreed that whoever recieved the support payments would return it to to the person who paid. She has never given him the money. So he's in the hole big time cause he's taking care of his son full time while she's out buying a new car, taking her friends out to dinner,and traveling all over the state. So this whole time he's been playing stupid and he got himself a lawyer to nip this in the butt. PLUS she's been recieving food stamps and housing assisstance with the child on her cases when she doesn't even have him half the time. I'm so frustrated by this I could just scream!!

Hey S.Graham39....your post didn't say whether or not you actually lived in GA or the BM did but either way if that is the state that the CS order is in....she can't withhold visition just because they are in a battle. I got divorced in GA and my attorney told me that "Visitation and CS do NOT go hand in hand" he said that I could potentially lose custody (worst case) if I denied visitation. My ex didn't pay CS for at least 3 years (at $40 per week) and I have sole custody. I never one time denied him visitation.... I know...not all ex wifes are that smart or nice....trust me I deal with my husband's stupid exwife... I'm just saying that maybe you should have your attorney push harder to enfore that visitation law.

Honey, you are not alone. My husbands ex moved her child support case around three times before she got stable for the moment that is. The second place she moved the case to lowered the payments so I guess she got pissed off after a while and decided to move it again this time to DHS. When they took up the case my husband ended up having an arrears balance of 3086.00 that we had to pay back she got it in June. She also gets child support every month from us but this particular month the kids started back to school. You say that you are pissed the reason that I say that you are not alone is because she just called us and said that she didn't have the children's shoes for school!!! WTF she just got over 3500.00 in two months what does she mean she doesn't have their school shoes. Not being funny I love my skids but, she didn't get the money broken down into payments she got it all at one time oh yeah did I forget to mention that she's supposedly an LPN and her husband works offshore. So honey just take a deep breath in and let it out you are not alone when it comes to dealing with a greedy ex that doesn't want to work and uses her child support for her support. Keep your head up things will get better you will see.

*Stepmom101*