UPDATE; see last comment from me.... Alone with skids for 12 days....I need to vent NOW !!!!!!!!
Argggggggghhhhhh....boyfriend is gone for 12 days for his annual hunting trip and here I am going bonkers at home with the skids....especially SD11, she is so demanding I don't know how much longer I can take this without bursting out.
She is always complaining about EVERYTHING,
"I don't like this, I don't like that, what kind of bread is that? You're always telling me to pick up after myself it's annoying, can we eat this instead of that?" It goes on and on and on....
And she has this attitude like she is the most precious thing on earth, she is starting to be arrogant and show off and that is something I really can't stand from anybody!
I know I know, you'll tell me she is a pre-teen...I better get used to it, it's part of her growing up...I know all that but she still drives me insane !!! And I know we are in for a hell of a ride cause it already feels like she is 14.
I never lash out at her, I'm sure she has no clue how much of a pain in my butt she is right now but it's hard to keep a happy face when you feel like you're dealing with a kid straight out of hollywood (she wants glamour and fashion and this and that, this car is nicer , that's ugly...).
I am such a simple person and I was brought up with very down to earth values.
Don't get me wrong, we are really doing our best to pass that on to her but it's hard when you haven't been there the whole time....there has been 7 years of BM's bringing up before I came into the picture. She is from a rich family, spoiled little brats.
I am quite strict with SD because she is a extreme little girl, with extreme reactions and is one good drama queen ( BM was the best teacher for that)
So I don't take any shit but...
I am so exhausted to be doing this by myself !!
I am frustrated that I always feel like I am picking up little pieces of broken children, trying to change bad habits and "undo" the damage I feel was done to these children when they lived with their BM.
Even when she had them once every other week, it always took the skids a few days to come down from their podium when they came back home.
I hate her for that and so much more.
Anyways, that's it for now, don't have much time to write any longer
Thanks for reading me, and any support will feel GOOD !
Chaotic
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Two words...
Duct tape.
Just joking! I can imagine that it's frustrating! I'm pretty down to earth and simple and my skid is the same way...all of a sudden nothing is good enough for her! BM is really snobby though, so she gets it from her too. There's always a definite attitude when they get to our house.
Just keep trying to instill those good values and hopefully they'll stick! I just try and remember that I was that age once, and with peer pressure and the whole "hollywood" lifestyle being so popular these days..well you can hope she grows out of it before she moves out of your house.
I feel for ya, can't be very easy to deal with constantly.
"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: It goes on." ~Robert Frost
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HAHA
We should be so lucky! My heart screams VACATION but reality screams YOU'RE DREAMIN'!
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Any idiot can face a crisis - it's day to day living that wears you out.
Anton Chekhov
12 days off for me ?? ....I WISH !!
Yeah well NotTheRealMom said it right !! It's a fantasy at this point.
No...I don't get 12 days when he comes back, I get to go work all weekend !! Ahhh it's a rough couple of weeks for me but a well deserved vacation for my boyfriend (fiancé).
It's kinda crazy sometimes when I think about it...why the hell and how the hell am I doing this? But then I think of my love for him and the skids (even if they drive me nuts sometimes) and the family unit we have become and it all starts making sense.
Anyways, when PAPA is not around, there is no one else they wanna be with then with me at home, it's their platform and we keep it stable.
BM always tries to make things complicated and disorganize us but we have become pretty ruthless with her because she gives us no other choice and we tried compromise and being nice and that just blew up in our face every time !!
Ahhh just reading these comments makes me feel so much better, knowing I am not alone and that some people out there DO understand !!
SS6 and SD11 are sleeping now....RELIEF !!!!!
Breathe chaotic breathe
Oh and ChaiLatte, to answer your question, SD is like this all the time with everybody, even worse with her dad...it's not a new thing but seems to be getting worse as she grows older.
Belive me, we don't give in to any manipulation or drama playing...I think she got a really bad start at life with bad influences and it's taking a while to get it to "unstick" to her.
