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to have your bio kid or not to have

pastel's picture

Submitted by pastel on Sat, 10/24/2009 - 1:19am

i realy need some advice
i have been in this relationship for over 2 years,living toghter and just get engaged ,my fiance have a son 4 and half years old ,who come every other weekend i dont like the situation my fiance havin parental guilt as well ,i dont like the kid and he dont like me , i dont do enything for him just peace but ignoring
the thing is i want to have a baby my ouwn with fiance but he dont want sayng to wait finding diferent reasons .
he saying he want fredom but talking about taking full custody of his son and when i told him that for his son dont want fredom anymore but for having a baby toghter he want he just respond me that if will be an accident he will take responsability like similar in his son case {him thinking the son is not in good hands with bm at this moment that why.

i dont know what to think or what to do
what do you guys think?

Comments

dividedmom's picture

Submitted by dividedmom on Sat, 10/24/2009 - 3:09pm

This will probably sound cold and calous, but my husband has custody of his 4 yr old son. We get along great and I'm another mother figure to him. Even with that though, the tensions with the bio mom cause so many problems between hubby and I! And we just had a child together this last year, and honestly, even with the relationship good between step-son and I, that has just caused more problems because I do, even when I try so hard not to, favor my little one.

And moving backwards a tad, we had a horrible custody battle to get his kid of out a bad situation with BM. It WAS draining, especially on me. And I haven't been able to let go of that stress since.

You may be setting yourself up for a lifetime of heartache and your fiance may feel like he has to choose between you and his son or you/your child and his son. Situations can seem to naturally move toward that direction, unfortunately.

Be careful. Look out for your own happiness before you jump in too deep. There are a lot of days I wish I did.

melis070179's picture

Submitted by melis070179 on Sat, 10/24/2009 - 5:06pm

Never sacrafice what you want based on someone else's actions. Just because he and his ex had a child shouldn't deny you your right to have your own. If he doesn't want another and you do, maybe he's not the right man for you. This should all be ironed out before marriage. Not having a child of your own simply because his ex-wife has one of her own makes no sense, and will cause you to be resentful to towards your partner and his child.

"I child proofed my whole house, but they STILL get in!"

pastel's picture

Submitted by pastel on Sun, 10/25/2009 - 1:50pm

thanks for all the coments and advice .
i want to say that this is the most dificult situation i been in my life just make me depresed and an outsider becouse i live in his country and all his family are on his son spoling him and beeing the center of atention they even talk only about him when we meet with them
-with my fiance good realation only 2 of us

anyway i am faraway now for a wille and i can think better on my future