uuuuuggggghhhhhhhh...SD14 wants me to make the decision

So, we had it all worked out with the passing of SD14's maternal grandpa....we'll go to burial site after everyone leaves and allow her time to say her goodbyes. She was okay with that plan. We supported her. Well, guess what?

There's no burial site. Apparently the body was donated to science. So there is a memorial service at 2 on Saturday. I tell SD14 to let me know what she thinks and she tells me today two disturbing things:

1. If she goes, she wants me to take her and not H. This is problematic b/c biomom hates me with a passion.

2. She wants me to tell her whether she should attend the memorial or not????!!!!!! Yes, me.

Ugh, it is an impossible dilemma b/c part of me says she should go but the selfish part of me says no.

She reiterated before going to bed that she trusted me to make the best decisions for her and she would defer to me......help me please please please as I don't want to get this wrong.

EvilDiva

EvilDiva's blog
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Wow, this is a toughy. If

Wow, this is a toughy.

If it were me... I would say yes. The SD is looking to you for support in her time of need... give it to her. She is old enough to understand death. She needs to be able to say good-bye to her grandfather. This is her only chance. I would have DH talk to BM and inform her that like it or not, you will be there, for your SD, as she requested. End of story. Inform her ahead of time so there is no surprise when you get there, and no drama. You don't have to sit next to BM, talk to her, or anything else. Just be there for you SD, and that is it. But yes, I would definitely be there.

I hope this helps.

"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis

I would tell her that is a

I would tell her that is a decision she has to make that you cannot make for her. That is a hard one........

She can decide

To me she is old enough to start making her own decisions. She will learn from whatever the consequences of the decisions, and gain more confidence in herself. If she wants you to go, go, but I would make her decide for herself.
_________________________________________________________
Age cannot wither her, nor custom stale
Her infinite variety.

William Shakespeare, "Antony and Cleopatra", Act 2 scene 2

I

I would tell her that she will be making the decision if she goes or stays , but you will be making the decision about who is going to take her. Why put your self in that position, "This is problematic b/c biomom hates me with a passion." Bm should not have to deal with people that she hates at her father's memorial. Her dad needs to take her if she goes and that should not be an option.