Thanks so much for your comments...
KEEP THEM COMING, I NEED IT BAD!!
hugs,
Chaotic
How long have you and your
How long have you and your BF been together? I know that you watching your BF's kids is out of love for him, but if it causes you this much stress and resentment towards the children, then that will only eventually cause future problems for you and your BF, if it hasn't already. I suggest not watching BF's kids for this amount of time, for the sake of your relationship with him and his children.
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“Sometimes it's the smallest decisions that can change your life forever.”
Middlemom
BF and I have been together for 4 years now and it's not the first time I watch the kids for a long period...
Maybe you got the wrong impression from my post; I was venting alot of frustration towards SD but it's not a new thing, it's just even harder when I am alone to handle everything.
I really don't feel any resentment for any of my skids,I love them to no end, just as I do their father. (As I was saying in one of my comments further down in the blog)
I'm just really tired and alot of my frustration, as I was saying in my blog, comes from BM and the upbringing she gave her kids before I came around and before we had the kids full time with us.
I often feel like I am putting out fires she ignited and it becomes exhausting to deal with someone who doesn't have the same vision of educating children then we do.
BM would be a long story, actually I could write a really good book about it with all the craps we've been dealing with over the years...or maybe just a blog!
Thanks for your comments
Chaotic
I think we all understand
I think we all understand that you love your skids, but just need to vent so don't feel bad about the venting! We've all been there and done that!
I know that despite everything that my sd has put me through I still love her. (I don't trust her or believe a word out of her mouth, but still love her!) 
I completely understand on many levels
I have my SD all the time, as a matter of fact BM had her last night for the second overnight in September and...
Dropped her off to me this morning b/c SD is sick and BM doesn't want to take the day off with her to care for her. This is not new, even when I was working it was me who left work to go pick up SD from school or take her to the DR. BM just was too important in her own mind to mess with illness (well, she's a germaphobe as well and if she knew SD was coughing last night she wouldn't have taken her in the first place.)
My DH travels several times a month for work and BM refuses to keep SD on those nights. Her response is often, "Why can't SHE do it?" I am always "She" or "Her" or "that Bit@h" of course. Rarely if ever can she bear to utter my actual name.
I told him after the last time he was out of town for work, that my SD 14 took off in a rage after dark and didn't come back for a couple hours after raging at me all evening, that if BM wouldn't take her he needed to figure out somewhere else for her to be when he is gone.
Does your BF have family who can pitch in? I know that it's hard to ask b/c if a BM can ask why I'm not capable of watching my own SD (the nerve of ME!) imagine what his family would say (What a selfish SM!)
I have reached the point where I have to detach from what others think (even SD) and do what's best for me, for my other kids.
Hang in there!
Yes BF has a few family members
He has a few sisters around but they are either really busy or sick (one of them has fibromyalgia...sorry about the spelling) and his mom is too old now to ask anything...so it makes it even harder to ask, although they do come babysit a few hours once in a while. (But I always feel a bit weird about it; like they are doing us a HUGE favor, mind you that's the way I feel (my twisted perception) and they probably don't feel that way themselves)
"I know that it's hard to ask b/c if a BM can ask why I'm not capable of watching my own SD (the nerve of ME!) imagine what his family would say (What a selfish SM!)"
I guess I still feel this way and it's SO hard not to...
I'm glad you were able to do that for yourself and your kids.
Thanks so much for your comment
Chaotic
"I'm glad you were able to
"I'm glad you were able to do that for yourself and your kids."
I had to let go a lot of other people's expectations of me and my role in SD's life (hell- of my own expectations most of all.) I will warn you that when you start standing up for yourself by setting appropriate boundaries, people will not always take it well. My MIL has made her relationship very strained with DH, by her refusal to believe my SD has the same psyche disorder as her BM, b/c SD can charm the daylight out of ya when she feels you validate her and serve to lift her up. So since my MIL is in another state, she doesn't see the daily grind of living with a disordered person. She has no doubt BM is disordered, but if SD is dysfunctional, she sees it as totally our ineffectual parenting. When we were simply blaming BM years ago, MIL was right there with us. But now? If BM is no longer our focus of blame then MIL seemed to take SD's word over ours that the blame lies with us.
