and the commentary beneath it.

That blog really struck me because of my own situation. As you know, my dad cheated on my mom with my stepmother. My parents got divorced for several reasons, but my dad's affair was the icing on the cake, so to speak.

SMJen and Brandy, you both made commentary that really stuck with me.

As I've matured in years, I've come to realize that my stepmother shouldn't bear the brunt of the blame for my parents' divorce. Yes, she was a part of it. Yes, she knew she was sleeping with a married man. However, she wasn't married to my mom. I judged her. Initially, I hated her and, deep inside me, blamed her fully for my parents divorce (though I kept these feelings to myself). I didn't blame Dad at all; after all, I love him! He's my Dad! My stepmother, however, was someone I had never met before in my life. I think it's so easy for us skids to fully blame the stepparent because we love our parents so much and have such deep histories with them.

Even though I knew deep down that my Dad didn't leave me, I initially felt like he did. After all, he didn't live with me full-time anymore. He called every day, and saw me every weekend, but it just wasn't the same. So I blamed my stepmother for that too. I felt like she took my dad from me. It took years of Dad and me doing one-on-one things together for me to think otherwise. My stepmother also treated (and still treats) me like cr*p so that made it all the more easier to blame her for everything.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's not right for the stepparent who was the other person to receive the brunt of the blame from the skids, and for the skids to judge them, but I think it's human nature. After all, we've loved our parents since we were born. Even though we do feel angry at them over the affair/split from our other parent, the love we have for them makes it easier to overcome. It's harder to overcome with stepparents because we didn't start out with that love.

I've always tried to be the "bigger person" in life and my stepmother was the first person to put my "be the bigger person" philosophy to the test. What a test it was! She never included me in the conversation. She never did anything with me. She had no problem b*tching about my mom in my presence. She had no problem using expletives in my presence. She still doesn't have a problem doing any of these things. As I grew older, and closer to God, I learned about forgiveness and the importance of it. I learned to forgive her for her part in my parents' divorce. I'm so much happier and at peace now. It's just not healthy to harbor so much hatred inside you.

I pray for those SSs and that they'll learn the power of forgiving. I pray that they can maybe sit down with their SM to talk about their issues with her and hear her side of the story. I pray that they'll find it in their hearts to forgive her, and to perhaps seek counseling. I pray that they will be helped in overcoming any negative feelings they have for their half-sister; after all, this situation isn't her fault. I hope they can have a positive, civil relationship with her, even if they never grow to be close to her.

As Brandy and SMJen said, yes, there's a better way to handle things. But nobody's perfect. We're all human. We skids show our human nature in blaming the stepparents for the splits of our parents, especially if the stepparent was the other person. We skids show our human nature by judging the stepparent, because we're hurt and angry. That's our way of letting our emotions out (even though it's not right). We stepparents show our human nature in making mistakes. Sometimes, we're too tough on our stepkids. Sometimes, we're the other person. We're all human and imperfect, and I think that we stepkids and stepparents have to realize that about each other. I hope that we can all do that, and that this SM and her SSs will learn to do so as well.

I hope the SSs decide to at least have a civil relationship with SM and their half-sister. They have a right to feel hurt towards SM, as it's human nature, but what happened is not the little girl's fault.