If only every dh would read this and then put it into action!

then we would all be happier women and mothers because the dh has finally opened his eyes! BTW, this was written by a man! http://www.steptogether.org/emotionaladultery.html

Sebbie's blog
Log in or register to post comments

Comments

Wow

This guy has it nailed perfectly!

Guilt, Guilt and a little more guilt!

I would rather be hated for who I am, then loved for who I am not.

I loved reading this and have it bookmarked for dh when he comes home. I think this guy really made it clear to other men that the crap they are pulling helps no one but hurts everyone in some way at some point.

Wow!

Finally a man who "gets it"!! I copied that to an email and sent it off to my BF. Hopefully hearing it from another man's perspective will help.

"Live well, Love much, Laugh often."

This guy nailed it far more eloquently than I could.

I am a Man and I will not hesitate to say ........ This guy is THE man.

Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications) To each according to their performance, screw Karl Marx. (Rags)

It's all about Guilt isn't it?

I absolutely love the article.

My DH bows to his ex on how the kids are raised, nothing more. But it wasn't always that way. When I first came along they had been divorced three years but he still 'valued' her opinions on just about everything (because he hadn't moved on) and was still sort of 'playing family' with her and the kids although they were not together in any sense anymore.

She liked this power over him and kept trying to continue it after I was on the scene, even telling him that my daughter (who was 15 at the time) had the 'hots for him' and that he was in 'danger' being around me and her. Anything to try to keep her power over him.

However, she did not know how strong I am and I made a very strict line in the sand about where she stood and where I stood. The rest is history and so is she.

but the bowing down about his kids welfare still persists. He will never challenge her seriously weird parenting ways, even though he is angry about how the kids are being treated, neglected and raised. He's so 'scared' that she will turn them against him etc... or they won't want to come to visit us anymore. But it is to the detrement of his kids that he cowers.

Are all men like this with their ex wives when I comes to child rearing?

A Step parent is in a no win role

isnt that t he truth

My BF would do the same thing! i copied and saved this on the desktop where i know he will be curious and read it but he will say the same thing he always does..."Well i have a child with her and shes always gonna be around. I still care about her cuz shes my kids mom and yer gonna have to deal with that. I love you and im with you but she still has a place." and to that i always say well at some point yer gonna face reality and wake up i just hope its not too late. Why Why Why are guys so damn stubborn?? and the different and special part lmao ive heard that too. pathetic!

Finally.

It's about time. Very smart man.

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: It goes on." ~Robert Frost

DH says, "I did it for my

DH says, "I did it for my kids" in terms of paying out a hefty amount of support. Honestly, I believe he did it because he knows that SHE cannot support herself, let alone kids. Both parents are responsible for providing support. Her version of providing support: buying them seasons passes to Dorney Park, letting them run wild all day, letting SS12 watch God knows what on youtube and working a whopping 2 days per month. Wow... talk about tough work.He does so much and she STILL complains any chance she gets. As long as everybody is making life 100% stress free she has no complaints. The second you attempt to "rock her boat" all hell can break loose.

DH was sitting next to me reading the article... I hope he sees himself in some of the things that were pointed out....

"I aint no Carol Brady"

Just read it to my husband

Although he's put BM in her place, I am still disgusted by the PAS'd kids attitude that he is just a big pocket book and a buffoon and BM is a poor victim. It's good for him to understand that it is in the skids benefit to set the record straight.

"Evil Stepmothers aren't born, it comes with the territory"

Absolutely, Abigail

My DH came to the painful realization that he was only called when they needed money...abusive, cheating BM pulled the 'victim' crap, even telling the kids stuff--SS said, "I never thought you wouldn't love Mom anymore' WTF she drove him out, partly by not helping him reign in SD, who was violently angry and abusive to her dad when he tried to discipline her. BM is one of those passive takers, once DH hit a rough patch (close family member died, he was unemployed in a depressed area), she was angry and abusive to him. Yet he'd carried her for 20 years (and it was hard, she's a BIG girl, double her wedding day weight). Also she divorced him.
DH doesn't buy into it all now and guess what, the kids are shaping up a bit. And BM is basically out of the picture. They almost never talk.

How true, how true.

Your last sentence "It's good for him to understand that it is in the skids benefit to set the record straight" is absolutely inspired and bang on correct IMHO.

Facts are not good or bad, they are just facts and the truth is exactly what everyone in a Blended Family needs to hear regularly.

When my SS came home from visitation with the "Why did you take me and leave Dad and move away?" crap that his BioDad and SpermGrandMa loaded him up with that summer my wife answered very truthfully. "I did not leave your BioDad, he left us to be with (insert name here). He abandoned us in a junky travel trailer to move in with her and her mother." "We moved out of state after that so that I could go to an accelerated college program so that I could have a good career and support us".

During the next visitation BioDad called all pissed off ranting about "Why did you tell our son all that crap about me and (insert name here)?????" My wife responded "Its the truth isn't it?" It took years but BioDad learned eventually that any drama and BullSHit that they try to load SS with will be countered with Fact and truthful review of what really happened and a clear statement of why BioDad and the SpermClan are in the crappy situations they tend to stay in.

Now, at nearly 17, SS has a very well tuned fact and truth detector and pretty much nips the toothless SpermClan BS generator and drama in the bud on his own immediately.

I am proud of him and how he has learned to separate the Drama and bullshit from his care for his three younger out-of-wedlock half sibs. He truly cares for them and focuses his visitation time (5wks Summer, 1wk Winter, 1wk Spring break) on building his relationship with the kids. We here very little about anything to do with BioDad or the SpermGrandParents. SS knows their situations are a direct result of their own toothless moron decisions and leaves them to deal with their crap and focuses on his younger sibs.

Facts and truth tend to keep stupid people in the dark little greasy holes that they build for themselves. I for one am all for watching them over the head with fact and truth every time they decide to pop their idiot heads out of their holes.

Best regards,