Baby steps Chaotic. Baby steps. Slow and steady wins the race....
PS- forgot to say
It took me YEARS to get here. And this site and the unconditional SM support, tough but gentle love and advice, allowed me the sanctuary to grow and figure myself and my family dynamics out. YEARS. Don't be discouraged by that. Nothing worth having comes easily or quickly!
Hugs!
Sita Tara
Huuggss
!!
Thank you so much for your precious advice and yes this site is is just great, it helps me so much in so many ways, especially breaking the isolation and feeling understood.
I listen to you talk about your Sd and her BM and I think we have alot in common...sounds so familiar.
Again, thanks and hugs
Chaotic
SS6 is gone to BM's for the weekend
and SD11 is gone for a sleepover tonight so I actually get to be alone tonight!!! YEAY
I will SOOOOOO enjoy this evening to myself, it gives me a chance to recharge and be ready for the next 7 days :?
Stupid BM's mom was late to come pick up SS6 at school, good thing I was there to pick up SD11 and saw that no one was there to pick him up when the bell rang...poor thing, he was about to cry and then he saw me coming and....RELIEF !
It must be genetic in that family to be irresponsible and disorganized.
Anyways, what shall I have for dinner? ....No skids to consider in my choice
Any suggestions?
Chaotic (happy)
Just getting to this late but
Fantastic! I'm so happy to hear you get a night to yourself.
Now...for dinner may I suggest.
One bottle of Pinot OR perhaps Chianti
OR BOTH!
A lovely meal of pasta, chicken, salad or some veggies...
A LARGE dark chocolate piece of cake
And...
A hot movie with Johnny Depp, OR sappy romantic comedy OR BOTH.
That sounds like a lovely evening to me.
Oh- and before I put in the movie, I crank up my favorite single day chick songs and belt them out for an hour reminiscing of my five years single with every other WEEK to myself.
That would do me just fine right now
Hmmm... you are a better
Hmmm... you are a better women than I Chaotic. I think I would have a HUGE problem with hubby being gone hunting for 12 days. He better be doing some serious sucking up before AND after he gets home!
LovingLife LOL I was saying
LovingLife
LOL I was saying that to myself today
Actually got a phone call from BF (unexpected) saying he just came out of the woods and is coming home tonight.
I wasn't expecting him until thursday night so you can imagine my SMILE and relief.
It has been such a hard and long run for me this time....
Both skids got really sick about three days after BF left and they are already a handful when all is normal.
Anyways, he is on his way back...(sigh)
By the way, I officially decided I am goign to CUBA for 7 days this winter alone with my sister
And I feel absolutely NO guilt whatsoever about doing so.
I deserve it and have earned it more than you could imagine.
Yeah for me and CUBA... here I come...(just gotta be a little patient here)
Chaotic
Yeah! I'm happy you get a
Yeah! I'm happy you get a vacation too! That's awesome. You definately deserve it. And I'm glad your BF is coming home early. Maybe he gets a special 'treat' for that
After he sucks up to you first of course 
The only thing I would suggest is try not to dump all that you've been through and been doing while he's been gone. For as much as you may want to vent to him as soon as he walks in the door, just let him know how much you appreciate him being home (espeically early!). Make it worth his while to come home early!
You bet ! For sure I won't
You bet !
For sure I won't be "hounding" him...
Anyways, this is something I've done before, he goes hunting every year; that's his thing to relax and take a break.
I'll be so happy to see him and I am never much of a whiner anyways, I have a tendency to keep things mostly for myself or....for Steptalk (God bless)
Thanks for your thought
hugs
Chaotic