SD11 screams out; I WANNA CALL MOMMY !!! because I just disciplined her...update
SD11 (seems like she's going on 15) comes home from school and starts giving me attitude and disrespecting me, the subject beeing irrelevant I will skip it.
So I send her to her room telling her to go think about what she just said to me and that this kind of behavior will not be tolerated in our home.
She's crying and screaming and pooor pooor her, her life is so miserable etc etc. She's putting on a show, being a drama queen (well taught to her by her BM).
So she starts screaming from her bedroom: I WANNA CALL MOOOMMMMMMMY! CAN I CALL MOOOMMMMMMMY?!!
This is driving me insane!!
SD has been refusing to go to her BM's for a year now and is in counseling to resolve the issues behind this.
She usually never wants to talk to her even less CALL her.
What the hell is this?
Some sort of manipulation game she is playing on me?
You should see the tantrums and panic attacks she has when she is asked if she wants to go see her mom...(we don't force her to ever)
And now, mommy is going to help you?
I answered: You are in time out for the moment, when I decide you are calm enough and once we have talked about this together, you can call your mom all you want.
No answer back from SD.
What do you think about this??
Am I doing the right thing by telling her she can call her later or does this seem like I am stopping her from contacting her mom?
She is driving me bonkers!!!!!!!!!!!! :sick:
Need advice and input!!
chaoticsteplife
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I think you are doing the
I think you are doing the right thing, and if she brings up calling her during your "talk" I would simply say, that isn't what we are talking about right now, if that is something you want and need to do and talk about we defiantly will, but we need to talk about xyz right now.
Sweet manipulation tactic!
I think that you're heading for a few years of this drama. The hormones are a'racin...and she's gonna use this like no tomorrow.
When I was a pre-teen/teen, I used to do this with my poor Mom. My Dad ditched when I was 9 and whenever my Mom and I would get in a fight I would cream at her that I would go live with my Dad. At first my Mom was taken aback, but she finally caught on and started handing me the phone saying, "Okay. Call him." I'm not sure I ever did.
You're doing the right thing by nipping this sort of behaviour in the butt. She's in a time-out and that shouldn't be disruppted just b/c all of the sudden she wants to call Mommy. Rules and boundries!
I think you reacted perfectly. Hopefully she will see that and not try that form on manipulation again. However, pre-teen/teenage girls are resourceful and she'll find new ways of bringing up the Mommy card. Stand firm! You did the right thing!
Give her the phone and dial it for her!
Burst her balloon! You discipline bad behavior in YOUR house as you see fit. Let her know you couldn't care less how BM feels about it. You may open up a huge can of worms if SD tells BM that she wanted to call her and you said no. Honestly, this has never happened to me so I'm not positive of my actions in the heat of the battle!
One thing I will not tolerate is the kids sneaking and calling their mom and asking her if she'll come get them and take them somewhere when we have all ready told them "no". This happened once when we wanted to take the girls to a festival and the girls behaved so badly that we decided to turn around and go home. SD9 called her mom and asked her if she would come get them and take them to the festival. of course BM all ready had other plans and then BM spoke with FH and FH told her what happened and BM was fine with our decision to not take the girls. I told SD9 that she is NEVER EVER to call her mom and ask her to come get them on our weekends when their own actions have prevented them from getting what they want.
LOL...perfect.....
I agree with SMkelly 100%...dial the phone and hand it to her....LOL...watch her face...especially since she has so much anxiety with the prospect of communication with her mother. Let her know that her crying wolf will not phase u. Again, as a SM with skids who's bm basically abandoned them, they rarely, if ever pull the "yur not my mom" card, but if they do, I would say...."go right ahead,,,,call bm...oh...wait...yu'll haveta find her first"... ;)....
"You can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar"
I was in the same situation
I was in the same situation not long ago. SS9 was extremely disrespectful and things deteriorated to where he too wanted "to call mommy" having been sent to his room and verbally reprimanded by me. I didn't allow him to call (and I did feel funny about it) but I had good reason to deny him. For one thing, he was far from being in his right mind and he would have manipulated, lied and painted the situation so that I would have been the wicked stepmom and he, the innocent little boy. Also, I had been in contact with FH while the tantrum was in full effect and knew that he wanted to talk to BM about SS9's behavior first. SS9 has called her in the past when he didn't like being disciplined to sic his mom on FH. So that's why I denied his request.
I just want to add...
that while in punishment, a child should not be allowed to do anything but relfect on why they are being punished. That includes talking on the phone.
I understand why SM's would feel funny about that, but really...this is a time-out. I wouldn't care who the skids want to call. If they still want to call after punishment and discussion then have at it. But while punishment is being enforced...no phone calls IMO.
NO that sounds fine YOur in
NO that sounds fine YOur in control of your sd you have her not the BM as far as me. If I am having dinner and BM calls I will not let the kids speak to her. I am raising her kids she can talk to them when its convienent for me NOT HER. I mean if you tell her she can and she really wants to make sure you follow through.
It was a great response. I
It was a great response. I think she was just trying to get under your skin.
Update on SD11
Finally, when the crisis was over and done with, we sat down and had a talk.
That being done, I told SD that if she wants to call her mommy now, that's ok with me and I just want her to understand that there will be no phone calls to ANYONE during time outs and that she can call her mom any other time no problem.
She never called her, and probably won't as usual (she really avoids any contact with her)
So there, I guess that confirms eveything I was thinking and all that you said in your comments too.
She was trying to manipulate and get under my skin being upset that she got disciplined and didn't get her way with me.
All this drama !! Stop it already!
Oh my oh my, help me not give up and go nuts!
Chaoticsteplife
My SD pulls this all the
My SD pulls this all the time. The first time she pulled it with me shocked me at first, then I went over grabbed the phone and said "here you go, do you need the number?" Of course she called her thinking BM would get her out of it. WRONG-O! Once she was off the phone I asked her "so, by calling BM did that really get you off punishment?" Of course she said "no" then I made sure to drill it in her head by telling her...no matter how many times she gets grounded by me or her dad...BM will NOT be able to get her out of punishment. This is our house, our rules....not BM's.